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Are You A Leaper or An Overthinker? Build a Better Strategy for Making Decisions

©The MBT Blog – Mindfulness in Business Coaching | Journaling & Growth | MBT More Mindful Business Today

You know in movies when there is a chase scene on foot and ordinary people consistently jump from one rooftop to the next and keep on running? Every time I watch those films, I first think, “Yeah, right! Everyone lands on their feet!” Then I think about how so many people do the equivalent in real life by making quick judgements and putting their all into something new.

Sometimes they land successfully. Sometimes they twist their ankle and pour their energy into the wrong thing, wasting time and money.

On the other hand, sometimes the person on the big screen takes too long deciding whether to leap and loses sight of the suspect. I see the same thing with some of my clients. Hesitation lets great opportunities run right past them.

My clients have shown different approaches to making decisions over the years. The speed with which they make decisions usually shows up in their personality assessments. But most have risen to prominent positions, and with age comes some self-awareness. They understand their weaknesses, yet do not know what to do to move beyond them. So, they turn to coaching.

How have they discovered their weaknesses? For most, they received feedback in work situations, and usually at home, such as:

  • “You are too impulsive!”
  • “You think about things and do so much research, you end up never making a decision!”

The ideal, of course, is to hear about an opportunity, ask questions, apply logic to the situation, listen to your gut, and then decide how to respond.

No person approaches decision making perfectly making the ideal unlikely. We arrive in life with predispositions, traits, and individual personalities. Add to that the stress of everyday life, the multitude of decisions we make in a single day as leaders, and the myriad of opinions of those around us, and you wonder how we accomplish anything at all.

That is okay. We are all very human. I believe in developing plans and processes to help us move forward with discretion and in a timely way. Plans, processes, and strategies to the rescue, I tend to say.

What kinds of processes? The strategies a person uses depend on their needs, weaknesses, and strengths. But one idea is adaptable for everyone.

Find a buddy who approaches decision making in a way that is opposite of your style.

Sound easy? Are you thinking, “Mary, this is so obvious! Why are you wasting my time with this blog post?” Maybe you are already good at this. Hooray and congratulations! For everyone else, take a look at your team. Have you hired a good mix of diverse personalities? Or does everyone seem to think the way you think?

People are drawn to those who approach the world in ways that match their own. If you cannot find someone on your team who thinks differently, look across your organization. Or, look at the colleagues in your network.

Everyone should have a person who acts as a sounding board. This strategy works well regardless of which category claims you: Are you a leaper or an overthinker?

If you are an impulsive leaper, your process should include these steps.

  1. Take a breath. A pause creates an opportunity for your brain to slow down. Breathe deeply for a few seconds.
  2. Do not commit in the moment. Create a policy for yourself to avoid saying “yes” when first approached with an idea. No matter how exciting something seems, put some space into your timeline for consideration.
  3. Ask a few questions to gain clarity. Depending on the situation, the questions might include, “What is the time commitment?” and “What is the financial commitment?” And always include the question, “When do you need an answer?”
  4. Choose a reasonable amount of time to give an answer. Choose a timeframe that works with your style, and offer it. Regardless of the other person’s deadline, give yourself enough time for consideration.
  5. Get the facts. Evaluate the risk and reward as you would in any business decision. However, factor in your own boundaries and time constraints. How much of your time and your team’s resources would be needed if you decide to move forward? And what will you NOT do as a result?
  6. Talk to that buddy. Develop a reciprocal relationship with someone. They support you by walking you through the decision you are making, and you nudge them along toward making a decision.
  7. Follow up. Even when you decide not to agree to something, let them know. It builds relationships and is good for business. “Not right now” is a valid answer.

If you are an overthinker, your process should include these steps.

  1. Set a deadline for responding. It is especially helpful for those who are slow to make decisions to set a realistic and real deadline. Realistic to give enough time for due diligence. Real to keep the decision from dragging on.
  2. Mark the deadline on the calendar. Work backward from the final deadline to determine the timing for the rest of your work on the situation.
  3. Set boundaries. Let the other person know what kind of information you need and the format in which you need it. Then, reiterate your deadline. “I need to do some research, analyze the impact on me and my business, and make a decision.”
  4. Set a timer for research. Agree with yourself to spend a specific amount of time looking through the information. You determine the correct amount of time. Say you decide four hours is adequate. Set a timer and track your time to maintain the boundary you set. This will keep you from diving too deeply into details that really do not matter.
  5. Request and analyze the information. Most likely, you are very good at this. Just stay inside the time restraint you gave yourself.
  6. Talk to that buddy. Ask them to hold you to your deadline. That is their job!
  7. Follow up. Let the other person know your decision, even if it is a no. A timely “no” is much kinder than a “maybe” that drags on for months.

Back to that rooftop

Whether you are the one who jumps without a second glance or the one still standing at the edge doing the math, you can build a process that gets you safely to the other side. A pause for the leapers. A deadline for the overthinkers. A buddy for everyone.

You may not land like a movie star every time, but you will land with purpose.

And if you have tried all of this and still find yourself frozen at the edge (or nursing that twisted ankle), you are in good company. This is exactly the kind of thing I work on with my clients. I would love to help you build a process that fits the way you think. Make an appointment for a consultation here.

Now I am curious. Which one are you?

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Next Steps After Achieving Success in Business

©The MBT Blog – Mindfulness in Business Coaching | Journaling & Growth | MBT More Mindful Business Today

For every business, there comes a time to pause and evaluate. September is a good time for this because planning for the next calendar year has begun. Determining success can be tricky. Once you achieve your goals, do you run by them and continue continuing? Or do you stop and celebrate, and then keep doing the things you did trying to duplicate your accomplishments?

Start by Defining Success

Before you can figure out your next move, you have to answer a more basic question: what does success actually mean to you and your organization? This is the single most important factor in the whole process, and it is the one people skip most often.

What does success mean to YOU. Not what did someone tell you it is supposed to mean to you.

Success cannot be universally defined, even though the world, your industry, your friends, your family, and other businesses may try to enforce their definition upon you. For one business owner, the primary goal might be revenue growth. For another, the most important achievement might mean working fewer hours while maintaining the same income. For a nonprofit organization, the best result might lie in the impact made that year — the number of people served, not dollars raised. Without a clear, personal and organizational understanding of success, you have no way to know what you have achieved. Therefore, no compass exists to decide what comes next.

Take the Pause for Reflection

Take the time to write your vision of success down on paper. Be specific. Are you trying to achieve a sales or profit number? Are you working towards a lifestyle? Is there a milestone for your team to achieve? Your answers will shape every decision that follows. The meaning of success as defined by you is critical to everything – your plan, your strategy, and the actions you will take to move forward.

This discussion reminds me of my client. I will call her Sydney. When we began working together, she expressed her feelings of exhaustion, frustration, and dissatisfaction. Her business had recently achieved the highest numbers since it had opened. Yet, she felt she had no time or energy to celebrate. She felt drained and missed the moments of tranquility she remembered from the past.

“When I talk to most people, they congratulate me on the brand awareness and high revenues and tell me to keep growing,” she said. “I want to maintain the momentum, yet I need some R&R.”

As you might have guessed, Sydney decided to focus on building a team the next year. Her goals were to hire an excellent virtual assistant and a smart director of operations. She continued to run her business with those two tasks heading her agenda. She believed success for her would exist only when she once again found moments to breathe and enjoy the business she built.

Feeling the Pressure of Achievement

Dealing with success often brings anxiety. Clients who achieved all their goals tell me this is the most dangerous place to be. They fear scaling their business means they will lose their lifestyle. The new work pouring in requires working more hours.

Hiring more staff is equally time-consuming. Reaching out. Finding people. Training people. Firing the wrong fit people swiftly. Then finding someone else. A circle of time suck. Maybe or maybe not. The strategy and executing on a well-developed plan can make a great impact on the results.

One of the scary things about becoming successful is needing to evaluate, strategize, and delegate. If you bring in more work, it does not mean you have to work more. It means you have to learn to trust, plan, build a team, and trust the team and the plan.

Why is it scary? The unknown enters the mix. Many people fear the risks you take by trying something new. It is safer to stick with the present. That philosophy kills growth of the business and of people.

The Strategy Must Match the Business Need

I coach emerging and established businesspeople in professional services and nonprofit organizations. As we work together, they learn to create the habit of taking a break to reflect, consider, and examine their success.

Businesses need different things at different times. To help dissipate some of the uncertainty around what the next steps might be for your business, I created a list of a few that are common.

  • Expanding the team.
  • Purchasing items to streamline the operation. This can include software like CRM (Client Relationship Management) systems, billing and accounting programs, and items particular to the business such as computers and machinery.
  • Finding new space which fits your needs and your budget.
  • Learning a new skill. Professional development to increase leadership skills for owners who are now leading a team for the first time is one possibility. Or, you may realize you need to earn a certification specific to their field so they can offer more services to their clients.
  • Starting a new line of business. For some, “what’s next” means looking at avenues for passive income — an online course, a membership, or a licensed product. This can be a way to grow revenue without growing the workload in lockstep.

The key to the solution is that it solves your particular problem — and that problem only comes into focus once you know what success looks like for you. Take some time this weekend to define it, reflect on what you want, and write it down.

Think about how it will feel at the end of the year when you endeavor to evaluate the performance of your organization. How will you acknowledge success? When you see the results, celebrate!

And if you need support in finding your direction, give me a call. I can walk you through it and help you develop your new strategy.

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The Chipped Plate and the Comparison Trap: Why Progress Is Not A Straight Line

©The MBT Blog – Mindfulness in Business Coaching | Journaling & Growth | MBT More Mindful Business Today

A few years ago, when I was purging old items from my house, I found our wedding china in a box in the basement. What started as a simple decluttering project turned into a full lesson for myself about comparison, imperfection, and why both of those things are far more connected than I ever realized.

Let me back up.

Here is the thing: when I packed that special dinnerware years ago, all I could see were the flaws. One dinner plate has a noticeable chip on the edge. We never completed a full set before the pattern was discontinued, so we are stuck with four place settings, a platter, and zero bowls. I remember feeling almost embarrassed by it back then. A chipped plate, an incomplete set — not exactly the picture-perfect china I thought I should have.

But when I opened that box again ten years later, something completely different happened. I was no longer embarrassed by it. I felt happiness mixed with sentimentality. I remembered picking out that bold, art deco black pattern with my soon-to-be husband, feeling daring and grown-up. I looked at that china on the day I “refound” it and thought, “I love this. I would be proud to use it the next time friends come over.”

My perspective changed so completely over the years. It started me pondering what really changed. I no longer compared my tableware to that of others. My special porcelain no longer was the symbol of my success or lack of success. Now, the longevity of my marriage and the decades of memories warm my heart and fill me up. We met nearly 30 years ago and said “I do” more than 28 years ago. I am not concerned about what others may think about my china.

The Comparison Trap Hiding Underneath It All

In my work with clients as the Mindful Business Coach, one of the first things I ask people is to describe their aspirations. Not what is on their to-do list this week, but the larger question of what they actually want their work and life to look like, their vision for themselves. Almost every time, clients describe those aspirations using other people as reference points. “I want to build a business like hers.” “I want to have the kind of confidence he has.” I love this part of the process. Clients piece together their own version of success using bits and pieces of the lives of people they admire. The lives they can see, that is.

Used this way, comparison is healthy. It is clarifying, even.

But comparison has a shadow side as well. It appears when a client begins to feel unworthy because their progress does not match someone else’s. That is when things become heavy. Clients freeze. They express a sense of hopelessness. The language shifts into extremes: “I will never get there.” “I always do something wrong.”

When always and never reveal themselves, it is time to take a break.

I know this because I have lived it. In the days when I packed that china, I was deep in my own always-and-never space. Then, all those years later, I realized my work to dispel the negativity of comparison had born fruit. I had moved myself into a new, confident place. In this new perspective, I appreciated the happy side of the life I built with my husband.

I just had to share this in today’s blog post. Comparing ourselves to others can be good in moderation, because it shows us what is possible. Imperfection reminds us that we are allowed to be a work in progress while we get there. Both are necessary if we want to keep moving forward without losing ourselves in the process.

So How Did I “work on” the always-never of comparison?

Here is what I did for myself and how I help my clients. I do not believe the goal is to eliminate comparison or erase our flaws entirely. The goal is to bring a little more intention to both.

On comparison:

  • Notice how it makes you feel. If you feel motivated, that is likely a good thing. If you feel unworthy or stuck, take a break. What makes you feel that way?
  • Write down how you feel. Putting the feeling on paper takes away some of its power. It is also a great way to see trends in yourself and raise your awareness. If you are interested in doing more of that, consider signing up for one of our Group Journaling classes.
  • If you feel bad, concentrate on the positive. What went well for you this past week or month? Take a moment to acknowledge the good things you did.
  • Take out your plan. If you have a plan for your professional and business development, take a look at it. How can you jump back into action? Do your accomplishments match your goals?
  • If your accomplishments do match your goals, pause to celebrate. Do not simply nod and move on.
  • If they do not, think about the next action to take. Not the entire path forward, only the next step.
  • Remember, each action you take brings you closer to your goal. Progress does not need to look dramatic to count.

The Real Takeaway

The china did not need to be a complete set for me to love it again. And I do not need to be free of flaws to keep growing. Comparison, used well, points us toward who we want to become. Imperfection, accepted honestly, keeps us grounded while we get there. Neither one is the enemy. It is losing the balance between them that causes trouble.

How about you? How do you balance yourself? If you want to discuss it, give coaching a try. Set up an appointment for a consultation.

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My Plan for Busy Season, or, How to Maintain Client and Team Development During Bustling Times

©The MBT Blog – Mindfulness in Business Coaching | Journaling & Growth | MBT More Mindful Business Today+

In the last blog, Don’t Let August Hold You Back: How to Stay Productive When Business Slows Down, I discussed staying productive during a lull and promised to write about this opposite – staying productive during busy times. For some people, it is easier to add tasks onto an already tight schedule. Busyness makes them thrive. For others, overwhelm settles in and it is difficult to accomplish anything. Whatever circumstance is yours, there are ways to help yourself out.

September is looming. Vacation season is ending. Kids are returning to school. Conference season will soon be booming. How do you plan to keep up?

Take my client Edna (not the real name) for instance. She tells me she has no problem keeping up with the daily tasks during the fall. She creates a rhythm for herself. Wake up, answer e-mail from home over coffee. During the ride to the office, touch base with her assistant to talk through the meetings and deadlines of the day. Once in the office, work on the deadline items. Address any new tasks that have arisen since breakfast. Prepare for the flight to the conference the next day. Upon return from the conference, hand business cards to assistant to add into client development spreadsheet. And, so on.

What Edna loses during these times is touching base with her individual team members. Checking in with clients. Eating. Yes, she seldom has time for breakfast or lunch. And, when things slow down as Thanksgiving approaches, she pulls out that spreadsheet of the new contacts she made and has no idea where to begin. So, for Edna, the slouch happens when the lull returns. She feels confused. Where did those three months go?

Then there is my client Sam (also not his real name). Sam often gets so buried under the day-to-day tasks at work, that he, just like Edna, loses track of the basics of maintaining clients, growing the team, and keeping up with prospects. For Sam, the overwhelm begins the very day busyness begins. In addition to the scramble to attend conferences, networking events, and client events, he feels anxious continually. He even experiences an occasional panic attack. He feels like he is failing at everything.

In either situation, clients believe the bustling times are a recipe for disaster. The disaster shows up later, in a sudden lull in business, the loss of a good employee, and a disgruntled client who felt ignored.

I believe there is a solution. Develop a plan and call it, “My Plan for Busy Season.”

Here are some thoughts on how to create that plan.:

  1. Take a deep breath. You have time.
  2. Spend a few minutes each time strengthening your mindset. What is a good mantra to tell yourself when your brain says things like, “You are not doing a good job,” or “I can’t make it to Thanksgiving.” Some ideas are, “There is enough time.” Or, “I have a good plan to follow.” Or, “I know I can do this.”
  3. Evaluate how you spend your time. Start this now. Does everything on your plate belong there? What categories of work should be delegated? Which require your attention? Make a list and pin it up somewhere near your computer. This process helps you prioritize more quickly when you are in the midst of a busy season.
  4. Think about your most productive times in the past. What works best for you? Each person is different and succeeds in a different way. Once you understand what strategy engages you most, staying on task is simpler.
  5. If you enjoy planning, get out a notepad. Write September on one page, October on the next page, and November on the third page. As you determine the actions you will take in each month, write them down. You just created your own checklist.
  6. What if you thrive when you can be spontaneous? The idea of making a plan puts you in the doldrums. Your day, each and every day, is already structured so much you cannot breathe? Connect to the feeling of abandon spontaneity provides. Find time for a free hour each day and write that down on a sticky note placed on your desk. Call it “My free time” or something else that resonates with you. The note is the reminder to do something you feel like doing. Then follow the note!
  7. Use the calendar, even if you are scheduling free time. (Think about it as scheduled impulsiveness). Many of my clients discover the great value of time blocking during coaching. What about you? Adapt the time blocking to your style. Color code certain times; e.g. strategy, team time, projects, client work, etc. Keep the schedule in a notebook. Write it on a whiteboard. Put it in a shared app so your spouse knows when you are busy. You decide. Just do it! You will be happy you did.
  8. Earmark time for fun and relationship building. Some goal-oriented people enjoy deciding in advance how much time they will spend with individual team members (one hour per week), in client development lunches and coffees (one hour per week), and full team outings (two hours per month. The amount of time is up to you, but deciding in advance gives you something to shoot for and a way to track where the time went.
  9. Follow up quickly with prospects you met after networking, attending conferences, and making presentations. This involves linking in with people through social media or sending out a quick e-mail immediately after you met them. Always include how and where you met. This gives you a quick history when you return to follow up again. If you are suggesting meeting again, indicate what you might discuss. Pay attention to the responses. If there is agreement, set up a meeting during a more manageable time. Your calendar will hold the spot for you and save you loads of headaches in January when you are trying to remember what you did and who you met toward the end of the year.

Finally, find ways to remind yourself, “I got this!” And, if you need help developing the plan, reach out to me and discuss coaching. Check out my services here.

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Don’t Let August Hold You Back: How to Stay Productive When Business Slows Down

©The MBT Blog – Mindfulness in Business Coaching | Journaling & Growth | MBT More Mindful Business Today

My first year in business, I decided August presented nothing, nada, nil in terms of opportunity, growth, and, sometimes, even work. I was surprised by the number of clients, potential clients, boards, and organizations that normally offered networking events that took the month off. Like a second December.

What do you notice? Clients often express frustration over this time of year. They are trying to push business relationships forward. They are following the crumbs potential clients dropped about potential projects that lead to actual work. Then the clients disappear.

A vacation of one week easily becomes unavailability the entire month. The first week, their contacts work feverishly to complete as many tasks as possible, pass off some work to their team, and physically clean up their desks.

The second week they vacation. They might pick up the phone for their own big clients or a colleague who needs support with a project they took over. But your e-mails remain unanswered, buried under the loads of junk awaiting them on their return to the office.

On their return, they are swamped with catch up and new challenges. Finally the last week, exhaustion creeps back in and they tell you they need a vacation! Right?

Returning to my original conclusion about August offering zero opportunities, I was wrong. First, the very next year, my second year in business, my August brought me the largest amount of opportunity and work I ever had up to that point. By opportunity, I mean the kinds of things where I met people to discuss work, put together proposals for new work, or talked to current clients about extending work.

For my job as a business and leadership coach, predicting a busy season or lull is tough. Sometimes success seems to be at the whim of the wind might, blowing this way and that.

Secondly, I realized a lull might present itself at anytime of the year. August was not the culprit.

Finally, I discovered ways to be productive during lulls and during busy times. Both skills are critical to running a team and a business. This blog is about the lulls.

You are probably exhausted, with it being August and all. So, I decided to help you out by putting together a numbered of list for tips on how to stay productive during a forced pause in business.

  1. Work on strategy. Blocking off several hours on the calendar to create a business or team strategy is tough to do. The day-to-day urgency of life at work takes precedent, whether it really should or not. Take a good look at your calendar and isolate strategy time for yourself. Consider that time off-limits. You will be happy to see the progress you made.
  2. Streamline by developing more efficient processes. As noted above, downtime is perfect for projects requiring deep thinking. These non-urgent but important tasks continually are moved to the bottom of the list. Spend the time in the most valuable way – making more time. You can do that by assessing the current ways of doing things. How many people need to touch a project before it is complete. Is there a more efficient path to take while retaining the same level of quality? Now is the time to find out.
  3. Work through your prospect list and determine where to spend your business development time. Once the conference and networking season slows down, remembering who you met can be difficult, impossible even. Did you write any notes for yourself on the back of business cards? Take the slow times to sit with your list, a cup of coffee, and maybe a teammate, and think about the possibilities. Which ones show real promise meaning they need your skills or products? Which ones make the decisions about whether to buy from you? Where have the seeds you planted taken root? Which relationships are the strongest? Now, what are the next steps?
  4. Evaluate your client list. Similar to your prospect list, your customer list changes over time. Some relationships grow stronger. Some contacts have cooled. Which ones show the greatest potential for growth? As you assess the situations, think about the future. What are the next steps in each relationship. Deciding not to take action at all is also a step.
  5. Spend time with your team. No reason to explain, right? Host an outing. Take people out to lunch and learn more about them.
  6. Give yourself a break. A respite during a lull is a great use of your time. Decompress. Enjoy life. Take a half day after working on steps one through five. What do you love do to best? Do that!

All of you wise readers out there very likely have your own ways of dealing with down times. What does productivity mean to you?

Tune in next time, in two weeks, to read about how to stay productive on developing business and your team during the peak, busy times.

If you read those tips above and wonder where to begin, think about exploring the world of journaling? We are forming our next cohort – in October. Check it out. Make an appointment to talk about it with me or look at the Classes page for more information.

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The Power of Collective Knowledge in Business

©The MBT Blog – Mindfulness in Business Coaching | Journaling & Growth | MBT More Mindful Business Today

Whenever I work with groups of people, I start the session with an acknowledgement of the wisdom in the room. Clients have taught me, and continue to teach me, the instrinsic value each person brings to a situation through their ideas and experiences.

Advice I have received says that this kind of language – the wisdom in the room – is “too fluffy, too mystical and not appropriate for business people.” Or, I am told that I diminish my authority as the expert leading the workshop, presentation or event by giving stature to others. What do you think?

I am, and will always be, interested in the experiences and ideas of others. To me, every single participant brings a unique perspective.

This one action on my part is meant to open the group up to the possibilities. Maybe the person in front of me has experienced a situation that is relevant to the topic. My invitation to engage with the group gives that person permission to share their knowledge. Maybe someone in the back of the room, an introvert who normally stays silent during these meetings, thought of a new way to solve a problem being discussed. Now they are empowered to share that solution.

The feedback surveys I conduct show that participants – at least those who respond to the surveys – are grateful for the openness. I am telling them, “Hey, I do not know your level or authority or your popularity at work, and I believe you bring thoughts and ideas that will support the group. You are valuable.”

In surveys, participants say things like, “When she opened it up to the wisdom in the room, I knew this workshop would be different.”

What do I mean by wisdom? Am I saying everyone is wise, even an intern who may have been invited to sit in on the training? A definition (from AI) states wisdom is, “the ability to make sound, well-reasoned judgments and decisions by applying accumulated knowledge, insight and life experience.”

Having wisdom is not specifically linked to age. It is also not linked to facts and data. It is more about the “how to” exist in real life. It includes intelligence of different kinds. Street savvy. Book smart. Business know-how. People smart. There are so many different kinds of brains.

So, yes! It may be the intern whose experience proves to be relevant to a discussion. It could also be the well-seasoned chief of something in the organization whose years of business anecdotes inspire others in the room to think in a new way, a real life way rather than textbook way.

What is the big deal? Why am I using space in my blog to talk about this? There are many reasons:

  1. Mindfulness in business starts with awareness. When you are in a meeting, how aware are you of the others in the room? The practice of acknowledging the wisdom brought by other participants, creates an awareness of their existence first, and then their possible contributions. Once you acknowledge them, do you listen? Often participants in a program are so caught up in what they want to say next, they forget to listen to what others have to say.
  2. Mindfulness in business is about inclusion. Every leader has the chance every day to foster an atmosphere of belonging. Belonging begins with having a voice. By inviting the group to share, the leader is saying, “I value you. I want to hear from you.” Why is this important? Because employees who do not feel they are valued are more likely to leave an organization. Or, they might stay and only bring 50% of their capabilities to the job.
  3. Innovation thrives when there is trust. How do you build trust? By asking questions, listening, being transparent, and doing what you said you would do. An invitation to add to the conversation only creates trust if the leader then actually listens to the answer. Not every idea is the best solution to the problem, but allowing for respectful dialogue opens the door. When trust does not exist on a team, members are unlikely to share their real reactions. They save those for the meeting after the meeting, around the water cooler which is now often virtual. How many new ideas are your missing out on because trust does not exist on your team?
  4. Sharing is fun. What is more boring than a presentation in which one voice is heard – droning on? Not much, although it does give participants the opportunity to check their email. More voices equal more perspectives which create more interesting conversations. The group learns about each other and from each other.
  5. It creates an opportunity for team members to bond. Enough said.
  6. What if some of the group are introverts? You need a good facilitator in group interactions to manage the extraverts. Extraverts will tend to dominate every conversation. The leader needs to be aware of this and manage the time individuals take the floor. Give the introverts and thinkers a leg up by sharing information with the team prior to the meeting. This gives them the time to think about it and develop a response.

Now invite participants to collaborate, contribute and converse during your next meeting. And if this seems like a tall order, start with your own self-awareness. One way to do that is to join the Journal in August class which begins August 4. Learn more about it here and use this form to register. It will give you the opportunity to dive into your self-awareness, and you will experience the wisdom of the group first hand.

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Rediscover Yourself: Finding Your Purpose during Career Seasons

©The MBT Blog – Mindfulness in Business Coaching | Journaling & Growth | MBT More Business Today

Clients often tell me they feel they lose themselves in their work. After ten years or so, they realize they no longer enjoy things they used to enjoy. They take in their accomplishments, their successes, the talented team they lead – and they feel empty. They ask, “Who am I now?” How do you find yourself again after years of longstanding commitments to a job or even your family?

You can find yourself again. All it takes is to pause and reflect. Act! This is your life. Take it back. And you are not alone. Many of my clients reach out to me for this very reason.

When I talk about pause, one pushback I hear from clients is, “But if I slow down, how will I ever get back up to speed?” The truth is you may not get back up to speed. The speed at which you were functioning may not be the best thing for you now. Things will look different once you spend time reflecting and making your life into the life you want. Here is an example:

My client, I will call her Josie, experienced a life-changing event. Her mother contracted dementia. During the five years in which she was the primary caregiver for her mom, she struggled to maintain momentum at work, at home, and in her social life. She had the energy to mindlessly race from one thing to the next. She worked long hours at work, often waking up at 3:00 AM, only to spend more time cleaning up her work-mail.

On the weekends, Josie visited her mother in an assisted living facility. She also drove her kids to volleyball, softball and play practice. She became power of attorney for her mother’s financial and health issues. She met with friends in the morning over coffee, for lunch, but seldom for dinner because at night she was too busy spending time with her family. As an only child, she made all the decisions for her mother alone. She sat on Alzheimer web sites, joined those communities, and learned from others.

Josie continued to cook and clean and work and socialize. She functioned at 150%. She was a good daughter, caregiver, employee, mother, wife, and friend.

Until her mother died. Suddenly, everything changed. She had no energy. Doing the smallest things – working for eight hours, driving her children to school – became a huge effort. When she came to me, she thought coaching might help her relearn how to allocate her time. We began by exploring her self-awareness, and we used journaling as a helpful tool.

In the end she found that she needed more time for herself than she had in the past. She also found that she needed to recover from those five years of intense work – physically, emotionally, and mentally.

What was the solution for Josie? She worked with me to formulate a new look and process for her life. It was her process for living fully.

Here is what Josie’s new life process looks like:

  • Each year, Josie takes two weeks of vacation. She uses that time to slow down and recover from the year. This practice is now the centerpiece of her new life.
  • She keeps a journal. She writes in a beautiful, carefully chosen journal twice every week. Whether it is ten minutes or 30 minutes, this time for reflection proves to be transformational for Josie. Through journaling, she identifies what is bothering her that week, what she needs to feel better both physically and mentally, and what action she needs to take next.
  • Action is a crucial part of Josie’s plan for living. The act of reflecting is not enough to create the change she – or anyone – needs. For Josie as a high-achieving individual, action is vitally important to feeling good.
  • Finally, Josie continued her coaching engagement with me for three years. In her case, it was important to talk with a professional coach to keep her moving forward. Over time, she felt ready to go it alone relying on herself and the concepts and tools she learned.

This story is about just one client. What about you? What results would you experience? After working with more than 100 clients over several years, I have found the result is different for each one. Sure, there are elements among people that are similar. However, ultimately, each person needs to uncover their own needs. Such is the beauty of being human. We are each an original, a one-of-a-kind person creating our own path.

To learn more about how you can find yourself again, join one our classes, read about our services or schedule a consultation with me.

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Deciding to Persevere or Pivot: Finding Your Path

©The MBT Blog – Mindfulness in Business Coaching | Journaling & Growth | MBT More Mindful Business Today

“I didn’t come this far to only come this far,” proclaims a rectangular light blue and white sign my husband hung in the kitchen. It has been catching my eye lately.

My husband enjoys picking up items at thrift shops. Browsing helps him relax. The hit to our budget is minimal. And he uses the items to make little “scenes” around his massage room – he is a massage therapist. Part of the ambience of the experience he offers comes to life through the decor – whether a client notices a Captain America figure holding hands with a stuffed bear or a variety of alphabet letters made out of owls, for instance. His clients tune into the creation that speaks to them in the moment.

Getting back to the sign, we all feel defeated and worn out sometimes. A goal may seem unattainable. Success may feel out of reach. We think about giving up. But we also think of all those encouraging phrases, “it’s always darkest before the dawn,” or “believe in yourself.” Should we tough it out?

Likewise, there are plenty of phrases advocating moving on from something. “The writing is on the wall,” or “if it’s not working, change your strategy,” are just two.

How do we know when to keep going and when to change course?

How do you approach the decision? Is it time to hang up the towel or is the perfect moment, your success, right around the corner? Should you persevere or look for something new?

I suggest you look to your “inner sanctum” for advice. What does that mean? Your inner sanctum is the people you go to most often because the relationship and trust is high. If you are like most people, each of those individuals bring different kinds of perspectives to you. As you think about the decision you are making, determine which person is the best to share in your current dilemma.

An illustrated diagram showing a central figure labeled 'You' surrounded by five supportive roles: 'Mom', 'Cheerleader', 'Strategist', 'Realist', and 'Mentor', each represented by distinct characters and colorful circles.
  • The Mom: This could be your actual mom or someone who understands your gifts and reminds you where your talents lie.
  • The Cheerleader: Rah! Rah! You got this! This member of your circle is not concerned about anything except making sure you know that you can accomplish everything!
  • The Realist: Everyone needs a logical person in their circle who will tell you the truth. They will evaluate the impact of your continuing on the course you chose and will draw a picture for you illuminating the facts and figures.
  • The Strategist: This person brings you the gifts of brainstorming, problem-solving, and developing multiples approaches to your situation. Maybe your strategy is the thing that needs to change, not your goal.
  • The Mentor: Who understands exactly the challenge you face? A person who has walked in your shoes. If you do not have a mentor, find one.

Finally, do NOT forget YOU! Ultimately, it is your decision. What does your gut tell you? And remember, it is just as valid to leave one goal behind as it is to keep moving forward. Take the thoughts and advice from your inner sanctum. Then sit back down with yourself, and make your decision. And if you need a coach to help you, feel free to reach out to me, The Mindful Business Coach.

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Overcoming Business Fatigue: 5 Essential Steps

©The MBT Blog – Mindfulness in Business Coaching | Journaling & Growth | MBT More Business Today

Do you find yourself doodling during business meetings lately? Or taking a call via Zoom with the camera off? Do you feel that the things you used to do, the skills you rely on to be productive and successful, no longer work? You are not alone. My clients exhibit these traits of fatigue in growing numbers this year. They look for ways to unstick themselves from the rut they believe dominates them.

The truth is simple: things change constantly. As Pema Chodron, the American Bhuddist nun who wrote “When Things Fall Apart,” said, “Things don’t really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together and fall apart again.”

A simple truth: Things constantly change.

As soon as you feel comfortable with your strategy, your team, and yourself, a change creates an effect that makes you scramble. Now what? New learning, new methods, new approaches: all the things you balanced so beautifully last week suddenly tip and topple as if toward disaster.

When you embrace the fact that everything will change, do you feel better? It can leave you with defeat, excitement, or numbness. Maybe all of those emotions show up along with a few more. Go ahead and feel all of those things. And realize the realization itself, that everything will change, gives you a chance to prepare.

How can you prepare for unexpected things? Remember, the only variable you can control is yourself and your reaction to something. Self-awareness and self-management offer you the core of knowledge you need to prepare yourself.

“Things don’t really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together and fall apart again.”
Pema Chodron, author of “When Things Fall Apart.”

Consider my client “Jane.” Jane came to me in a panic over her lack of engagement in her job. As a top performer and director, she excelled. She experienced large bonuses, promotions, and accolades. The projects Jane led scored huge results for her company. Now, after several changes in the C-suite, she felt her usually boundless energy wane.

Jane knew she needed help and had experienced great growth from working with me in the past. She came to me looking for answers. “I went back to the discoveries we made before. But nothing seems to work now,” she said. How could she pull herself out of this situation and resume her Super Star status at work? What was missing from her process?

Another simple truth:
During times of change, you must also change.

New management brought new management styles. Jane needed to look inward again and ask herself new questions. How does her current communication and leadership style relate to those of her new executive team? How does a big change in management impact the culture of the organization? And, while the changes begin to affect her, how does the dynamic with her team change? Most importantly, what does she need to do to adapt to the forces swirling around her?

So many questions. The volume of the questions alone provoke exhaustion in some. This is just a new challenge to explore. The method of exploration remains the same. It arrives with a welcome familiarity. The answers begin with self-awareness and continue to move forward.

“You’re right,” Jane said. “I have done this before. The situation is new, but I know how to learn, adapt, and grow.” This revelation brought back some of the old energy, the old Jane. She was still there, ready to activate. The fog began to dissipate.

So, what do you do when you feel stuck? When all the things you know should be effective no longer achieve the desired results? When you cannot seem to find your motivation and energy?

Here are five steps to wiggle yourself out of the brain fog and back to self-awareness.

Step 1: Take a breath. Pause.
Before you delve into the questions, pause and breathe. Pause for as long as you feel you need the space. Look for the quiet both in your mind and your environment. This step highlights your self-awareness. Tune in to yourself. What might be triggering you to feel nauseous or lethargic?

Step 2: Take inventory.
Pull out a pad of paper or a pretty journal. What does your body have to say? Where are you feeling the impact? Are you having a hard time sleeping? What hurts? Your throat, shoulders, stomach? Thinking about the past when your body felt stress, where did you notice it? Is it the same this time? Write down everything that comes to mind. How are you reacting at work? What are you communicating with your words, your body language, and your reactions?

Step 3: Reflect and Learn.
How have you approached troubled times in the past? Can you use those methods now? What is different now? What do you need to learn? If it is a new skill, do some research. Spend some time observing. Seek the knowledge that evades you.

Step 4: Pause again.
The second pause creates an opportunity to evaluate what you learned a second time. Taking the time to listen to your gut, check with your values, and look for alignment strengthens your core, the center of who you are as a person and a leader.

Step 5: Identify your plan.
Trust in yourself and honor your process. One plan may be to wait and see. What are you waiting for? A new path or remnants of an old one will bring revelation when the time is right. Many of the answers to your questions will come to you in time. Continue to observe and look for the right time. Once you are feeling like yourself and in control of your reactions, you will notice the best path forward for you. Your self-management skills will return. You will open yourself to reality and to opportunity.

That is how you prepare. Find yourself again. Delve into these five steps as many times as you need to – and evolve. Reach out for help when you need it. Join one of our guided journaling classes or schedule a consultation with me.

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Reallocating Time Saved by AI: The Art of Conversation

©The MBT Blog published by MBT Mindful Business Today

I recently attended a conference where the CEO of a cybersecurity company posed the question, “How will you reallocate the time you save by using AI?” It reminded me of discussions during a similar moment in time, when smart phones held the promise of freeing up mankind by managing our calendars, letting us work from anywhere, and supplying us with answers to any question we might think of asking. Instead of finding the benefits of more free time, we became permanently attached to our phones.

Now it seems another opportunity presents the lure of free time. We can feed information into AI and quickly receive research, or customized images to use in our advertising, or drafts of reports to use in our businesses. Freedom to live more fully is possible. How will you reallocate the time being given back to you?

For me, the answer is, “Talk to someone!” Sounds basic, but conversation is an art and one which is often forgotten. In fact, sometimes clients forgot whether they actually talked to a person. Was it a text exchange? Maybe it was a post or a video on social media. Has it happened to you? This conversational confusion has happened to me.

Does it matter? I believe it does. There is a difference between reading text – an e-mail, a text message, a post – or even listening to a video, and having a conversation. While all of these options are worthwhile and have a purpose, conversing with a real person is a completely different experience.

While AI can learn voice and tone, it cannot replace the physical, emotional, and spiritual benefits of a conversation with another person. While energy can be projected through words and pictures, reactions to the information are not communicated back. When in a conversation, body language and energy interact with words creating a full human experience.

Therefore, I am taking a stand in favor of spending some of our new free time talking to people.

Here are a few examples of people with whom to converse:

  • Everyday People: Spend a minute or two asking your neighbors what is happening in their lives.
  • Colleagues: Invite your co-workers for coffee or lunch.
  • Clients: Meet with clients and talk about their business, their goals, their needs.
  • Prospects:  Sometimes you spend so much time working, the funnel for new work runs dry. Network in meaningful ways. Meet new people. Then follow up with deeper conversations.
  • Your Team: Invest in relationships with your team. Do something fun together. Ask open-ended questions during your one-on-one meetings. Learn about them as people and professionals.
  • Yourself: What do you need? What helps you thrive? Ask yourself and then do some of that. If you are not sure, join our Journal in June class.

Each day, remember to listen, ask questions, and share information about yourself.

What about you? How will you reallocate your extra free time? Let’s not make another mistake and become permanently attached to Artificial Intelligence.

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Self and Social Awareness: Vital Pieces of the Business Puzzle

©The MBT Blog published by MBT Mindful Business Today

During a recent meeting, the declared leader of the group made a nonchalant comment about a team member. It had to do with appearance involving that person’s style of dress. It started with the phrase, “Of course” meaning as usual this person tends to look a certain way. In this instance, the tone used made the comment seem like a dig at the individual. I gathered this from the reaction of the others on the video call as well – silence as they turned away from the camera. Absolute, uncomfortable silence.

I see and hear about this behavior daily when working with clients. Is the leader a meany? Probably not. Is the leader insensitive? Maybe. Most likely, the individual is either not self-aware or not socially aware or a little bit of both.

Examine yourself, your thoughts, and your behaviors before pointing fingers at others. After all, the only thing you can control in this world is yourself.

MARY BALISTRERI, The Mindful Business Coach

All self-improvement begins with self-awareness. How aware is the individual of their emotions? How aware is the person who is trying to improve of the kinds of things which trigger their behaviors? During a consultation, I ask clients, “What needs to happen for you to obtain your goals?” If their answer is, “Everyone else needs to change their behavior and give me what I need to achieve,” I know they are not ready for coaching. The time may come when they decide to work on themselves. It just is not right now.

Likewise, some leaders are very self-aware. They understand their triggers, “I totally go off when people do not communicate their progress on a project,” is one example I have heard. They know how to watch out for themselves. However, they are not able to “read the room.” They do not notice others withdrawing when they make certain statements. They wonder why the team will not share their ideas with the group during a meeting. They are not socially aware. During a consultation, they might say, “My team is not motivated. They sit in silence when I ask for their thoughts.”

Examine yourself, your thoughts, and your behaviors first before pointing fingers at others. After all, the only thing you can control in this world is yourself.

How can you fix something if you are unaware there is a problem? All of us have blind spots. In my case, I study conversational intelligence because I know I need to work on myself. I know I have blind spots. And I know somewhere down the line; I will say the wrong thing.

How can I fix something when I am unaware that I created a problem? Two answers come to mind:

  1. I must reflect on my own behavior consistently. For me, that means writing in my journal at least once a week. To learn how to develop a journaling habit, check out our classes. There is one forming in June.
  2. I must rely on those around me to give candid and kind feedback. I must ask for feedback. Yes, and, I must offer candid and kind feedback to others.

How about you? Do you spend time on self-improvement? Tell us what works for you.

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Mindful Communication in the Workplace

©The MBT Blog published by MBT Mindful Business Today

During 28 years of marriage, my husband and I learned how and when to talk to each other about little things and big things. It took time, deep understanding and honesty. We realized we can communicate anything to each other if we use that depth of knowledge to guide us. As a result, we seldom argue, but we feel free to disagree.

In the workplace, our comprehension of our colleagues and clients also grows over time. Smart business people seek information about everyone working together in a group. The result is greatest efficiency. The more they manage their team using strengths and likes of the individuals, the higher the productivity. Obviously, leading in this way also creates a positive environment.

So, why is conversation in the workplace still a problem? As a coach, I constantly hear, “It was not what they said as much as how they said it.” Or, “The feedback is valid, but why did they have to say it right then, in front of everyone?”

I believe the reason is lack of awareness. Lack of awareness that right now might not be the right time, possibly? Lack of awareness that certain words create a negative impact in the person sitting in front of you, maybe? And, lack of awareness that some discussions, like individual people, require greater thought.

Some leaders get tripped up on the advice to give feedback immediately, in the moment. They execute, as they learned, thinking they are being good leaders. I agree with the philosophy feedback should be timely and relate to a specific event. But, I implore people to add a pause before speaking.

Take a moment. Take a breath. Where are you right now? Is this the best time and place to make a comment? Ask yourself why you are making the comment? Examine your intent. Then, gather your knowledge of the person. How do they react? What impact have you made on them in the past?

My intent in writing this is to infuse mindfulness into everyday business interactions. Not every conversation is transactional. Not every conversation is urgent. Take a moment and breathe.

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Boost Your Conversation Skills: Key Signs to Watch For

©The MBT Blog published by MBT Mindful Business Today

Have you ever returned from a coffee with a prospect and felt really great? Maybe you even shared with a colleague, “This one is in the bag.” Then, some kind of reality set in because no additional connections were made. You reached out, but there were no responses. As you scratched your head, did you go back over the conversation in greater detail? If so, you may have noticed some key indicators that the other person did not respond in the way you believed they had.

You may have noticed I recently reposted this MaryQuote from a few years ago. The message is essential to the development and maintenance of all relationships. Who is the person sitting across from you? What do you know about their likes and dislikes? When you meet with them, do you ask questions?

Just like the young woman in the red shirt whose picture is at the top of this blog post, I have been speechless or simply not able to get a word in during some conversations. Conversely, I have also bulldozed through meetings leaving no space for the other person to speak. Basically, I am saying everyone needs this reminder.

What are the signs that a conversation is not going well?

  • The other person continually glances away or aside. This often shows you have made someone uncomfortable. It is a good time to re-engage your companion. Ask a question. Ask them for their thoughts on the topic you were discussing.
  • Your coffee partner leans forward a few times but does not say anything. This indicates you are talking to much. Remember to stop and pause frequently to leave space for them to respond.
  • You are asking questions and receiving only yes or no answers followed by silence. In this case, switch to open-ended questions. “What did you enjoy about the conference,” rather than, “Did you enjoy the conference.” This provides opportunity for the other person to express their views and join in the conversation.
  • A few glances at their watch and a hurried excuse to end the meeting prior to the agreed upon end time indicates things might not be going great. In this case, make certain your follow up is centered on their needs, not your own.

When you see these tips in writing, it may seem too obvious to bother reading. However, through my years of coaching, clients have shown me no reminder is frivolous. Check your behavior. Prepare for meetings in advance so you have questions to ask. And, listen, listen, listen.

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You Are Right Where You Are Meant to Be: At Work?

©The MBT Blog published by MBT Mindful Business Today

My clients speak often about their purpose, and understanding the reason they worked in a certain position at a particular organization. Sometimes it is about the work, but most often it is about the people. Clients see their value at work in terms of interactions they have with their team and colleagues. What does that tell us about success and leadership?

Has this happened to you? Sometimes clients describe the work climate as a war zone and talk about PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) incurred as a result of the stress from a conflicted, dysfunctional job culture. They refer to colleagues as lifelines in these situations. “I saved my buddy a few times at that job, but we don’t talk about it. Now we are both in safe places.”

You can avoid, adapt to, and navigate a bad work culture and still be the leader you want to be.

A difficult, even traumatic, environment is not the legacy any leader wants to leave. However, when a person is in the midst of it, it is sometimes difficult to identify. After leaving extreme circumstances, clients understand their value more fully when they have the time and space for reflection. “Looking back, I realize I was there to help my team survive, and even thrive, during terrible circumstances,” they say.

What is my point? Should you cross your fingers and hope you do not land in a difficult environment? No. My point is this: You can avoid, adapt to, and navigate a bad work culture and still be the leader you want to be.

The question we deal with in coaching sessions, is “how?” The key is reflection. Creating a habit for reflection builds the strength, resilience, and safe environment a leader needs to give their best self to their team and colleagues.

Here are the steps to take:

  • First, know your values. What motivates you? What is important to you? What do you value?
  • Use that knowledge as a springboard to understand your raison d’etre – reason for being, your purpose in life and in work. What are your passionate about? What mark do you want to leave?
  • Evaluate often. If you create a habit of taking time to reflect on your situation, it is less likely to catch you by surprise. Many of my clients only discover the depth to which a work environment has affected their team and themselves after the symptoms show up physically. Lack of sleep, constant worry, health issues like high blood pressure and headaches, are just a few.
  • Act quickly. Once you recognize there is a detrimental atmosphere, create a strategy for how to move forward. This one is a bit complicated. Sometimes, not acting is the best solution. But if you experience great distress, burnout, or see your team experiencing the same, it is time to make a change.

To sum it up, spend time understanding yourself. Use that understanding to model positive, healthy behaviors for your team and colleagues. Be present in your environment to understand why you are exactly where you are meant to be.

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Network Better: Shift from Quantity to Quality Conversations

I noticed lately at networking events I spend more time with fewer individuals. This results in fewer contacts and, therefore, less follow up. But the depth of the conversations reveals more about the individuals, their business needs, and who they are as people. All of those things are better in the long run for me as a person and for my business. Is the change due to a difference in how I approach networking, the events I attend, or the individuals I meet?

Not long ago I attended a speed dating kind of networking event. You know the kind. A timer is set and you spend a max of ten minutes with someone until the bell rings and you switch to a new someone. This arrangement definitely helps people who struggle to get out of a conversation. The switch is mandatory. Problem solved.

Unless your conversation goes in the right direction that is. Then the quick turnover can be irritating and disruptive. I enjoy this kind of networking, but sometimes it leaves both participants hanging.

Did we remember where things ended so we can reach out and catch up? And what happens if the attendees have many great conversations? Is the follow up impacted?

I believe it makes follow up harder in the long run to meet many people in a short amount of time. I am a fan of the richer more leisurely conversations, of reaching back out to three people rather than ten, and of enjoying the networking.

So, what has changed? The question I posed above lingers.

Solution #1: I Changed My Approach. My focus on mindfulness definitely created an attitude change. Years of working on staying in the moment impacted the way I show up for networking. I am much more content to stay in a conversation than in the past. It is not a numbers game. It is a people game. Actually, it is not a game at all. It is life – work life and personal life.

Solution #2: The Events Changed. This is somewhat true. I still attend many of the gatherings I had in the past. However, I added some new ones. Upon reflection, I realized I now experience a like-minded concentration of business people focused on mindfulness. The atmosphere is more casual. The mood emanating from the group unfolds at a leisurely pace during these get-togethers. And, maybe most importantly, an agenda is not the center point.

Solution #3: People I Meet Changed. I believe this is absolutely true. It is not even just the kind of people that changed. I see changes in people generally. Maybe it is originating from the universe itself. Maybe this is a trend. In either case, I encounter a deeper interest in learning more about individuals at a social events than in the past. People exhibit real interest in each other’s lives than in the past.

Solution #4: A Bit of Everything. Maybe, like so much in life, the change is due to a little bit of everything. There are so many factors in a human encounter. They play off each other and mix around until something new emerges.

In any case, the change is good for business. Why not get to the second step of a prospective new client relationship during the first meeting? Such progress can only add to the depth of the relationship and the ease of moving it forward.

What is your experience? Let me know.

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Transforming Perspectives: Fun Ways to Shift Your Mindset

©The MBT Blog published by MBT Mindful Business Today

The other morning my adult niece told me, “There is protein in ice cream, you know. So, I ate some for breakfast. Protein for breakfast! Ice cream for breakfast!” Interesting perspective.

I remember the days when my son was young and occasionally we did silly things just for fun, like eating cake for breakfast. And, really, what are pancakes and syrup? The word “cake” is even in the name!

It made me think of changing perspectives. How we change them. Why we change them. And, why is a change in perspective important.

You know how it feels when you make a big decision or finish a big task? Sometimes, an invisible weight lifts, and you feel like you might skip for joy or fly with exhilaration. Wouldn’t it be great to find that relief in times when the decision or task is still looming? Wouldn’t it be wonderful if you knew some ways that helped you adjust your perspective? If you knew a method you could use to help you move forward decisively, with confidence?

One way to activate the energy to accomplish something is to change something. Recently, I moved a couch in my living room to a different wall. When I sat down at the end of the day, I was greatly surprised at how different everything in the room looked. I even felt different. My perspective changed. I felt a deeper appreciation for a piece of art hung in the room. I also swiftly removed one piece realizing it did not match the rest of the decor.

What are some ways to adjust your perspective on demand?

  • Put on some music you love and dance. Privately where no one can see you, if you are shy about it.
  • Sing to music you love, maybe even as loud as you can.
  • Watch a movie with subtitles about people in far away places.
  • Meditate.
  • Try a new kind of food.
  • Talk to a friend and colleague. Listen to their experiences.
  • Write stuff down in a journal. Notice any trends or patterns?

As I wrote last time in Prep To Make Your Life & Business Easier, give yourself a break. In fact, find intentional ways to give yourself ease and grace.

To delve more deeply into creating a strong mindset, enroll in one of our classes.

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Prep to Make Your Life & Business Easier

©The MBT Blog published by MBT Mindful Business Today

For Mardi Gras and Fat Tuesday this week, I wore my beads (and so did Snowy, one of my dogs) and celebrated. To accomplish the bead wearing first thing in the morning, I relied on an old hack I taught myself years ago – make things easy for yourself. That self-commitment showed up for me, and my very simple Mardi Gras prep made it easy for me to sparkle in purple, pink, green, and gold. How about you? Do you take a moment for yourself and find ways to make your life easier?

Here is one thing I do. I box things up at the end of each season, put them in the attic, and then retrieve them ahead of the next season. Hence, my Mardi Gras beads were boxed with the Valentine’s Day table runner and wreath. My bag of beads and special socks, the ones I bought in New Orleans last year, were handily tucked in a bright, glittery bag in the Valentine’s box. When decorating for Valentine’s Day, I placed the bag next to my dresser. On Tuesday morning, I grabbed the bag, retrieved the adornments, and was ready to snap a photo with my dog. Thank you, self, for being proactive!

The concept is simple. I bet many of you already do these things to make your life easier. Buy multiple corned beef briskets around St. Patrick’s Day and freeze them. Then you can enjoy a Reuben sandwich throughout the year whenever you have the craving. Leave notes in your calendar to remind you where you stashed the lawn mower batteries. Then, you have found and charged them in advance, so the moment “No Mow May” ends you are ready to trim. Create a list of all the things you need to do before hosting a gathering at your home for annual occasions. I also make notes on recipes to remember the changes I made to make the food extra delicious.

Yes! We can all be pretty good at getting ahead of ourselves to stay on track. But how do we translate that into our business life? Here are a few ideas:

  • When a conference you attend each year announces its dates for the following year, add it to your calendar immediately.
  • When a potential client indicates they are not yet ready for your services, put a note in your calendar (or CRM system, if you have one) to follow up in an appropriate amount of time.
  • I am very supportive of calendaring! Use your calendar to block out time to work on business strategies. This is especially useful when the need is many months in the future. It is too hard to create the entire strategy and plan in one week. Better to give yourself a head start.
  • Keep a “me” folder of the compliments and accomplishments you receive during the year. Then, you are ready to write your self-evaluation, lobby for a raise or promotion, or feel better after a day that did not go so well. You can take a moment to read through your folder.
  • If you have calendared time to work on developing business, add notes to the appointment to remind yourself how you can use that time.

How about you? How do you make your life easier?

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Cultivating a Hopeful Mindset: The Power of Self-Reflection

©The MBT Blog published by MBT Mindful Business Today

My niece and I recently watched the Michelle Obama documentary from 2020, “Becoming.” While watching, we both suddenly became silent and sad. Then, my niece said, “This is what we are missing now – hope.” Amidst the constant constantness of our world and continual stream of bad news, there is little talk of hope. Yet another reason to develop and maintain a strong mindset, a hopeful mindset.

As human beings, we look for the hope. At home each night, I cuddle with my dogs, cats, and husband – in that order. We seek out movies, television shows, and people who will bring us joy and make us laugh. At the same time, reality closes in around us.

Because you have the power to decide how to feel, how to react, how to show up in this world!

Let’s watch one of our favorite movies, “The Princess Bride” or “When Harry Met Sally.” Oh, that’s right, Rob Reiner and his wife were murdered. Okay. Let’s pick up some hamburger and have nachos for dinner. Oh, that’s right, at $6.99 per pound, we can’t afford hamburger. Veggie and black bean nachos sound good?

What do we do? What can we do? Look backward, forward, and sideways for the hope you seek. I am completely serious. Do not give up your quest for hope and happiness.

For me, the solution for finding hope and happiness is first to look inward. I build a strong, happy, and hopeful mindset first by writing down my thoughts. It is no secret I am offering journaling classes this month. I will continue to offer them throughout the year.

Why look inward? Why journaling? Why start with yourself? Because you have the power to decide how to feel, how to react, how to show up in this world! And the source of that power is a strong, hopeful, positive mindset.

Here is what journaling can do?

  • Trends emerge through journaling that illuminate how I respond to the world.
  • I discover both my negative reactions – those that are harmful to my mindset – and my positive reactions – those that help me achieve by noticing what I have written in my journal.
  • When I am down, my writings reveal happy times and past accomplishments. These memories replenish me.
  • The ritual of taking quiet time for myself to decompress is self-care.

Look inward for hope. Replenish yourself. Then share it with your community. And, if you need help doing that, join a journaling class or reach out to me at mary@mbtmorebusinesstodayllc.com. I am here to support you in your journey to mindful leadership.

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Finding Simple Solutions in Complex Times

©The MBT Blog published by MBT Mindful Business Today LLC

I’m thinking about more than pens this morning. Sometimes simpler is better. I was playing Word with Friends. I had the chance to play a really cool word, but would earn only 12 points. I also had the ability to play a totally lame word, za, and get 65 points. Today I chose the simple solution and reaped the benefits.

Then I pondered my daily life and those of my clients. The issues and obstacles we face at home and at work sometimes pile up. The more of them we experience, the more complicated they seem. We look for new solutions, thinking and thinking until our thinker turns blue. If only there was a new way to solve this puzzle.

Of course, often the answer is right in front of us. Sometimes it is a combination of tried and true methods known to generate good results. Sometimes an obvious resolution lies directly in front of us waiting patiently to be uncovered.

Sometimes the most elegant solution is the most obvious and the most accessible.

Some people are excellent at seeing simple solutions. My husband, Steve Thompson, is one of the best. He prides himself on being “basic.” To him this means his needs are basic – eat, drink, love, laugh, work, nap, repeat. He is a voracious reader of books, mostly science fiction or biographies, and watcher of movies of all kinds. He seldom talks about these hobbies except to bring them out when offering a simple fix to a problem the rest of us have spent an hour debating.

Do you have someone on your team like this? How great that is for you and your team! I am so glad Steve is on my team in life. He can cut through the clutter of the webs made by over thinking and drive directly to the heart of the obstacle. Usually, his solutions begin with, “Well, that person does not like mustard. Stop giving them mustard,” except, the mustard is something else equally as obvious.

People like Steve remind me to turn to the basics. Sometimes the most elegant solution is the most obvious. The answers begin with acknowledging what you know to be true about yourself, your business, your team, and your customers. We do not always need to invent the iPhone. Let’s find ways to improve it.

Start with a few simple questions and:

  1. Ask yourself.
  2. Ask your team.
  3. Ask your clients.

What answers might you find? What worked in the past? Do it again! What did the clients say they wanted more of? Do more of it! And what saps your energy yielding only small results? Stop doing that.

Remember to use your journal for solutions that appear when you are half asleep or exercising or driving – all those spaces you are in where your mind is free to breathe. If you form the habit to write down your thoughts, you have created another resource for yourself and your business when you are stuck.

Look for those simple solutions. It is okay to play the boring word and make 65 points sometimes. Just make sure you stop serving mustard to people who do not like it.

If you are interested in forming a habit of journaling, consider joining our Four Fridays in February group coaching class focused on it. Just e-mail mary@mbtmorebusinesstodayllc.com for more information.

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Make It Happen: Go All in on Journaling in 2026

©The MBT Blog published by MBT Mindful Business Today LLC

When I reflect on the challenges of 2025, I am grateful I learned how to journal earlier in life. My family suffered a tragedy at the end of 2024. During that awful time, I realized that somehow, miraculously?, I remained grounded in the face of terrible grief and trauma. How did that happen? It was the result of years of focus on learning how to manage my emotions, learning to identify my own needs, and relying on the simple act of writing things down.

In adapting my business now to the needs of my clients, I am changing the name of my company from MBT More Business Today to MBT Mindful Business Today. In fact, MBT will focus more strongly on mindfulness than ever before. The center of that focus is journaling.

My clients see the results of noting their thoughts and experiences, whether they are working on bringing in new business or becoming better leaders. There is power in the act of writing something down. It gives the words weight and permanence. It takes something abstract and makes it real. I uncovers trends and truths.

The alignment of mindset with values and purpose produces results. It keeps out the noise that disrupts our focus. It wrangles in negative self-talk. It helps us find the roots – internal and external – that derail our progress to our goals.

Simply put, a strong mindset clears the way for confident, decisive action. Then, the action creates pathways for pursuit of success. The final result is achievement of goals set.

For all of these reasons, I believe journaling to be a critical tool for cultivating a business mindset. Coupling the skill with coaching guides individuals through the process of using mindfulness in business.

If you wish to create a habit of journaling this year, join our group coaching classes Four Fridays in February. Email mary@mbtmorebusinesstodayllc.com for more information.

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Focus on Building A Strong Mindset in 2026

©The MBT Blog published by MBT More Business Today LLC

During these last few weeks of the year, we turn to introspection. I looked for the greatest lessons of 2025 and thought about how they impact 2026. The strength of mindset emerges as the most important skill needed to thrive in today’s workplace and world. As life pushes, pulls, elongates and changes at home and at work, clients rely on emotional intelligence skills to manage their reactions. 

What that means for me, The Mindful Business Coach, and my business is a company-wide focus on supporting clients to build mindfulness and resilience. I hear about the friction in the workplace. I listen to stories about a huge increase in client anxiety. I understand that the only thing we can control is ourselves. It is time to strengthen our internal emotional management skills to best thrive in the new year.

The photo shows me Behind the Mask I created when I participated in the event by the same name for NAWBO (National Association of Women Business Owners) in March. The discussion focused on what goes on behind the masks of women business owners. Along with a group of four brave women, I talked about the impact grief, the economy, and changes in the administration made on my business.

In tough times, I return to what I can control. I return to mindfulness, introspection, and self-management. My response to the obstacles clients are facing, is to offer programming that teaches and hones those skills.

Here are samples of what I will offer. Watch social media and future blog posts for more information.


  • **Four Fridays in February     – Journaling helps us work through issues and emotions by discovering the clues to our behavior. My clients want to journal but often struggle to make it a practice. Hint: it does not have to be perfect. The sentences do not even need to be complete. During these 45 minute group coaching classes, we will discuss journaling, learn specific prompts to try, and spend quiet time actually doing it. Group runs 11:30 until 12:15 p.m. Central Time Feb. 6, 13, 20 & 27. 

    **Mindful Management March – It is one thing to think and talk about how to best manage our emotions, and quite another thing to do it successfully while leading a team. These Group Coaching Sessions focus on creating self-management techniques to use in the moment. Each participant receives access to the TypeCoach Verifier (a $150 value), a group debrief on interpreting results, and four, one-hour group coaching sessions in March (session dates will be chosen based on availability of participants).

Watch for something new each month! Let’s capture self-control, resilience, and strong mindsets together in 2026!

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Show Gratitude: Remember Community on Giving Tuesday

©The MBT Blog published by MBT More Business Today LLC

What do you care about?

What do you value?

What impacts you?

It’s time to make a stand and support those things, people, and issues that are important to you. Tuesday is Giving Tuesday, the perfect opportunity to offer peace, understanding, and goodwill to your community.

A few years ago, I wrote a blog post about this: “Be Intentional: Bring Your Personal Drive to Your Professional Life,” Now, I continue to be moved by the stories my clients, colleagues, and acquaintance tell about their lives. There are personal struggles. Situations they see others navigating create empathy and the need to help.

There are so many sources of inspiration in the lived experiences they share. What is your story? Share it with someone. And if you are going through something now, please know that you supported.

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Boost Your Growth: Therapy Plus Coaching Benefits

©The MBT Blog published by MBT More Business Today LLC

Working with individual clients over the last few years, I noticed a shift to greater openness about mental health issues. Many of my clients talk about therapy and the specific issues they are working toward understanding and improving. Most of those subjects also show up through the various personality assessments I use when coaching.

Anxiety, managing stress, and codependent behaviors take the top three slots in the cross-over between what is discussed in therapy and what obstacles materialize in coaching. As a coach, I check in with clients to suggest they seek out a good therapist and to confirm they have already done so.

What is interesting to me now is the speed of improvement I see when clients openly work with both.

Therapy focuses on looking backward to the root of the obstacles a person faces. Coaching guides a person to move forward and focuses on improvements. In both cases, information, programs, books, and techniques are shared.

For example, after reading through the tips for improvement offered in a personality assessment report, a client remarked to me, “This is all about my anxiety. I am working on that with my therapist.” From that moment on, the techniques overlap.

Here are some examples:

  • For several clients of mine, the combination of support created a feeling of confidence to engage in conversations they had previously avoided. They tended to put themselves in the category of conflict averse individuals.
  • The power of saying “no” emerged for clients who were inclined to put the needs of others before themselves. With their therapist, they delved into their codependent behaviors. With me as their coach, we worked on building their mindset to affirm their rights to self-care, rather than tearing themselves down through negative self-talk.
  • In therapy and coaching, clients learned to recognize their triggers. I help people determine how to best prepare themselves for triggering situations by creating processes to follow. I saw the swiftness of improvement double when clients also worked with a therapist to find the root of those triggers.

In these and other areas, I have seen an improvement-squared result. Simply put, clients move forward more quickly with both types of support. How about you? Have you invested in yourself? What works for you?

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Rediscover the Joy of the Coffee Meeting

©The MBT Blog published by MBT More Business Today LLC

I love coffee. I love all kinds of coffee; fancy coffee drinks, straight up caffeine-filled coffee, a bit of café au lait in New Orleans, a pumpkin spice latte both hot and cold. The drink in the picture is a very special café tiramisu drink – no alcohol used but great use of a martini glass. Coffee is cozy and happy and comfortable for me. I also enjoy sitting down and talking with people. All kinds of people, some, I know this sounds crazy, who do not enjoy coffee still meet up with me for a sip – usually of tea or smoothie. It brings us closer together, helps us establish and expand relationships. It is like dating, but for business.

Coming off a solid few weeks of networking, I felt a faint aversion to coffee meetings begin to develop. These are the important next steps that must be taken to bring in new business. How can someone buy your services or refer business to you if they do not know, trust, and like you. The one-on-one meetings are essential. Yet, fatigue had set in. I needed to find a way to power through the thoughts in my head telling me to lie down with a warm blanket.

Once I arrived at the meetings though, I enjoyed the ritual as usual. It seemed the leaving-the-house part of things was weighing on me. They, whoever they are, say too much of anything is not good for you. Yet, how will I plant the seeds for future business if I sit at home? I need to be out there, right?

Then I reflected on the conversations coffee created in the past few weeks. I let myself feel the excitement of learning a new thing. I learn something from each person I meet. I wondered at the life experiences of my table companions – the part of their life experience they shared with me on that particular day. I marveled at the differences and the similarities we uncovered together. I loved each one of those meetings.

What’s old is new! The epiphany surfaced or re-surfaced. I do so like green eggs and ham, or, in this case, meeting and connecting over coffee.

“Yes, but how does all this caffeine intake impact your business?” you may ask. I may reply, in fact, I will reply, “greatly and for the better.” Looking back at my notes, I remembered the follow up I had yet to do. This is an important step, I remembered through my mocha haze: do the follow up!

Those connections have connections and agreed to connect me. In all cases, I also agreed to connect these new connections. The connections are sure to grow from here, leading to many more associations.

I am a bit jazzed up on coffee, so I best write these tips down more clearly for all of you who are reading this.

  1. Reflect on the meetings you had.
  2. What did you learn about the person you met?
  3. Look to your notes for information. What did you agree to do and what did they agree to do?
  4. Make a list or just dive right in, but DO THE FOLLOW UP!
  5. Especially make sure to make plans to reconnect and deepen the relationship.

And that, is how I rediscovered the joy of the coffee meeting.

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Surviving the Workplace: Rely on Your Source of Motivation

From the MBT Blog – published by MBT More Business Today LLC

I recently attended a webinar about “Surviving Today’s Workplace” and was surprised to hear the primary focus was on what to wear at work – at least during the first 20 minutes of a half hour webinar. What I hear consistently from clients about surviving the workplace right now contradicts the webinar’s advice – my clients are not wondering whether they are wearing the right shoes. Their concerns center on anxiety, exhaustion, uncertainty, and burnout.

Many people are feeling the grasp of overwhelming circumstances at work. It affects their concentration, productivity, mood, and health.

The root of those obstacles comes from the pressures of meeting company goals assigned to the individual and their team, managing a multi-generational team, employee retention, increased expectations, and, the state of our world right now with the intense level of change and uncertainty.

Many of my clients express, whether through words, actions or inaction, the drain this high level of stress inflicts upon them physically and emotionally. They are having a hard time finding the motivation they need to keep them active and productive at work. Then, their lack of productivity leads to additional stress placing them in an orbit of overload with no escape seeming to be near.

Many people are feeling the grasp of overwhelming circumstances at work. It affects their concentration, productivity, mood, and health. Through coaching, they discover the importance getting back to the basics of their motivation. Asking the question, “why do you do what you do?” is key to breaking out of the funky orbit holding them hostage.

For most people, the answer to the question above falls into four categories. They are motivated by: family and/or people, being responsible, achieving excellence, and solving the immediate problem in the moment. The situations around them make it difficult to satisfy their need for action leading to the responses listed above.

Family and/or People: Individuals in this category are motivated by helping and supporting people. They started their career to dedicate their time to the impact they can make on other people, including their families and members of their teams. When their job and work responsibilities keep them from achieving their purpose, they lose their motivation.

Being Responsible: Responsibilities surface from many places and people in this category are driven to fulfill all of them. Sometimes, they are the chief breadwinner in their family and are supporting multiple people with their paychecks. At work, they feel personally accountable for the successes or failures of their teams and businesses. Understanding this motivation and taking a look at the burdens an individual takes on, can be the key to breaking out of the orbit.

Achieving Excellence: What is more important than achieving a goal? Doing it perfectly, in the best way, and with the highest level of success. These individuals are often so confined to their vision of excellence, they are unable to see the victories in a job well done. Frustration and anxiety will surface for them when the rate at which they are expected to execute leaves no time for impeccable thoughts and planning.

Solving the Immediate Problem in the Moment: Have you ever wished you had the scissors to cut through the red tape in your organization? Red tape, delays, and lack of autonomy are nightmares to this group of individuals. They simply want to go to work, do the job, solve the issues, and move on to the next challenge.

Which of the motivations listed above resonated with you? Give yourself the gift of time today to pause and regain your understanding of what motivates you? And remember to take on that orbit of tasks and obstacles surrounding you one situation at a time. Rather than being stuck in an unrelenting titanium orbit, break through softly by finding control over your work, day, and mood.

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Mastering Goal Setting to Combat Opportunity Overload

From the MBT Blog – published by MBT More Business Today LLC

Yikes! I innocently walked into the grocery store recently and quickly became surrounded by pumpkin spice options. Ground coffee, cold foam, pods of coffee, creamer, and so on. I barely escaped – with a few items, that is. Then, I opened my e-mail and social media to a bombardment of events, seminars, networking options, coffees meetups, and conferences. How do I whittle through all of that and stay productive?

For many of my clients, the overwhelm is real. For most people, a bit of success in business or career often leads to a barrage of invitations to do more. Successful people get that way by being committed to the endeavors they pursue. The world knows this well and will intrude on their daily life distracting them from their plan and vision.

“Coaching works first because I have a goal. When I am overwhelmed by too many options, the coach steers me back toward my goal and keeps me on track. The second reason is the coach holds me accountable during the recurring appointments.” MBT Attorney Clients

By managing boundaries and setting clear goals for yourself, you can learn to respond the way you want to respond when asked to sit on a board, lead a group, attend an event or organize a business event. Why not just say “no?”

Reasons for saying “yes.”
Clients I work with are up-and-comers who are committed to their self-improvement. They are at the stage in their career where their work and dedication are being noticed by colleagues in their organization, business people in their industry, and leaders in their communities. The expectations grow as fast as the careers. Here are some of the reasons I hear for not saying “no.”
– I don’t want to say “no” to my boss or I don’t know how to refuse my boss.
– I don’t know what I want, so I will just grab this opportunity, and that one, too.
– I don’t like conflict and will do anything to avoid it.
– I am afraid if I reject this opportunity, I will not receive any others.

My clients are right, it is no better to refuse every opportunity than it is to accept everything that is offered. After years of coaching attorneys as they grew in stature as rainmakers and leaders, I asked the question, “Why does coaching work for you?” They answered, “Coaching works first, because I have a goal. When I am overwhelmed by too many options, the coach steers me back toward my goal and keeps me on track. The second reason is the coach holds me accountable during the recurring appointments.”

There it is, the answer for taking control of your career and combating the overwhelm. Goal setting, creating and holding boundaries, and turning back to your goal when the options begin to multiply. And, pulling out the plan to revisit your progress and make sure your course of action aligns with it. By doing this, you remind yourself of the plans you made for your life. It becomes easier to say “no” because there is substance behind it. It also creates more enthusiasm to jumping into an opportunity because it aligns with your strategy.

For example:

  • “Thank you for asking me to serve on your board. My time is taken up with a number of other activities. Tell me about the criteria for people on your board, and I will see if there is someone I can recommend to you.”
  • Thank you for this opportunity. I am fully committed to your cause and feel this is the right place for me to support you.”
  • “Thank you for the opportunity to take on this administrative role at the firm. I am honored you are thinking about me. However, right now, I am focused on building my business skills.”
  • “Thank you for offering me the opportunity to lead this group at the firm! I am excited for the opportunity to grow here.”

How is this article impacting you? What career goals do you have? Have you written a plan for yourself? Do you know where you are headed? Do you have a vision for your future? Coaching supports you at the beginning, end, and that pesky middle part, of success.

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Building Trust by Sharing Business Connections

From the MBT Blog – published by MBT More Business Today LLC

The old business saying, “People buy from people they know, like, and trust,” coined by Bob Burg in his book Endless Referrals, provides a simple road map for building your business. Broken down, it suggests building relationships and trust with those in your network.

You attended those three networking events this month. You met a few people at each event who might need your services. You searched them out on LinkedIn and sent invitations to them. They accepted. Now what?

That middle part, after the first meeting and before closing the sale, often gets in the way of a bringing in a perfect new client. You cannot get to the last part without going through, and engaging with, the middle part. The first, and usually the second, meeting seldom make the phone ring. The truth is, you have to work to build that relationship.

It sounds simple, right? Just follow up. The question is who, what, when, and all the how’s; how often, how come, how to. That pesky middle part causes anxiety again.

Each time I attend a networking event, I marvel at the connections that exist between people just waiting to be discovered. Each one of us has knowledge that helps someone else address a question or obstacle they are experiencing. This is the power of people used for the betterment of the community

One way to develop relationships, instill trust, and remain top of mind is to tap into that people power and become a connector. A connector is a person who maintains a large network, understands the special skill sets of those in their network, and easily connects two people who need each other to solve a problem. Connectors do not personally create the solution to the issue. They guide their pals to other pals who have the solutions.

Connectors know how to listen. They ask questions to make sure they best understand the needs of those with whom they interact. Then they store that information away for future retrieval. Where do they store it? In their heads, in a spreadsheet, and sometimes, on the back of business cards.

Being a connector also gives you automatic reasons to follow up and expand the relationship. First, you follow up by making the introduction. Then, the connection gives you a reason to check in on both parties to see how things are going. Finally, it opens the door for you to talk about the connections you need to make to move your business forward.

A Few Things to Remember:

  • Check your mindset. Make sure you open your mind to positive outcomes each day. Turn a thought like, “I never meet the right people,” into something positive and more truthful like, “I need to look for the unique skills of the people I meet.”
  • Time is never wasted. My clients will sometimes remark that they did not, “…meet anyone who will give me work,” at an event or conference. Maybe, but who do those people know? What needs do they have? Are there connections you have not explored?
  • Be disciplined. Treat the time you spend following up the same way you treat the time you spend working. It is important and vital to your success. Schedule the time on your calendar and commit to holding that space for your relationship development.
  • Create and enforce boundaries. It feels good to be a connector and help people solve their problems. Remember not to forget your own goals. Set boundaries for yourself in the form of time commitments, such as, “I will make introductions for others 30 minutes each week.” Also, remember to ask for what you need. Do not forget yourself while you are helping others.

Connectors create win/win situations everyday. Why not be one of them?

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Navigating Business Support: Grace and Authenticity

From the MBT Blog – published by MBT More Business Today LLC

I recently danced in bliss and abandon at a 1970s themed garden party during an event celebrating the 50th Anniversary of NAWBO (National Association for Women Business Owners). The next day, as I spoke with a friend and #womanbusinessowner, she remarked on the beautiful feeling of #acceptance, #belonging, and #support she felt while we all danced together. She used the word #authentic to describe the support shared by the diverse mixture of women at the event.

Looking at the photo of myself dancing raises the question for me, how do we show up for each other in our #businesslives?

Most women, me included, have experienced the opposite of this atmosphere at work. We have been victims of women colleagues who refuse to offer a hand up to others in our company. Some situations included actual #sabotage to make an up-and-comer slip a few notches on the ladder. Often the actions are about #power, finding it and keeping it. I hear about it when I am coaching clients. I also hear about it from minority groups. It’s as if a person who has risen despite the odds, someone who often is the only one of their group, believes there can be only one in such an elevated position, and it must be them. They fear losing status.

Do the best you can until you know better.
Then, when you know better, do better.

Maya Angelou

If we reflected on this concept truthfully, most of us will admit we have been in both spaces. The non-supportive colleague AND the supportive person. Were we mean spirited at work? Were we tired of all the great things the latest “golden child” was accomplishing? Were we afraid our accomplishments would be forgotten? Did we feel like we were suddenly not enough? And, were WE the golden child receiving the attention while feeling the cold shoulder of other women colleagues? Were WE the ones being added to an agenda to present on a subject without being notified in advance? How did we react?

Whatever the reasons and experiences, we need to offer grace to ourselves for times when we were less than supportive of a colleague. And, offer grace to the colleague who was less than supportive of us. As Maya Angelou wrote, “Do the best you can until you know better. Then, when you know better, do better.”

One worry I hear is that by supporting one person or one group of people, the perception will be my client is against another person or group of people. Clients also worry that a lack of public support for people who are similar to them engenders the idea that they are against their own people.

How do you know how to act? Business culture and politics are often complex. Sometimes fear of losing out causes us to go along, or worse, limit the opportunities of others. How can you manage your work life so your actions fit in with the person you want to be? These questions can only be answered by examining your values.

How do you dig into your values? How do you bring mindfulness to the forefront at work when reacting in the moment? Here are some ideas.
1. Start by asking yourself, “Who am I and who do I want to be?” While you answer, consider the adjectives you would like to use describing yourself. Fair? Successful? Loyal? Thoughtful? Smart? Productive? And the nouns, too. Ally? Leader? Collaborator? Mentor?
2. Now ask yourself, “What motivates me?” Answers could include: my family, status, taking care of people, financial success, my faith.
3. Now, think of two real work situations you encountered: after one, you felt unsettled or unhappy by the way you reacted. In the other, you were proud of your actions. What would you do differently in each circumstance?
Here are two examples:
1. You are part of a meeting and the discussion veers toward a female colleague. Those in the room are commenting on this person’s looks or mannerisms in an unflattering way. Everyone is laughing. You chuckle and look down at the table.
2. All the facts noted in #1 are the same, except you do not laugh. You say, “Come on everyone, let’s move on from this personal talk.” In reaction, the group stops talking. After a few moments of silence, the leader directs the group back to the agenda.

Now ask yourself how much you care about what other people think of you? The truth is, unless you have directly asked the question, “What do you think of me?” and received an answer, you do not know. So, why waste the time wondering?

Focusing on the knowns at work, the direct feedback you have received, frees you from wondering what others are thinking. It opens the door to behaving in a way that aligns with your values. It gives you the opportunity to realize you can support other women without turning your back on male colleagues.

And, I believe you can be for someone without being against someone else. What do you think? How do you show up? Does it align with your values? What can you learn? How can you do better? I believe there is enough goodness in life for everyone to enjoy. How about you?

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Knowing Your Part in Business: What Your Younger Self Could Tell You

From the MBT Blog – published by MBT More Business Today LLC

When I was a kid, my family gathered around the dining room table on weekends, put some music on the Hi-Fi and played cards, most frequently Pinochle. As the youngest of six children, I seldom joined in the game. I was too little and inexperienced. Truthfully, my interests centered around the music that was supposed to provide a background for the game. For me, the music was everything.

Those times illustrated with great clarity the path I would choose in my life. I wish I had recognized it sooner. My younger self held the wisdom of my future in her hands. I acted instinctively sometimes toward my best path, but often I failed to listen.

I come from a musical family. While we played cards, we sang along to the music, each choosing a separate harmony to sing. My parents envisioned themselves as extremely hip allowing my older brothers and sisters to supply the modern music of the time – Joni Mitchell, Simon & Garfunkel, Bread, Cat Stevens and the Beatles. However, the White Album was quickly banished as soon as “Why Don’t We Do It in the Road” came blaring out of the speaker.

How the four players in each game found the mental room necessary to think in the midst of the shear volume of the music and so many singers crouched around them is a mystery to me. My mother actually displayed the gift of counting cards, knowing exactly what was left in each person’s hand, while humming and chair-dancing when her favorite songs were on – “I Dig Rock and Roll” by Peter, Paul and Mary in particular.

I created a fringe role for myself at these times listening to all of the other harmonies, the established ones, around me and inventing new ones. I moved around the table quietly stepping into the small groups created by our bunched up chairs and sang notes I grabbed from the sky or inside my head. I am sure some of them were off-key as evidenced by mother’s or brother’s quick shake of the head and wince of the eye. Somehow, at the young age of 11, 12, and 13, the clinkers failed to stop me. I charged forward each weekend, praying on Thursday night for a card game or two that Saturday. Those evenings were the center of my joy.

Inevitably, a memory from childhood pops up. The client will say, “When I was a child, I used to … Why don’t I do that now?”

Now, as I work with individuals and teams supporting them and giving them the tools to find success, I think about myself back then. I knew then who I was and had claimed my role – the outsider lobbing something new into the established group, the way-shower lighting the path for a previously hidden interlude, the experimenter willing to get messy during the search.

I see now how I incorporate that skill set into coaching. I enjoy bringing together ideas, lessons, and tools to guide a client toward their destiny. With each coaching engagement I help my clients identify obstacles keeping them from succeeding in the ways they want to succeed. Inevitably, a memory from childhood pops up. The client will say, “When I was a child, I used to … Why don’t I do that now?” Indeed, what would the younger you tell you about yourself if you chose to listen?

I find the paths we take throughout life fascinating. How did my client’s personality show up in childhood? What were the defining moments pushing one person to be a lawyer and another an entrepreneur? And, how much of themselves were lost along the way?

Sometimes as we age, we lean in to the “you shoulds” others dictate to us. Taking a supporting role seems unappealing or even unworthy. Our minds get mixed up with what we are supposed to want versus what we really need. Suddenly, we are lost. We are unsure how to move forward. We get stuck.

Many clients express the need to be authentic in creating relationships at work as leaders or in developing business. I have written about it here often, because it is such a strong and repeated need. The first step in that process is to identify who they are. Once that is clear, moving forward becomes easier.

Why not ask yourself? What role would you take if you thought about the strengths you exhibited as a kid. If you were in a band or orchestra, would you play the music, conduct the music, or manage the group’s schedule? If you are a business leader, do you crunch the numbers, execute the strategy, or create the strategy? Are you in the right role? How do you harmonize with your colleagues?

There are so many roles you can play, are you in the right one? Give coaching a try. Reach out to me for a free consultation using this link. Let’s find your joyful place!

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Owen and the Fourth

A Special Post From the MBT Blog – published by MBT More Business Today LLC

When I think about the 4th of July, I think about my son Owen and remember a day at Hoyt Pool in Wauwatosa. A perfectly warm day with few clouds in the blue sky, the newly opened pool offered a beautiful, fun escape. In addition to a splash area for younger kids, it had a big, colorful slide for the entertainment of older kids.

Owen has a disability that affects his arms and legs. My son, however, gravitates toward mastering the things that other people believe he cannot do. So, of course, he figured out a way to swim using his strong thighs to kick his legs. He practiced holding his breath, planning to achieve a world record.

“Mom, mom, count how long I am under the water. I bet I can do three minutes. Ready? Go!” he would say too quickly for me to be ready and count. He loved the water. It gave him the freedom of movement he could not replicate on dry land. I picture him now wearing his swim goggles and staring at me intensely, hopping on the foot of his one straight leg while he readied himself for a plunge under the water.

Sometimes, he would hook his ankles onto the side of the pool and submerge himself backwards. Those times, he stayed under the longest. Just when I began to panic a bit that he was under too long, he popped up with a laugh. He delighted in seeing the panic in my face. “Mom, mom! I know what I’m doing,” he would say with a laugh and happily swim away.

I am not a great swimmer. I do not like being in water over my head. My sweet son tried to coax me out of my fear each time we visited our beautiful pool. “Come on, mom. You can swim. Go in the deep water with me.”

I ventured forth into the deep – for me, that is anything over 4’ 10”. Quickly, I skittered back to my comfort zone at the edge of the pool where I would get a bit of exercise by holding on and kicking.

On this festive 4th of July, a lifeguard told us Owen must pass a swimming test before playing in the deep end again. I held my breath, waiting for Owen’s response. Ever the worrier, I feared he would refuse, or worse, fail the test. I could see him refusing to go to the pool in the future if he failed. He loved the water so completely, I feared he would cut himself off from the great joy of the big pool.

“Okay!” Owen said. “What do I have to do?” The rules stated he had to swim out to the deep and come back without touching the bottom. It seemed a huge distance to me. I do not remember the specifics.

I asked the lifeguard how many times he would have to do this. What if the lifeguards changed shifts? The kids receive a password once they pass, he told me. I nodded at hearing that. We had heard kids shouting random words at the lifeguards before: Inner tube., friend, truck, and so on.

It was time for Owen to take the swimming test. He took a deep breath, plunged himself under the water, and quickly swam straight across, into the deep, past the other kids watching him in awe, straight to the next set of ropes. Then, he hovered for a second, treading water, and swam back.

No arms! He never used his arms, because they have no muscles in them. I explained that to the lifeguard. I taught him how to say Arthrogryposis Multiplex Congenita that day. He repeated after me, “aar·throw·gri·pow·suhs muhl·tee·pleks kuhn·jeh·nuh·tuh.

Owen arrived at the pool wall and looked up at the lifeguard.

“Well?”

“You passed!” he said giving a big, tanned thumbs up.

“What’s my word?” Owen said laughing with delight.

“Independence,” the lifeguard said.

A day of triumph for my amazing son who spent the entire day shouting, “Independence” at the amazed lifeguards.

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Imagine the Best Picture of You

From the MBT Blog – published by MBT More Business Today LLC

When my photographer revealed the images of me after our photo session, I was awestruck. I have always been camera shy even though my mother used to say I was photogenic. So, I hesitated more than a little when investing in a professional photo. This photo session was magic. I though, “this is how I want to look. This is the image I want to project. And, this is really me.”

An exercise I use during coaching sessions asks the client to list words. The words should indicate how they believe others would describe them as leaders. Then, they list the aspirational words, the words they would love people to use when talking about their leadership. The exercise is about perception and self-image.

Sometimes, the first list of descriptors comes through reviews and feedback from supervisors, managers and colleagues. Participation in a 360 review process generally gives a leader specific input and is a good source in development of the list. However they emerge, observations from others bring surprises – some very helpful and appreciated, some causing doubt.

Looking at the gap, the difference between what others believe and what you want to project, creates a great opportunity for growth.

Mary Balistreri, The Mindful business coach
A woman with curly hair wearing red glasses and a red blazer smiling at the camera against a neutral background.

For myself, I know I want to project a confident engaging, knowledgeable business woman. And, the feedback I receive surprises me. I hear, “Fun. Your web site does not show how much fun you are.” Or, one that does not exactly produce excitement in me, “The rock. You are so dependable.” My reaction to dependable is “boring.” But, that feedback ultimately made me happy that clients and colleagues depend on me. It also made me realize I want to be exciting. Hence the red in this image, my favorite picture of me.

This picture makes me laugh when I see it. I remember my negativity about getting a good photo. I remember my nervousness which the photographer remedied by playing great dance music. I love to dance and it set me at ease. It makes me smile remembering the compliments I still receive about this photo even though it has been out there in social media land for three years. It makes me happy.

My aspirational list contains many more words than those mentioned above. Yet, when I am having one of those days, you know the kind, when a potential client says “yes” to everything except signing the contract. The days when your e-mail is full only of other people trying to sell you things. The quiet days when the phone does not ring. Those are the times I need to dig into my own self-talk. 

Mindset affects the way you feel. The first step to taking control of your life, career, image – you name it – is to control your own thoughts and attitudes. For me when I am in a negative place, sometimes I tell myself, “Look for the things that are going right.” Another mantra for me is, “Everything you need is around you. Just focus and you will see it.” Or, I look at this picture. This photo continually snaps me out of negative reverie into the beauty of the day.

How about you? Is there an image of you that you believe shows the best you? Can you visualize what that image might be? And, which words are on your lists? Take a moment, and pen and paper, to think about it. And if you want help, send me an email or make an appointment. It will brighten my mood on one of “those” days and begin your investment in controlling your own image.

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Boost Your Confidence: Speak Up at Work

From the MBT Blog – published by MBT More Business Today LLC

This week, I participate in Advocacy Days in Washington, D.C. with NAWBO (National Association of Women Business Owners). As a member of this supportive group of entrepreneurs, I relish the idea of combining our voices to stand up for women and small business owners in our country. I did not always possess the ability to speak up for myself or anyone. I was taught to keep my head down and work hard.

My clients, and me and people everywhere, seem to want the same thing – to be heard. Being heard and understood leads to feelings of belonging. A sense of belonging leads to confidence in your environment. That confidence can lead to trust. And, trust leads to honesty, collaboration, productivity, and satisfaction.

Many of my clients express the need to speak more confidently at work and to be heard. Through coaching, some learn to stand up for themselves and their staff. It is a key element in becoming a better leader. 

Has anyone every told you, “Well, if you do not tell me, how am I supposed to know what you want?” The statement is true.

Yet, what is a person supposed to do? How do you start? What do you say? It is more complicated than just being told to speak up. Like most things in life, learning to use your voice can be made into a process. Start small, then let yourself grow.

A Process. Also like most things, a one-size-fits-all process may not work for every size. Each person is different. Each person’s obstacles that keep them from speaking up are individual to them. Each business environment has its own culture. So, take the suggestions here and adopt them for your needs and environment.

  • Start by finding your voice. What is important to you?
    Take some time to think about what is most important to you. Think about what you value most. Make a list.
  • Look for patterns.
    Are there certain behaviors that bother you? Do others take advantage of you? Have you established boundaries? In which situations do you wish you had voiced your opinion? Make a list. Do you see a pattern? It is probable you have experienced the same kinds of situations during your life in multiple areas – at home, at your current job, and at a previous job. Narrow in on the causes.
  • What keeps you from voicing your thoughts?
    Many of my clients dislike conflict. Voicing an opinion creates the possibility that someone will disagree with you. If this sounds like you, think about the word “no” and how it feels to hear it. How does it feel to say “no?” Disagreements can be resolved through talking. Think about what happens if your hear “no” and what happens if you hear “yes.” Those are the two extremes. Most responses will be somewhere in the middle.
  • Give it a try.
    Plan ahead to voice your opinion and practice what you might say. “I understand your idea, and here are my thoughts.” or “I know you are busy, but I cannot take on another project right now. Let’s talk about who is more available.” Take a deep breath and try it out. Notice what happens. How did it feel? Try it again. Remember to align your need to speak up with your values.
  • Keep growing.
    Practice until it becomes a comfortable habit.

If you exercise your vocal chords, your voice will become stronger. The more often you stand up for yourself and others, and the more toned your muscles will become. Keep at it. Maybe you will join me at Advocacy Days next year.

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Pause for Follow Up

From the MBT Blog – published by MBT More Business Today LLC

April and May bring huge amounts of activity – both for business and leisure. After numerous weeks of running from one thing to the next, I am catching my breath and looking for the opportunities brought from all those pursuits. What will come from the seeds I have planted this spring?

At one point in the last few weeks, I alternated between four conference name badges and multiple name tags for various events. While in the midst of the activity, my mind drifted toward the reasons for this busyness. “Is this where I want to be right now?” I asked myself multiple times. Most of the time, the answer was “yes.”

During free moments, I sat down with my calendar to look for items to drop. A session from one conference might be too close to the networking lunch. So, I gave myself permission to drop that session. For each activity, I planned ahead to understand my goal for my participation. Then, I refined my focus as days evolved.

Focusing on my goals helped me get the most out of the events and made me pause to reconsider. At the end of it all, I know that reflecting on opportunities and following up with individuals and the plans suggested are the keys to success.

So, today while I am in the midst of my own thinking and following up, I thought to offer some tips for you. There are a number of ways to reflect back on a time of vigorous activity. One thing is certain, time must be set aside to think. A process is outlined below.

  1. Calendar a time to pause and reflect. Why calendaring? Because adding something to your calendar makes it real. Otherwise “take time to pause and reflect” is just an idea. By making specific space and time for reflection, you make a commitment with yourself.
  2. Use business cards and social accounts to help you reflect. Once comfortable and relaxed, use tools to help you remember. Gather business cards you picked up along the way. Look at LinkedIn and other business social networks to view your new connections. Pull out notes you might have taken. I make notes in my phone sometimes to remind me who to contact again and why, to write down an idea I may have formed about how to use information I collected, or to suggest which of my contacts could benefit from the information I learned.
  3. Evaluate the opportunities. First, decide what categories of follow up are important to your goals. You could be looking for new clients, shopping for a mentor, looking for a group of people with similar interests, or searching for future team members. After you determine the categories, choose the type of follow up that is appropriate for the circumstance. For example, for some new contacts you may want to set up a coffee, lunch or a virtual meeting. For some you are interested in connecting, but feel no urgency. Some may benefit from the materials you picked up at a conference.
  4. Do the follow up. Rule of thumb is to follow up as soon after you met someone as possible. This might not always be feasible, plan to reach out in some way within two weeks of the interaction. The important thing is to execute on the follow up. Then continue to find way to keep in touch with the contacts which present the best opportunities.

Make sure to spend the time to look for opportunities and follow up on the contacts you make. Then at the end of the year when you are looking back at your accomplishments, you are much more likely to be happy with yourself.

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Looking Back: What Have You Learned?

From the MBT Blog – published by MBT More Business Today LLC

In a few months, it will be the 30th anniversary of the launch of my first business. Well, I put on shows for the neighborhood and sold tickets as a kid, but I am not counting that bit of entrepreneurship. I refer to the musical theatre-in-the-round business that began with so much excitement in 1995. Right about now, at the end of a cold winter 30 years ago, I decided to take the leap. I said “yes” to my new business partner with all of the hopes and dreams anyone conjures at the start of an adventure.

I left the business after five years and started a job in the corporate world because my husband was ill and we needed real health insurance. Ten years ago, I still raged a bit inside at my stupidity (now I would say naivete) regarding that business. Twenty years ago, I raged a bit more at my previous business partner than at myself. Even then I acknowledged it was my idiocy (now I would say ignorance) that let my guard down back then.

With this anniversary coming up, I am reminding myself of the lessons that experience taught me. Jump in, read along, and consider sharing your experiences with someone this week. Whether your “learning opportunities” came from failed business ventures or leadership issues in a former job, they undoubtedly taught you some valuable lessons.

Nothing Replaces Experience
I jumped into my situation with no experience running a business. The only business classes I had taken in college were Business Writing 101, Communications (not sure of the number, but it was a higher level class), and Statistics. I knew plenty about singing, writing, art, movies, and reporting. However, the art history, literature, and movie criticism classes fell short of preparing me to manage a business.

As a newspaper reporter for ten years, I had developed skills in one area, public relations, that proved valuable to promoting the theatre. I understood how to get your item into the newspaper by pitching a story with a good hook. I knew what made a good story. I also knew many of the local reporters and could address the pitch to a specific person rather than info@soandsonews. Actually, back then I reached out directly by phone most of the time. Most importantly, I had learned how to interview people, ask questions, and listen well. That skill is needed in business and everyday life, well, every day.

I did not know the big stuff. Questions like – what were the terms of the lease for the space we rented, who do we consult if an actor accuses other actors of sexual misconduct while on stage, what happens when you never get a quorum at your board meeting? – I left to my business partner. He ran a business before and it seemed to be quite successful. Big mistake!

Lesson #1: Understand the experience you bring to the table and that of your partner(s). Then, determine how to fill in the holes for the skills you are missing like legal, human resources, insurance, etc. This concept also applies to those leading a team. As you build your team, consider the balance of knowledge. Ask yourself, “What are we missing?”

Look Before You Leap
The third delivery of wood had arrived at our basement theatre location before I realized my business partner expected us to completely remodel the space and pay for it ourselves. Big Surprise! “So, that is why he asked me how much disposable income I had after I paid off my car,” I suddenly realized.

In addition to the wood and a carpenter he had hired to remodel, expenses quickly piled up. Costumes, lights, a lighting board, a piano, the rights to all of the shows we planned to perform. The list goes on, but you get my drift. I worked a number of jobs at that time freelancing for various newspapers. My days generally began at 6 a.m. and ended at 8 p.m. I thought the theatre company was a small thing, something to do on the weekends. I thought our “season” for the first year consisted of two shows. I thought we were putting a toe in the water. I thought the theatre would be an amusing and fun hobby. My partner planned a six-show show season. We were rehearsing one show while another one was up and running for a full five years.

Lesson #2 Make sure you have a contract. Friends quickly become enemies when money and disagreement enter the relationship. My business partner’s vision did not align with mine. I thought we had talked it out. He thought we had talked it out. Neither of us had heard the other, obviously. I wish I had sat down with my colleague and written out our plan for that first year. I also wish I had talked to a lawyer about the endeavor.

This lesson applies to leaders within an organization, too. Make sure everyone is on the same page at the start of a project. Each must understand their role and know the expectations.

Understand your “why.”
I agreed to start that business for a plethora of reasons, but the major reason was because I was bored. And, I had just turned 30. I wanted to do something interesting. So, the sixth or seventh time my business partner asked me to join him as the general manager of the theatre, I said, “Yes. Why not?”

Now, his list of reasons for starting the business was quite long and compelling. He dreamed about it since he was a kid in the choir at the Metropolitan Opera in New York City. He knew every single show he wanted to stage.

Additionally, he felt the city (Milwaukee) needed another children’s theatre with lower-priced tickets. Giving children in our community the opportunity to see live musical theatre was also important to me. Here was the primary uniting vision. This purpose drove us to marginal success for five years.

Lesson #3: Grab a journal and write down all they “why’s” and “why nots” of a new venture before making a commitment to it. What expectations do you have? What results indicate you succeeded? Is this the right time for you?

If I had focused on the self-awareness, I would not have blamed my business partner for the woes of the business problems. And, I would now have a better sense of what I achieved at that time of my life.

Looking back, I feel nostalgia for those times. I learned so much about running a business. I learned how to work with an accountant, keep track of the books, hire people, fire people, and how to keep my cool during a wardrobe malfunction onstage.

What memories do you have of past business ventures? Please share the lessons you learned.

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Change: How Will Life Be Different?

From the MBT Blog – published by MBT More Business Today LLC

How will things be different? This is a standard coaching question. Once you achieve your goal, how will things change? Paint me a picture of your future life. The question helps the client gain clarity around why they want to make changes. What impact will the changes make on your life – your private life, your work life – on you?

Yet, many people find it difficult to see through the clouds. Sometimes I hear this response from a client, “I’m not really the kind of person who enjoys visualization exercises. I concentrate on what is in front of me.”

If this is you, you are not alone. Some people generate ideas easily. Some people are labeled visionaries. Some people look to facts to paint pictures. And, as clients have told me, some people work on the task directly in front of them.

The answer to this one question tells a coach how to proceed with coaching the individual. This one question evokes strong emotion for some. For some, it can lead to a discussion of recent life events that make thinking, much less dreaming, hard to do. If a client is part of that collective of people, how do we proceed?

I will share a personal story. Several months ago when life bloomed inside me and around me, I embarked on the task of drawing a picture for myself of the life I most loved to have. I wrote down the concrete results, yet could not visualize the parts of life that bring color – my reds and oranges were absent from my vision. This brought confusion to me. In my most relaxed state in a decade, why could I not see the colors, mood, and breeziness of the life I dreamed?

As part of a group discussion, I raised these concerns. A woman who participated in the virtual call, whom had only met me a few times, filled in the blanks for me. I was astounded. How could she know me better than I did? She easily put herself in my stylish, red and brown oxfords. She conjured my billowing red blouse and linen pants. She walked beside me down a crowded street in New York City. She saw my future life when I failed to see it.

I realized, but not until today, that sometimes we need others to dream for us. Others may look inside us and see the beauty and happiness waiting to be released.

Today, when I returned to that exercise and asked, “What do I want my life to look like?” I was greeted not only with red and orange, but brilliant blues and greens. My daily actions and non-actions drew the picture closer to me. They colored in the picture I had only outlined for myself.

My epiphany: I am 60% closer to having the life I would love the most.

How did it happen? I concentrated on the concrete. I worked on what was in front of me every, single day. I kept moving forward. I took breaks when I needed. I failed. I stopped. I started again. Then I went back and checked on that dream. It was materializing at its own pace, in its own time.

The answer then to the question, “how do we proceed” is through other people. Other people may become sounding boards for us. Find someone to color in your dream for you. Admit when you are stuck. Ask for input. And, maybe, find a good coach.

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Grief and Business: They Go Together

From the MBT Blog – published by MBT More Business Today LLC

A few weeks ago, I participated in a panel discussion called “Behind the Mask: Stories of Courage, Growth and Strength.” My story over the last few years focused on continuing, moving myself and my business forward while dealing with grief. I continued to work on my business while making space to grieve. Wherever it shows itself in life, loss demands acknowledgement.

Twenty-five years ago, I walked away from my musical theater business because my husband had a stroke. I did not realize until 2023 how much grief I carried from that experience. How did I notice it so many years later? After my sister passed away in February 2023, I stopped and gave myself time to grieve. As my mind began to calm and quiet, I found there were many losses in my life begging to be acknowledged. “Let me out!” they yelled at me. They had probably been yelling for years, but their voices drowned in all the activity with which I filled my waking hours.

If I kept things moving, I could run from the pain, sadness, embarrassment and shame equated with loss. And, while I was working hard, playing hard, and pushing myself, I deprived myself of peace: of mind, of spirit, of thoughts.

Looking back through the lens of present-day, I understand more clearly the feelings I had back then. Crying because circumstance dictated I leave my business? How petty? How shallow when compared to the recovery my husband was going through. That is the source of the shame, in addition to feeling I had failed. I belittled my pain at that time yet carried it with me.

When we push our emotions down and ignore or minimize them, they find ways to break through the surface in bursts. I know I erupted from time to time. The point of this blog is simple: give yourself the space to feel the grief. In my last blog, Behind the Mask: How We Keep Afloat Through Tough Times, I give tips on how to make that space for grieving.

But how many of us take the time to acknowledge the grief and loss we feel at work?

What kinds of loss happens at work?
Every person feels things differently. From my observations at work, from my clients, and from my own experience, these situations cause grief.

  1. Loss of business.
  2. Loss of clients.
  3. Loss of a colleague or colleagues (whether through death or a change in jobs).
  4. Loss of funding.
  5. Big changes such as re-organizations and mergers. People may need a moment to grieve over a time when they knew what to do and how to do it.

As individuals, we need to notice when our grief flares up. In my situation, I felt loaded down with rocks and the weight kept me from enjoying life. The heaviness disrupted my ability to be productive. And, worst of all, I had no control over when grief raised its head and upended my plans for the day, the week, the month.

How to Grieve A Business Loss?

  1. Treat it like any other loss. If your parent died, would you expect yourself to return to work the same day? No. If your business fails, take a moment to feel your in feelings.
  2. Your body knows. Listen to your body. If you feel fatigued, rather than pushing yourself forward, acknowledge the feeling. Ask your body what it needs. You might be surprised at the answers. You will be more productive when you go back to business.
  3. Talk to people. Expressing your feelings about your loss takes the thoughts out of your head and shares the load with another person. It will lighten and enlighten you.
  4. Listen to people. The more you listen to people, the more you will find commonalities and reassurances that you are not alone. You will also learn tricks and habits that helped them recover from their loss.

Tomorrow, we will repeat the “Behind the Mask” event as a webinar in conjunction with Chicago’s BACP (Business Affairs and Consumer Protection). I was moved by the experiences shared by the women on the panel and those individuals in attendance. When people share their wisdom, incorporate the those pearls into your way of life.

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Behind the Mask: How We Keep Afloat Through Tough Times

From the MBT Blog – published by MBT More Business Today LLC

The MBT Blog is publishing a day early this time because tomorrow I participate in a panel of amazing #womenentrepreneurs discussing what goes on behind our masks. These are the masks everyone must wear occasionally when life or business makes it tough to continue. Behind our professional demeanors, tough circumstances make quitting, crying, and hiding attractive solutions. So we haul out a different version of ourselves who can smile, inspire, teach, and work with little evidence of the turmoil going on inside. How do we do that?

The more I talk with people, the more I see them grasping for ways to hold on, to be better, to succeed despite “all the things” needing their attention. Clients are managing their stress, their emotions, and their reactions to become better communicators and more productive. The skills involved can be taught and align perfectly with the tools of great leaders.

Mindset, mindfulness, and self-management are critical to succeeding behind the mask. First, set your mindset. Focus your thoughts on those necessary to motivate you. Then, increase your awareness of the moments in life. Be present when interacting with others and visualize positive outcomes when preparing for the next business encounter. Finally, understand what you need to manage your flaws. It is one thing to know how your weaknesses show up under stress and quite a different thing to manage them successfully.

Then where do we put the problems and feelings? We are all human. Feelings buried deeply over time are bound to burst out into the open to declare, “I am here! Acknowledge me!”

During my greatest difficulties in life, I schedule time for grief, anger, madness, and other strong emotions. I make a list of my goals for the day and plan to sit with my feelings when I finish. Then, when I feel the surge of sadness or anger coming on, I remind myself, “I scheduled an emotion hour at 2 p.m.” Does this system always work? No. But it does help me push through the “must-dos” of a specific day.

A dear friend suggested my participation in the Behind the Mask panel because she is aware of the hardship and grief I have experienced in the last few years. In fact, since opening MBT More Business Today at the start of 2021, I led the double life of caregiver to my sister who was ill and my mother who had dementia. After they died in 2023, I experienced a different kind of life-stopper, dealing with the grief of losing the two closest confidants in my life. Then at the end of last year, we experienced the tragic death of my 13-year-old grand niece, Gigi. Some tears refuse to wait until 2 p.m. to flow.

My journey has taught me so much especially during the last four years. Here is a list of thoughts for how to make it through.
1. You are not alone. Talk to people and listen to their stories. Ask for advice.
2. Notice your mood. If your body is begging you to rest, rest. I find my body is very much aware of which days are loaded with client work and which ones have fewer meetings. The big emotions or exhaustion tend to arrive on those days.
3. Be kind to yourself. This tip involves giving yourself some grace when you forget to do something or cannot complete a task. Yes, give yourself grace! But also be kind and helpful to yourself by setting yourself up for success. Schedule time in your calendar for reflection, rest, and/or emotions. Your mind will add the information to your inner calendar making it easier for you to push through the projects or meetings that must be completed.
4. Adopt the wisdom of others. As a coach, I learn from my clients each session. I am thrilled or impressed by new ways to express something and new tools to incorporate into my repertoire. After I try them out, I pass them along to others.
5. Give grace to others. Each person is dealing with something. Be kind then curious.

There is no way for us to know what goes on behind someone’s mask until they tell us. Who do you admire most? Why do you admire them? Ask some questions or do some research: what is going on behind their mask and how do they cope? Join us tomorrow in Oak Park, Illinois to hear our stories.

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What’s So Scary, and Great, About Role Playing?

From the MBT Blog – published by MBT More Business Today LLC

When I use the words “role play” with clients, a wince or eyeroll is often the response. I could try saying “act out” or “playact” but I think those phrases are more off putting than role play. Is it not better to practice what you might say in an important conversation than to watch yourself spew something that sounded great in your head but is completely off target in the moment? You can almost see the words of the verbal oops! rushing out of your mouth. So, why not practice in advance?

Why is it scary? Clients tell me it is awkward to practice. They feel uncomfortable. They seldom listen to their own voices. And, they do not like being told to adjust what they are saying. Some find it easier to say what they are going to say and run. That way there is no feedback to hear. It will also impede your growth.

The more feedback you can incorporate, the better your skill becomes. It is the same as practicing anything: golf, singing, playing an instrument, learning a new language. You look to others to show you how to be better.

Some of the best uses for role playing in business, or practicing what you might say in advance, are the following:

  • Your elevator speech,
  • Stories about your accomplishments you might tell at a networking event or business meeting,
  • A pitch meeting,
  • A difficult conversation with an employee.

Clients generally thank me when we finish role-playing a conversation. The reactions go something like:

  • “Wow! I can’t believe I was going to lead with that statement!”
  • “I sounded so stupid!”
  • “Trying out the actual words I planned to say helped me think things through. I am so much more prepared now!”

Some people fear they will sound robotic if they rehearse a conversation. I understand the anxiety. But, practicing creates a safe space to try out your phrasing, keep the words that work best, and throw out the ones that are off point.

Here are a few tips for rehearsing while maintaining your authenticity:

  • Write down the top three points you want to make. Ask yourself, “What would I like the person on the other side of the conversation to remember?”
  • Read it out loud. You can read it to a colleague or friend or just to yourself. It makes a big difference to listen to your own voice speaking the words your wrote down.
  • Now, practice in front of a mirror. How do you look while you are talking? How do you feel about how you look? What do you notice? Are you looking down at the paper? Do you stumble on your words? In both cases, it could be that the words are not natural for you. Play with them until you feel more comfortable.
  • Finally, role play the conversation with another person (preferably a coach). They will give you feedback on how a conversation might proceed based on your approach.

Role playing is an important tool in self-awareness. Avoid the verbal oops! and try it out!

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Stages of Life: Unveiling Your True Self at Work

From the MBT Blog – published by MBT More Business Today LLC

Every client I coach makes the point they want to be themselves at work. Some will express the desire to be their authentic selves. Many struggle with an atmosphere at work which seems to demand they behave outside of their comfort zone.

I thought about this dynamic recently while viewing “I’m Not There,” a movie about Bob Dylan (not the big Oscar-nominated film that’s out right now) from 2007. Cate Blanchett, Richard Gere, Christian Bale, Ben Winshaw, Heath Ledger and Marcus Carl Franklin all play Bob Dylan at different stages in his life.

A very interesting movie, for sure, and the kind I like most. I loved it for the creativity, the performances, and how it made me think for a long while afterward. I made myself a playlist of Bob Dylan songs, with Bob singing them, not that guy in the current movie. The more I listened, the more I thought about the movie, Bob Dylan, and myself. The lyric, “…it ain’t me, babe. It ain’t me you’re lookin’ for,” from his 1964 song kept ringing in my head.

If someone made a movie about me, which actor would play me? This question often creates amusing conversation. As I thought about “I’m Not There” and the different phases in my life, I wondered who I was at each stage. Would I recognize all of myself? Would the list of famous people acting like me also be eclectic like those in the movie? Maybe it would include Holly Hunter, Emma Watson, Bella Ramsey (from “The Last of Us”), Tilda Swinton and Ryan Gosling (because Gosling can do anything).

In fact, I was still thinking about the movie this morning, many weeks after watching it at home. I continue thinking about Dylan, too, one of the greatest poets of all time in my opinion. But as I thought of all the stages of my life and the different faces I have worn, I wondered which ones were authentically me. Which Mary would they be looking for? Which Mary’s went against the grain for me? When did I cave in and operate outside of myself? When did I feel the most right? Which parts of each of them make my authentic self today?

Who Am I Now?
The deeper question is who am I now? At this moment in my life, what does it mean to speak with my authentic voice? When working with clients, I ask them what it means to them to be their authentic selves. As the business coach, I generally hear them say that being “salesy” is not authentic for them. They do not want to be perceived as high-pressured sales people. As a leadership coach, I hear the words “confident and approachable” most often. Authenticity to many leaders means projecting confidence and inclusiveness.

Not all clients can articulate what is authentic for them. It is more of an I’ll-know-it-when-I-see-it situation. So, we try things on. We explore their words of authenticity.

For example: How would you open a difficult conversation with an employee? Now ask yourself, how will those words be heard by the person across the table from you? Then, try different ways to communicate your message. What feels the most comfortable for you and is likely to be heard by your employee?

An Approach
Some individuals prefer to tackle these questions by reconstructing situations where they did not feel authentic in their actions or conversations. As a coach, I guide them through the identification of the circumstance and the words they used in a specific situation. This method creates an opportunity for the person to discover the best way to communicate their message.

There are so many variables in any conversation. It is not possible to prepare for every situation. This is why finding your authentic voice is so important in developing business and leading a team.

Self awareness is key to being authentic while being professional. While your authentic self may enjoy swearing as a colorful form of expression, you know it is not acceptable to speak with that authentic voice in the office. So, here is an exercise to look at the stages in your life and cull together the pieces that are now your authentic self.

An Exercise
This should be a fun internal escapade rather than a deep, serious dive. Grab a notepad. Get comfy. Enjoy this bit of unscientific self-discovery.

1. Looking at the various stages of your life, what faces did you wear?
For me, the answers include roles and descriptive words about me. Coach, director, supervisor, strategist, business owner, advisor, dreamer, writer, singer, newsletter designer, editor, wife, sister, mom, friend, confidant, fun-seeker, animal lover, ally, supporter. The list could continue, but you get the idea.

2. As you look at the list, find the defining moments. Those bright or dark moments where you found yourself in the right place or the wrong place tell you so much about yourself. One bright moment for me came in the form of my son, who I adopted. That was the best decision! The dark moments tend to be the ones where I am snappy with others due to feeling overwhelmed.

3. Make a list of words you like to use which align with your values. As I mentioned above, my clients know which words express authenticity for them and which do not. Grab on to those words that illuminate who you are, the words that easily come to mind for you. Then, look at those moments mentioned above. Sprinkle the descriptors that best illustrate your intentions now. Finally, write down the words that best match with a few situations at work and in other situations. Are you finding your authentic voice?

For example, words that rise up for me are supporter, connector, and guide. If I feel myself going astray of those words, I can recognize it and pull myself back into the core of my self: who I am now.

If you try the exercise above, you will find the space from which your actions and communications begin and end. Some clients have a good sense of their values and how those show up in everyday life and work life. How about you? Was the exercise helpful to you? And, which actors would play you in a film about your life?

Subscribe to the MBT Blog for more mindful insights about business and leadership. We publish every other Thursday. Our next blog comes out on February 20.

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What’s Old Is New. What’s New Is New. What’s Meh Is Gone.

In the first few days of 2025, I endeavored – as I usually do – to clean the most cluttered parts of the house a bit each day. One hour per day will surely omit the necessity for larger cleaning days, right? I reasoned with myself. During that process, I came upon my favorite framed picture of my son. The one with the cutest smile in the world when he was only five years old. Distracted, I brought it to the living room. I spent some time – okay, a full hour – rearranging things so that it now occupies a prominent spot in my office.

My tendency to become distracted dictates the rituals and routines I must have in place to be productive. Hence (I love the word hence, don’t you?), I use time blocking to arrange my work in doable chunks that allow for distraction. At the same time, it keeps me on track with the activities I must do to be effective.

As I look at the blank page of the possibilities in this new year, my habit of time blocking stays in my repertoire of methods that keep me on track. Several years ago, I wrote a blog post about The Beauty of the Blank Notebook. Follow the link to read those ideas.

Today I am thinking about some old and good advice. Basically, when you are evaluating your life, business, career, and paths to success, do more of what is working for you; eliminate what is not working; and adopt only one or two new methods. Have you gone through this process? It is a helpful technique in clearing the cobwebs that may exist from too many new ideas or in breaking out of the stuckedness you may feel in the present. (As you might have noticed, I love words and also enjoy making up words. A joyous distraction for me.)

Do More of What Is Working for You.
As I noted in my example at the start of this article, taking large tasks and dividing them into smaller chunks works for me. Many of my clients adopt different types of routines which work better for them. Some must work on a project until it is complete. For them, prioritizing activities is essential to their success.

Another important use for this concept stems from developing business. What activities yielded the best results in 2024? By all means, let’s do more of that! Do not sacrifice what brings a high ROI (return on investment) because a new idea has taken hold. Keep the best!

Also apply the concept to leadership and building your team. What worked for you last year? Is your team more comfortable with their roles than they were in the past? Great! Now, what would be helpful to them this year? Ask them.

Eliminate What Is Not Working.
At the end of 2024, I, once again because I do it every year, evaluated the organizations and events in which I participated. What was my goal in participating? Did I receive an ROI from my involvement? The ROI comes in different forms depending on my goal. That is why having goals is so important. As I built my 2025 budget of both my time and my finances, I eliminated a few events and an organization.

Am I sorry to see these investments disappear? Not really. The elimination piece of my strategy is one based in logic and data. For me, as a big Feeler and Intuitive (in Meyer’s Briggs terms), I tend to go with my gut and an evaluation of the impact on people when I make decisions. When it comes to my business success, however, I lean into facts and figures.

Once again, many of my clients make decisions differently from me. For them, and for everyone, it is important to understand the motivation that spurs them to accomplish tasks.

Adopt Only One or Two New Methods.
The reasoning here comes from the reality of what happens when anyone (except maybe people like Leonardi da Vinci and Jim Henson) attempts to start and complete many new initiatives at once. The situation may begin well and offer hope, but somewhere a few months in, the tracks begin to cross. A collision is sure to derail all of the initiatives.

As you brainstorm for new methods of self-improvement, new lines of revenue, new industries of potential clients, and new tactics to increase employee engagement and retention, pick the best ONE or TWO ideas. Then, flesh out a real plan for each one complete with the who will lead, who will execute, who will measure success, and how it will be measured. And, if the answer to all those who’s is you, please only pick one initiative!

As I embarked on this new year, one item creating struggle and immobility for me was the content and direction of this blog. I have just shy of one thousand ideas regarding the topics of excitement in MBT blogdom. (Is that another invented word?) I sat with it, my confused, overstimulated state of mind, for a few weeks. Then, I picked one direction and moved forward.

The moral or punchline or directive or learning of this entire blog today is: Give yourself time. Give yourself grace. Give yourself what you need. Then, make a decision and Move Briskly Toward your success.