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Don’t Let August Hold You Back: How to Stay Productive When Business Slows Down

©The MBT Blog – Mindfulness in Business Coaching | Journaling & Growth | MBT More Mindful Business Today

My first year in business, I decided August presented nothing, nada, nil in terms of opportunity, growth, and, sometimes, even work. I was surprised by the number of clients, potential clients, boards, and organizations that normally offered networking events that took the month off. Like a second December.

What do you notice? Clients often express frustration over this time of year. They are trying to push business relationships forward. They are following the crumbs potential clients dropped about potential projects that lead to actual work. Then the clients disappear.

A vacation of one week easily becomes unavailability the entire month. The first week, their contacts work feverishly to complete as many tasks as possible, pass off some work to their team, and physically clean up their desks.

The second week they vacation. They might pick up the phone for their own big clients or a colleague who needs support with a project they took over. But your e-mails remain unanswered, buried under the loads of junk awaiting them on their return to the office.

On their return, they are swamped with catch up and new challenges. Finally the last week, exhaustion creeps back in and they tell you they need a vacation! Right?

Returning to my original conclusion about August offering zero opportunities, I was wrong. First, the very next year, my second year in business, my August brought me the largest amount of opportunity and work I ever had up to that point. By opportunity, I mean the kinds of things where I met people to discuss work, put together proposals for new work, or talked to current clients about extending work.

For my job as a business and leadership coach, predicting a busy season or lull is tough. Sometimes success seems to be at the whim of the wind might, blowing this way and that.

Secondly, I realized a lull might present itself at anytime of the year. August was not the culprit.

Finally, I discovered ways to be productive during lulls and during busy times. Both skills are critical to running a team and a business. This blog is about the lulls.

You are probably exhausted, with it being August and all. So, I decided to help you out by putting together a numbered of list for tips on how to stay productive during a forced pause in business.

  1. Work on strategy. Blocking off several hours on the calendar to create a business or team strategy is tough to do. The day-to-day urgency of life at work takes precedent, whether it really should or not. Take a good look at your calendar and isolate strategy time for yourself. Consider that time off-limits. You will be happy to see the progress you made.
  2. Streamline by developing more efficient processes. As noted above, downtime is perfect for projects requiring deep thinking. These non-urgent but important tasks continually are moved to the bottom of the list. Spend the time in the most valuable way – making more time. You can do that by assessing the current ways of doing things. How many people need to touch a project before it is complete. Is there a more efficient path to take while retaining the same level of quality? Now is the time to find out.
  3. Work through your prospect list and determine where to spend your business development time. Once the conference and networking season slows down, remembering who you met can be difficult, impossible even. Did you write any notes for yourself on the back of business cards? Take the slow times to sit with your list, a cup of coffee, and maybe a teammate, and think about the possibilities. Which ones show real promise meaning they need your skills or products? Which ones make the decisions about whether to buy from you? Where have the seeds you planted taken root? Which relationships are the strongest? Now, what are the next steps?
  4. Evaluate your client list. Similar to your prospect list, your customer list changes over time. Some relationships grow stronger. Some contacts have cooled. Which ones show the greatest potential for growth? As you assess the situations, think about the future. What are the next steps in each relationship. Deciding not to take action at all is also a step.
  5. Spend time with your team. No reason to explain, right? Host an outing. Take people out to lunch and learn more about them.
  6. Give yourself a break. A respite during a lull is a great use of your time. Decompress. Enjoy life. Take a half day after working on steps one through five. What do you love do to best? Do that!

All of you wise readers out there very likely have your own ways of dealing with down times. What does productivity mean to you?

Tune in next time, in two weeks, to read about how to stay productive on developing business and your team during the peak, busy times.

If you read those tips above and wonder where to begin, think about exploring the world of journaling? We are forming our next cohort – in October. Check it out. Make an appointment to talk about it with me or look at the Classes page for more information.

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The Power of Collective Knowledge in Business

©The MBT Blog – Mindfulness in Business Coaching | Journaling & Growth | MBT More Mindful Business Today

Whenever I work with groups of people, I start the session with an acknowledgement of the wisdom in the room. Clients have taught me, and continue to teach me, the instrinsic value each person brings to a situation through their ideas and experiences.

Advice I have received says that this kind of language – the wisdom in the room – is “too fluffy, too mystical and not appropriate for business people.” Or, I am told that I diminish my authority as the expert leading the workshop, presentation or event by giving stature to others. What do you think?

I am, and will always be, interested in the experiences and ideas of others. To me, every single participant brings a unique perspective.

This one action on my part is meant to open the group up to the possibilities. Maybe the person in front of me has experienced a situation that is relevant to the topic. My invitation to engage with the group gives that person permission to share their knowledge. Maybe someone in the back of the room, an introvert who normally stays silent during these meetings, thought of a new way to solve a problem being discussed. Now they are empowered to share that solution.

The feedback surveys I conduct show that participants – at least those who respond to the surveys – are grateful for the openness. I am telling them, “Hey, I do not know your level or authority or your popularity at work, and I believe you bring thoughts and ideas that will support the group. You are valuable.”

In surveys, participants say things like, “When she opened it up to the wisdom in the room, I knew this workshop would be different.”

What do I mean by wisdom? Am I saying everyone is wise, even an intern who may have been invited to sit in on the training? A definition (from AI) states wisdom is, “the ability to make sound, well-reasoned judgments and decisions by applying accumulated knowledge, insight and life experience.”

Having wisdom is not specifically linked to age. It is also not linked to facts and data. It is more about the “how to” exist in real life. It includes intelligence of different kinds. Street savvy. Book smart. Business know-how. People smart. There are so many different kinds of brains.

So, yes! It may be the intern whose experience proves to be relevant to a discussion. It could also be the well-seasoned chief of something in the organization whose years of business anecdotes inspire others in the room to think in a new way, a real life way rather than textbook way.

What is the big deal? Why am I using space in my blog to talk about this? There are many reasons:

  1. Mindfulness in business starts with awareness. When you are in a meeting, how aware are you of the others in the room? The practice of acknowledging the wisdom brought by other participants, creates an awareness of their existence first, and then their possible contributions. Once you acknowledge them, do you listen? Often participants in a program are so caught up in what they want to say next, they forget to listen to what others have to say.
  2. Mindfulness in business is about inclusion. Every leader has the chance every day to foster an atmosphere of belonging. Belonging begins with having a voice. By inviting the group to share, the leader is saying, “I value you. I want to hear from you.” Why is this important? Because employees who do not feel they are valued are more likely to leave an organization. Or, they might stay and only bring 50% of their capabilities to the job.
  3. Innovation thrives when there is trust. How do you build trust? By asking questions, listening, being transparent, and doing what you said you would do. An invitation to add to the conversation only creates trust if the leader then actually listens to the answer. Not every idea is the best solution to the problem, but allowing for respectful dialogue opens the door. When trust does not exist on a team, members are unlikely to share their real reactions. They save those for the meeting after the meeting, around the water cooler which is now often virtual. How many new ideas are your missing out on because trust does not exist on your team?
  4. Sharing is fun. What is more boring than a presentation in which one voice is heard – droning on? Not much, although it does give participants the opportunity to check their email. More voices equal more perspectives which create more interesting conversations. The group learns about each other and from each other.
  5. It creates an opportunity for team members to bond. Enough said.
  6. What if some of the group are introverts? You need a good facilitator in group interactions to manage the extraverts. Extraverts will tend to dominate every conversation. The leader needs to be aware of this and manage the time individuals take the floor. Give the introverts and thinkers a leg up by sharing information with the team prior to the meeting. This gives them the time to think about it and develop a response.

Now invite participants to collaborate, contribute and converse during your next meeting. And if this seems like a tall order, start with your own self-awareness. One way to do that is to join the Journal in August class which begins August 4. Learn more about it here and use this form to register. It will give you the opportunity to dive into your self-awareness, and you will experience the wisdom of the group first hand.

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Rediscover Yourself: Finding Your Purpose during Career Seasons

©The MBT Blog – Mindfulness in Business Coaching | Journaling & Growth | MBT More Business Today

Clients often tell me they feel they lose themselves in their work. After ten years or so, they realize they no longer enjoy things they used to enjoy. They take in their accomplishments, their successes, the talented team they lead – and they feel empty. They ask, “Who am I now?” How do you find yourself again after years of longstanding commitments to a job or even your family?

You can find yourself again. All it takes is to pause and reflect. Act! This is your life. Take it back. And you are not alone. Many of my clients reach out to me for this very reason.

When I talk about pause, one pushback I hear from clients is, “But if I slow down, how will I ever get back up to speed?” The truth is you may not get back up to speed. The speed at which you were functioning may not be the best thing for you now. Things will look different once you spend time reflecting and making your life into the life you want. Here is an example:

My client, I will call her Josie, experienced a life-changing event. Her mother contracted dementia. During the five years in which she was the primary caregiver for her mom, she struggled to maintain momentum at work, at home, and in her social life. She had the energy to mindlessly race from one thing to the next. She worked long hours at work, often waking up at 3:00 AM, only to spend more time cleaning up her work-mail.

On the weekends, Josie visited her mother in an assisted living facility. She also drove her kids to volleyball, softball and play practice. She became power of attorney for her mother’s financial and health issues. She met with friends in the morning over coffee, for lunch, but seldom for dinner because at night she was too busy spending time with her family. As an only child, she made all the decisions for her mother alone. She sat on Alzheimer web sites, joined those communities, and learned from others.

Josie continued to cook and clean and work and socialize. She functioned at 150%. She was a good daughter, caregiver, employee, mother, wife, and friend.

Until her mother died. Suddenly, everything changed. She had no energy. Doing the smallest things – working for eight hours, driving her children to school – became a huge effort. When she came to me, she thought coaching might help her relearn how to allocate her time. We began by exploring her self-awareness, and we used journaling as a helpful tool.

In the end she found that she needed more time for herself than she had in the past. She also found that she needed to recover from those five years of intense work – physically, emotionally, and mentally.

What was the solution for Josie? She worked with me to formulate a new look and process for her life. It was her process for living fully.

Here is what Josie’s new life process looks like:

  • Each year, Josie takes two weeks of vacation. She uses that time to slow down and recover from the year. This practice is now the centerpiece of her new life.
  • She keeps a journal. She writes in a beautiful, carefully chosen journal twice every week. Whether it is ten minutes or 30 minutes, this time for reflection proves to be transformational for Josie. Through journaling, she identifies what is bothering her that week, what she needs to feel better both physically and mentally, and what action she needs to take next.
  • Action is a crucial part of Josie’s plan for living. The act of reflecting is not enough to create the change she – or anyone – needs. For Josie as a high-achieving individual, action is vitally important to feeling good.
  • Finally, Josie continued her coaching engagement with me for three years. In her case, it was important to talk with a professional coach to keep her moving forward. Over time, she felt ready to go it alone relying on herself and the concepts and tools she learned.

This story is about just one client. What about you? What results would you experience? After working with more than 100 clients over several years, I have found the result is different for each one. Sure, there are elements among people that are similar. However, ultimately, each person needs to uncover their own needs. Such is the beauty of being human. We are each an original, a one-of-a-kind person creating our own path.

To learn more about how you can find yourself again, join one our classes, read about our services or schedule a consultation with me.

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Deciding to Persevere or Pivot: Finding Your Path

©The MBT Blog – Mindfulness in Business Coaching | Journaling & Growth | MBT More Mindful Business Today

“I didn’t come this far to only come this far,” proclaims a rectangular light blue and white sign my husband hung in the kitchen. It has been catching my eye lately.

My husband enjoys picking up items at thrift shops. Browsing helps him relax. The hit to our budget is minimal. And he uses the items to make little “scenes” around his massage room – he is a massage therapist. Part of the ambience of the experience he offers comes to life through the decor – whether a client notices a Captain America figure holding hands with a stuffed bear or a variety of alphabet letters made out of owls, for instance. His clients tune into the creation that speaks to them in the moment.

Getting back to the sign, we all feel defeated and worn out sometimes. A goal may seem unattainable. Success may feel out of reach. We think about giving up. But we also think of all those encouraging phrases, “it’s always darkest before the dawn,” or “believe in yourself.” Should we tough it out?

Likewise, there are plenty of phrases advocating moving on from something. “The writing is on the wall,” or “if it’s not working, change your strategy,” are just two.

How do we know when to keep going and when to change course?

How do you approach the decision? Is it time to hang up the towel or is the perfect moment, your success, right around the corner? Should you persevere or look for something new?

I suggest you look to your “inner sanctum” for advice. What does that mean? Your inner sanctum is the people you go to most often because the relationship and trust is high. If you are like most people, each of those individuals bring different kinds of perspectives to you. As you think about the decision you are making, determine which person is the best to share in your current dilemma.

An illustrated diagram showing a central figure labeled 'You' surrounded by five supportive roles: 'Mom', 'Cheerleader', 'Strategist', 'Realist', and 'Mentor', each represented by distinct characters and colorful circles.
  • The Mom: This could be your actual mom or someone who understands your gifts and reminds you where your talents lie.
  • The Cheerleader: Rah! Rah! You got this! This member of your circle is not concerned about anything except making sure you know that you can accomplish everything!
  • The Realist: Everyone needs a logical person in their circle who will tell you the truth. They will evaluate the impact of your continuing on the course you chose and will draw a picture for you illuminating the facts and figures.
  • The Strategist: This person brings you the gifts of brainstorming, problem-solving, and developing multiples approaches to your situation. Maybe your strategy is the thing that needs to change, not your goal.
  • The Mentor: Who understands exactly the challenge you face? A person who has walked in your shoes. If you do not have a mentor, find one.

Finally, do NOT forget YOU! Ultimately, it is your decision. What does your gut tell you? And remember, it is just as valid to leave one goal behind as it is to keep moving forward. Take the thoughts and advice from your inner sanctum. Then sit back down with yourself, and make your decision. And if you need a coach to help you, feel free to reach out to me, The Mindful Business Coach.

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Overcoming Business Fatigue: 5 Essential Steps

©The MBT Blog – Mindfulness in Business Coaching | Journaling & Growth | MBT More Business Today

Do you find yourself doodling during business meetings lately? Or taking a call via Zoom with the camera off? Do you feel that the things you used to do, the skills you rely on to be productive and successful, no longer work? You are not alone. My clients exhibit these traits of fatigue in growing numbers this year. They look for ways to unstick themselves from the rut they believe dominates them.

The truth is simple: things change constantly. As Pema Chodron, the American Bhuddist nun who wrote “When Things Fall Apart,” said, “Things don’t really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together and fall apart again.”

A simple truth: Things constantly change.

As soon as you feel comfortable with your strategy, your team, and yourself, a change creates an effect that makes you scramble. Now what? New learning, new methods, new approaches: all the things you balanced so beautifully last week suddenly tip and topple as if toward disaster.

When you embrace the fact that everything will change, do you feel better? It can leave you with defeat, excitement, or numbness. Maybe all of those emotions show up along with a few more. Go ahead and feel all of those things. And realize the realization itself, that everything will change, gives you a chance to prepare.

How can you prepare for unexpected things? Remember, the only variable you can control is yourself and your reaction to something. Self-awareness and self-management offer you the core of knowledge you need to prepare yourself.

“Things don’t really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together and fall apart again.”
Pema Chodron, author of “When Things Fall Apart.”

Consider my client “Jane.” Jane came to me in a panic over her lack of engagement in her job. As a top performer and director, she excelled. She experienced large bonuses, promotions, and accolades. The projects Jane led scored huge results for her company. Now, after several changes in the C-suite, she felt her usually boundless energy wane.

Jane knew she needed help and had experienced great growth from working with me in the past. She came to me looking for answers. “I went back to the discoveries we made before. But nothing seems to work now,” she said. How could she pull herself out of this situation and resume her Super Star status at work? What was missing from her process?

Another simple truth:
During times of change, you must also change.

New management brought new management styles. Jane needed to look inward again and ask herself new questions. How does her current communication and leadership style relate to those of her new executive team? How does a big change in management impact the culture of the organization? And, while the changes begin to affect her, how does the dynamic with her team change? Most importantly, what does she need to do to adapt to the forces swirling around her?

So many questions. The volume of the questions alone provoke exhaustion in some. This is just a new challenge to explore. The method of exploration remains the same. It arrives with a welcome familiarity. The answers begin with self-awareness and continue to move forward.

“You’re right,” Jane said. “I have done this before. The situation is new, but I know how to learn, adapt, and grow.” This revelation brought back some of the old energy, the old Jane. She was still there, ready to activate. The fog began to dissipate.

So, what do you do when you feel stuck? When all the things you know should be effective no longer achieve the desired results? When you cannot seem to find your motivation and energy?

Here are five steps to wiggle yourself out of the brain fog and back to self-awareness.

Step 1: Take a breath. Pause.
Before you delve into the questions, pause and breathe. Pause for as long as you feel you need the space. Look for the quiet both in your mind and your environment. This step highlights your self-awareness. Tune in to yourself. What might be triggering you to feel nauseous or lethargic?

Step 2: Take inventory.
Pull out a pad of paper or a pretty journal. What does your body have to say? Where are you feeling the impact? Are you having a hard time sleeping? What hurts? Your throat, shoulders, stomach? Thinking about the past when your body felt stress, where did you notice it? Is it the same this time? Write down everything that comes to mind. How are you reacting at work? What are you communicating with your words, your body language, and your reactions?

Step 3: Reflect and Learn.
How have you approached troubled times in the past? Can you use those methods now? What is different now? What do you need to learn? If it is a new skill, do some research. Spend some time observing. Seek the knowledge that evades you.

Step 4: Pause again.
The second pause creates an opportunity to evaluate what you learned a second time. Taking the time to listen to your gut, check with your values, and look for alignment strengthens your core, the center of who you are as a person and a leader.

Step 5: Identify your plan.
Trust in yourself and honor your process. One plan may be to wait and see. What are you waiting for? A new path or remnants of an old one will bring revelation when the time is right. Many of the answers to your questions will come to you in time. Continue to observe and look for the right time. Once you are feeling like yourself and in control of your reactions, you will notice the best path forward for you. Your self-management skills will return. You will open yourself to reality and to opportunity.

That is how you prepare. Find yourself again. Delve into these five steps as many times as you need to – and evolve. Reach out for help when you need it. Join one of our guided journaling classes or schedule a consultation with me.

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Reallocating Time Saved by AI: The Art of Conversation

©The MBT Blog published by MBT Mindful Business Today

I recently attended a conference where the CEO of a cybersecurity company posed the question, “How will you reallocate the time you save by using AI?” It reminded me of discussions during a similar moment in time, when smart phones held the promise of freeing up mankind by managing our calendars, letting us work from anywhere, and supplying us with answers to any question we might think of asking. Instead of finding the benefits of more free time, we became permanently attached to our phones.

Now it seems another opportunity presents the lure of free time. We can feed information into AI and quickly receive research, or customized images to use in our advertising, or drafts of reports to use in our businesses. Freedom to live more fully is possible. How will you reallocate the time being given back to you?

For me, the answer is, “Talk to someone!” Sounds basic, but conversation is an art and one which is often forgotten. In fact, sometimes clients forgot whether they actually talked to a person. Was it a text exchange? Maybe it was a post or a video on social media. Has it happened to you? This conversational confusion has happened to me.

Does it matter? I believe it does. There is a difference between reading text – an e-mail, a text message, a post – or even listening to a video, and having a conversation. While all of these options are worthwhile and have a purpose, conversing with a real person is a completely different experience.

While AI can learn voice and tone, it cannot replace the physical, emotional, and spiritual benefits of a conversation with another person. While energy can be projected through words and pictures, reactions to the information are not communicated back. When in a conversation, body language and energy interact with words creating a full human experience.

Therefore, I am taking a stand in favor of spending some of our new free time talking to people.

Here are a few examples of people with whom to converse:

  • Everyday People: Spend a minute or two asking your neighbors what is happening in their lives.
  • Colleagues: Invite your co-workers for coffee or lunch.
  • Clients: Meet with clients and talk about their business, their goals, their needs.
  • Prospects:  Sometimes you spend so much time working, the funnel for new work runs dry. Network in meaningful ways. Meet new people. Then follow up with deeper conversations.
  • Your Team: Invest in relationships with your team. Do something fun together. Ask open-ended questions during your one-on-one meetings. Learn about them as people and professionals.
  • Yourself: What do you need? What helps you thrive? Ask yourself and then do some of that. If you are not sure, join our Journal in June class.

Each day, remember to listen, ask questions, and share information about yourself.

What about you? How will you reallocate your extra free time? Let’s not make another mistake and become permanently attached to Artificial Intelligence.

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Self and Social Awareness: Vital Pieces of the Business Puzzle

©The MBT Blog published by MBT Mindful Business Today

During a recent meeting, the declared leader of the group made a nonchalant comment about a team member. It had to do with appearance involving that person’s style of dress. It started with the phrase, “Of course” meaning as usual this person tends to look a certain way. In this instance, the tone used made the comment seem like a dig at the individual. I gathered this from the reaction of the others on the video call as well – silence as they turned away from the camera. Absolute, uncomfortable silence.

I see and hear about this behavior daily when working with clients. Is the leader a meany? Probably not. Is the leader insensitive? Maybe. Most likely, the individual is either not self-aware or not socially aware or a little bit of both.

Examine yourself, your thoughts, and your behaviors before pointing fingers at others. After all, the only thing you can control in this world is yourself.

MARY BALISTRERI, The Mindful Business Coach

All self-improvement begins with self-awareness. How aware is the individual of their emotions? How aware is the person who is trying to improve of the kinds of things which trigger their behaviors? During a consultation, I ask clients, “What needs to happen for you to obtain your goals?” If their answer is, “Everyone else needs to change their behavior and give me what I need to achieve,” I know they are not ready for coaching. The time may come when they decide to work on themselves. It just is not right now.

Likewise, some leaders are very self-aware. They understand their triggers, “I totally go off when people do not communicate their progress on a project,” is one example I have heard. They know how to watch out for themselves. However, they are not able to “read the room.” They do not notice others withdrawing when they make certain statements. They wonder why the team will not share their ideas with the group during a meeting. They are not socially aware. During a consultation, they might say, “My team is not motivated. They sit in silence when I ask for their thoughts.”

Examine yourself, your thoughts, and your behaviors first before pointing fingers at others. After all, the only thing you can control in this world is yourself.

How can you fix something if you are unaware there is a problem? All of us have blind spots. In my case, I study conversational intelligence because I know I need to work on myself. I know I have blind spots. And I know somewhere down the line; I will say the wrong thing.

How can I fix something when I am unaware that I created a problem? Two answers come to mind:

  1. I must reflect on my own behavior consistently. For me, that means writing in my journal at least once a week. To learn how to develop a journaling habit, check out our classes. There is one forming in June.
  2. I must rely on those around me to give candid and kind feedback. I must ask for feedback. Yes, and, I must offer candid and kind feedback to others.

How about you? Do you spend time on self-improvement? Tell us what works for you.

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Mindful Communication in the Workplace

©The MBT Blog published by MBT Mindful Business Today

During 28 years of marriage, my husband and I learned how and when to talk to each other about little things and big things. It took time, deep understanding and honesty. We realized we can communicate anything to each other if we use that depth of knowledge to guide us. As a result, we seldom argue, but we feel free to disagree.

In the workplace, our comprehension of our colleagues and clients also grows over time. Smart business people seek information about everyone working together in a group. The result is greatest efficiency. The more they manage their team using strengths and likes of the individuals, the higher the productivity. Obviously, leading in this way also creates a positive environment.

So, why is conversation in the workplace still a problem? As a coach, I constantly hear, “It was not what they said as much as how they said it.” Or, “The feedback is valid, but why did they have to say it right then, in front of everyone?”

I believe the reason is lack of awareness. Lack of awareness that right now might not be the right time, possibly? Lack of awareness that certain words create a negative impact in the person sitting in front of you, maybe? And, lack of awareness that some discussions, like individual people, require greater thought.

Some leaders get tripped up on the advice to give feedback immediately, in the moment. They execute, as they learned, thinking they are being good leaders. I agree with the philosophy feedback should be timely and relate to a specific event. But, I implore people to add a pause before speaking.

Take a moment. Take a breath. Where are you right now? Is this the best time and place to make a comment? Ask yourself why you are making the comment? Examine your intent. Then, gather your knowledge of the person. How do they react? What impact have you made on them in the past?

My intent in writing this is to infuse mindfulness into everyday business interactions. Not every conversation is transactional. Not every conversation is urgent. Take a moment and breathe.

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Boost Your Conversation Skills: Key Signs to Watch For

©The MBT Blog published by MBT Mindful Business Today

Have you ever returned from a coffee with a prospect and felt really great? Maybe you even shared with a colleague, “This one is in the bag.” Then, some kind of reality set in because no additional connections were made. You reached out, but there were no responses. As you scratched your head, did you go back over the conversation in greater detail? If so, you may have noticed some key indicators that the other person did not respond in the way you believed they had.

You may have noticed I recently reposted this MaryQuote from a few years ago. The message is essential to the development and maintenance of all relationships. Who is the person sitting across from you? What do you know about their likes and dislikes? When you meet with them, do you ask questions?

Just like the young woman in the red shirt whose picture is at the top of this blog post, I have been speechless or simply not able to get a word in during some conversations. Conversely, I have also bulldozed through meetings leaving no space for the other person to speak. Basically, I am saying everyone needs this reminder.

What are the signs that a conversation is not going well?

  • The other person continually glances away or aside. This often shows you have made someone uncomfortable. It is a good time to re-engage your companion. Ask a question. Ask them for their thoughts on the topic you were discussing.
  • Your coffee partner leans forward a few times but does not say anything. This indicates you are talking to much. Remember to stop and pause frequently to leave space for them to respond.
  • You are asking questions and receiving only yes or no answers followed by silence. In this case, switch to open-ended questions. “What did you enjoy about the conference,” rather than, “Did you enjoy the conference.” This provides opportunity for the other person to express their views and join in the conversation.
  • A few glances at their watch and a hurried excuse to end the meeting prior to the agreed upon end time indicates things might not be going great. In this case, make certain your follow up is centered on their needs, not your own.

When you see these tips in writing, it may seem too obvious to bother reading. However, through my years of coaching, clients have shown me no reminder is frivolous. Check your behavior. Prepare for meetings in advance so you have questions to ask. And, listen, listen, listen.

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You Are Right Where You Are Meant to Be: At Work?

©The MBT Blog published by MBT Mindful Business Today

My clients speak often about their purpose, and understanding the reason they worked in a certain position at a particular organization. Sometimes it is about the work, but most often it is about the people. Clients see their value at work in terms of interactions they have with their team and colleagues. What does that tell us about success and leadership?

Has this happened to you? Sometimes clients describe the work climate as a war zone and talk about PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) incurred as a result of the stress from a conflicted, dysfunctional job culture. They refer to colleagues as lifelines in these situations. “I saved my buddy a few times at that job, but we don’t talk about it. Now we are both in safe places.”

You can avoid, adapt to, and navigate a bad work culture and still be the leader you want to be.

A difficult, even traumatic, environment is not the legacy any leader wants to leave. However, when a person is in the midst of it, it is sometimes difficult to identify. After leaving extreme circumstances, clients understand their value more fully when they have the time and space for reflection. “Looking back, I realize I was there to help my team survive, and even thrive, during terrible circumstances,” they say.

What is my point? Should you cross your fingers and hope you do not land in a difficult environment? No. My point is this: You can avoid, adapt to, and navigate a bad work culture and still be the leader you want to be.

The question we deal with in coaching sessions, is “how?” The key is reflection. Creating a habit for reflection builds the strength, resilience, and safe environment a leader needs to give their best self to their team and colleagues.

Here are the steps to take:

  • First, know your values. What motivates you? What is important to you? What do you value?
  • Use that knowledge as a springboard to understand your raison d’etre – reason for being, your purpose in life and in work. What are your passionate about? What mark do you want to leave?
  • Evaluate often. If you create a habit of taking time to reflect on your situation, it is less likely to catch you by surprise. Many of my clients only discover the depth to which a work environment has affected their team and themselves after the symptoms show up physically. Lack of sleep, constant worry, health issues like high blood pressure and headaches, are just a few.
  • Act quickly. Once you recognize there is a detrimental atmosphere, create a strategy for how to move forward. This one is a bit complicated. Sometimes, not acting is the best solution. But if you experience great distress, burnout, or see your team experiencing the same, it is time to make a change.

To sum it up, spend time understanding yourself. Use that understanding to model positive, healthy behaviors for your team and colleagues. Be present in your environment to understand why you are exactly where you are meant to be.

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Network Better: Shift from Quantity to Quality Conversations

I noticed lately at networking events I spend more time with fewer individuals. This results in fewer contacts and, therefore, less follow up. But the depth of the conversations reveals more about the individuals, their business needs, and who they are as people. All of those things are better in the long run for me as a person and for my business. Is the change due to a difference in how I approach networking, the events I attend, or the individuals I meet?

Not long ago I attended a speed dating kind of networking event. You know the kind. A timer is set and you spend a max of ten minutes with someone until the bell rings and you switch to a new someone. This arrangement definitely helps people who struggle to get out of a conversation. The switch is mandatory. Problem solved.

Unless your conversation goes in the right direction that is. Then the quick turnover can be irritating and disruptive. I enjoy this kind of networking, but sometimes it leaves both participants hanging.

Did we remember where things ended so we can reach out and catch up? And what happens if the attendees have many great conversations? Is the follow up impacted?

I believe it makes follow up harder in the long run to meet many people in a short amount of time. I am a fan of the richer more leisurely conversations, of reaching back out to three people rather than ten, and of enjoying the networking.

So, what has changed? The question I posed above lingers.

Solution #1: I Changed My Approach. My focus on mindfulness definitely created an attitude change. Years of working on staying in the moment impacted the way I show up for networking. I am much more content to stay in a conversation than in the past. It is not a numbers game. It is a people game. Actually, it is not a game at all. It is life – work life and personal life.

Solution #2: The Events Changed. This is somewhat true. I still attend many of the gatherings I had in the past. However, I added some new ones. Upon reflection, I realized I now experience a like-minded concentration of business people focused on mindfulness. The atmosphere is more casual. The mood emanating from the group unfolds at a leisurely pace during these get-togethers. And, maybe most importantly, an agenda is not the center point.

Solution #3: People I Meet Changed. I believe this is absolutely true. It is not even just the kind of people that changed. I see changes in people generally. Maybe it is originating from the universe itself. Maybe this is a trend. In either case, I encounter a deeper interest in learning more about individuals at a social events than in the past. People exhibit real interest in each other’s lives than in the past.

Solution #4: A Bit of Everything. Maybe, like so much in life, the change is due to a little bit of everything. There are so many factors in a human encounter. They play off each other and mix around until something new emerges.

In any case, the change is good for business. Why not get to the second step of a prospective new client relationship during the first meeting? Such progress can only add to the depth of the relationship and the ease of moving it forward.

What is your experience? Let me know.

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Transforming Perspectives: Fun Ways to Shift Your Mindset

©The MBT Blog published by MBT Mindful Business Today

The other morning my adult niece told me, “There is protein in ice cream, you know. So, I ate some for breakfast. Protein for breakfast! Ice cream for breakfast!” Interesting perspective.

I remember the days when my son was young and occasionally we did silly things just for fun, like eating cake for breakfast. And, really, what are pancakes and syrup? The word “cake” is even in the name!

It made me think of changing perspectives. How we change them. Why we change them. And, why is a change in perspective important.

You know how it feels when you make a big decision or finish a big task? Sometimes, an invisible weight lifts, and you feel like you might skip for joy or fly with exhilaration. Wouldn’t it be great to find that relief in times when the decision or task is still looming? Wouldn’t it be wonderful if you knew some ways that helped you adjust your perspective? If you knew a method you could use to help you move forward decisively, with confidence?

One way to activate the energy to accomplish something is to change something. Recently, I moved a couch in my living room to a different wall. When I sat down at the end of the day, I was greatly surprised at how different everything in the room looked. I even felt different. My perspective changed. I felt a deeper appreciation for a piece of art hung in the room. I also swiftly removed one piece realizing it did not match the rest of the decor.

What are some ways to adjust your perspective on demand?

  • Put on some music you love and dance. Privately where no one can see you, if you are shy about it.
  • Sing to music you love, maybe even as loud as you can.
  • Watch a movie with subtitles about people in far away places.
  • Meditate.
  • Try a new kind of food.
  • Talk to a friend and colleague. Listen to their experiences.
  • Write stuff down in a journal. Notice any trends or patterns?

As I wrote last time in Prep To Make Your Life & Business Easier, give yourself a break. In fact, find intentional ways to give yourself ease and grace.

To delve more deeply into creating a strong mindset, enroll in one of our classes.

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Prep to Make Your Life & Business Easier

©The MBT Blog published by MBT Mindful Business Today

For Mardi Gras and Fat Tuesday this week, I wore my beads (and so did Snowy, one of my dogs) and celebrated. To accomplish the bead wearing first thing in the morning, I relied on an old hack I taught myself years ago – make things easy for yourself. That self-commitment showed up for me, and my very simple Mardi Gras prep made it easy for me to sparkle in purple, pink, green, and gold. How about you? Do you take a moment for yourself and find ways to make your life easier?

Here is one thing I do. I box things up at the end of each season, put them in the attic, and then retrieve them ahead of the next season. Hence, my Mardi Gras beads were boxed with the Valentine’s Day table runner and wreath. My bag of beads and special socks, the ones I bought in New Orleans last year, were handily tucked in a bright, glittery bag in the Valentine’s box. When decorating for Valentine’s Day, I placed the bag next to my dresser. On Tuesday morning, I grabbed the bag, retrieved the adornments, and was ready to snap a photo with my dog. Thank you, self, for being proactive!

The concept is simple. I bet many of you already do these things to make your life easier. Buy multiple corned beef briskets around St. Patrick’s Day and freeze them. Then you can enjoy a Reuben sandwich throughout the year whenever you have the craving. Leave notes in your calendar to remind you where you stashed the lawn mower batteries. Then, you have found and charged them in advance, so the moment “No Mow May” ends you are ready to trim. Create a list of all the things you need to do before hosting a gathering at your home for annual occasions. I also make notes on recipes to remember the changes I made to make the food extra delicious.

Yes! We can all be pretty good at getting ahead of ourselves to stay on track. But how do we translate that into our business life? Here are a few ideas:

  • When a conference you attend each year announces its dates for the following year, add it to your calendar immediately.
  • When a potential client indicates they are not yet ready for your services, put a note in your calendar (or CRM system, if you have one) to follow up in an appropriate amount of time.
  • I am very supportive of calendaring! Use your calendar to block out time to work on business strategies. This is especially useful when the need is many months in the future. It is too hard to create the entire strategy and plan in one week. Better to give yourself a head start.
  • Keep a “me” folder of the compliments and accomplishments you receive during the year. Then, you are ready to write your self-evaluation, lobby for a raise or promotion, or feel better after a day that did not go so well. You can take a moment to read through your folder.
  • If you have calendared time to work on developing business, add notes to the appointment to remind yourself how you can use that time.

How about you? How do you make your life easier?

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Cultivating a Hopeful Mindset: The Power of Self-Reflection

©The MBT Blog published by MBT Mindful Business Today

My niece and I recently watched the Michelle Obama documentary from 2020, “Becoming.” While watching, we both suddenly became silent and sad. Then, my niece said, “This is what we are missing now – hope.” Amidst the constant constantness of our world and continual stream of bad news, there is little talk of hope. Yet another reason to develop and maintain a strong mindset, a hopeful mindset.

As human beings, we look for the hope. At home each night, I cuddle with my dogs, cats, and husband – in that order. We seek out movies, television shows, and people who will bring us joy and make us laugh. At the same time, reality closes in around us.

Because you have the power to decide how to feel, how to react, how to show up in this world!

Let’s watch one of our favorite movies, “The Princess Bride” or “When Harry Met Sally.” Oh, that’s right, Rob Reiner and his wife were murdered. Okay. Let’s pick up some hamburger and have nachos for dinner. Oh, that’s right, at $6.99 per pound, we can’t afford hamburger. Veggie and black bean nachos sound good?

What do we do? What can we do? Look backward, forward, and sideways for the hope you seek. I am completely serious. Do not give up your quest for hope and happiness.

For me, the solution for finding hope and happiness is first to look inward. I build a strong, happy, and hopeful mindset first by writing down my thoughts. It is no secret I am offering journaling classes this month. I will continue to offer them throughout the year.

Why look inward? Why journaling? Why start with yourself? Because you have the power to decide how to feel, how to react, how to show up in this world! And the source of that power is a strong, hopeful, positive mindset.

Here is what journaling can do?

  • Trends emerge through journaling that illuminate how I respond to the world.
  • I discover both my negative reactions – those that are harmful to my mindset – and my positive reactions – those that help me achieve by noticing what I have written in my journal.
  • When I am down, my writings reveal happy times and past accomplishments. These memories replenish me.
  • The ritual of taking quiet time for myself to decompress is self-care.

Look inward for hope. Replenish yourself. Then share it with your community. And, if you need help doing that, join a journaling class or reach out to me at mary@mbtmorebusinesstodayllc.com. I am here to support you in your journey to mindful leadership.

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Finding Simple Solutions in Complex Times

©The MBT Blog published by MBT Mindful Business Today LLC

I’m thinking about more than pens this morning. Sometimes simpler is better. I was playing Word with Friends. I had the chance to play a really cool word, but would earn only 12 points. I also had the ability to play a totally lame word, za, and get 65 points. Today I chose the simple solution and reaped the benefits.

Then I pondered my daily life and those of my clients. The issues and obstacles we face at home and at work sometimes pile up. The more of them we experience, the more complicated they seem. We look for new solutions, thinking and thinking until our thinker turns blue. If only there was a new way to solve this puzzle.

Of course, often the answer is right in front of us. Sometimes it is a combination of tried and true methods known to generate good results. Sometimes an obvious resolution lies directly in front of us waiting patiently to be uncovered.

Sometimes the most elegant solution is the most obvious and the most accessible.

Some people are excellent at seeing simple solutions. My husband, Steve Thompson, is one of the best. He prides himself on being “basic.” To him this means his needs are basic – eat, drink, love, laugh, work, nap, repeat. He is a voracious reader of books, mostly science fiction or biographies, and watcher of movies of all kinds. He seldom talks about these hobbies except to bring them out when offering a simple fix to a problem the rest of us have spent an hour debating.

Do you have someone on your team like this? How great that is for you and your team! I am so glad Steve is on my team in life. He can cut through the clutter of the webs made by over thinking and drive directly to the heart of the obstacle. Usually, his solutions begin with, “Well, that person does not like mustard. Stop giving them mustard,” except, the mustard is something else equally as obvious.

People like Steve remind me to turn to the basics. Sometimes the most elegant solution is the most obvious. The answers begin with acknowledging what you know to be true about yourself, your business, your team, and your customers. We do not always need to invent the iPhone. Let’s find ways to improve it.

Start with a few simple questions and:

  1. Ask yourself.
  2. Ask your team.
  3. Ask your clients.

What answers might you find? What worked in the past? Do it again! What did the clients say they wanted more of? Do more of it! And what saps your energy yielding only small results? Stop doing that.

Remember to use your journal for solutions that appear when you are half asleep or exercising or driving – all those spaces you are in where your mind is free to breathe. If you form the habit to write down your thoughts, you have created another resource for yourself and your business when you are stuck.

Look for those simple solutions. It is okay to play the boring word and make 65 points sometimes. Just make sure you stop serving mustard to people who do not like it.

If you are interested in forming a habit of journaling, consider joining our Four Fridays in February group coaching class focused on it. Just e-mail mary@mbtmorebusinesstodayllc.com for more information.

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Make It Happen: Go All in on Journaling in 2026

©The MBT Blog published by MBT Mindful Business Today LLC

When I reflect on the challenges of 2025, I am grateful I learned how to journal earlier in life. My family suffered a tragedy at the end of 2024. During that awful time, I realized that somehow, miraculously?, I remained grounded in the face of terrible grief and trauma. How did that happen? It was the result of years of focus on learning how to manage my emotions, learning to identify my own needs, and relying on the simple act of writing things down.

In adapting my business now to the needs of my clients, I am changing the name of my company from MBT More Business Today to MBT Mindful Business Today. In fact, MBT will focus more strongly on mindfulness than ever before. The center of that focus is journaling.

My clients see the results of noting their thoughts and experiences, whether they are working on bringing in new business or becoming better leaders. There is power in the act of writing something down. It gives the words weight and permanence. It takes something abstract and makes it real. I uncovers trends and truths.

The alignment of mindset with values and purpose produces results. It keeps out the noise that disrupts our focus. It wrangles in negative self-talk. It helps us find the roots – internal and external – that derail our progress to our goals.

Simply put, a strong mindset clears the way for confident, decisive action. Then, the action creates pathways for pursuit of success. The final result is achievement of goals set.

For all of these reasons, I believe journaling to be a critical tool for cultivating a business mindset. Coupling the skill with coaching guides individuals through the process of using mindfulness in business.

If you wish to create a habit of journaling this year, join our group coaching classes Four Fridays in February. Email mary@mbtmorebusinesstodayllc.com for more information.

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Focus on Building A Strong Mindset in 2026

©The MBT Blog published by MBT More Business Today LLC

During these last few weeks of the year, we turn to introspection. I looked for the greatest lessons of 2025 and thought about how they impact 2026. The strength of mindset emerges as the most important skill needed to thrive in today’s workplace and world. As life pushes, pulls, elongates and changes at home and at work, clients rely on emotional intelligence skills to manage their reactions. 

What that means for me, The Mindful Business Coach, and my business is a company-wide focus on supporting clients to build mindfulness and resilience. I hear about the friction in the workplace. I listen to stories about a huge increase in client anxiety. I understand that the only thing we can control is ourselves. It is time to strengthen our internal emotional management skills to best thrive in the new year.

The photo shows me Behind the Mask I created when I participated in the event by the same name for NAWBO (National Association of Women Business Owners) in March. The discussion focused on what goes on behind the masks of women business owners. Along with a group of four brave women, I talked about the impact grief, the economy, and changes in the administration made on my business.

In tough times, I return to what I can control. I return to mindfulness, introspection, and self-management. My response to the obstacles clients are facing, is to offer programming that teaches and hones those skills.

Here are samples of what I will offer. Watch social media and future blog posts for more information.


  • **Four Fridays in February     – Journaling helps us work through issues and emotions by discovering the clues to our behavior. My clients want to journal but often struggle to make it a practice. Hint: it does not have to be perfect. The sentences do not even need to be complete. During these 45 minute group coaching classes, we will discuss journaling, learn specific prompts to try, and spend quiet time actually doing it. Group runs 11:30 until 12:15 p.m. Central Time Feb. 6, 13, 20 & 27. 

    **Mindful Management March – It is one thing to think and talk about how to best manage our emotions, and quite another thing to do it successfully while leading a team. These Group Coaching Sessions focus on creating self-management techniques to use in the moment. Each participant receives access to the TypeCoach Verifier (a $150 value), a group debrief on interpreting results, and four, one-hour group coaching sessions in March (session dates will be chosen based on availability of participants).

Watch for something new each month! Let’s capture self-control, resilience, and strong mindsets together in 2026!

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Show Gratitude: Remember Community on Giving Tuesday

©The MBT Blog published by MBT More Business Today LLC

What do you care about?

What do you value?

What impacts you?

It’s time to make a stand and support those things, people, and issues that are important to you. Tuesday is Giving Tuesday, the perfect opportunity to offer peace, understanding, and goodwill to your community.

A few years ago, I wrote a blog post about this: “Be Intentional: Bring Your Personal Drive to Your Professional Life,” Now, I continue to be moved by the stories my clients, colleagues, and acquaintance tell about their lives. There are personal struggles. Situations they see others navigating create empathy and the need to help.

There are so many sources of inspiration in the lived experiences they share. What is your story? Share it with someone. And if you are going through something now, please know that you supported.

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Boost Your Growth: Therapy Plus Coaching Benefits

©The MBT Blog published by MBT More Business Today LLC

Working with individual clients over the last few years, I noticed a shift to greater openness about mental health issues. Many of my clients talk about therapy and the specific issues they are working toward understanding and improving. Most of those subjects also show up through the various personality assessments I use when coaching.

Anxiety, managing stress, and codependent behaviors take the top three slots in the cross-over between what is discussed in therapy and what obstacles materialize in coaching. As a coach, I check in with clients to suggest they seek out a good therapist and to confirm they have already done so.

What is interesting to me now is the speed of improvement I see when clients openly work with both.

Therapy focuses on looking backward to the root of the obstacles a person faces. Coaching guides a person to move forward and focuses on improvements. In both cases, information, programs, books, and techniques are shared.

For example, after reading through the tips for improvement offered in a personality assessment report, a client remarked to me, “This is all about my anxiety. I am working on that with my therapist.” From that moment on, the techniques overlap.

Here are some examples:

  • For several clients of mine, the combination of support created a feeling of confidence to engage in conversations they had previously avoided. They tended to put themselves in the category of conflict averse individuals.
  • The power of saying “no” emerged for clients who were inclined to put the needs of others before themselves. With their therapist, they delved into their codependent behaviors. With me as their coach, we worked on building their mindset to affirm their rights to self-care, rather than tearing themselves down through negative self-talk.
  • In therapy and coaching, clients learned to recognize their triggers. I help people determine how to best prepare themselves for triggering situations by creating processes to follow. I saw the swiftness of improvement double when clients also worked with a therapist to find the root of those triggers.

In these and other areas, I have seen an improvement-squared result. Simply put, clients move forward more quickly with both types of support. How about you? Have you invested in yourself? What works for you?

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Rediscover the Joy of the Coffee Meeting

©The MBT Blog published by MBT More Business Today LLC

I love coffee. I love all kinds of coffee; fancy coffee drinks, straight up caffeine-filled coffee, a bit of café au lait in New Orleans, a pumpkin spice latte both hot and cold. The drink in the picture is a very special café tiramisu drink – no alcohol used but great use of a martini glass. Coffee is cozy and happy and comfortable for me. I also enjoy sitting down and talking with people. All kinds of people, some, I know this sounds crazy, who do not enjoy coffee still meet up with me for a sip – usually of tea or smoothie. It brings us closer together, helps us establish and expand relationships. It is like dating, but for business.

Coming off a solid few weeks of networking, I felt a faint aversion to coffee meetings begin to develop. These are the important next steps that must be taken to bring in new business. How can someone buy your services or refer business to you if they do not know, trust, and like you. The one-on-one meetings are essential. Yet, fatigue had set in. I needed to find a way to power through the thoughts in my head telling me to lie down with a warm blanket.

Once I arrived at the meetings though, I enjoyed the ritual as usual. It seemed the leaving-the-house part of things was weighing on me. They, whoever they are, say too much of anything is not good for you. Yet, how will I plant the seeds for future business if I sit at home? I need to be out there, right?

Then I reflected on the conversations coffee created in the past few weeks. I let myself feel the excitement of learning a new thing. I learn something from each person I meet. I wondered at the life experiences of my table companions – the part of their life experience they shared with me on that particular day. I marveled at the differences and the similarities we uncovered together. I loved each one of those meetings.

What’s old is new! The epiphany surfaced or re-surfaced. I do so like green eggs and ham, or, in this case, meeting and connecting over coffee.

“Yes, but how does all this caffeine intake impact your business?” you may ask. I may reply, in fact, I will reply, “greatly and for the better.” Looking back at my notes, I remembered the follow up I had yet to do. This is an important step, I remembered through my mocha haze: do the follow up!

Those connections have connections and agreed to connect me. In all cases, I also agreed to connect these new connections. The connections are sure to grow from here, leading to many more associations.

I am a bit jazzed up on coffee, so I best write these tips down more clearly for all of you who are reading this.

  1. Reflect on the meetings you had.
  2. What did you learn about the person you met?
  3. Look to your notes for information. What did you agree to do and what did they agree to do?
  4. Make a list or just dive right in, but DO THE FOLLOW UP!
  5. Especially make sure to make plans to reconnect and deepen the relationship.

And that, is how I rediscovered the joy of the coffee meeting.

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Surviving the Workplace: Rely on Your Source of Motivation

From the MBT Blog – published by MBT More Business Today LLC

I recently attended a webinar about “Surviving Today’s Workplace” and was surprised to hear the primary focus was on what to wear at work – at least during the first 20 minutes of a half hour webinar. What I hear consistently from clients about surviving the workplace right now contradicts the webinar’s advice – my clients are not wondering whether they are wearing the right shoes. Their concerns center on anxiety, exhaustion, uncertainty, and burnout.

Many people are feeling the grasp of overwhelming circumstances at work. It affects their concentration, productivity, mood, and health.

The root of those obstacles comes from the pressures of meeting company goals assigned to the individual and their team, managing a multi-generational team, employee retention, increased expectations, and, the state of our world right now with the intense level of change and uncertainty.

Many of my clients express, whether through words, actions or inaction, the drain this high level of stress inflicts upon them physically and emotionally. They are having a hard time finding the motivation they need to keep them active and productive at work. Then, their lack of productivity leads to additional stress placing them in an orbit of overload with no escape seeming to be near.

Many people are feeling the grasp of overwhelming circumstances at work. It affects their concentration, productivity, mood, and health. Through coaching, they discover the importance getting back to the basics of their motivation. Asking the question, “why do you do what you do?” is key to breaking out of the funky orbit holding them hostage.

For most people, the answer to the question above falls into four categories. They are motivated by: family and/or people, being responsible, achieving excellence, and solving the immediate problem in the moment. The situations around them make it difficult to satisfy their need for action leading to the responses listed above.

Family and/or People: Individuals in this category are motivated by helping and supporting people. They started their career to dedicate their time to the impact they can make on other people, including their families and members of their teams. When their job and work responsibilities keep them from achieving their purpose, they lose their motivation.

Being Responsible: Responsibilities surface from many places and people in this category are driven to fulfill all of them. Sometimes, they are the chief breadwinner in their family and are supporting multiple people with their paychecks. At work, they feel personally accountable for the successes or failures of their teams and businesses. Understanding this motivation and taking a look at the burdens an individual takes on, can be the key to breaking out of the orbit.

Achieving Excellence: What is more important than achieving a goal? Doing it perfectly, in the best way, and with the highest level of success. These individuals are often so confined to their vision of excellence, they are unable to see the victories in a job well done. Frustration and anxiety will surface for them when the rate at which they are expected to execute leaves no time for impeccable thoughts and planning.

Solving the Immediate Problem in the Moment: Have you ever wished you had the scissors to cut through the red tape in your organization? Red tape, delays, and lack of autonomy are nightmares to this group of individuals. They simply want to go to work, do the job, solve the issues, and move on to the next challenge.

Which of the motivations listed above resonated with you? Give yourself the gift of time today to pause and regain your understanding of what motivates you? And remember to take on that orbit of tasks and obstacles surrounding you one situation at a time. Rather than being stuck in an unrelenting titanium orbit, break through softly by finding control over your work, day, and mood.

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Mastering Goal Setting to Combat Opportunity Overload

From the MBT Blog – published by MBT More Business Today LLC

Yikes! I innocently walked into the grocery store recently and quickly became surrounded by pumpkin spice options. Ground coffee, cold foam, pods of coffee, creamer, and so on. I barely escaped – with a few items, that is. Then, I opened my e-mail and social media to a bombardment of events, seminars, networking options, coffees meetups, and conferences. How do I whittle through all of that and stay productive?

For many of my clients, the overwhelm is real. For most people, a bit of success in business or career often leads to a barrage of invitations to do more. Successful people get that way by being committed to the endeavors they pursue. The world knows this well and will intrude on their daily life distracting them from their plan and vision.

“Coaching works first because I have a goal. When I am overwhelmed by too many options, the coach steers me back toward my goal and keeps me on track. The second reason is the coach holds me accountable during the recurring appointments.” MBT Attorney Clients

By managing boundaries and setting clear goals for yourself, you can learn to respond the way you want to respond when asked to sit on a board, lead a group, attend an event or organize a business event. Why not just say “no?”

Reasons for saying “yes.”
Clients I work with are up-and-comers who are committed to their self-improvement. They are at the stage in their career where their work and dedication are being noticed by colleagues in their organization, business people in their industry, and leaders in their communities. The expectations grow as fast as the careers. Here are some of the reasons I hear for not saying “no.”
– I don’t want to say “no” to my boss or I don’t know how to refuse my boss.
– I don’t know what I want, so I will just grab this opportunity, and that one, too.
– I don’t like conflict and will do anything to avoid it.
– I am afraid if I reject this opportunity, I will not receive any others.

My clients are right, it is no better to refuse every opportunity than it is to accept everything that is offered. After years of coaching attorneys as they grew in stature as rainmakers and leaders, I asked the question, “Why does coaching work for you?” They answered, “Coaching works first, because I have a goal. When I am overwhelmed by too many options, the coach steers me back toward my goal and keeps me on track. The second reason is the coach holds me accountable during the recurring appointments.”

There it is, the answer for taking control of your career and combating the overwhelm. Goal setting, creating and holding boundaries, and turning back to your goal when the options begin to multiply. And, pulling out the plan to revisit your progress and make sure your course of action aligns with it. By doing this, you remind yourself of the plans you made for your life. It becomes easier to say “no” because there is substance behind it. It also creates more enthusiasm to jumping into an opportunity because it aligns with your strategy.

For example:

  • “Thank you for asking me to serve on your board. My time is taken up with a number of other activities. Tell me about the criteria for people on your board, and I will see if there is someone I can recommend to you.”
  • Thank you for this opportunity. I am fully committed to your cause and feel this is the right place for me to support you.”
  • “Thank you for the opportunity to take on this administrative role at the firm. I am honored you are thinking about me. However, right now, I am focused on building my business skills.”
  • “Thank you for offering me the opportunity to lead this group at the firm! I am excited for the opportunity to grow here.”

How is this article impacting you? What career goals do you have? Have you written a plan for yourself? Do you know where you are headed? Do you have a vision for your future? Coaching supports you at the beginning, end, and that pesky middle part, of success.

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Building Trust by Sharing Business Connections

From the MBT Blog – published by MBT More Business Today LLC

The old business saying, “People buy from people they know, like, and trust,” coined by Bob Burg in his book Endless Referrals, provides a simple road map for building your business. Broken down, it suggests building relationships and trust with those in your network.

You attended those three networking events this month. You met a few people at each event who might need your services. You searched them out on LinkedIn and sent invitations to them. They accepted. Now what?

That middle part, after the first meeting and before closing the sale, often gets in the way of a bringing in a perfect new client. You cannot get to the last part without going through, and engaging with, the middle part. The first, and usually the second, meeting seldom make the phone ring. The truth is, you have to work to build that relationship.

It sounds simple, right? Just follow up. The question is who, what, when, and all the how’s; how often, how come, how to. That pesky middle part causes anxiety again.

Each time I attend a networking event, I marvel at the connections that exist between people just waiting to be discovered. Each one of us has knowledge that helps someone else address a question or obstacle they are experiencing. This is the power of people used for the betterment of the community

One way to develop relationships, instill trust, and remain top of mind is to tap into that people power and become a connector. A connector is a person who maintains a large network, understands the special skill sets of those in their network, and easily connects two people who need each other to solve a problem. Connectors do not personally create the solution to the issue. They guide their pals to other pals who have the solutions.

Connectors know how to listen. They ask questions to make sure they best understand the needs of those with whom they interact. Then they store that information away for future retrieval. Where do they store it? In their heads, in a spreadsheet, and sometimes, on the back of business cards.

Being a connector also gives you automatic reasons to follow up and expand the relationship. First, you follow up by making the introduction. Then, the connection gives you a reason to check in on both parties to see how things are going. Finally, it opens the door for you to talk about the connections you need to make to move your business forward.

A Few Things to Remember:

  • Check your mindset. Make sure you open your mind to positive outcomes each day. Turn a thought like, “I never meet the right people,” into something positive and more truthful like, “I need to look for the unique skills of the people I meet.”
  • Time is never wasted. My clients will sometimes remark that they did not, “…meet anyone who will give me work,” at an event or conference. Maybe, but who do those people know? What needs do they have? Are there connections you have not explored?
  • Be disciplined. Treat the time you spend following up the same way you treat the time you spend working. It is important and vital to your success. Schedule the time on your calendar and commit to holding that space for your relationship development.
  • Create and enforce boundaries. It feels good to be a connector and help people solve their problems. Remember not to forget your own goals. Set boundaries for yourself in the form of time commitments, such as, “I will make introductions for others 30 minutes each week.” Also, remember to ask for what you need. Do not forget yourself while you are helping others.

Connectors create win/win situations everyday. Why not be one of them?

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Navigating Business Support: Grace and Authenticity

From the MBT Blog – published by MBT More Business Today LLC

I recently danced in bliss and abandon at a 1970s themed garden party during an event celebrating the 50th Anniversary of NAWBO (National Association for Women Business Owners). The next day, as I spoke with a friend and #womanbusinessowner, she remarked on the beautiful feeling of #acceptance, #belonging, and #support she felt while we all danced together. She used the word #authentic to describe the support shared by the diverse mixture of women at the event.

Looking at the photo of myself dancing raises the question for me, how do we show up for each other in our #businesslives?

Most women, me included, have experienced the opposite of this atmosphere at work. We have been victims of women colleagues who refuse to offer a hand up to others in our company. Some situations included actual #sabotage to make an up-and-comer slip a few notches on the ladder. Often the actions are about #power, finding it and keeping it. I hear about it when I am coaching clients. I also hear about it from minority groups. It’s as if a person who has risen despite the odds, someone who often is the only one of their group, believes there can be only one in such an elevated position, and it must be them. They fear losing status.

Do the best you can until you know better.
Then, when you know better, do better.

Maya Angelou

If we reflected on this concept truthfully, most of us will admit we have been in both spaces. The non-supportive colleague AND the supportive person. Were we mean spirited at work? Were we tired of all the great things the latest “golden child” was accomplishing? Were we afraid our accomplishments would be forgotten? Did we feel like we were suddenly not enough? And, were WE the golden child receiving the attention while feeling the cold shoulder of other women colleagues? Were WE the ones being added to an agenda to present on a subject without being notified in advance? How did we react?

Whatever the reasons and experiences, we need to offer grace to ourselves for times when we were less than supportive of a colleague. And, offer grace to the colleague who was less than supportive of us. As Maya Angelou wrote, “Do the best you can until you know better. Then, when you know better, do better.”

One worry I hear is that by supporting one person or one group of people, the perception will be my client is against another person or group of people. Clients also worry that a lack of public support for people who are similar to them engenders the idea that they are against their own people.

How do you know how to act? Business culture and politics are often complex. Sometimes fear of losing out causes us to go along, or worse, limit the opportunities of others. How can you manage your work life so your actions fit in with the person you want to be? These questions can only be answered by examining your values.

How do you dig into your values? How do you bring mindfulness to the forefront at work when reacting in the moment? Here are some ideas.
1. Start by asking yourself, “Who am I and who do I want to be?” While you answer, consider the adjectives you would like to use describing yourself. Fair? Successful? Loyal? Thoughtful? Smart? Productive? And the nouns, too. Ally? Leader? Collaborator? Mentor?
2. Now ask yourself, “What motivates me?” Answers could include: my family, status, taking care of people, financial success, my faith.
3. Now, think of two real work situations you encountered: after one, you felt unsettled or unhappy by the way you reacted. In the other, you were proud of your actions. What would you do differently in each circumstance?
Here are two examples:
1. You are part of a meeting and the discussion veers toward a female colleague. Those in the room are commenting on this person’s looks or mannerisms in an unflattering way. Everyone is laughing. You chuckle and look down at the table.
2. All the facts noted in #1 are the same, except you do not laugh. You say, “Come on everyone, let’s move on from this personal talk.” In reaction, the group stops talking. After a few moments of silence, the leader directs the group back to the agenda.

Now ask yourself how much you care about what other people think of you? The truth is, unless you have directly asked the question, “What do you think of me?” and received an answer, you do not know. So, why waste the time wondering?

Focusing on the knowns at work, the direct feedback you have received, frees you from wondering what others are thinking. It opens the door to behaving in a way that aligns with your values. It gives you the opportunity to realize you can support other women without turning your back on male colleagues.

And, I believe you can be for someone without being against someone else. What do you think? How do you show up? Does it align with your values? What can you learn? How can you do better? I believe there is enough goodness in life for everyone to enjoy. How about you?

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Knowing Your Part in Business: What Your Younger Self Could Tell You

From the MBT Blog – published by MBT More Business Today LLC

When I was a kid, my family gathered around the dining room table on weekends, put some music on the Hi-Fi and played cards, most frequently Pinochle. As the youngest of six children, I seldom joined in the game. I was too little and inexperienced. Truthfully, my interests centered around the music that was supposed to provide a background for the game. For me, the music was everything.

Those times illustrated with great clarity the path I would choose in my life. I wish I had recognized it sooner. My younger self held the wisdom of my future in her hands. I acted instinctively sometimes toward my best path, but often I failed to listen.

I come from a musical family. While we played cards, we sang along to the music, each choosing a separate harmony to sing. My parents envisioned themselves as extremely hip allowing my older brothers and sisters to supply the modern music of the time – Joni Mitchell, Simon & Garfunkel, Bread, Cat Stevens and the Beatles. However, the White Album was quickly banished as soon as “Why Don’t We Do It in the Road” came blaring out of the speaker.

How the four players in each game found the mental room necessary to think in the midst of the shear volume of the music and so many singers crouched around them is a mystery to me. My mother actually displayed the gift of counting cards, knowing exactly what was left in each person’s hand, while humming and chair-dancing when her favorite songs were on – “I Dig Rock and Roll” by Peter, Paul and Mary in particular.

I created a fringe role for myself at these times listening to all of the other harmonies, the established ones, around me and inventing new ones. I moved around the table quietly stepping into the small groups created by our bunched up chairs and sang notes I grabbed from the sky or inside my head. I am sure some of them were off-key as evidenced by mother’s or brother’s quick shake of the head and wince of the eye. Somehow, at the young age of 11, 12, and 13, the clinkers failed to stop me. I charged forward each weekend, praying on Thursday night for a card game or two that Saturday. Those evenings were the center of my joy.

Inevitably, a memory from childhood pops up. The client will say, “When I was a child, I used to … Why don’t I do that now?”

Now, as I work with individuals and teams supporting them and giving them the tools to find success, I think about myself back then. I knew then who I was and had claimed my role – the outsider lobbing something new into the established group, the way-shower lighting the path for a previously hidden interlude, the experimenter willing to get messy during the search.

I see now how I incorporate that skill set into coaching. I enjoy bringing together ideas, lessons, and tools to guide a client toward their destiny. With each coaching engagement I help my clients identify obstacles keeping them from succeeding in the ways they want to succeed. Inevitably, a memory from childhood pops up. The client will say, “When I was a child, I used to … Why don’t I do that now?” Indeed, what would the younger you tell you about yourself if you chose to listen?

I find the paths we take throughout life fascinating. How did my client’s personality show up in childhood? What were the defining moments pushing one person to be a lawyer and another an entrepreneur? And, how much of themselves were lost along the way?

Sometimes as we age, we lean in to the “you shoulds” others dictate to us. Taking a supporting role seems unappealing or even unworthy. Our minds get mixed up with what we are supposed to want versus what we really need. Suddenly, we are lost. We are unsure how to move forward. We get stuck.

Many clients express the need to be authentic in creating relationships at work as leaders or in developing business. I have written about it here often, because it is such a strong and repeated need. The first step in that process is to identify who they are. Once that is clear, moving forward becomes easier.

Why not ask yourself? What role would you take if you thought about the strengths you exhibited as a kid. If you were in a band or orchestra, would you play the music, conduct the music, or manage the group’s schedule? If you are a business leader, do you crunch the numbers, execute the strategy, or create the strategy? Are you in the right role? How do you harmonize with your colleagues?

There are so many roles you can play, are you in the right one? Give coaching a try. Reach out to me for a free consultation using this link. Let’s find your joyful place!

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Owen and the Fourth

A Special Post From the MBT Blog – published by MBT More Business Today LLC

When I think about the 4th of July, I think about my son Owen and remember a day at Hoyt Pool in Wauwatosa. A perfectly warm day with few clouds in the blue sky, the newly opened pool offered a beautiful, fun escape. In addition to a splash area for younger kids, it had a big, colorful slide for the entertainment of older kids.

Owen has a disability that affects his arms and legs. My son, however, gravitates toward mastering the things that other people believe he cannot do. So, of course, he figured out a way to swim using his strong thighs to kick his legs. He practiced holding his breath, planning to achieve a world record.

“Mom, mom, count how long I am under the water. I bet I can do three minutes. Ready? Go!” he would say too quickly for me to be ready and count. He loved the water. It gave him the freedom of movement he could not replicate on dry land. I picture him now wearing his swim goggles and staring at me intensely, hopping on the foot of his one straight leg while he readied himself for a plunge under the water.

Sometimes, he would hook his ankles onto the side of the pool and submerge himself backwards. Those times, he stayed under the longest. Just when I began to panic a bit that he was under too long, he popped up with a laugh. He delighted in seeing the panic in my face. “Mom, mom! I know what I’m doing,” he would say with a laugh and happily swim away.

I am not a great swimmer. I do not like being in water over my head. My sweet son tried to coax me out of my fear each time we visited our beautiful pool. “Come on, mom. You can swim. Go in the deep water with me.”

I ventured forth into the deep – for me, that is anything over 4’ 10”. Quickly, I skittered back to my comfort zone at the edge of the pool where I would get a bit of exercise by holding on and kicking.

On this festive 4th of July, a lifeguard told us Owen must pass a swimming test before playing in the deep end again. I held my breath, waiting for Owen’s response. Ever the worrier, I feared he would refuse, or worse, fail the test. I could see him refusing to go to the pool in the future if he failed. He loved the water so completely, I feared he would cut himself off from the great joy of the big pool.

“Okay!” Owen said. “What do I have to do?” The rules stated he had to swim out to the deep and come back without touching the bottom. It seemed a huge distance to me. I do not remember the specifics.

I asked the lifeguard how many times he would have to do this. What if the lifeguards changed shifts? The kids receive a password once they pass, he told me. I nodded at hearing that. We had heard kids shouting random words at the lifeguards before: Inner tube., friend, truck, and so on.

It was time for Owen to take the swimming test. He took a deep breath, plunged himself under the water, and quickly swam straight across, into the deep, past the other kids watching him in awe, straight to the next set of ropes. Then, he hovered for a second, treading water, and swam back.

No arms! He never used his arms, because they have no muscles in them. I explained that to the lifeguard. I taught him how to say Arthrogryposis Multiplex Congenita that day. He repeated after me, “aar·throw·gri·pow·suhs muhl·tee·pleks kuhn·jeh·nuh·tuh.

Owen arrived at the pool wall and looked up at the lifeguard.

“Well?”

“You passed!” he said giving a big, tanned thumbs up.

“What’s my word?” Owen said laughing with delight.

“Independence,” the lifeguard said.

A day of triumph for my amazing son who spent the entire day shouting, “Independence” at the amazed lifeguards.

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Imagine the Best Picture of You

From the MBT Blog – published by MBT More Business Today LLC

When my photographer revealed the images of me after our photo session, I was awestruck. I have always been camera shy even though my mother used to say I was photogenic. So, I hesitated more than a little when investing in a professional photo. This photo session was magic. I though, “this is how I want to look. This is the image I want to project. And, this is really me.”

An exercise I use during coaching sessions asks the client to list words. The words should indicate how they believe others would describe them as leaders. Then, they list the aspirational words, the words they would love people to use when talking about their leadership. The exercise is about perception and self-image.

Sometimes, the first list of descriptors comes through reviews and feedback from supervisors, managers and colleagues. Participation in a 360 review process generally gives a leader specific input and is a good source in development of the list. However they emerge, observations from others bring surprises – some very helpful and appreciated, some causing doubt.

Looking at the gap, the difference between what others believe and what you want to project, creates a great opportunity for growth.

Mary Balistreri, The Mindful business coach
A woman with curly hair wearing red glasses and a red blazer smiling at the camera against a neutral background.

For myself, I know I want to project a confident engaging, knowledgeable business woman. And, the feedback I receive surprises me. I hear, “Fun. Your web site does not show how much fun you are.” Or, one that does not exactly produce excitement in me, “The rock. You are so dependable.” My reaction to dependable is “boring.” But, that feedback ultimately made me happy that clients and colleagues depend on me. It also made me realize I want to be exciting. Hence the red in this image, my favorite picture of me.

This picture makes me laugh when I see it. I remember my negativity about getting a good photo. I remember my nervousness which the photographer remedied by playing great dance music. I love to dance and it set me at ease. It makes me smile remembering the compliments I still receive about this photo even though it has been out there in social media land for three years. It makes me happy.

My aspirational list contains many more words than those mentioned above. Yet, when I am having one of those days, you know the kind, when a potential client says “yes” to everything except signing the contract. The days when your e-mail is full only of other people trying to sell you things. The quiet days when the phone does not ring. Those are the times I need to dig into my own self-talk. 

Mindset affects the way you feel. The first step to taking control of your life, career, image – you name it – is to control your own thoughts and attitudes. For me when I am in a negative place, sometimes I tell myself, “Look for the things that are going right.” Another mantra for me is, “Everything you need is around you. Just focus and you will see it.” Or, I look at this picture. This photo continually snaps me out of negative reverie into the beauty of the day.

How about you? Is there an image of you that you believe shows the best you? Can you visualize what that image might be? And, which words are on your lists? Take a moment, and pen and paper, to think about it. And if you want help, send me an email or make an appointment. It will brighten my mood on one of “those” days and begin your investment in controlling your own image.

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Boost Your Confidence: Speak Up at Work

From the MBT Blog – published by MBT More Business Today LLC

This week, I participate in Advocacy Days in Washington, D.C. with NAWBO (National Association of Women Business Owners). As a member of this supportive group of entrepreneurs, I relish the idea of combining our voices to stand up for women and small business owners in our country. I did not always possess the ability to speak up for myself or anyone. I was taught to keep my head down and work hard.

My clients, and me and people everywhere, seem to want the same thing – to be heard. Being heard and understood leads to feelings of belonging. A sense of belonging leads to confidence in your environment. That confidence can lead to trust. And, trust leads to honesty, collaboration, productivity, and satisfaction.

Many of my clients express the need to speak more confidently at work and to be heard. Through coaching, some learn to stand up for themselves and their staff. It is a key element in becoming a better leader. 

Has anyone every told you, “Well, if you do not tell me, how am I supposed to know what you want?” The statement is true.

Yet, what is a person supposed to do? How do you start? What do you say? It is more complicated than just being told to speak up. Like most things in life, learning to use your voice can be made into a process. Start small, then let yourself grow.

A Process. Also like most things, a one-size-fits-all process may not work for every size. Each person is different. Each person’s obstacles that keep them from speaking up are individual to them. Each business environment has its own culture. So, take the suggestions here and adopt them for your needs and environment.

  • Start by finding your voice. What is important to you?
    Take some time to think about what is most important to you. Think about what you value most. Make a list.
  • Look for patterns.
    Are there certain behaviors that bother you? Do others take advantage of you? Have you established boundaries? In which situations do you wish you had voiced your opinion? Make a list. Do you see a pattern? It is probable you have experienced the same kinds of situations during your life in multiple areas – at home, at your current job, and at a previous job. Narrow in on the causes.
  • What keeps you from voicing your thoughts?
    Many of my clients dislike conflict. Voicing an opinion creates the possibility that someone will disagree with you. If this sounds like you, think about the word “no” and how it feels to hear it. How does it feel to say “no?” Disagreements can be resolved through talking. Think about what happens if your hear “no” and what happens if you hear “yes.” Those are the two extremes. Most responses will be somewhere in the middle.
  • Give it a try.
    Plan ahead to voice your opinion and practice what you might say. “I understand your idea, and here are my thoughts.” or “I know you are busy, but I cannot take on another project right now. Let’s talk about who is more available.” Take a deep breath and try it out. Notice what happens. How did it feel? Try it again. Remember to align your need to speak up with your values.
  • Keep growing.
    Practice until it becomes a comfortable habit.

If you exercise your vocal chords, your voice will become stronger. The more often you stand up for yourself and others, and the more toned your muscles will become. Keep at it. Maybe you will join me at Advocacy Days next year.

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Pause for Follow Up

From the MBT Blog – published by MBT More Business Today LLC

April and May bring huge amounts of activity – both for business and leisure. After numerous weeks of running from one thing to the next, I am catching my breath and looking for the opportunities brought from all those pursuits. What will come from the seeds I have planted this spring?

At one point in the last few weeks, I alternated between four conference name badges and multiple name tags for various events. While in the midst of the activity, my mind drifted toward the reasons for this busyness. “Is this where I want to be right now?” I asked myself multiple times. Most of the time, the answer was “yes.”

During free moments, I sat down with my calendar to look for items to drop. A session from one conference might be too close to the networking lunch. So, I gave myself permission to drop that session. For each activity, I planned ahead to understand my goal for my participation. Then, I refined my focus as days evolved.

Focusing on my goals helped me get the most out of the events and made me pause to reconsider. At the end of it all, I know that reflecting on opportunities and following up with individuals and the plans suggested are the keys to success.

So, today while I am in the midst of my own thinking and following up, I thought to offer some tips for you. There are a number of ways to reflect back on a time of vigorous activity. One thing is certain, time must be set aside to think. A process is outlined below.

  1. Calendar a time to pause and reflect. Why calendaring? Because adding something to your calendar makes it real. Otherwise “take time to pause and reflect” is just an idea. By making specific space and time for reflection, you make a commitment with yourself.
  2. Use business cards and social accounts to help you reflect. Once comfortable and relaxed, use tools to help you remember. Gather business cards you picked up along the way. Look at LinkedIn and other business social networks to view your new connections. Pull out notes you might have taken. I make notes in my phone sometimes to remind me who to contact again and why, to write down an idea I may have formed about how to use information I collected, or to suggest which of my contacts could benefit from the information I learned.
  3. Evaluate the opportunities. First, decide what categories of follow up are important to your goals. You could be looking for new clients, shopping for a mentor, looking for a group of people with similar interests, or searching for future team members. After you determine the categories, choose the type of follow up that is appropriate for the circumstance. For example, for some new contacts you may want to set up a coffee, lunch or a virtual meeting. For some you are interested in connecting, but feel no urgency. Some may benefit from the materials you picked up at a conference.
  4. Do the follow up. Rule of thumb is to follow up as soon after you met someone as possible. This might not always be feasible, plan to reach out in some way within two weeks of the interaction. The important thing is to execute on the follow up. Then continue to find way to keep in touch with the contacts which present the best opportunities.

Make sure to spend the time to look for opportunities and follow up on the contacts you make. Then at the end of the year when you are looking back at your accomplishments, you are much more likely to be happy with yourself.

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Looking Back: What Have You Learned?

From the MBT Blog – published by MBT More Business Today LLC

In a few months, it will be the 30th anniversary of the launch of my first business. Well, I put on shows for the neighborhood and sold tickets as a kid, but I am not counting that bit of entrepreneurship. I refer to the musical theatre-in-the-round business that began with so much excitement in 1995. Right about now, at the end of a cold winter 30 years ago, I decided to take the leap. I said “yes” to my new business partner with all of the hopes and dreams anyone conjures at the start of an adventure.

I left the business after five years and started a job in the corporate world because my husband was ill and we needed real health insurance. Ten years ago, I still raged a bit inside at my stupidity (now I would say naivete) regarding that business. Twenty years ago, I raged a bit more at my previous business partner than at myself. Even then I acknowledged it was my idiocy (now I would say ignorance) that let my guard down back then.

With this anniversary coming up, I am reminding myself of the lessons that experience taught me. Jump in, read along, and consider sharing your experiences with someone this week. Whether your “learning opportunities” came from failed business ventures or leadership issues in a former job, they undoubtedly taught you some valuable lessons.

Nothing Replaces Experience
I jumped into my situation with no experience running a business. The only business classes I had taken in college were Business Writing 101, Communications (not sure of the number, but it was a higher level class), and Statistics. I knew plenty about singing, writing, art, movies, and reporting. However, the art history, literature, and movie criticism classes fell short of preparing me to manage a business.

As a newspaper reporter for ten years, I had developed skills in one area, public relations, that proved valuable to promoting the theatre. I understood how to get your item into the newspaper by pitching a story with a good hook. I knew what made a good story. I also knew many of the local reporters and could address the pitch to a specific person rather than info@soandsonews. Actually, back then I reached out directly by phone most of the time. Most importantly, I had learned how to interview people, ask questions, and listen well. That skill is needed in business and everyday life, well, every day.

I did not know the big stuff. Questions like – what were the terms of the lease for the space we rented, who do we consult if an actor accuses other actors of sexual misconduct while on stage, what happens when you never get a quorum at your board meeting? – I left to my business partner. He ran a business before and it seemed to be quite successful. Big mistake!

Lesson #1: Understand the experience you bring to the table and that of your partner(s). Then, determine how to fill in the holes for the skills you are missing like legal, human resources, insurance, etc. This concept also applies to those leading a team. As you build your team, consider the balance of knowledge. Ask yourself, “What are we missing?”

Look Before You Leap
The third delivery of wood had arrived at our basement theatre location before I realized my business partner expected us to completely remodel the space and pay for it ourselves. Big Surprise! “So, that is why he asked me how much disposable income I had after I paid off my car,” I suddenly realized.

In addition to the wood and a carpenter he had hired to remodel, expenses quickly piled up. Costumes, lights, a lighting board, a piano, the rights to all of the shows we planned to perform. The list goes on, but you get my drift. I worked a number of jobs at that time freelancing for various newspapers. My days generally began at 6 a.m. and ended at 8 p.m. I thought the theatre company was a small thing, something to do on the weekends. I thought our “season” for the first year consisted of two shows. I thought we were putting a toe in the water. I thought the theatre would be an amusing and fun hobby. My partner planned a six-show show season. We were rehearsing one show while another one was up and running for a full five years.

Lesson #2 Make sure you have a contract. Friends quickly become enemies when money and disagreement enter the relationship. My business partner’s vision did not align with mine. I thought we had talked it out. He thought we had talked it out. Neither of us had heard the other, obviously. I wish I had sat down with my colleague and written out our plan for that first year. I also wish I had talked to a lawyer about the endeavor.

This lesson applies to leaders within an organization, too. Make sure everyone is on the same page at the start of a project. Each must understand their role and know the expectations.

Understand your “why.”
I agreed to start that business for a plethora of reasons, but the major reason was because I was bored. And, I had just turned 30. I wanted to do something interesting. So, the sixth or seventh time my business partner asked me to join him as the general manager of the theatre, I said, “Yes. Why not?”

Now, his list of reasons for starting the business was quite long and compelling. He dreamed about it since he was a kid in the choir at the Metropolitan Opera in New York City. He knew every single show he wanted to stage.

Additionally, he felt the city (Milwaukee) needed another children’s theatre with lower-priced tickets. Giving children in our community the opportunity to see live musical theatre was also important to me. Here was the primary uniting vision. This purpose drove us to marginal success for five years.

Lesson #3: Grab a journal and write down all they “why’s” and “why nots” of a new venture before making a commitment to it. What expectations do you have? What results indicate you succeeded? Is this the right time for you?

If I had focused on the self-awareness, I would not have blamed my business partner for the woes of the business problems. And, I would now have a better sense of what I achieved at that time of my life.

Looking back, I feel nostalgia for those times. I learned so much about running a business. I learned how to work with an accountant, keep track of the books, hire people, fire people, and how to keep my cool during a wardrobe malfunction onstage.

What memories do you have of past business ventures? Please share the lessons you learned.

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Change: How Will Life Be Different?

From the MBT Blog – published by MBT More Business Today LLC

How will things be different? This is a standard coaching question. Once you achieve your goal, how will things change? Paint me a picture of your future life. The question helps the client gain clarity around why they want to make changes. What impact will the changes make on your life – your private life, your work life – on you?

Yet, many people find it difficult to see through the clouds. Sometimes I hear this response from a client, “I’m not really the kind of person who enjoys visualization exercises. I concentrate on what is in front of me.”

If this is you, you are not alone. Some people generate ideas easily. Some people are labeled visionaries. Some people look to facts to paint pictures. And, as clients have told me, some people work on the task directly in front of them.

The answer to this one question tells a coach how to proceed with coaching the individual. This one question evokes strong emotion for some. For some, it can lead to a discussion of recent life events that make thinking, much less dreaming, hard to do. If a client is part of that collective of people, how do we proceed?

I will share a personal story. Several months ago when life bloomed inside me and around me, I embarked on the task of drawing a picture for myself of the life I most loved to have. I wrote down the concrete results, yet could not visualize the parts of life that bring color – my reds and oranges were absent from my vision. This brought confusion to me. In my most relaxed state in a decade, why could I not see the colors, mood, and breeziness of the life I dreamed?

As part of a group discussion, I raised these concerns. A woman who participated in the virtual call, whom had only met me a few times, filled in the blanks for me. I was astounded. How could she know me better than I did? She easily put herself in my stylish, red and brown oxfords. She conjured my billowing red blouse and linen pants. She walked beside me down a crowded street in New York City. She saw my future life when I failed to see it.

I realized, but not until today, that sometimes we need others to dream for us. Others may look inside us and see the beauty and happiness waiting to be released.

Today, when I returned to that exercise and asked, “What do I want my life to look like?” I was greeted not only with red and orange, but brilliant blues and greens. My daily actions and non-actions drew the picture closer to me. They colored in the picture I had only outlined for myself.

My epiphany: I am 60% closer to having the life I would love the most.

How did it happen? I concentrated on the concrete. I worked on what was in front of me every, single day. I kept moving forward. I took breaks when I needed. I failed. I stopped. I started again. Then I went back and checked on that dream. It was materializing at its own pace, in its own time.

The answer then to the question, “how do we proceed” is through other people. Other people may become sounding boards for us. Find someone to color in your dream for you. Admit when you are stuck. Ask for input. And, maybe, find a good coach.

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Grief and Business: They Go Together

From the MBT Blog – published by MBT More Business Today LLC

A few weeks ago, I participated in a panel discussion called “Behind the Mask: Stories of Courage, Growth and Strength.” My story over the last few years focused on continuing, moving myself and my business forward while dealing with grief. I continued to work on my business while making space to grieve. Wherever it shows itself in life, loss demands acknowledgement.

Twenty-five years ago, I walked away from my musical theater business because my husband had a stroke. I did not realize until 2023 how much grief I carried from that experience. How did I notice it so many years later? After my sister passed away in February 2023, I stopped and gave myself time to grieve. As my mind began to calm and quiet, I found there were many losses in my life begging to be acknowledged. “Let me out!” they yelled at me. They had probably been yelling for years, but their voices drowned in all the activity with which I filled my waking hours.

If I kept things moving, I could run from the pain, sadness, embarrassment and shame equated with loss. And, while I was working hard, playing hard, and pushing myself, I deprived myself of peace: of mind, of spirit, of thoughts.

Looking back through the lens of present-day, I understand more clearly the feelings I had back then. Crying because circumstance dictated I leave my business? How petty? How shallow when compared to the recovery my husband was going through. That is the source of the shame, in addition to feeling I had failed. I belittled my pain at that time yet carried it with me.

When we push our emotions down and ignore or minimize them, they find ways to break through the surface in bursts. I know I erupted from time to time. The point of this blog is simple: give yourself the space to feel the grief. In my last blog, Behind the Mask: How We Keep Afloat Through Tough Times, I give tips on how to make that space for grieving.

But how many of us take the time to acknowledge the grief and loss we feel at work?

What kinds of loss happens at work?
Every person feels things differently. From my observations at work, from my clients, and from my own experience, these situations cause grief.

  1. Loss of business.
  2. Loss of clients.
  3. Loss of a colleague or colleagues (whether through death or a change in jobs).
  4. Loss of funding.
  5. Big changes such as re-organizations and mergers. People may need a moment to grieve over a time when they knew what to do and how to do it.

As individuals, we need to notice when our grief flares up. In my situation, I felt loaded down with rocks and the weight kept me from enjoying life. The heaviness disrupted my ability to be productive. And, worst of all, I had no control over when grief raised its head and upended my plans for the day, the week, the month.

How to Grieve A Business Loss?

  1. Treat it like any other loss. If your parent died, would you expect yourself to return to work the same day? No. If your business fails, take a moment to feel your in feelings.
  2. Your body knows. Listen to your body. If you feel fatigued, rather than pushing yourself forward, acknowledge the feeling. Ask your body what it needs. You might be surprised at the answers. You will be more productive when you go back to business.
  3. Talk to people. Expressing your feelings about your loss takes the thoughts out of your head and shares the load with another person. It will lighten and enlighten you.
  4. Listen to people. The more you listen to people, the more you will find commonalities and reassurances that you are not alone. You will also learn tricks and habits that helped them recover from their loss.

Tomorrow, we will repeat the “Behind the Mask” event as a webinar in conjunction with Chicago’s BACP (Business Affairs and Consumer Protection). I was moved by the experiences shared by the women on the panel and those individuals in attendance. When people share their wisdom, incorporate the those pearls into your way of life.

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Behind the Mask: How We Keep Afloat Through Tough Times

From the MBT Blog – published by MBT More Business Today LLC

The MBT Blog is publishing a day early this time because tomorrow I participate in a panel of amazing #womenentrepreneurs discussing what goes on behind our masks. These are the masks everyone must wear occasionally when life or business makes it tough to continue. Behind our professional demeanors, tough circumstances make quitting, crying, and hiding attractive solutions. So we haul out a different version of ourselves who can smile, inspire, teach, and work with little evidence of the turmoil going on inside. How do we do that?

The more I talk with people, the more I see them grasping for ways to hold on, to be better, to succeed despite “all the things” needing their attention. Clients are managing their stress, their emotions, and their reactions to become better communicators and more productive. The skills involved can be taught and align perfectly with the tools of great leaders.

Mindset, mindfulness, and self-management are critical to succeeding behind the mask. First, set your mindset. Focus your thoughts on those necessary to motivate you. Then, increase your awareness of the moments in life. Be present when interacting with others and visualize positive outcomes when preparing for the next business encounter. Finally, understand what you need to manage your flaws. It is one thing to know how your weaknesses show up under stress and quite a different thing to manage them successfully.

Then where do we put the problems and feelings? We are all human. Feelings buried deeply over time are bound to burst out into the open to declare, “I am here! Acknowledge me!”

During my greatest difficulties in life, I schedule time for grief, anger, madness, and other strong emotions. I make a list of my goals for the day and plan to sit with my feelings when I finish. Then, when I feel the surge of sadness or anger coming on, I remind myself, “I scheduled an emotion hour at 2 p.m.” Does this system always work? No. But it does help me push through the “must-dos” of a specific day.

A dear friend suggested my participation in the Behind the Mask panel because she is aware of the hardship and grief I have experienced in the last few years. In fact, since opening MBT More Business Today at the start of 2021, I led the double life of caregiver to my sister who was ill and my mother who had dementia. After they died in 2023, I experienced a different kind of life-stopper, dealing with the grief of losing the two closest confidants in my life. Then at the end of last year, we experienced the tragic death of my 13-year-old grand niece, Gigi. Some tears refuse to wait until 2 p.m. to flow.

My journey has taught me so much especially during the last four years. Here is a list of thoughts for how to make it through.
1. You are not alone. Talk to people and listen to their stories. Ask for advice.
2. Notice your mood. If your body is begging you to rest, rest. I find my body is very much aware of which days are loaded with client work and which ones have fewer meetings. The big emotions or exhaustion tend to arrive on those days.
3. Be kind to yourself. This tip involves giving yourself some grace when you forget to do something or cannot complete a task. Yes, give yourself grace! But also be kind and helpful to yourself by setting yourself up for success. Schedule time in your calendar for reflection, rest, and/or emotions. Your mind will add the information to your inner calendar making it easier for you to push through the projects or meetings that must be completed.
4. Adopt the wisdom of others. As a coach, I learn from my clients each session. I am thrilled or impressed by new ways to express something and new tools to incorporate into my repertoire. After I try them out, I pass them along to others.
5. Give grace to others. Each person is dealing with something. Be kind then curious.

There is no way for us to know what goes on behind someone’s mask until they tell us. Who do you admire most? Why do you admire them? Ask some questions or do some research: what is going on behind their mask and how do they cope? Join us tomorrow in Oak Park, Illinois to hear our stories.

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What’s So Scary, and Great, About Role Playing?

From the MBT Blog – published by MBT More Business Today LLC

When I use the words “role play” with clients, a wince or eyeroll is often the response. I could try saying “act out” or “playact” but I think those phrases are more off putting than role play. Is it not better to practice what you might say in an important conversation than to watch yourself spew something that sounded great in your head but is completely off target in the moment? You can almost see the words of the verbal oops! rushing out of your mouth. So, why not practice in advance?

Why is it scary? Clients tell me it is awkward to practice. They feel uncomfortable. They seldom listen to their own voices. And, they do not like being told to adjust what they are saying. Some find it easier to say what they are going to say and run. That way there is no feedback to hear. It will also impede your growth.

The more feedback you can incorporate, the better your skill becomes. It is the same as practicing anything: golf, singing, playing an instrument, learning a new language. You look to others to show you how to be better.

Some of the best uses for role playing in business, or practicing what you might say in advance, are the following:

  • Your elevator speech,
  • Stories about your accomplishments you might tell at a networking event or business meeting,
  • A pitch meeting,
  • A difficult conversation with an employee.

Clients generally thank me when we finish role-playing a conversation. The reactions go something like:

  • “Wow! I can’t believe I was going to lead with that statement!”
  • “I sounded so stupid!”
  • “Trying out the actual words I planned to say helped me think things through. I am so much more prepared now!”

Some people fear they will sound robotic if they rehearse a conversation. I understand the anxiety. But, practicing creates a safe space to try out your phrasing, keep the words that work best, and throw out the ones that are off point.

Here are a few tips for rehearsing while maintaining your authenticity:

  • Write down the top three points you want to make. Ask yourself, “What would I like the person on the other side of the conversation to remember?”
  • Read it out loud. You can read it to a colleague or friend or just to yourself. It makes a big difference to listen to your own voice speaking the words your wrote down.
  • Now, practice in front of a mirror. How do you look while you are talking? How do you feel about how you look? What do you notice? Are you looking down at the paper? Do you stumble on your words? In both cases, it could be that the words are not natural for you. Play with them until you feel more comfortable.
  • Finally, role play the conversation with another person (preferably a coach). They will give you feedback on how a conversation might proceed based on your approach.

Role playing is an important tool in self-awareness. Avoid the verbal oops! and try it out!

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Stages of Life: Unveiling Your True Self at Work

From the MBT Blog – published by MBT More Business Today LLC

Every client I coach makes the point they want to be themselves at work. Some will express the desire to be their authentic selves. Many struggle with an atmosphere at work which seems to demand they behave outside of their comfort zone.

I thought about this dynamic recently while viewing “I’m Not There,” a movie about Bob Dylan (not the big Oscar-nominated film that’s out right now) from 2007. Cate Blanchett, Richard Gere, Christian Bale, Ben Winshaw, Heath Ledger and Marcus Carl Franklin all play Bob Dylan at different stages in his life.

A very interesting movie, for sure, and the kind I like most. I loved it for the creativity, the performances, and how it made me think for a long while afterward. I made myself a playlist of Bob Dylan songs, with Bob singing them, not that guy in the current movie. The more I listened, the more I thought about the movie, Bob Dylan, and myself. The lyric, “…it ain’t me, babe. It ain’t me you’re lookin’ for,” from his 1964 song kept ringing in my head.

If someone made a movie about me, which actor would play me? This question often creates amusing conversation. As I thought about “I’m Not There” and the different phases in my life, I wondered who I was at each stage. Would I recognize all of myself? Would the list of famous people acting like me also be eclectic like those in the movie? Maybe it would include Holly Hunter, Emma Watson, Bella Ramsey (from “The Last of Us”), Tilda Swinton and Ryan Gosling (because Gosling can do anything).

In fact, I was still thinking about the movie this morning, many weeks after watching it at home. I continue thinking about Dylan, too, one of the greatest poets of all time in my opinion. But as I thought of all the stages of my life and the different faces I have worn, I wondered which ones were authentically me. Which Mary would they be looking for? Which Mary’s went against the grain for me? When did I cave in and operate outside of myself? When did I feel the most right? Which parts of each of them make my authentic self today?

Who Am I Now?
The deeper question is who am I now? At this moment in my life, what does it mean to speak with my authentic voice? When working with clients, I ask them what it means to them to be their authentic selves. As the business coach, I generally hear them say that being “salesy” is not authentic for them. They do not want to be perceived as high-pressured sales people. As a leadership coach, I hear the words “confident and approachable” most often. Authenticity to many leaders means projecting confidence and inclusiveness.

Not all clients can articulate what is authentic for them. It is more of an I’ll-know-it-when-I-see-it situation. So, we try things on. We explore their words of authenticity.

For example: How would you open a difficult conversation with an employee? Now ask yourself, how will those words be heard by the person across the table from you? Then, try different ways to communicate your message. What feels the most comfortable for you and is likely to be heard by your employee?

An Approach
Some individuals prefer to tackle these questions by reconstructing situations where they did not feel authentic in their actions or conversations. As a coach, I guide them through the identification of the circumstance and the words they used in a specific situation. This method creates an opportunity for the person to discover the best way to communicate their message.

There are so many variables in any conversation. It is not possible to prepare for every situation. This is why finding your authentic voice is so important in developing business and leading a team.

Self awareness is key to being authentic while being professional. While your authentic self may enjoy swearing as a colorful form of expression, you know it is not acceptable to speak with that authentic voice in the office. So, here is an exercise to look at the stages in your life and cull together the pieces that are now your authentic self.

An Exercise
This should be a fun internal escapade rather than a deep, serious dive. Grab a notepad. Get comfy. Enjoy this bit of unscientific self-discovery.

1. Looking at the various stages of your life, what faces did you wear?
For me, the answers include roles and descriptive words about me. Coach, director, supervisor, strategist, business owner, advisor, dreamer, writer, singer, newsletter designer, editor, wife, sister, mom, friend, confidant, fun-seeker, animal lover, ally, supporter. The list could continue, but you get the idea.

2. As you look at the list, find the defining moments. Those bright or dark moments where you found yourself in the right place or the wrong place tell you so much about yourself. One bright moment for me came in the form of my son, who I adopted. That was the best decision! The dark moments tend to be the ones where I am snappy with others due to feeling overwhelmed.

3. Make a list of words you like to use which align with your values. As I mentioned above, my clients know which words express authenticity for them and which do not. Grab on to those words that illuminate who you are, the words that easily come to mind for you. Then, look at those moments mentioned above. Sprinkle the descriptors that best illustrate your intentions now. Finally, write down the words that best match with a few situations at work and in other situations. Are you finding your authentic voice?

For example, words that rise up for me are supporter, connector, and guide. If I feel myself going astray of those words, I can recognize it and pull myself back into the core of my self: who I am now.

If you try the exercise above, you will find the space from which your actions and communications begin and end. Some clients have a good sense of their values and how those show up in everyday life and work life. How about you? Was the exercise helpful to you? And, which actors would play you in a film about your life?

Subscribe to the MBT Blog for more mindful insights about business and leadership. We publish every other Thursday. Our next blog comes out on February 20.

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What’s Old Is New. What’s New Is New. What’s Meh Is Gone.

In the first few days of 2025, I endeavored – as I usually do – to clean the most cluttered parts of the house a bit each day. One hour per day will surely omit the necessity for larger cleaning days, right? I reasoned with myself. During that process, I came upon my favorite framed picture of my son. The one with the cutest smile in the world when he was only five years old. Distracted, I brought it to the living room. I spent some time – okay, a full hour – rearranging things so that it now occupies a prominent spot in my office.

My tendency to become distracted dictates the rituals and routines I must have in place to be productive. Hence (I love the word hence, don’t you?), I use time blocking to arrange my work in doable chunks that allow for distraction. At the same time, it keeps me on track with the activities I must do to be effective.

As I look at the blank page of the possibilities in this new year, my habit of time blocking stays in my repertoire of methods that keep me on track. Several years ago, I wrote a blog post about The Beauty of the Blank Notebook. Follow the link to read those ideas.

Today I am thinking about some old and good advice. Basically, when you are evaluating your life, business, career, and paths to success, do more of what is working for you; eliminate what is not working; and adopt only one or two new methods. Have you gone through this process? It is a helpful technique in clearing the cobwebs that may exist from too many new ideas or in breaking out of the stuckedness you may feel in the present. (As you might have noticed, I love words and also enjoy making up words. A joyous distraction for me.)

Do More of What Is Working for You.
As I noted in my example at the start of this article, taking large tasks and dividing them into smaller chunks works for me. Many of my clients adopt different types of routines which work better for them. Some must work on a project until it is complete. For them, prioritizing activities is essential to their success.

Another important use for this concept stems from developing business. What activities yielded the best results in 2024? By all means, let’s do more of that! Do not sacrifice what brings a high ROI (return on investment) because a new idea has taken hold. Keep the best!

Also apply the concept to leadership and building your team. What worked for you last year? Is your team more comfortable with their roles than they were in the past? Great! Now, what would be helpful to them this year? Ask them.

Eliminate What Is Not Working.
At the end of 2024, I, once again because I do it every year, evaluated the organizations and events in which I participated. What was my goal in participating? Did I receive an ROI from my involvement? The ROI comes in different forms depending on my goal. That is why having goals is so important. As I built my 2025 budget of both my time and my finances, I eliminated a few events and an organization.

Am I sorry to see these investments disappear? Not really. The elimination piece of my strategy is one based in logic and data. For me, as a big Feeler and Intuitive (in Meyer’s Briggs terms), I tend to go with my gut and an evaluation of the impact on people when I make decisions. When it comes to my business success, however, I lean into facts and figures.

Once again, many of my clients make decisions differently from me. For them, and for everyone, it is important to understand the motivation that spurs them to accomplish tasks.

Adopt Only One or Two New Methods.
The reasoning here comes from the reality of what happens when anyone (except maybe people like Leonardi da Vinci and Jim Henson) attempts to start and complete many new initiatives at once. The situation may begin well and offer hope, but somewhere a few months in, the tracks begin to cross. A collision is sure to derail all of the initiatives.

As you brainstorm for new methods of self-improvement, new lines of revenue, new industries of potential clients, and new tactics to increase employee engagement and retention, pick the best ONE or TWO ideas. Then, flesh out a real plan for each one complete with the who will lead, who will execute, who will measure success, and how it will be measured. And, if the answer to all those who’s is you, please only pick one initiative!

As I embarked on this new year, one item creating struggle and immobility for me was the content and direction of this blog. I have just shy of one thousand ideas regarding the topics of excitement in MBT blogdom. (Is that another invented word?) I sat with it, my confused, overstimulated state of mind, for a few weeks. Then, I picked one direction and moved forward.

The moral or punchline or directive or learning of this entire blog today is: Give yourself time. Give yourself grace. Give yourself what you need. Then, make a decision and Move Briskly Toward your success.

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Conversational Insights or What I Learned from My Clients

THE CLIENT WISDOM BLOG PUBLISHED BY MBT MORE BUSINESS TODAY LLC

Since January 2021, I published 66 posts in the Client Wisdom Blog: Why Coaching Works. My focus throughout the posts has been on the wisdom clients bring to each session, participants bring to each training, and colleagues bring to each interaction. My eureka moment?

There is wisdom all around us if we just stopped to listen and experience it.

Mary Balistreri, The Mindful Business Coach

My question to everyone is, do you leave space in your conversations with people to hear and experience their wisdom?

As the years pass, I realize I do not know more than I do know. And, yet, I am a valuable person. I bring my own thoughts, ideas, and experiences to each project, situation, and conversation. And, I am constantly learning from everyone and everything around me. What do you bring to your interactions with your colleagues, family, friends, and strangers?

For example, during lunch with a friend last week, we shared recent experiences, our reactions to them, and our philosophies about life. Each new thought stimulated the next. It was invigorating to learn from each other and build upon our ideas. We stood up at the end of the conversation and hugged. The next day, we texted each other with mutual thanks. For me, the event was just one more example of how much wisdom is around me.

Pieces of Wisdom I Learned Since Beginning the Client Wisdom Blog:

  • Personal Experience Drives Change. All the conversations over the past few years illuminated the effect of personal experience on whether a person will open themselves up for change. Whether during a coaching session focused on developing business or a facilitation focused on diversity, I heard the phrase, “I did not understand, until I (insert something the person experienced).” For example, “I hated broccoli until my wife added cheese to it. Now, I ask for it every week.” A simple example that illustrates the concept well.
  • Perspective is everything. Individuals insert themselves into each interaction. They load the conversation with meaning based on their own past experiences and beliefs. This is why two people attending the same meeting come away with different understandings of the information that was shared. Getting a group of people “on the same page” is not as easy as telling everyone in the room the same things.

    When I work with clients, the trust we develop creates an atmosphere of openness. Both of us are likely to truly listen to the other person. Then, understanding a new perspective creates a lightbulb moment. Aha!
  • Having a successful conversation is an art. While Conversational Intelligence is based in neuroscience, the ability to move in and through conversations is an art. Sometimes it is a dance. Sometimes the participants are working in paint; sometimes clay for sculpting. What does it matter when you are a business leader? It matters as much as strategy. Learning to communicate clearly with your team is a vital business skill.
  • Understanding culture is key to success. The “it” factor at a company is created by the workforce at every level. A business has its culture, and so do the units within the business, the teams at all levels, and each individual person brings their own culture into the mix. Taking the time to understand cultures from the macro to the micro level leads to success. It also leads to the understanding of what success looks like. Why are we here doing this particular thing? The explanation may be clear to some in your organization and fuzzy to others. Understanding cultures is vital in crafting the messages needed to communicate at every level.
  • Belonging is the key. The biggest thing I learned is belonging is the key to every measure of success in any organization. It indicates how to interact with each other, how to communicate, how to collaborate, how to measure success, and how to reward achievements.

I feel so strongly about the importance of belonging in the workplace, I am making it the center of my new blog. This is the last of the Client Wisdom Blog. Watch social media and my web site for the new content in January 2024. In the meantime, continue to work on opening your mind to the wisdom all around you.

For more information contact Mary Balistreri, The Mindful Business Coach at mary@mbtmorebusinesstodayllc.com

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A Few Do’s (Please, Please Do) of Business Development

THE CLIENT WISDOM BLOG PUBLISHED BY MBT MORE BUSINESS TODAY LLC

My last blog post was about business development don’ts. Thank you for the opportunity to rant a little about the methods and techniques used in sales that annoy me, and most of us. Today is about the opposite. What kinds of approaches to developing relationships that lead to business work?

When I work with clients, nearly all of them express the need to stay true to who they are, to be authentic, in developing relationships that drive business. It takes much longer to develop a strong and lasting relationship than it takes to cash in on a quick sale. Satisfied customers are golden offering repeat sales, positive PR, and word-of-mouth, and straight up referrals. The returns on the time invested in the long run will be greater in every way – financially, emotionally, and socially.

Here are a few do’s, please do, of business development:

  • Do remind me how we met. Whether we met at a networking event or were introduced virtually by a mutual acquaintance, make sure to remind me when you reach out. Giving a bit of context warms up the beginning of the relationship and sets the tone for the next steps.
  • Do be transparent about your interest in me. When business people get together in a business setting, it should be clear to everyone that business is in the front of our minds. So, why do so many people jump in to act like the relationship is about just about being friends? The simplest way to avoid this is to talk about business at every encounter. For some people, their clients are their friends, and that is ok. Many people prefer to keep the relationships of business separate from friendships. If the potential client is a friend first, suggest a meeting specifically to talk about business so there is no confusion.
  • Do ask me what I enjoy before inviting me to an event or sending me a gift. Many organizations purchase tickets to sporting events or cultural events to help their associates develop business. Please ask me whether I want to spend my time with you at one of these events. The same applies to gifts of chocolate or wine or whatever. Make it an open-ended question, “My company has access to tickets to a number of events. What do you enjoy?” It develops a deeper relationship by creating an opportunity to learn more about the individual. You may gain great insight into the operations and values of the business and the person.
  • Do follow up with me after I presented a challenge. Many would-be business developers miss the obvious cues. Some are trying so hard not to appear sales-y, they are afraid to offer the help the potential client needs in the moment. If we are having a conversation, and I tell you I have a specific challenge, follow up with me. This is a clear sign of trust and a willingness to work together.
  • Do continue the relationship after you get the work. Once I hire you, keep in touch with me. Check in to make sure I am receiving great client service. Getting together to check in, twice each year at least, is a positive way to take the pulse of the services you are delivering and to look for additional ways to help. Survey are good and give you a baseline, but personal connections cannot be dismissed.

Now that all of you have read this, I look forward to healthier and more meaningful emails in my box and encounters at networking events.

For more information contact Mary Balistreri, The Mindful Business Coach at mary@mbtmorebusinesstodayllc.com

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A Few Don’ts (Please, Please Don’t) of Business Development

THE CLIENT WISDOM BLOG PUBLISHED BY MBT MORE BUSINESS TODAY LLC

Most of the clients I coach in developing business hate the idea of it, because they do not want to be sales-y. “You don’t expect me to cold call, do you? Because I will not do that,” they say. I also hate cold calling. I hate being cold called or cold emailed or cold texted or whatever else sales people are doing coldly. I am in favor of the warm lead and the warm reach out.

Lately, I have been so annoyed by the kinds of sales emailed at me, I decided I have to write a blog about it. These tactics are, I believe, universally annoying. Whether you are a person who holds a position within a company to make purchasing decisions or someone, like me, who owns your own business, being approached in these ways is likely to not make a sale. In fact, it is likely to generate annoyance and distrust from your potential customer. Worst of all, it is likely to leave a huge negative impact on the brand itself.

Please, please:

  • Don’t Act Like You Know Me When We Have Not Met.
    This type of cold emailing goes something like this, “Hi Mary, Just checking in regarding your website. I know you are interested in reaching as many potential clients as possible.” I admit the “just checking in” makes me pause in case the person is actually someone I met while networking or with whom I am LinkedIn. When I realize I never met them, it becomes annoying. You don’t “know” anything about me, so leave me alone!
  • Don’t Act Like I Owe You Something When We Have Never Spoken.
    Here is a direct quote, “I’ve reached out to you thrice before without receiving a response, but I’m not going to give up easily.” Seriously? I do not owe you a response simply because you bought a list that has my email on it. For many of these sales methods, it is clear they are using an old list. They are spamming my personal email rather than my business email. Ouch!
  • Don’t Tell Me I’m Stupid.
    I want to lash out with a response to these emails, because they are the absolute opposite of what you should do when establishing a relationship with a potential client. But, I hold myself back. Someone please explain to me why a sales person believes degrading and humiliating a potential client and their business will lead to success? What am I talking about? The emails that start with, “I looked at your website and see you are trying to establish your brand. Unfortunately, It is clear your tactics just aren’t doing the trick. Here’s how I can fix it for you.”

    Another one in this genre talks down to the potential customer, me in this case, as if we are too inexperienced and unsophisticated to understand the world of technology. “In the digital frontier, (people like you) often find themselves wrestling with a rowdy gang of technological roadblocks.” As I continued to read this email, I was impressed with the prose but the resulting message to me came across as, “Don’t worry your pretty little head about technology. Us brave smarties will save you and your company with our intense skills.” Yuck!
  • Don’t Assume I Am Going To Miss Out on Something by Not Replying To You.
    This scheme is age-old. “I can save you 83%…” or “You really need to respond now to take advantage of this deal!” No, I don’t. Save me 83% of what? Because, I never planned to spend money the way you want me to spend it on your product. Enough said.
  • Don’t Clog Up My Email Box.
    As a coach, I receive multiple emails every day from businesses asking me, “Can you take on 100 new clients?” or “Do you need 50 new qualified leads per month?” This strategy makes me laugh the most, because they plan to set me up with leads so I can do the same thing to someone else they are doing to me. Spamming. Shaming. Annoying. Misrepresenting. Just no, no, no!

When working to drum up new business, remember:

  • Think beyond this moment. You can make a fast sale, or work harder to develop a trusting relationship.
  • Misrepresenting yourself at the outset of a relationship smashes trust to bits. If you start that way, it’s over before you begin.
  • A happy customer is a repeat customer, and likely to become a referral source.

For more information contact Mary Balistreri, The Mindful Business Coach at mary@mbtmorebusinesstodayllc.com

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Strategy + Action = Success? What’s Missing from Your Recipe?

THE CLIENT WISDOM BLOG PUBLISHED BY MBT MORE BUSINESS TODAY LLC

Clients often ask, “What are the steps to bring in new business?” Or, “Tell me what I need to say to get my team to trust me so they will be more productive.” Or, “What do I need to do to make my new business a success?” There are many recipes for success, and some of the elements are essential. The biggest factor is starting with your purpose. Not just what you are trying to achieve; why is it important for you to achieve it?

Most business people have seen Simon Sinek’s TEDx Talk about knowing your why. It is actually called, “How Great Leaders Inspire Action.” The concept can be applied to multiple situations within and outside of business. Your employees and clients need to understand and see your “why” in order to work with you, and, I discovered, so do your children, friends, and spouse. You need to understand your purpose prior to trying to articulate it to others. In fact, you probably are communicating your purpose through your actions. Others may already know what it is.

So, let’s start with you first, as we often do in the client wisdom blog. Clients continually teach me the importance of authenticity in every aspect of life and business. Work to understand yourself. It is work, and it brings peace and clarity the more you do it. Take the time to listen to your thoughts. Who do you want to be each day in the world? What are your values? What is your purpose in starting a new business?

I have a great, wise friend who states clearly on her web site her passion for supporting leaders to have fearless conversations. She knows her purpose and clearly articulates it. Supporting leadership in conversation is the reason she opened the doors to her business.

As I delved into my own purpose, I started by writing down my own values. For me, I am motivated by supporting others to reach their goals. Each self-assessment I took over the years pointed in the same direction: people-person, coach, entrepreneur, intuition, idea-person. Every single assessment funnels the results in the same and related ways.

My purpose in starting my business is to make a living supporting individuals and organizations to succeed through mindfully building belonging into their businesses.

Mary Balistreri, The Mindful Business Coach

How about you? As the title of this article states, strategy plus action may be the recipe for success if the journey and the results of the journey satisfy your purpose.

Equally important before you develop your strategy is to define success for you and your business or leadership role. Success can be different things to different people. Think about what success looks like to you and then compare that image to your purpose. Do they match up?

Know yourself, define success for you, and then develop your strategy. Your values help you understand what you want to achieve and your strategy dictates the tactics you will use to succeed. For instance, if your values tell you that your family is the most important part of your life, then a tactic that keeps you away from them most of the year would not be the right one for you. You may achieve the goal, but will you be happy?

The recipe for success? How about Purpose + Vision for Success + Strategy + Action = Your Success?

For more information contact Mary Balistreri, The Mindful Business Coach at mary@mbtmorebusinesstodayllc.com

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How Big Is the Box You’re In? Are Your Lines Drawn with Permanent Marker?

THE CLIENT WISDOM BLOG PUBLISHED BY MBT MORE BUSINESS TODAY LLC

I sometimes challenge myself and my clients to spend time listening without passing judgement on what other people are saying. It is impossible to really do it, but when I try to do it, I realize how many judgements I make every minute. Before someone finishes a thought, I think I know what their point will be based on the first thing they said. When I pay attention to the conversation rather than trying to jump forward in my head, I often learn that my assumption was incorrect.

Listening and trying to focus your mind to be present in a conversation is critical to understanding. I am probably stating the obvious.

As I continued to listen during the month of August, the image of people drawing lines in the sand came to mind. They draw the line in the sand to block out specific information or people. “I am done with this person or situation. No one had better cross this line,” they are saying in my imaginings. In the case of the sand, though, the tide comes in and washes the line away. There is hope for a change of heart.

The next vision that popped into my head was a box with someone inside it. Each time the person drew a line, their box shrank. As the box became smaller and smaller, the person disappeared so completely that they literally drew themselves into non-existence. Other people lost sight of them, because they were buried in their boxes.

This vision brought me to tears, and yet, I know many of us are happily containing ourselves in ever-shrinking boxes. If they lines we drew were in the sand, they could wash away over time. If we used pencil instead of permanent marker, we could easily erase the lines as we learned more and as we became more understanding. If our cubes were made only of cardboard, we could break out. I fear that, for many, the box is made of solid steel.

It made me wonder what substance could penetrate the boxes. How do those of us on the outside reach those on the inside? Then it occurred to me: we think we are gaining control over people and ideas by blocking them out of our lives. Actually, the opposite is true.

We lose our power by drawing lines and shrinking into our boxes.

Mary balistreri, the mindful business coach

By refusing to participate in the world, we give up the power to voice our own thoughts and ideas. We lose the possibility of finding a person who may support us. We block out the possibility that an idea or piece of information might help us reach our goals. Some boxes group together believing there is safety in numbers. As long as everyone agrees to everything, life will be perfect, right? In this case, I feel confident saying never, it is never the case. We create an echo chamber that is void of innovation, thought, and collaboration. Everyone loses.

Sometimes it is important to block a person from your life. Not every relationship is good for you. Sometimes it is important to leave a toxic environment. Not every place is the place you need to be.

Ultimately, be mindful of generalizations that build your box. Your difficulty may be with one person, not all the people similar to that person. You may disagree with one idea, but not with all the ideas that are different from your own. Growth demands innovation. Innovation demands variety in thought. Think about it and spend some time listening.

For more information contact Mary Balistreri, The Mindful Business Coach at mary@mbtmorebusinesstodayllc.com

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You Achieved Your Goal. Now What?

THE CLIENT WISDOM BLOG PUBLISHED BY MBT MORE BUSINESS TODAY LLC

Clients often tell me they feel empty after achieving a goal. They are deflated and defeated somehow. They do not feel like celebrating. “It’s as if I put in so much effort, and now I’m completely flat,” they say. Their plate which was completely full of action items to move them closer to their goal is suddenly empty.

You probably heard the thought “the satisfaction comes from the journey itself and not the achievement.” Maybe. I believe the value comes from exploring a client’s reaction to the achievement.

After a big win, some clients decide to move on as if nothing special occurred. Some report feelings of exhaustion and lack of excitement about the very thing they worked so hard to achieve. A few have a reward planned for themselves and indulge in that.

As their coach, I ask clients to explore all these responses.

How to handle success is as important as how to handle defeat.

Mary balistreri, the mindful business coach

In the early stages of coaching, I work with clients to discover the obstacles that hold them back. Clients diligently dig into their self-awareness sometimes taking assessments to help them evaluate their strengths and weaknesses. Once they are more aware of how they react in situations, we create solutions and strategies to deal with and manage their reactions.

Then we design a plan of action so that each day, clients have a task or a focus to keep them on track. During this entire cycle of improvement, there is a road map of sorts which illustrates our next steps. Clients know what to do and can see their progress plotted as they move forward. We discuss the progress made and data collected at each session. It is a time of movement – forward and backward – and of experiencing the ripples of productivity.

Suddenly, the objective is met and everything seems to stop.

Success is not an ending. It is a beginning. There is as much to learn from a success as there is from a failure. Achievement presents new opportunities to explore. There is more to discover about yourself now from how you respond to success.

Here is a brief to-do list for success:

  • First, stop and celebrate. You deserve to feel the satisfaction of winning and to reward yourself in whatever way makes you feel great.
  • Next, take a moment to just breathe and exist. Not every day needs to be filled with challenges. It’s ok to take a nap or hang out with friends without talking about work.
  • Now, take out the old journal. Over the next few days or few weeks, make a few notes. Ask yourself:
    • How did I respond when I achieved this goal? Did I minimize it? Did I deflect the credit and attention? Did I relish it? Did I brag about it, and if so, did I do it tastefully or did I drag others down in my pride?
    • What can I learn from this success?
      • What did I do well?
      • What would I do differently if I could do it over?
      • How will this impact my approach to problems and goals in the future?
  • Finally, consider asking a friend or colleague who understands the circumstances around the goal for their input and advice.

It is your decision how to move forward. Some clients prefer to keep moving by capitalizing on their lessons learned as soon as they can. Others take a break and enjoy life. It is all in your control.

For more information contact Mary Balistreri, The Mindful Business Coach at mary@mbtmorebusinesstodayllc.com

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The Coach Is Part of Your Team

THE CLIENT WISDOM BLOG PUBLISHED BY MBT MORE BUSINESS TODAY LLC

Every month, I meet with two incredible coach friends. One is from Manchester, England, and the other is from China. The three of us met almost five years ago while earning our Conversational Intelligence (CIQ) coaching certifications and were part of the same cohort. We love to get together to talk about CIQ, our coaching businesses, and our newest learnings.

Today we talked about Gestalt and theories about boundaries from his teachings. One of our threesome has been studying Gestalt for nearly three years. The information she shared aligned perfectly with the extremes I see in my coaching practice lately. A trend I noticed is my clients seem to demonstrate the two extremes of boundaries: either having no boundaries – afraid to speak up for themselves, putting everyone else before themselves, not knowing when to say “no” – or insulating themselves from the thoughts, opinions, and insights of other people.

I find it interesting that my clients are trending at the two extreme ends. So did my colleagues this morning who enlightened me as they always do. The input expanded my mind to continue to dig for more information about Gestalt and boundaries to better help my clients.

The conversation led me to think about the value coaching brings to clients. I believe it illustrates why coaching is so enormously popular. I concluded this:

The individualized shorthand a coach creates for a client adds immediate value by bringing exactly the right tool or concept to the coaching session and helping the client use it to improve their situation.

MaryQuote

Coaching works when the coach is part of your team. Imagine finding time in your role as an executive in a business or organization to study all the new ideas in leadership. There is no time for that. It seems a new leadership book is published every day. As a leader, you need your team to bring you their expertise and knowledge to you so you make informed decisions. The coach is part of your team supplying valuable information for you to use daily.

The scenario changes from client to client, yet in each situation, I tailor my approach to the client. The adjustments include which pieces of information fit the individual personality, goals, needs, position, and business of the client.

I create a shorthand so you preserve your time to focus on your job, company or organization, and team.

This is especially true when the coach works with an organization over a period of time getting to know the goals, leaders, team dynamics, and culture. A coach studies the latest ideas, assessments, and tools and applies that information directly to the situation.

A coaching concept for this is dancing in the moment. When I pull the information from my knowledge grabbing exactly the right piece of the puzzle and offering it to my client, and then, my client responds with affirmation (and sometimes extreme excitement), I am dancing. It is the greatest feeling for me and also for my clients.

As a result, the clients may see things through a new lens, or find the key to a struggle in that moment. Then, they realize the magic of coaching.

For more information contact Mary Balistreri, The Mindful Business Coach at mary@mbtmorebusinesstodayllc.com

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Strengths and Your Team

THE CLIENT WISDOM BLOG PUBLISHED BY MBT MORE BUSINESS TODAY LLC

Several years ago, my family embarked into the unknown world of Alzheimers. In addition to navigating the condition of our mother, several family members were very ill and there were multiple deaths that year. My sisters and I all pitched in to execute on tasks that were vital, provide emotional support, and figure out the legal issues involved. We worked together to make sure we accomplished things well from every aspect of the situation.

Afterward, we remarked that each of us lent our talents and skills to create the best outcome. The difference this time, as opposed to earlier in our lives, was that rather than expecting each other to perform in ways that were not natural for the individual person, we opened our minds to recognize the strengths of each of us. It was a lightbulb moment and one of exponential growth for us.

Expect what each can give and celebrate the contribution rather than expecting unrealistic acts and feeling angry or dissatisfied with each other.

The Balistreri Sisters

The same holds true for work situations. Through the years as a coach, many clients talk to me about their company’s lack of follow through when it comes to strengths. For instance, a business or non-profit organization will invest the time and money into working with teams to assess what “type” each person might be. Whether it is the Meyers Briggs or the Disc or something else, each person receives the report about their type.

The report generally precedes a discussion with the whole team. Often, the consultant involved will chart the team member’s individual types to identify where the group is strong in skillset and where there may be gaps. Everyone discusses how to adapt for the gaps and better understand the approaches of other team members to make the team more productive and the work more enjoyable and efficient.

Then, no one talks about it ever again. It’s true. I personally have been a member of teams where this has happened.

Why is this important? It is vital to use the investment in identifying strengths and gaps for so many reasons:

  1. Trust develops. A discussion of skillset and the application of strengths opens up individuals on the team. They feel heard and valued. When no more is made of the initial discussion, people feel cheated or fooled or disrespected.
  2. Authenticity is promoted. When trust develops and employees understand their value to the team, they become more comfortable being themselves at work.
  3. Belonging happens. Workers who are committed to their company or organization believe they belong in the environment. Happy people tend to be more productive.
  4. Your team performs in a crisis. When the team understands everyone’s strengths, and the leader of the team directs the work in ways that match with those strengths, the team performs best in crisis situations.

In the case of me and my sisters, the next time we experienced a crisis, we each jumped into our roles. We acknowledged who should do what based on those strengths. The management of the work at hand was much easier and more productive. The same can happen in your organization when you acknowledge strengths and then provide your team members with opportunities to use their individual skills to create the best results.

For more information contact Mary Balistreri, The Mindful Business Coach at mary@mbtmorebusinesstodayllc.com

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It’s Always Something

THE CLIENT WISDOM BLOG PUBLISHED BY MBT MORE BUSINESS TODAY LLC

The spirit of Rosanne Rosanna Danna has been flooding my mind lately when I meet with clients. I see her bobbing head with her huge dark hair as she recounts her famous tagline, “It’s like my grandmother used to say to me when I was just a little girl: “My little Rosanne Rosanna Danna, it’s always something. If it’s not one thing, it’s another.”

My clients are committed to the coaching, and, something really truly does intrude upon their work lives and their home lives to pull them off track. The kinds of phrases I hear from them that bring Rosanna to mind are:

  • “If I could just finish hiring these five people, then I will be able to relax.”
  • “Once this project is complete, I will have time to work on my action items.”

Those sentiments are often followed by these:

  • “Once I train these five people, I will be able to relax.”
  • “Now that my project is complete, I needed to focus on the rest of my work, so my action items need to wait.”

I see these statements as absolutely legitimate. My clients feel the effects of the changes and demands in life constantly. The key is to recognize the truth that there will always be something happening to offset your plans. The answer to this phenomenon?

Prioritize the commitments you make to yourself.

Make time to hire the employees and train them well. AND earmark time in your day to complete the activities that lead you achieve your goals. Focus part of your energy on your projects and your day-to-day tasks. AND take time to focus on your own goals.

You can do all the things smartly. Make yourself one of the things included in “all the things.”

For more information contact Mary Balistreri, The Mindful Business Coach at mary@mbtmorebusinesstodayllc.com

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Don’t Wait! Write It Down!

THE CLIENT WISDOM BLOG PUBLISHED BY MBT MORE BUSINESS TODAY LLC

The greatest success I witness in clients comes when they leap over the hurdle of journaling. You may have noticed many of my blog posts include the advice, “Write it down.” Why is that? Why is it so important?

When clients approach my business, they look for ways to improve their business development or leadership skills and strategies. In both cases, they discover an adjustment of mindset creates the difference that helps them move forward and achieve their goals.

In my last blog, I noticed how my clients show their brilliance through the reflection portion of coaching and the incredibly diverse thoughts they bring to the conversation. Using a journal and getting into the habit of writing thoughts down is an indispensable tool in making self-reflection a habit.

Several of my clients show little interest in journaling at the start. “Isn’t that just another thing for me to add to my already overwhelming list?” they ask me. As we continue to talk about it, I hear things like, “It seems so fluffy and touchy-feely,” or “I can’t explain why, I just don’t want to do it.”

What tends to happen is once they make themselves try it, they find value in it. Writing down their thoughts opens the clients’ minds to the possibilities for them. It paints a picture, in their own words, of the reasons behind the difficulties they have executing on specific tasks. It reveals patterns that help them notice their own behaviors or their reactions to the behaviors of others.

Ultimately, the journal becomes the greatest method of understanding themselves.

“How do I capitalize on this great tool?” you may be asking yourself. Here are some questions you can start with:

  • At the end of the day, ask yourself: What did I do well today? What could I improve?
  • Who am I outside of the labels (not including parent, spouse, sibling, friend, your profession or job title, etc.)?
  • What makes me happy?
  • What do I like most about my job?
  • What are my greatest strengths? How can I use those strengths to achieve my goals?

In addition to the self-understanding gained from journaling, there is power in writing things down. It’s like buying a red car. Once you do it, you notice red cars are everywhere. The more you write things down, the more likely you are to focus on achieving your goals. Give it a try!

For more information contact Mary Balistreri, The Mindful Business Coach at mary@mbtmorebusinesstodayllc.com

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My Clients Are Brilliant

THE CLIENT WISDOM BLOG PUBLISHED BY MBT MORE BUSINESS TODAY LLC

Over the last several weeks, many of my clients made significant progress toward a goal. As a coach, I watch for signs of improvement. I help the client take notice of positive changes. My clients exhibited so much impressive change lately, I needed a new word to use in addition to kudos, congratulations, awesome, and fabulous.

The word is brilliant. My friend in Manchester, who is also a brilliant coach, uses this word frequently. I love the word every time she uses it. And now, it best describes my clients and their progress. They are brilliant!

After finding the correct word, and feeling quite brilliant for doing so, I reflected on how this great success happens. How do individuals and teams move themselves forward until they realize significant change?

There are themes that travel across all of my coaching engagements. Individuals or groups seek to improve in an area or areas. We set goals to create a path for moving forward. Then, we embark on a journey of action / reflection; action / reflection. It all looks a bit humdrum on paper. Why am I so excited?

While goals and actions may be similar from one client to the next, the difference – and the brilliance – shines through in the reflection. Clients reveal to me infinite ways to look at, digest, interpret, and define the information that comes to them and through them. My clients are brilliant! And that is the magic of coaching.

As a coach, I ask the questions that resonate with clients so that they recover their own wisdom. Some questions are the same from coaching session to coaching session. Some manifest through the individual circumstance. I use a number of clichés from person to person as we look for a way to frame things that speaks to the individual.

Coaching is a quest and a journey. It takes hard work, resilience, focus, and motivation to realize results.

In the meantime, here are a few of the clichés you will hear when working with a coach that are absolutely true:

  • Baby steps.
  • Eat the elephant one bite at a time.
  • Eat the frog first thing every morning.
  • You hold all of the answers in your own mind (just like Dorothy and the ruby, red slippers).
  • If you focus on a particular outcome, you will start seeing ways to obtain the goal.
  • Persistence is key.

My brilliant clients benefitted from all of the clichés above and a number of other analogies. Which ones work for you? How have you made improvements that helped you achieve your goals?

For more information contact Mary Balistreri, The Mindful Business Coach at mary@mbtmorebusinesstodayllc.com

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Perception & Self Image

THE CLIENT WISDOM BLOG PUBLISHED BY MBT MORE BUSINESS TODAY LLC

Have you ever participated in a 360 assessment? This is an assessment where you assess yourself and those who work with you – in 360 degrees around you – also give you feedback. That means your boss, your direct reports, your peers, your clients, and your colleagues have an opportunity to participate. It is an incredible process. Exciting and scary! There is tremendous value in learning how others perceive you.

I went through – it is definitely something you go through – one of these 360 feedback assessments several years ago. The primary positive feedback drew a picture of me as a rock. Yes, a rock! Sturdy, dependable, reliable, strong Mary – that’s me. I was so disappointed. To me it evoked the highest level of boring. I didn’t want to be a rock. I wanted to be a shooting star. I want to be seen as creative, engaging, etc.

The feedback suggesting areas needing improvement was brutal. Apparently, I made up my mind regarding how to solve a problem before asking my team for their input. This is defeating for the team. I cried, and I knew it was true. Even though the feedback came to me many years ago, I continue to work on this aspect of my personality now. I have improved, and I am constantly evaluating my behavior. How did I do today? Did I listen to the suggestions of others with an open mind?

As a leader, that piece of feedback was absolute gold for me. I now see it as an invaluable gift that helps me concentrate on my biggest passion – helping other people achieve their goals.

I have guided many of my clients through this kind of feedback process. In the end, they are grateful for the feedback they received, even if it was hard to take. Sometimes though, learning about areas for improvement can push you off your path. It can negatively impact self image and confidence.

Keep this in mind: Hold onto the positives of your self image and realize feedback will help you become even better.

Keep this in mind: Most of the feedback will be positive. Embrace it! It is very human to focus on the constructive feedback more than the positive feedback. It is a good thing that my team, boss, and clients perceived me as dependable. It means they felt they could depend on me.

If you are planning to gather feedback, here are some tips to help you keep things in perspective. Grab your journal or your favorite notepad for this. Settle down into a comfortable and comforting space. Supply yourself with your favorite drink or music.:

  • Before taking a self-assessment or diving into a 360 assessment, make a list of the traits in your personality that you view as positive. Make a list of one or two traits that you believe you need to change or be managed more closely.
  • Now write down your goal for participating in the assessment. What do you want to achieve? Why is it important to you now?
  • Decide. It is very important to decide that this assessment is what you want right now.
  • Commit. Commit to keeping an open mind and to taking action based on the results of the assessment. Commit to yourself.
  • Make sure you have someone – a coach or someone who is certified to administer the assessment – on board to walk you through the results and interpretation of the results.
  • When looking at the results, have that list of positive traits and areas for improvement that you wrote down with you. Remember who you are. Think about who you want to be.
  • When the perception of who you are is not in line with who you believe you are, it is clear you need to make some changes. Plan. Pick just one area for improvement and take action.
  • After three months, look at your progress.

Feedback is a gift. When you receive it, be sure to thank those who gave it to you. Be you, and improve.

For more information contact Mary Balistreri, The Mindful Business Coach at mary@mbtmorebusinesstodayllc.com

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How Your Gifts Come Back

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I recently worked with family members to clean out two households. One last year was for my mother who has dementia and is in assisted living. The other was for my sister who passed away in February. It started me thinking about the weirdness of getting gifts back when I had loving chosen them for the people I love.

The gifts I am receiving now – from myself through a circuitous route – are little things like holiday-themed pins and earrings, artwork I had commissioned for my sisters (I had one made for each of us, now I have two), and pieces of clothing. What an uncomfortable feeling! And yet, what a glorious gift. These re-gifts offer new opportunities for me to carry these people with me. I am learning to shake off the strange feeling and embrace the joy this brings.

In the midst of this curious situation, my clients are experiencing a return of gifts they have given. Gifts of mentoring, kindnesses they have shown, and sometimes advice they have given. In all of these cases, they expected nothing in return. Yet, in a few years, sharing time and experiences led to gaining a new client – an unintended result. They feel a bit uncomfortable about reaping these rewards, because their intention was purely to help and support someone.

Likewise, as a coach, one of the greatest gifts I receive is when I hear a client incorporate my words into their thought process and behavior. Things like, “I realized that my negative thoughts were draining my energy,” or , “After I reconnected with more of the people in my network, I found that they were excited to hear from me.” My words often come back to me.

I am not offering action items with today’s post beyond this – think about and notice all of the gifts you give. Here is a list of a few:

  • Your time
  • Listening
  • Advice
  • Mentoring
  • Strategies
  • Ideas

What kinds of gifts have you given? How do you feel when they come back to you?

For more information contact Mary Balistreri, The Mindful Business Coach at mary@mbtmorebusinesstodayllc.com

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One Thing At A Time

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It seems that nearly everyone I speak with expresses feeling overwhelmed and anxious. My clients work in professions that demand the highest levels of accountability and responsibility. On top of that, they do the work of self improvement. And, they are dedicated to their families, communities, and social circles. It is difficult to show up for everything and everyone 100% of the time.

My clients master the ability to turn an idea or concept into a solid, actionable item to move themselves toward continual self-improvement. Stars currently, they strive for superstardom. The weight of constant expectations puts many of them into overload.

During our coaching sessions, we work together to develop habits that lessen the overwhelm and the fatigue. Like most things, the first step is to be self-aware. Where does stress come from and how can it be managed?

Here are some tips to get you started:

  • First, set your mindset. When you think of the items on your todo list, what image comes up? How do you feel? Make a note of it.
  • Many clients see their task list as never-ending with pages and pages of items or a big cloud of “stuff” to do. Let go of infinity and close in on one item at a time. For example, when you wake up on Monday morning, redirect your thinking to the few most important items to accomplish.
  • Talk to yourself. Remind yourself, “I do not to finish this entire list today.”
  • Each day, prioritize your bigger list by making a list of the few items that you want to complete that day. Some people like to write the physical list, while others keep the list in their heads. Either style works. If you are the kind of person who loves to check things off, make sure you give yourself that satisfaction at the end of the day. If you prefer to keep track in your head, make sure you erase the items you finished to clear them from your brain.
  • Take breaks. Your watch probably tells you to stand up every hour. If you do not follow those instructions, set a timer and walk away from your desk every two hours.
  • Take a lunch break. Walk outside. Eat lunch somewhere other than your desk.
  • At the end of the week congratulate yourself. Focus on what you accomplished rather than what you did not get to.

As time goes by, the habits you create to insulate you from fatigue and anxiety will pay off in big ways. Ultimately, you will find your are more productive when you do your best job of managing your task list.

For more information contact Mary Balistreri, The Mindful Business Coach at mary@mbtmorebusinesstodayllc.com

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Stuck in the Middle

From The Client Wisdom Blog by Mary Balistreri

When talking with my business development coaching clients, I find some people excel in making connections through networking and some people excel at hauling in a piece of business that is known and ready to close. The challenge for many comes from the middle portion. The struggle is how to keep a relationship moving forward to its conclusion and turning the talk into clients.

The marathon nature of developing business relies on the ability to keep moving despite the exhaustion and, sometimes, boredom of slogging toward the finish. Where is the finish line? It seems to stealthily creep away when you are in the middle of the run. The sooner you build business development stamina, the more resilient you will be when you feel stuck in the middle.

Keep moving! The most important thing to do is to keep moving. Remember, it takes 8-10 meaningful touches and 8 months to three years to bring in a new client. Check out the tips below for ways to maintain your momentum and finish strong.

Tips:

  • Adjust your mindset every morning with positive statements. What you think creates your world each day. Every morning, be intentional about what you will accomplish that day. Choose your message. “I will reach out to a potential client today.” “During the meeting with my current client, I will ask them about their newest challenges.” “I will follow up with on the challenges I discussed with my prospect at yesterday’s meeting.”
  • Make a list of the bus dev actions you will take. At the start or end of the week, make a list of actions you will take to move a relationship forward. Hang the list next to your computer so that when the time comes to act on the list, it is nearby and you can jump right in.
  • Talk about business. Clients get frustrated about the lack of business from relationships they are developing. We often discover together that when they are meeting for coffee, lunch, or a zoom call, the discussion is about personal things and not about business. Each time you connect with a prospective client, be sure you talk about business. This is how you discover their needs. Open-ended questions like, “What is challenging you now,” and “What are the goals for your business unit this year,” open the door to understanding how your business can help their business.
  • Remember to talk about your business, too. People love to talk about themselves, and after you listen to them, make sure to take some time for your business. Tell them what kind of trends you see in work you do which might apply to their business.
  • Act on opportunities immediately. A prospect mentions at the end of a coffee meeting that they would love to work with you. Act immediately to continue the conversation. Even if the cadence of your meetings is quarterly, this is a sign the prospect is ready to move forward. A possible response is, “I am happy to hear that. I would love to work with you, too. Let’s talk about what we need to do to make it happen.”
  • Adjust your goals. When your goal is focused only on bringing in a new piece of work, you may disappoint yourself and lose your momentum. Adjust your goals to smaller landmarks. I suggest clients create reasonable goals for each meeting with a prospect. For example, after meeting someone at at networking event, the first goal is to schedule a meeting to get to know each other. After achieving that goal, the goal for the meeting may be to discover whether there is an opportunity with this prospect. And so on.
  • Reward yourself. Create a reward system for yourself to match the size of the goals achieved. What is the right reward for you? Maybe you eat a piece of quality chocolate when you finish your follow up; you take a Friday afternoon off after you have submitted a proposal to a prospect; and you treat yourself to new shoes or a fancy dinner once a contract for work is signed. Acknowledging your progress in bits adds to the resiliency you are developing.

Start now and build your resiliency to increase your business development stamina. Get unstuck from the middle.

For more information contact Mary Balistreri, The Mindful Business Coach at mary@mbtmorebusinesstodayllc.com

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Lessons from My Sister

My sister, Ann, passed away on February 18. In reflecting on her life, I realized she was true to herself. She lived authentically; something we are all trying to do and talking about doing these days.

Her death reflected her life. All of the elements of her personality shone through during those last few days.

She was dramatic. As the photo captures so well, Ann loved drama. It could be argued she also created drama or that drama found its way to her. She had an abundance of stories to tell about adventures including wild places, exotic characters, and strange happenings. Her last few days on earth, in keeping with who she was to her core, were very dramatic. The hospital stay had many ups and downs entwining hopes for a recovery with uncertainty until revealing her stay on earth was ending.

She got to yell at someone. Ann was a yeller, declaring this tendency to be very Sicilian and taking pride in it. She had big opinions and told people what to do; often speaking very abruptly and loudly. It made her happy. At her deathbed, she grabbed the opportunity to yell at a few family members to learn to get along with each other. “You love each other! It’s not worth it (to fight). Get along!” she cried. Forming the words was difficult in her condition, and she found a way.

She defined many moments of her life with music. Music filled the background of Ann’s days and nights. She listened continually and I believe it numbed her pain by offering a safe place for her mind to seek relief for her body. On her deathbed, she chose songs to play at the funeral. “Here Comes the Sun” by the Beatles occupies space at the top of the list. We played it for her several times while she drifted in and out of consciousness.

She was creative. Ann was gifted with great creativity combined with a process-oriented mind. I was in awe of her ability to take a few pieces of broken artificial Christmas tree limbs and magically turn them into wreaths that could have come from a high-end catalog. Her description to Harry & David in a complaint letter about the less-than-perfect peaches she purchased made your mouth water craving the perfection she knew from the fruit. In death, she vividly described everything and everyone she saw in the in-between world she was experiencing. ” I see pink, and blue swirls. I see sparkles,” she described. She told us she saw a loved one who passed a few years ago and she was cooking.

She spoke her mind. If you regularly flamed visibly when embarrassed, you did not go out in public with my sister. She said what came to mind in every situation. The upside was you always knew what she thought. In death, she told us several times, after waking from a turn surfing in the in-between world, “I’m not dead yet! I’m not dead!” All of us reassured her that we knew she was alive.

She was spooky. My sister saw ghosts, encountered the mischievous doings of poltergeists, and was very interested in the mystical magic elements of our Sicilian heritage. My husband, Steve, is also a bit spooky. Her only words to him were, “I’ll talk to you later” meaning after her death. I have no doubt she will keep her word.

She loved enormously. Love was a four-letter word to Ann both positive and negative, filled with enormous happiness, great sadness, betrayal, disappointment, soaring bliss. Love was the most important part of life. Upon seeing one of our nieces at her deathbed, pure bliss spread across her face. “Is it my Aimee? My little Aimee?,” she said over and over again. Her primary message for everyone was a simple, “I love you.” She shouted it into the phone for friends who called. She spoke it loudly at times and softly at times to those who gathered in her hospital room. And, finally, she spoke it with her eyes as she looked up at us with recognition at the very end.

Often during my life, I would get caught up in the woulds and shoulds. Should I do this or what would happen if I did that. Ann’s advice to me remained consistent. “Do what you want,” she said, “And don’t worry about it.”

She was right. I am the happiest when I am being myself. I also worry less when I direct my own destiny rather than worrying about what other people will think of me. That was the key to her longevity.

She was completely, authentically, gloriously Ann to the end.

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Pick Me! Pick Me!

THE CLIENT WISDOM BLOG PUBLISHED BY MBT MORE BUSINESS TODAY LLC

Do you tend to raise your hand whether you are called on or not? Do you love jumping up to take on a new challenge? Does your enthusiasm seep into conversations, because you have so much to say?

In our last blog, we talked about those who tend not to raise their hands: the people who need to be called on to share their thoughts. Some of you responded that the blog spoke to you. Some of you at the opposite end of the spectrum raised your hands to say you were hand raisers. Today, let’s talk about you.

First, congratulations to all of you hand raisers. The world needs you to keep things moving. Your voice, like all voices, is important. However, just as in the case of the non-hand raisers, you may be missing out and creating situations where others are missing out on the value you can bring.

What do I mean by that? You may be thinking, “If I tend to tell people what I think, share my ideas, and volunteer for positions, how can others miss hearing my voice?” Here’s how:

  • Burnout. Often volunteering for too many things leads to not having enough time to accomplish things well. People who are over extended may peter out and stop showing up. Or it becomes hard to be present, because there are so many more things to accomplish. Others miss out on the value you can really bring because you are only half committed.
  • People stop listening. If one person is constantly speaking and giving their opinion, others stop listening. When people stop listening, they make assumptions about the messages. They may miss the substance of what is being said.
  • Others stifle their own ideas. The non-hand raisers in particular hold their ideas closer and often refrain from speaking up. There may be no space for them to insert an idea. The hand raisers miss the benefits of other points of view. Ultimately, it is counter to innovation, because an echo chamber is created. Only one source of opinion is heard.
  • You may not be saying what you think you are saying. Many people think out loud. This is a trait of extroverts. Extroverts problem solve while they are talking. As a result, those listening may check out and not stick with the thought process through to the end. So, the final resolution is lost.

What is the solution for hand raiser to make a bigger, better impact on the world? Here are some thoughts:

  • Continue to volunteer. Whether you raise your hand for a position or to add to a discussion, keep doing that and be more mindful of how you do it and when.
  • Pause. Take a step back to consider the situation before you jump up and raise your hand. If you are considering taking on a new project or new job, sit down with a notebook and write down the pros and cons. Why are you volunteering? How does it impact your goals for the year? How much time will it take, and do you have empty spaces in your calendar that you can give up?
  • Pause 2.0. If you are in a conversation and want to share your thoughts on a subject, pause before speaking. Write down your thoughts if you are in a meeting. This pause gives you time to think the subject through and finesse your idea. The end result will be a more succinct idea and a higher likelihood that others will listen.
  • Listen more than you talk. I know this can be difficult when you have so many ideas and so much to say. The more you listen the more you will realize the value of the amazing thoughts of other people – especially those non-hand raisers. Often, this group of people think deeply before they speak. They bring new life to problem-solving and share imaginative resolutions.

Remember, every voice is important. Use your voice. It’s your power. And, make space to hear the voices of others, too. There is greater power in diversity.

For more information contact Mary Balistreri, The Mindful Business Coach at mary@mbtmorebusinesstodayllc.com

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Use Your Voice. It’s Your Power.

When you were a child in school, did you raise your hand when you knew the answer to the teacher’s question? Did you volunteer to erase the chalkboard or to be the hall monitor? Or, were you the kind of kid who only talked in class if you were called on? Did you like the attention or dread it?

All of those reactions during childhood can carry over to adulthood. My clients seem to be at the extremes. Either they always raise their hands or they will not raise them without someone – a leader or peer – calling them to do so. Today’s blog is about the reluctant ones. When they hesitate to enter the ring, they miss out on opportunities to better their lives. They also deprive others from the opportunity to hear their unspoken ideas and experience their leadership styles.

It seems every week I have a client who is “thinking about throwing my hat in the ring” for a promotion, leadership position, or piece of new work. What is holding them back?

Here are a few of the obstacles this group encounters.

  • Often, these individuals are uncertain about their own skillset. They want to be 98% sure they have the experience and qualifications for the job. What if they make a mistake?
  • Some of my clients expect to be asked to take on a new role or manage a new client. They believe that if those in power believed they were the right choice, someone would offer them the opportunity.
  • And, some are resistant to change or risk adverse. Keeping things the same is the safest route.

Why is this important? Because every voice matters. Behind each voice and thought lives the power of that person.

A few thoughts:

  • It’s ok to make mistakes. Everyone does it. Mistakes create opportunities to learn, and offer chances for your humanity to shine through. It can be reassuring to those around you when you admit you are not a superhero.
  • If you do not advocate for your own abilities, who will? It is a nice thought to believe others will see something in you and offer you opportunities. The truth is, people are busy. You need to tell them what you can do and tell them what you want.
  • Silence is agreement. If you do not speak up, the assumption is that you are not interested or you agree with a decision. The only way for people to know what you think is to tell them.
  • Yes, there is comfort in things remaining the same. It is predictable. And while the sameness may not bring you joy, you know what to expect. Move yourself forward by stepping a toe into the water of change.
  • Stretch yourself. Growth comes from learning new things, ideas, and activities. When you try, you find out more about yourself: what you are really good at doing, and, sometimes, what is harder for you.
  • Finally, give the people around you the gift of yourself, your thoughts, your skills.

Did this article resonate with you? Are you someone who more easily raises your hand? We will talk about the group who volunteers next time on The Client Wisdom Blog.

For more information contact Mary Balistreri, The Mindful Business Coach at mary@mbtmorebusinesstodayllc.com

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Embracing Your Type at Work

My husband gifted me this mug for Christmas which brazenly states People Person. The cup made me think about my joy in seeing this phrase nowadays. I am a people person. I am proud to see it, and I embrace that part of me now, but this is a new thing for me.

When I entered the corporate world more than 25 years ago, I learned being a people person was not viewed well. I hated the words other professionals used to describe me, like:

  • “She’s so bubbly, a real people person!”
  • “What a social butterfly.”
  • ” Mary is always jovial.”
  • “She’s so nice. Always smiling.”

I did not want those words attached to me. To me, the connotation was a people person was friendly, but of little substance. It drew a picture in my mind of someone who is fun but not competent with business issues. Someone who is not a good candidate for leadership.

So, I tried to change myself and others’ perception of me as much as possible by being very serious and using phrases like “I think” rather than “I feel.” During conversations, I would steer the subject toward factual information rather than listening to what my gut had to say. I even came very close to showing up as a Thinker in the Meyers Briggs Type Indicator for a nanosecond. People would say to me, “you must be a Feeler in Meyers Briggs,” and I would respond, “Yes, but my Thinker/Feeler score is actually very close.”

What changed? Why do I embrace my Feeler/People Person label now?

When I work with clients, I see many of them dealing with similar struggles. In a recent training, a participant indicated they came up as a certain “type”, but they did not believe it fit their true personality. Some clients tell me directly they do not want to be a certain type. I noticed that each type of person, from thinker to doer to ideator to feeler, wants to be seen differently.

I decided to follow my own advice; the advice I give to clients.

Steps to Embracing Who You Are:

  • First, realize that no matter how you show up on an assessment, you decide who you are and who you want to be.
  • Next, think about how you act and react in a variety of situations. Each person is a little bit of every type. There are times when the label is spot on and times when you behave differently. Make note of those times. Write it in your journal if you have one.
  • Now, recognize that each type of person brings value to the table. Spend some time thinking about what you bring. Write it down.
  • Then, beyond assessments and type, there is the unique value that each individual brings to a situation. Consider yours.
  • Finally, embrace who you are. What are some ways you can incorporate your unique value into your work and your life?

For me, the change came through all of these steps, paying attention to the behaviors of other leaders, and listening to my clients resolve their struggles. I changed my own thinking about my type. Being a people person is a critical leadership skill. Empathy, openness to new ideas, and understanding cultural differences are all strengths of good leaders. The result? I am proud to be a people person.

What about you? How do you use your strengths and talents at work?

For more information contact Mary Balistreri, The Mindful Business Coach at mary@mbtmorebusinesstodayllc.com

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