Boost Your Growth: Therapy Plus Coaching Benefits

©The MBT Blog published by MBT More Business Today LLC

Working with individual clients over the last few years, I noticed a shift to greater openness about mental health issues. Many of my clients talk about therapy and the specific issues they are working toward understanding and improving. Most of those subjects also show up through the various personality assessments I use when coaching.

Anxiety, managing stress, and codependent behaviors take the top three slots in the cross-over between what is discussed in therapy and what obstacles materialize in coaching. As a coach, I check in with clients to suggest they seek out a good therapist and to confirm they have already done so.

What is interesting to me now is the speed of improvement I see when clients openly work with both.

Therapy focuses on looking backward to the root of the obstacles a person faces. Coaching guides a person to move forward and focuses on improvements. In both cases, information, programs, books, and techniques are shared.

For example, after reading through the tips for improvement offered in a personality assessment report, a client remarked to me, “This is all about my anxiety. I am working on that with my therapist.” From that moment on, the techniques overlap.

Here are some examples:

  • For several clients of mine, the combination of support created a feeling of confidence to engage in conversations they had previously avoided. They tended to put themselves in the category of conflict averse individuals.
  • The power of saying “no” emerged for clients who were inclined to put the needs of others before themselves. With their therapist, they delved into their codependent behaviors. With me as their coach, we worked on building their mindset to affirm their rights to self-care, rather than tearing themselves down through negative self-talk.
  • In therapy and coaching, clients learned to recognize their triggers. I help people determine how to best prepare themselves for triggering situations by creating processes to follow. I saw the swiftness of improvement double when clients also worked with a therapist to find the root of those triggers.

In these and other areas, I have seen an improvement-squared result. Simply put, clients move forward more quickly with both types of support. How about you? Have you invested in yourself? What works for you?

Rediscover the Joy of the Coffee Meeting

©The MBT Blog published by MBT More Business Today LLC

I love coffee. I love all kinds of coffee; fancy coffee drinks, straight up caffeine-filled coffee, a bit of café au lait in New Orleans, a pumpkin spice latte both hot and cold. The drink in the picture is a very special café tiramisu drink – no alcohol used but great use of a martini glass. Coffee is cozy and happy and comfortable for me. I also enjoy sitting down and talking with people. All kinds of people, some, I know this sounds crazy, who do not enjoy coffee still meet up with me for a sip – usually of tea or smoothie. It brings us closer together, helps us establish and expand relationships. It is like dating, but for business.

Coming off a solid few weeks of networking, I felt a faint aversion to coffee meetings begin to develop. These are the important next steps that must be taken to bring in new business. How can someone buy your services or refer business to you if they do not know, trust, and like you. The one-on-one meetings are essential. Yet, fatigue had set in. I needed to find a way to power through the thoughts in my head telling me to lie down with a warm blanket.

Once I arrived at the meetings though, I enjoyed the ritual as usual. It seemed the leaving-the-house part of things was weighing on me. They, whoever they are, say too much of anything is not good for you. Yet, how will I plant the seeds for future business if I sit at home? I need to be out there, right?

Then I reflected on the conversations coffee created in the past few weeks. I let myself feel the excitement of learning a new thing. I learn something from each person I meet. I wondered at the life experiences of my table companions – the part of their life experience they shared with me on that particular day. I marveled at the differences and the similarities we uncovered together. I loved each one of those meetings.

What’s old is new! The epiphany surfaced or re-surfaced. I do so like green eggs and ham, or, in this case, meeting and connecting over coffee.

“Yes, but how does all this caffeine intake impact your business?” you may ask. I may reply, in fact, I will reply, “greatly and for the better.” Looking back at my notes, I remembered the follow up I had yet to do. This is an important step, I remembered through my mocha haze: do the follow up!

Those connections have connections and agreed to connect me. In all cases, I also agreed to connect these new connections. The connections are sure to grow from here, leading to many more associations.

I am a bit jazzed up on coffee, so I best write these tips down more clearly for all of you who are reading this.

  1. Reflect on the meetings you had.
  2. What did you learn about the person you met?
  3. Look to your notes for information. What did you agree to do and what did they agree to do?
  4. Make a list or just dive right in, but DO THE FOLLOW UP!
  5. Especially make sure to make plans to reconnect and deepen the relationship.

And that, is how I rediscovered the joy of the coffee meeting.

Surviving the Workplace: Rely on Your Source of Motivation

From the MBT Blog – published by MBT More Business Today LLC

I recently attended a webinar about “Surviving Today’s Workplace” and was surprised to hear the primary focus was on what to wear at work – at least during the first 20 minutes of a half hour webinar. What I hear consistently from clients about surviving the workplace right now contradicts the webinar’s advice – my clients are not wondering whether they are wearing the right shoes. Their concerns center on anxiety, exhaustion, uncertainty, and burnout.

Many people are feeling the grasp of overwhelming circumstances at work. It affects their concentration, productivity, mood, and health.

The root of those obstacles comes from the pressures of meeting company goals assigned to the individual and their team, managing a multi-generational team, employee retention, increased expectations, and, the state of our world right now with the intense level of change and uncertainty.

Many of my clients express, whether through words, actions or inaction, the drain this high level of stress inflicts upon them physically and emotionally. They are having a hard time finding the motivation they need to keep them active and productive at work. Then, their lack of productivity leads to additional stress placing them in an orbit of overload with no escape seeming to be near.

Many people are feeling the grasp of overwhelming circumstances at work. It affects their concentration, productivity, mood, and health. Through coaching, they discover the importance getting back to the basics of their motivation. Asking the question, “why do you do what you do?” is key to breaking out of the funky orbit holding them hostage.

For most people, the answer to the question above falls into four categories. They are motivated by: family and/or people, being responsible, achieving excellence, and solving the immediate problem in the moment. The situations around them make it difficult to satisfy their need for action leading to the responses listed above.

Family and/or People: Individuals in this category are motivated by helping and supporting people. They started their career to dedicate their time to the impact they can make on other people, including their families and members of their teams. When their job and work responsibilities keep them from achieving their purpose, they lose their motivation.

Being Responsible: Responsibilities surface from many places and people in this category are driven to fulfill all of them. Sometimes, they are the chief breadwinner in their family and are supporting multiple people with their paychecks. At work, they feel personally accountable for the successes or failures of their teams and businesses. Understanding this motivation and taking a look at the burdens an individual takes on, can be the key to breaking out of the orbit.

Achieving Excellence: What is more important than achieving a goal? Doing it perfectly, in the best way, and with the highest level of success. These individuals are often so confined to their vision of excellence, they are unable to see the victories in a job well done. Frustration and anxiety will surface for them when the rate at which they are expected to execute leaves no time for impeccable thoughts and planning.

Solving the Immediate Problem in the Moment: Have you ever wished you had the scissors to cut through the red tape in your organization? Red tape, delays, and lack of autonomy are nightmares to this group of individuals. They simply want to go to work, do the job, solve the issues, and move on to the next challenge.

Which of the motivations listed above resonated with you? Give yourself the gift of time today to pause and regain your understanding of what motivates you? And remember to take on that orbit of tasks and obstacles surrounding you one situation at a time. Rather than being stuck in an unrelenting titanium orbit, break through softly by finding control over your work, day, and mood.

Mastering Goal Setting to Combat Opportunity Overload

From the MBT Blog – published by MBT More Business Today LLC

Yikes! I innocently walked into the grocery store recently and quickly became surrounded by pumpkin spice options. Ground coffee, cold foam, pods of coffee, creamer, and so on. I barely escaped – with a few items, that is. Then, I opened my e-mail and social media to a bombardment of events, seminars, networking options, coffees meetups, and conferences. How do I whittle through all of that and stay productive?

For many of my clients, the overwhelm is real. For most people, a bit of success in business or career often leads to a barrage of invitations to do more. Successful people get that way by being committed to the endeavors they pursue. The world knows this well and will intrude on their daily life distracting them from their plan and vision.

“Coaching works first because I have a goal. When I am overwhelmed by too many options, the coach steers me back toward my goal and keeps me on track. The second reason is the coach holds me accountable during the recurring appointments.” MBT Attorney Clients

By managing boundaries and setting clear goals for yourself, you can learn to respond the way you want to respond when asked to sit on a board, lead a group, attend an event or organize a business event. Why not just say “no?”

Reasons for saying “yes.”
Clients I work with are up-and-comers who are committed to their self-improvement. They are at the stage in their career where their work and dedication are being noticed by colleagues in their organization, business people in their industry, and leaders in their communities. The expectations grow as fast as the careers. Here are some of the reasons I hear for not saying “no.”
– I don’t want to say “no” to my boss or I don’t know how to refuse my boss.
– I don’t know what I want, so I will just grab this opportunity, and that one, too.
– I don’t like conflict and will do anything to avoid it.
– I am afraid if I reject this opportunity, I will not receive any others.

My clients are right, it is no better to refuse every opportunity than it is to accept everything that is offered. After years of coaching attorneys as they grew in stature as rainmakers and leaders, I asked the question, “Why does coaching work for you?” They answered, “Coaching works first, because I have a goal. When I am overwhelmed by too many options, the coach steers me back toward my goal and keeps me on track. The second reason is the coach holds me accountable during the recurring appointments.”

There it is, the answer for taking control of your career and combating the overwhelm. Goal setting, creating and holding boundaries, and turning back to your goal when the options begin to multiply. And, pulling out the plan to revisit your progress and make sure your course of action aligns with it. By doing this, you remind yourself of the plans you made for your life. It becomes easier to say “no” because there is substance behind it. It also creates more enthusiasm to jumping into an opportunity because it aligns with your strategy.

For example:

  • “Thank you for asking me to serve on your board. My time is taken up with a number of other activities. Tell me about the criteria for people on your board, and I will see if there is someone I can recommend to you.”
  • Thank you for this opportunity. I am fully committed to your cause and feel this is the right place for me to support you.”
  • “Thank you for the opportunity to take on this administrative role at the firm. I am honored you are thinking about me. However, right now, I am focused on building my business skills.”
  • “Thank you for offering me the opportunity to lead this group at the firm! I am excited for the opportunity to grow here.”

How is this article impacting you? What career goals do you have? Have you written a plan for yourself? Do you know where you are headed? Do you have a vision for your future? Coaching supports you at the beginning, end, and that pesky middle part, of success.

Building Trust by Sharing Business Connections

From the MBT Blog – published by MBT More Business Today LLC

The old business saying, “People buy from people they know, like, and trust,” coined by Bob Burg in his book Endless Referrals, provides a simple road map for building your business. Broken down, it suggests building relationships and trust with those in your network.

You attended those three networking events this month. You met a few people at each event who might need your services. You searched them out on LinkedIn and sent invitations to them. They accepted. Now what?

That middle part, after the first meeting and before closing the sale, often gets in the way of a bringing in a perfect new client. You cannot get to the last part without going through, and engaging with, the middle part. The first, and usually the second, meeting seldom make the phone ring. The truth is, you have to work to build that relationship.

It sounds simple, right? Just follow up. The question is who, what, when, and all the how’s; how often, how come, how to. That pesky middle part causes anxiety again.

Each time I attend a networking event, I marvel at the connections that exist between people just waiting to be discovered. Each one of us has knowledge that helps someone else address a question or obstacle they are experiencing. This is the power of people used for the betterment of the community

One way to develop relationships, instill trust, and remain top of mind is to tap into that people power and become a connector. A connector is a person who maintains a large network, understands the special skill sets of those in their network, and easily connects two people who need each other to solve a problem. Connectors do not personally create the solution to the issue. They guide their pals to other pals who have the solutions.

Connectors know how to listen. They ask questions to make sure they best understand the needs of those with whom they interact. Then they store that information away for future retrieval. Where do they store it? In their heads, in a spreadsheet, and sometimes, on the back of business cards.

Being a connector also gives you automatic reasons to follow up and expand the relationship. First, you follow up by making the introduction. Then, the connection gives you a reason to check in on both parties to see how things are going. Finally, it opens the door for you to talk about the connections you need to make to move your business forward.

A Few Things to Remember:

  • Check your mindset. Make sure you open your mind to positive outcomes each day. Turn a thought like, “I never meet the right people,” into something positive and more truthful like, “I need to look for the unique skills of the people I meet.”
  • Time is never wasted. My clients will sometimes remark that they did not, “…meet anyone who will give me work,” at an event or conference. Maybe, but who do those people know? What needs do they have? Are there connections you have not explored?
  • Be disciplined. Treat the time you spend following up the same way you treat the time you spend working. It is important and vital to your success. Schedule the time on your calendar and commit to holding that space for your relationship development.
  • Create and enforce boundaries. It feels good to be a connector and help people solve their problems. Remember not to forget your own goals. Set boundaries for yourself in the form of time commitments, such as, “I will make introductions for others 30 minutes each week.” Also, remember to ask for what you need. Do not forget yourself while you are helping others.

Connectors create win/win situations everyday. Why not be one of them?

Navigating Business Support: Grace and Authenticity

From the MBT Blog – published by MBT More Business Today LLC

I recently danced in bliss and abandon at a 1970s themed garden party during an event celebrating the 50th Anniversary of NAWBO (National Association for Women Business Owners). The next day, as I spoke with a friend and #womanbusinessowner, she remarked on the beautiful feeling of #acceptance, #belonging, and #support she felt while we all danced together. She used the word #authentic to describe the support shared by the diverse mixture of women at the event.

Looking at the photo of myself dancing raises the question for me, how do we show up for each other in our #businesslives?

Most women, me included, have experienced the opposite of this atmosphere at work. We have been victims of women colleagues who refuse to offer a hand up to others in our company. Some situations included actual #sabotage to make an up-and-comer slip a few notches on the ladder. Often the actions are about #power, finding it and keeping it. I hear about it when I am coaching clients. I also hear about it from minority groups. It’s as if a person who has risen despite the odds, someone who often is the only one of their group, believes there can be only one in such an elevated position, and it must be them. They fear losing status.

Do the best you can until you know better.
Then, when you know better, do better.

Maya Angelou

If we reflected on this concept truthfully, most of us will admit we have been in both spaces. The non-supportive colleague AND the supportive person. Were we mean spirited at work? Were we tired of all the great things the latest “golden child” was accomplishing? Were we afraid our accomplishments would be forgotten? Did we feel like we were suddenly not enough? And, were WE the golden child receiving the attention while feeling the cold shoulder of other women colleagues? Were WE the ones being added to an agenda to present on a subject without being notified in advance? How did we react?

Whatever the reasons and experiences, we need to offer grace to ourselves for times when we were less than supportive of a colleague. And, offer grace to the colleague who was less than supportive of us. As Maya Angelou wrote, “Do the best you can until you know better. Then, when you know better, do better.”

One worry I hear is that by supporting one person or one group of people, the perception will be my client is against another person or group of people. Clients also worry that a lack of public support for people who are similar to them engenders the idea that they are against their own people.

How do you know how to act? Business culture and politics are often complex. Sometimes fear of losing out causes us to go along, or worse, limit the opportunities of others. How can you manage your work life so your actions fit in with the person you want to be? These questions can only be answered by examining your values.

How do you dig into your values? How do you bring mindfulness to the forefront at work when reacting in the moment? Here are some ideas.
1. Start by asking yourself, “Who am I and who do I want to be?” While you answer, consider the adjectives you would like to use describing yourself. Fair? Successful? Loyal? Thoughtful? Smart? Productive? And the nouns, too. Ally? Leader? Collaborator? Mentor?
2. Now ask yourself, “What motivates me?” Answers could include: my family, status, taking care of people, financial success, my faith.
3. Now, think of two real work situations you encountered: after one, you felt unsettled or unhappy by the way you reacted. In the other, you were proud of your actions. What would you do differently in each circumstance?
Here are two examples:
1. You are part of a meeting and the discussion veers toward a female colleague. Those in the room are commenting on this person’s looks or mannerisms in an unflattering way. Everyone is laughing. You chuckle and look down at the table.
2. All the facts noted in #1 are the same, except you do not laugh. You say, “Come on everyone, let’s move on from this personal talk.” In reaction, the group stops talking. After a few moments of silence, the leader directs the group back to the agenda.

Now ask yourself how much you care about what other people think of you? The truth is, unless you have directly asked the question, “What do you think of me?” and received an answer, you do not know. So, why waste the time wondering?

Focusing on the knowns at work, the direct feedback you have received, frees you from wondering what others are thinking. It opens the door to behaving in a way that aligns with your values. It gives you the opportunity to realize you can support other women without turning your back on male colleagues.

And, I believe you can be for someone without being against someone else. What do you think? How do you show up? Does it align with your values? What can you learn? How can you do better? I believe there is enough goodness in life for everyone to enjoy. How about you?

Knowing Your Part in Business: What Your Younger Self Could Tell You

From the MBT Blog – published by MBT More Business Today LLC

When I was a kid, my family gathered around the dining room table on weekends, put some music on the Hi-Fi and played cards, most frequently Pinochle. As the youngest of six children, I seldom joined in the game. I was too little and inexperienced. Truthfully, my interests centered around the music that was supposed to provide a background for the game. For me, the music was everything.

Those times illustrated with great clarity the path I would choose in my life. I wish I had recognized it sooner. My younger self held the wisdom of my future in her hands. I acted instinctively sometimes toward my best path, but often I failed to listen.

I come from a musical family. While we played cards, we sang along to the music, each choosing a separate harmony to sing. My parents envisioned themselves as extremely hip allowing my older brothers and sisters to supply the modern music of the time – Joni Mitchell, Simon & Garfunkel, Bread, Cat Stevens and the Beatles. However, the White Album was quickly banished as soon as “Why Don’t We Do It in the Road” came blaring out of the speaker.

How the four players in each game found the mental room necessary to think in the midst of the shear volume of the music and so many singers crouched around them is a mystery to me. My mother actually displayed the gift of counting cards, knowing exactly what was left in each person’s hand, while humming and chair-dancing when her favorite songs were on – “I Dig Rock and Roll” by Peter, Paul and Mary in particular.

I created a fringe role for myself at these times listening to all of the other harmonies, the established ones, around me and inventing new ones. I moved around the table quietly stepping into the small groups created by our bunched up chairs and sang notes I grabbed from the sky or inside my head. I am sure some of them were off-key as evidenced by mother’s or brother’s quick shake of the head and wince of the eye. Somehow, at the young age of 11, 12, and 13, the clinkers failed to stop me. I charged forward each weekend, praying on Thursday night for a card game or two that Saturday. Those evenings were the center of my joy.

Inevitably, a memory from childhood pops up. The client will say, “When I was a child, I used to … Why don’t I do that now?”

Now, as I work with individuals and teams supporting them and giving them the tools to find success, I think about myself back then. I knew then who I was and had claimed my role – the outsider lobbing something new into the established group, the way-shower lighting the path for a previously hidden interlude, the experimenter willing to get messy during the search.

I see now how I incorporate that skill set into coaching. I enjoy bringing together ideas, lessons, and tools to guide a client toward their destiny. With each coaching engagement I help my clients identify obstacles keeping them from succeeding in the ways they want to succeed. Inevitably, a memory from childhood pops up. The client will say, “When I was a child, I used to … Why don’t I do that now?” Indeed, what would the younger you tell you about yourself if you chose to listen?

I find the paths we take throughout life fascinating. How did my client’s personality show up in childhood? What were the defining moments pushing one person to be a lawyer and another an entrepreneur? And, how much of themselves were lost along the way?

Sometimes as we age, we lean in to the “you shoulds” others dictate to us. Taking a supporting role seems unappealing or even unworthy. Our minds get mixed up with what we are supposed to want versus what we really need. Suddenly, we are lost. We are unsure how to move forward. We get stuck.

Many clients express the need to be authentic in creating relationships at work as leaders or in developing business. I have written about it here often, because it is such a strong and repeated need. The first step in that process is to identify who they are. Once that is clear, moving forward becomes easier.

Why not ask yourself? What role would you take if you thought about the strengths you exhibited as a kid. If you were in a band or orchestra, would you play the music, conduct the music, or manage the group’s schedule? If you are a business leader, do you crunch the numbers, execute the strategy, or create the strategy? Are you in the right role? How do you harmonize with your colleagues?

There are so many roles you can play, are you in the right one? Give coaching a try. Reach out to me for a free consultation using this link. Let’s find your joyful place!

Owen and the Fourth

A Special Post From the MBT Blog – published by MBT More Business Today LLC

When I think about the 4th of July, I think about my son Owen and remember a day at Hoyt Pool in Wauwatosa. A perfectly warm day with few clouds in the blue sky, the newly opened pool offered a beautiful, fun escape. In addition to a splash area for younger kids, it had a big, colorful slide for the entertainment of older kids.

Owen has a disability that affects his arms and legs. My son, however, gravitates toward mastering the things that other people believe he cannot do. So, of course, he figured out a way to swim using his strong thighs to kick his legs. He practiced holding his breath, planning to achieve a world record.

“Mom, mom, count how long I am under the water. I bet I can do three minutes. Ready? Go!” he would say too quickly for me to be ready and count. He loved the water. It gave him the freedom of movement he could not replicate on dry land. I picture him now wearing his swim goggles and staring at me intensely, hopping on the foot of his one straight leg while he readied himself for a plunge under the water.

Sometimes, he would hook his ankles onto the side of the pool and submerge himself backwards. Those times, he stayed under the longest. Just when I began to panic a bit that he was under too long, he popped up with a laugh. He delighted in seeing the panic in my face. “Mom, mom! I know what I’m doing,” he would say with a laugh and happily swim away.

I am not a great swimmer. I do not like being in water over my head. My sweet son tried to coax me out of my fear each time we visited our beautiful pool. “Come on, mom. You can swim. Go in the deep water with me.”

I ventured forth into the deep – for me, that is anything over 4’ 10”. Quickly, I skittered back to my comfort zone at the edge of the pool where I would get a bit of exercise by holding on and kicking.

On this festive 4th of July, a lifeguard told us Owen must pass a swimming test before playing in the deep end again. I held my breath, waiting for Owen’s response. Ever the worrier, I feared he would refuse, or worse, fail the test. I could see him refusing to go to the pool in the future if he failed. He loved the water so completely, I feared he would cut himself off from the great joy of the big pool.

“Okay!” Owen said. “What do I have to do?” The rules stated he had to swim out to the deep and come back without touching the bottom. It seemed a huge distance to me. I do not remember the specifics.

I asked the lifeguard how many times he would have to do this. What if the lifeguards changed shifts? The kids receive a password once they pass, he told me. I nodded at hearing that. We had heard kids shouting random words at the lifeguards before: Inner tube., friend, truck, and so on.

It was time for Owen to take the swimming test. He took a deep breath, plunged himself under the water, and quickly swam straight across, into the deep, past the other kids watching him in awe, straight to the next set of ropes. Then, he hovered for a second, treading water, and swam back.

No arms! He never used his arms, because they have no muscles in them. I explained that to the lifeguard. I taught him how to say Arthrogryposis Multiplex Congenita that day. He repeated after me, “aar·throw·gri·pow·suhs muhl·tee·pleks kuhn·jeh·nuh·tuh.

Owen arrived at the pool wall and looked up at the lifeguard.

“Well?”

“You passed!” he said giving a big, tanned thumbs up.

“What’s my word?” Owen said laughing with delight.

“Independence,” the lifeguard said.

A day of triumph for my amazing son who spent the entire day shouting, “Independence” at the amazed lifeguards.

Imagine the Best Picture of You

From the MBT Blog – published by MBT More Business Today LLC

When my photographer revealed the images of me after our photo session, I was awestruck. I have always been camera shy even though my mother used to say I was photogenic. So, I hesitated more than a little when investing in a professional photo. This photo session was magic. I though, “this is how I want to look. This is the image I want to project. And, this is really me.”

An exercise I use during coaching sessions asks the client to list words. The words should indicate how they believe others would describe them as leaders. Then, they list the aspirational words, the words they would love people to use when talking about their leadership. The exercise is about perception and self-image.

Sometimes, the first list of descriptors comes through reviews and feedback from supervisors, managers and colleagues. Participation in a 360 review process generally gives a leader specific input and is a good source in development of the list. However they emerge, observations from others bring surprises – some very helpful and appreciated, some causing doubt.

Looking at the gap, the difference between what others believe and what you want to project, creates a great opportunity for growth.

Mary Balistreri, The Mindful business coach
A woman with curly hair wearing red glasses and a red blazer smiling at the camera against a neutral background.

For myself, I know I want to project a confident engaging, knowledgeable business woman. And, the feedback I receive surprises me. I hear, “Fun. Your web site does not show how much fun you are.” Or, one that does not exactly produce excitement in me, “The rock. You are so dependable.” My reaction to dependable is “boring.” But, that feedback ultimately made me happy that clients and colleagues depend on me. It also made me realize I want to be exciting. Hence the red in this image, my favorite picture of me.

This picture makes me laugh when I see it. I remember my negativity about getting a good photo. I remember my nervousness which the photographer remedied by playing great dance music. I love to dance and it set me at ease. It makes me smile remembering the compliments I still receive about this photo even though it has been out there in social media land for three years. It makes me happy.

My aspirational list contains many more words than those mentioned above. Yet, when I am having one of those days, you know the kind, when a potential client says “yes” to everything except signing the contract. The days when your e-mail is full only of other people trying to sell you things. The quiet days when the phone does not ring. Those are the times I need to dig into my own self-talk. 

Mindset affects the way you feel. The first step to taking control of your life, career, image – you name it – is to control your own thoughts and attitudes. For me when I am in a negative place, sometimes I tell myself, “Look for the things that are going right.” Another mantra for me is, “Everything you need is around you. Just focus and you will see it.” Or, I look at this picture. This photo continually snaps me out of negative reverie into the beauty of the day.

How about you? Is there an image of you that you believe shows the best you? Can you visualize what that image might be? And, which words are on your lists? Take a moment, and pen and paper, to think about it. And if you want help, send me an email or make an appointment. It will brighten my mood on one of “those” days and begin your investment in controlling your own image.

Boost Your Confidence: Speak Up at Work

From the MBT Blog – published by MBT More Business Today LLC

This week, I participate in Advocacy Days in Washington, D.C. with NAWBO (National Association of Women Business Owners). As a member of this supportive group of entrepreneurs, I relish the idea of combining our voices to stand up for women and small business owners in our country. I did not always possess the ability to speak up for myself or anyone. I was taught to keep my head down and work hard.

My clients, and me and people everywhere, seem to want the same thing – to be heard. Being heard and understood leads to feelings of belonging. A sense of belonging leads to confidence in your environment. That confidence can lead to trust. And, trust leads to honesty, collaboration, productivity, and satisfaction.

Many of my clients express the need to speak more confidently at work and to be heard. Through coaching, some learn to stand up for themselves and their staff. It is a key element in becoming a better leader. 

Has anyone every told you, “Well, if you do not tell me, how am I supposed to know what you want?” The statement is true.

Yet, what is a person supposed to do? How do you start? What do you say? It is more complicated than just being told to speak up. Like most things in life, learning to use your voice can be made into a process. Start small, then let yourself grow.

A Process. Also like most things, a one-size-fits-all process may not work for every size. Each person is different. Each person’s obstacles that keep them from speaking up are individual to them. Each business environment has its own culture. So, take the suggestions here and adopt them for your needs and environment.

  • Start by finding your voice. What is important to you?
    Take some time to think about what is most important to you. Think about what you value most. Make a list.
  • Look for patterns.
    Are there certain behaviors that bother you? Do others take advantage of you? Have you established boundaries? In which situations do you wish you had voiced your opinion? Make a list. Do you see a pattern? It is probable you have experienced the same kinds of situations during your life in multiple areas – at home, at your current job, and at a previous job. Narrow in on the causes.
  • What keeps you from voicing your thoughts?
    Many of my clients dislike conflict. Voicing an opinion creates the possibility that someone will disagree with you. If this sounds like you, think about the word “no” and how it feels to hear it. How does it feel to say “no?” Disagreements can be resolved through talking. Think about what happens if your hear “no” and what happens if you hear “yes.” Those are the two extremes. Most responses will be somewhere in the middle.
  • Give it a try.
    Plan ahead to voice your opinion and practice what you might say. “I understand your idea, and here are my thoughts.” or “I know you are busy, but I cannot take on another project right now. Let’s talk about who is more available.” Take a deep breath and try it out. Notice what happens. How did it feel? Try it again. Remember to align your need to speak up with your values.
  • Keep growing.
    Practice until it becomes a comfortable habit.

If you exercise your vocal chords, your voice will become stronger. The more often you stand up for yourself and others, and the more toned your muscles will become. Keep at it. Maybe you will join me at Advocacy Days next year.