To Speak Up or Not to Speak Up: David’s Story

Wisdom is all around us: from the MBT Blog
Published by Mary Balistreri, MBT More Business Today LLC

Six months flew past since David joined his new law firm as an Of Counsel. His contract reflected a promotion to partner after one year if he met a list of criteria based on developing business.

The list included items such as:

• Demonstrate ability to cross-sell services.
• Work with the team to develop a target list.
• Participate in pitches for new business.
• Attend events and trade shows to develop new business.

No metrics existed around developing business. David knew how many hours of work he had to bill to get a bonus but was unsure how business he developed would be measured. When he signed on, he liked the ambiguity in the contract thinking he could spin it to his advantage. Now, he was absolutely sure he could advocate for himself and probably come out on top.

So, why was he so glum? His workload was heavy with interesting projects. He knew his hours were higher than most attorneys in his position. What weighed him down? He noticed unfair practices happening at the firm and he did not know what to do about it. David might name today’s MBT blog, My Birthright Triumphs, or Massively Beneficial to yours Truly.

David saw it so plainly; he had the advantage. Each day of witnessing the differences in how people were treated caused David’s anger to grow. He felt like he might explode with it.

from MBT Blog

During the past few months as David he learned more about his half-sister’s life as a woman of mixed race, he started to see things differently. Norah had given their father, a self-proclaimed Sicilian American, a list of movies to watch and books to read to better understand her experiences in life. David, ever supportive of Norah, invested in reading and watching, too. He easily surpassed their dad in the volume of materials he consumed. (To read more about David, Norah, and their dad, Tony, read the last few MBT Blogs here.)

The revelation smacked him between the eyes as he encountered indisputable evidence of the lack of fairness in his daily life. David was invited to most of the pitches for new business that involved his area of practice. He was thrilled about it just a few months ago. Now, he noticed the lack of diversity on those pitch teams. A woman partner was invited to participate only once. Even though their were six senior-level associates or of counsel attorneys who were BIPOC (Biracial People of Color), none of them were offered the opportunity to participate in a client meeting.

David saw it so plainly; he had the advantage. Each day of witnessing the differences in how people were treated caused David’s anger to grow. He felt like he might explode with it.

David tended to be a good talker. He thought out loud and was often labeled as a big extrovert. Recently, he realized most of his relationships were superficial. He talked about specific projects at work; he talked about sports and music with his friends; he recently learned to listen well to other people’s problems. He seldom discussed his own feelings.

Without acknowledging this discovery to others, David began slowly opening himself to this foreign world of sharing deep experiences. He thoughtfully chose a friend to meet and planned ahead to present him with a problem and ask for advice. Then he chose another friend and did the same. He found the more often he confided in someone, the easier it became. A small part of him, somewhere in his solar plexus, still felt a twinge on these occasions, but the pain lessened each time he ventured out.

Today, we find him back at the café. meeting with his friend, Paul. Paul is tall, 6′ 2″, with blond wavy hair and a scruffy beard a shade darker than his hair. The whiskers are short enough to remain professional looking and long enough to indicate his workplace is pretty liberal when it comes to dress. A software developer, he wears blue jeans and polo shirts every day. A few years ago, Paul’s brother died in a car crash. David was there for him then. Always a good friend who helped when times were tough.

“A coffee date? Are we going to talk business? Do you want to pitch your lawyerly services to me?” Paul says with a grin.

“No, no. That’s a good idea, though. How can you be tan already? It’s only June,” David notices Paul’s golden tan.

“I hit the beach every time the temperature rises above 60 degrees. And the gardening. The weather has been great this year. Really, though. What’s going on? Why are we meeting for coffee? We’re going to the axe-throwing bar with Pete and Colin on Friday. What’s up?”

“Well, Paul, I am struggling with something at work. I need your advice,” David says this slowly. This situation is still so new to him. He usually gives advice. He is a lawyer and is used to having the answers.

“Wow! You are asking me for advice? It must be a big problem. Or maybe one that requires more emotional intelligence on your part…oops, sorry.” Paul laughs after roasting David about his lack of emotion. David is used to it. His friends sometimes call him Robot Man to dig at him.

“That’s okay, Paul. I know I often dive right into conversations without reading the room to look for the impact I make. I’ve been working on becoming more aware,” David rustles his hands through his hair nervously as he says this. He feels so stupid.

“Good for you, man. That is something to celebrate,” Paul raises his paper coffee cup to toast his friend. “To David, the soon-to-be actual perfect man! Smart, successful, soon-to-be rich partner in a law firm, and sensitive to!” They both laugh as they clink their paper cups. “What’s the trouble?” Paul stares at David with intent blue eyes shining out of his golden, brown face.

David squirms in his seat. “Why am I so nervous?” he thinks. “Maybe I should ask something else. Maybe Paul is not the right person to ask about this.” He pauses for so long it causes Paul to clear his throat a few times.

“C’mon, tell me what’s happening!”

“Okay. You know my sister, Norah’s mom was African American right?”

“Yes. I believe I know that and, having met Norah several times over the years, I realize that she is biracial,” Paul says this and pauses.

“Good!” David thinks. Paul seems perfectly comfortable talking about David’s family. David deems it safe to continue the conversation. “Well, my dad and I have been learning more about Norah’s experience in life as an African American woman. It seems the more I learn, the more I see injustice all around me. Particularly at work. I think I need to do something about it, but I don’t know what to do.”

Paul sits back in his seat. “I am blown away! What specifically are you noticing?”

“Well, the partners really embraced me as soon as I started at the firm. It’s like I’m being fast-tracked or something. I have plenty of work, they involve me in pitches and strategy sessions for developing business. I get invited to dinners with clients. It has been really great! Especially compared to my last firm where I was one of 100 associates. There I felt like a bug on the carpet – could be stepped on at any second. Here, it’s like I’m a king,” David gestures with both hands, looking more Italian than usual, as he says this. Then he pulls his hands back together and makes a teepee with his fingers.

“I should be ecstatic about my future, right? Except when I look around at the meetings, all of us are white guys. When I look at the needs-work list – the firm sends out this list every week and people add their names to it if they are looking for work – the majority of the names on the list are the women attorneys and the BIPOC attorneys.” David whispers this comment and looks around the café to be sure no one from the firm is there.

“That bites, man,” Paul says. “We had a similar problem in my job, not where I’m working now, but the last place. We don’t have to generate business in my work, but the few women developers at that company did not receive the high-profile projects. And, there were only two women in the whole company. Management there said there aren’t enough women software developers to hire, so they couldn’t get them. It’s true, the numbers are lower, but why would a woman stay there when she’s not getting the best work to do? That is one of the reasons I left the place.”

“Really! I didn’t know. I assumed it was about money,” David’s surprise showed in his face. The conversation felt more comfortable now.

“Money was a factor. But I was recruited out of there. The place I work now has a true commitment to equity. They recruit people of color and women, and go directly to the high schools giving scholarships to kids who show an interest. They are invested in fixing the problem. And, they tell me their strategy is working!” Paul says all of this in an enthusiastic rush. His face beams. His eyes glow. David thinks, “I want to feel like that about my job.” Then he says it out loud.

“I want to be enthusiastic like you about my job! Should I just look for a different firm? I can’t imagine my workplace instituting everything you mention,” David sinks back in his seat feeling defeated.

“I have a few suggestions for you,” Paul says. “Do you want to hear them?”

“Yes, yes, please!”

“Okay. First, talk to your boss. Isn’t he your mentor and isn’t he African American? How did he succeed and is he aware of the lack of diversity on the teams? Are you with me?” Paul asks very intently. He is so happy David asked for his advice.

“Yes, his name is Edgar. Let me get a pen and notepad. I’m going to write this down,” David rummages through his briefcase, pulls out the needed implements, and begins writing. “I can do that. It’s like I needed you to give me permission to talk to my boss.” David shakes his head wondering at how simple it now became. He just needed that validation.

“Next. Are you friends with these other people at the firm? The women partners and the associates you mentioned?”

“Some. Not all. I have not actually reached out to them. That’s on me. Shame on me!” David feels so guilty about this. Why didn’t he reach out to them? “Some of them are not in my office…that’s true.”

“Alright. Well, fix that now. Start getting to know them. Reach out. Ask them about their business. Just see where it goes. I guess I am saying invest in their friendships. You do not have to do everything at once,” Paul sits back now.

“Is that all you got?” David asks.

“Well, just get started and let me know what happens. I am especially curious to hear what Edgar has to say. He is very successful. I wonder how he managed being in that environment,” Paul said.

The two pull out their phones to plan their next coffee.

How will Edgar react when David talks to him about the lack of diversity on teams? Will David talk to Norah about his plan of action? Norah had just decided to take on the Director of Diversity position at her organization. What is next for our two heroes? Join us next time at the MBT Blog and find out.