Mastering Goal Setting to Combat Opportunity Overload

From the MBT Blog – published by MBT More Business Today LLC

Yikes! I innocently walked into the grocery store recently and quickly became surrounded by pumpkin spice options. Ground coffee, cold foam, pods of coffee, creamer, and so on. I barely escaped – with a few items, that is. Then, I opened my e-mail and social media to a bombardment of events, seminars, networking options, coffees meetups, and conferences. How do I whittle through all of that and stay productive?

For many of my clients, the overwhelm is real. For most people, a bit of success in business or career often leads to a barrage of invitations to do more. Successful people get that way by being committed to the endeavors they pursue. The world knows this well and will intrude on their daily life distracting them from their plan and vision.

“Coaching works first because I have a goal. When I am overwhelmed by too many options, the coach steers me back toward my goal and keeps me on track. The second reason is the coach holds me accountable during the recurring appointments.” MBT Attorney Clients

By managing boundaries and setting clear goals for yourself, you can learn to respond the way you want to respond when asked to sit on a board, lead a group, attend an event or organize a business event. Why not just say “no?”

Reasons for saying “yes.”
Clients I work with are up-and-comers who are committed to their self-improvement. They are at the stage in their career where their work and dedication are being noticed by colleagues in their organization, business people in their industry, and leaders in their communities. The expectations grow as fast as the careers. Here are some of the reasons I hear for not saying “no.”
– I don’t want to say “no” to my boss or I don’t know how to refuse my boss.
– I don’t know what I want, so I will just grab this opportunity, and that one, too.
– I don’t like conflict and will do anything to avoid it.
– I am afraid if I reject this opportunity, I will not receive any others.

My clients are right, it is no better to refuse every opportunity than it is to accept everything that is offered. After years of coaching attorneys as they grew in stature as rainmakers and leaders, I asked the question, “Why does coaching work for you?” They answered, “Coaching works first, because I have a goal. When I am overwhelmed by too many options, the coach steers me back toward my goal and keeps me on track. The second reason is the coach holds me accountable during the recurring appointments.”

There it is, the answer for taking control of your career and combating the overwhelm. Goal setting, creating and holding boundaries, and turning back to your goal when the options begin to multiply. And, pulling out the plan to revisit your progress and make sure your course of action aligns with it. By doing this, you remind yourself of the plans you made for your life. It becomes easier to say “no” because there is substance behind it. It also creates more enthusiasm to jumping into an opportunity because it aligns with your strategy.

For example:

  • “Thank you for asking me to serve on your board. My time is taken up with a number of other activities. Tell me about the criteria for people on your board, and I will see if there is someone I can recommend to you.”
  • Thank you for this opportunity. I am fully committed to your cause and feel this is the right place for me to support you.”
  • “Thank you for the opportunity to take on this administrative role at the firm. I am honored you are thinking about me. However, right now, I am focused on building my business skills.”
  • “Thank you for offering me the opportunity to lead this group at the firm! I am excited for the opportunity to grow here.”

How is this article impacting you? What career goals do you have? Have you written a plan for yourself? Do you know where you are headed? Do you have a vision for your future? Coaching supports you at the beginning, end, and that pesky middle part, of success.

Building Trust by Sharing Business Connections

From the MBT Blog – published by MBT More Business Today LLC

The old business saying, “People buy from people they know, like, and trust,” coined by Bob Burg in his book Endless Referrals, provides a simple road map for building your business. Broken down, it suggests building relationships and trust with those in your network.

You attended those three networking events this month. You met a few people at each event who might need your services. You searched them out on LinkedIn and sent invitations to them. They accepted. Now what?

That middle part, after the first meeting and before closing the sale, often gets in the way of a bringing in a perfect new client. You cannot get to the last part without going through, and engaging with, the middle part. The first, and usually the second, meeting seldom make the phone ring. The truth is, you have to work to build that relationship.

It sounds simple, right? Just follow up. The question is who, what, when, and all the how’s; how often, how come, how to. That pesky middle part causes anxiety again.

Each time I attend a networking event, I marvel at the connections that exist between people just waiting to be discovered. Each one of us has knowledge that helps someone else address a question or obstacle they are experiencing. This is the power of people used for the betterment of the community

One way to develop relationships, instill trust, and remain top of mind is to tap into that people power and become a connector. A connector is a person who maintains a large network, understands the special skill sets of those in their network, and easily connects two people who need each other to solve a problem. Connectors do not personally create the solution to the issue. They guide their pals to other pals who have the solutions.

Connectors know how to listen. They ask questions to make sure they best understand the needs of those with whom they interact. Then they store that information away for future retrieval. Where do they store it? In their heads, in a spreadsheet, and sometimes, on the back of business cards.

Being a connector also gives you automatic reasons to follow up and expand the relationship. First, you follow up by making the introduction. Then, the connection gives you a reason to check in on both parties to see how things are going. Finally, it opens the door for you to talk about the connections you need to make to move your business forward.

A Few Things to Remember:

  • Check your mindset. Make sure you open your mind to positive outcomes each day. Turn a thought like, “I never meet the right people,” into something positive and more truthful like, “I need to look for the unique skills of the people I meet.”
  • Time is never wasted. My clients will sometimes remark that they did not, “…meet anyone who will give me work,” at an event or conference. Maybe, but who do those people know? What needs do they have? Are there connections you have not explored?
  • Be disciplined. Treat the time you spend following up the same way you treat the time you spend working. It is important and vital to your success. Schedule the time on your calendar and commit to holding that space for your relationship development.
  • Create and enforce boundaries. It feels good to be a connector and help people solve their problems. Remember not to forget your own goals. Set boundaries for yourself in the form of time commitments, such as, “I will make introductions for others 30 minutes each week.” Also, remember to ask for what you need. Do not forget yourself while you are helping others.

Connectors create win/win situations everyday. Why not be one of them?

Navigating Business Support: Grace and Authenticity

From the MBT Blog – published by MBT More Business Today LLC

I recently danced in bliss and abandon at a 1970s themed garden party during an event celebrating the 50th Anniversary of NAWBO (National Association for Women Business Owners). The next day, as I spoke with a friend and #womanbusinessowner, she remarked on the beautiful feeling of #acceptance, #belonging, and #support she felt while we all danced together. She used the word #authentic to describe the support shared by the diverse mixture of women at the event.

Looking at the photo of myself dancing raises the question for me, how do we show up for each other in our #businesslives?

Most women, me included, have experienced the opposite of this atmosphere at work. We have been victims of women colleagues who refuse to offer a hand up to others in our company. Some situations included actual #sabotage to make an up-and-comer slip a few notches on the ladder. Often the actions are about #power, finding it and keeping it. I hear about it when I am coaching clients. I also hear about it from minority groups. It’s as if a person who has risen despite the odds, someone who often is the only one of their group, believes there can be only one in such an elevated position, and it must be them. They fear losing status.

Do the best you can until you know better.
Then, when you know better, do better.

Maya Angelou

If we reflected on this concept truthfully, most of us will admit we have been in both spaces. The non-supportive colleague AND the supportive person. Were we mean spirited at work? Were we tired of all the great things the latest “golden child” was accomplishing? Were we afraid our accomplishments would be forgotten? Did we feel like we were suddenly not enough? And, were WE the golden child receiving the attention while feeling the cold shoulder of other women colleagues? Were WE the ones being added to an agenda to present on a subject without being notified in advance? How did we react?

Whatever the reasons and experiences, we need to offer grace to ourselves for times when we were less than supportive of a colleague. And, offer grace to the colleague who was less than supportive of us. As Maya Angelou wrote, “Do the best you can until you know better. Then, when you know better, do better.”

One worry I hear is that by supporting one person or one group of people, the perception will be my client is against another person or group of people. Clients also worry that a lack of public support for people who are similar to them engenders the idea that they are against their own people.

How do you know how to act? Business culture and politics are often complex. Sometimes fear of losing out causes us to go along, or worse, limit the opportunities of others. How can you manage your work life so your actions fit in with the person you want to be? These questions can only be answered by examining your values.

How do you dig into your values? How do you bring mindfulness to the forefront at work when reacting in the moment? Here are some ideas.
1. Start by asking yourself, “Who am I and who do I want to be?” While you answer, consider the adjectives you would like to use describing yourself. Fair? Successful? Loyal? Thoughtful? Smart? Productive? And the nouns, too. Ally? Leader? Collaborator? Mentor?
2. Now ask yourself, “What motivates me?” Answers could include: my family, status, taking care of people, financial success, my faith.
3. Now, think of two real work situations you encountered: after one, you felt unsettled or unhappy by the way you reacted. In the other, you were proud of your actions. What would you do differently in each circumstance?
Here are two examples:
1. You are part of a meeting and the discussion veers toward a female colleague. Those in the room are commenting on this person’s looks or mannerisms in an unflattering way. Everyone is laughing. You chuckle and look down at the table.
2. All the facts noted in #1 are the same, except you do not laugh. You say, “Come on everyone, let’s move on from this personal talk.” In reaction, the group stops talking. After a few moments of silence, the leader directs the group back to the agenda.

Now ask yourself how much you care about what other people think of you? The truth is, unless you have directly asked the question, “What do you think of me?” and received an answer, you do not know. So, why waste the time wondering?

Focusing on the knowns at work, the direct feedback you have received, frees you from wondering what others are thinking. It opens the door to behaving in a way that aligns with your values. It gives you the opportunity to realize you can support other women without turning your back on male colleagues.

And, I believe you can be for someone without being against someone else. What do you think? How do you show up? Does it align with your values? What can you learn? How can you do better? I believe there is enough goodness in life for everyone to enjoy. How about you?

Knowing Your Part in Business: What Your Younger Self Could Tell You

From the MBT Blog – published by MBT More Business Today LLC

When I was a kid, my family gathered around the dining room table on weekends, put some music on the Hi-Fi and played cards, most frequently Pinochle. As the youngest of six children, I seldom joined in the game. I was too little and inexperienced. Truthfully, my interests centered around the music that was supposed to provide a background for the game. For me, the music was everything.

Those times illustrated with great clarity the path I would choose in my life. I wish I had recognized it sooner. My younger self held the wisdom of my future in her hands. I acted instinctively sometimes toward my best path, but often I failed to listen.

I come from a musical family. While we played cards, we sang along to the music, each choosing a separate harmony to sing. My parents envisioned themselves as extremely hip allowing my older brothers and sisters to supply the modern music of the time – Joni Mitchell, Simon & Garfunkel, Bread, Cat Stevens and the Beatles. However, the White Album was quickly banished as soon as “Why Don’t We Do It in the Road” came blaring out of the speaker.

How the four players in each game found the mental room necessary to think in the midst of the shear volume of the music and so many singers crouched around them is a mystery to me. My mother actually displayed the gift of counting cards, knowing exactly what was left in each person’s hand, while humming and chair-dancing when her favorite songs were on – “I Dig Rock and Roll” by Peter, Paul and Mary in particular.

I created a fringe role for myself at these times listening to all of the other harmonies, the established ones, around me and inventing new ones. I moved around the table quietly stepping into the small groups created by our bunched up chairs and sang notes I grabbed from the sky or inside my head. I am sure some of them were off-key as evidenced by mother’s or brother’s quick shake of the head and wince of the eye. Somehow, at the young age of 11, 12, and 13, the clinkers failed to stop me. I charged forward each weekend, praying on Thursday night for a card game or two that Saturday. Those evenings were the center of my joy.

Inevitably, a memory from childhood pops up. The client will say, “When I was a child, I used to … Why don’t I do that now?”

Now, as I work with individuals and teams supporting them and giving them the tools to find success, I think about myself back then. I knew then who I was and had claimed my role – the outsider lobbing something new into the established group, the way-shower lighting the path for a previously hidden interlude, the experimenter willing to get messy during the search.

I see now how I incorporate that skill set into coaching. I enjoy bringing together ideas, lessons, and tools to guide a client toward their destiny. With each coaching engagement I help my clients identify obstacles keeping them from succeeding in the ways they want to succeed. Inevitably, a memory from childhood pops up. The client will say, “When I was a child, I used to … Why don’t I do that now?” Indeed, what would the younger you tell you about yourself if you chose to listen?

I find the paths we take throughout life fascinating. How did my client’s personality show up in childhood? What were the defining moments pushing one person to be a lawyer and another an entrepreneur? And, how much of themselves were lost along the way?

Sometimes as we age, we lean in to the “you shoulds” others dictate to us. Taking a supporting role seems unappealing or even unworthy. Our minds get mixed up with what we are supposed to want versus what we really need. Suddenly, we are lost. We are unsure how to move forward. We get stuck.

Many clients express the need to be authentic in creating relationships at work as leaders or in developing business. I have written about it here often, because it is such a strong and repeated need. The first step in that process is to identify who they are. Once that is clear, moving forward becomes easier.

Why not ask yourself? What role would you take if you thought about the strengths you exhibited as a kid. If you were in a band or orchestra, would you play the music, conduct the music, or manage the group’s schedule? If you are a business leader, do you crunch the numbers, execute the strategy, or create the strategy? Are you in the right role? How do you harmonize with your colleagues?

There are so many roles you can play, are you in the right one? Give coaching a try. Reach out to me for a free consultation using this link. Let’s find your joyful place!

Owen and the Fourth

A Special Post From the MBT Blog – published by MBT More Business Today LLC

When I think about the 4th of July, I think about my son Owen and remember a day at Hoyt Pool in Wauwatosa. A perfectly warm day with few clouds in the blue sky, the newly opened pool offered a beautiful, fun escape. In addition to a splash area for younger kids, it had a big, colorful slide for the entertainment of older kids.

Owen has a disability that affects his arms and legs. My son, however, gravitates toward mastering the things that other people believe he cannot do. So, of course, he figured out a way to swim using his strong thighs to kick his legs. He practiced holding his breath, planning to achieve a world record.

“Mom, mom, count how long I am under the water. I bet I can do three minutes. Ready? Go!” he would say too quickly for me to be ready and count. He loved the water. It gave him the freedom of movement he could not replicate on dry land. I picture him now wearing his swim goggles and staring at me intensely, hopping on the foot of his one straight leg while he readied himself for a plunge under the water.

Sometimes, he would hook his ankles onto the side of the pool and submerge himself backwards. Those times, he stayed under the longest. Just when I began to panic a bit that he was under too long, he popped up with a laugh. He delighted in seeing the panic in my face. “Mom, mom! I know what I’m doing,” he would say with a laugh and happily swim away.

I am not a great swimmer. I do not like being in water over my head. My sweet son tried to coax me out of my fear each time we visited our beautiful pool. “Come on, mom. You can swim. Go in the deep water with me.”

I ventured forth into the deep – for me, that is anything over 4’ 10”. Quickly, I skittered back to my comfort zone at the edge of the pool where I would get a bit of exercise by holding on and kicking.

On this festive 4th of July, a lifeguard told us Owen must pass a swimming test before playing in the deep end again. I held my breath, waiting for Owen’s response. Ever the worrier, I feared he would refuse, or worse, fail the test. I could see him refusing to go to the pool in the future if he failed. He loved the water so completely, I feared he would cut himself off from the great joy of the big pool.

“Okay!” Owen said. “What do I have to do?” The rules stated he had to swim out to the deep and come back without touching the bottom. It seemed a huge distance to me. I do not remember the specifics.

I asked the lifeguard how many times he would have to do this. What if the lifeguards changed shifts? The kids receive a password once they pass, he told me. I nodded at hearing that. We had heard kids shouting random words at the lifeguards before: Inner tube., friend, truck, and so on.

It was time for Owen to take the swimming test. He took a deep breath, plunged himself under the water, and quickly swam straight across, into the deep, past the other kids watching him in awe, straight to the next set of ropes. Then, he hovered for a second, treading water, and swam back.

No arms! He never used his arms, because they have no muscles in them. I explained that to the lifeguard. I taught him how to say Arthrogryposis Multiplex Congenita that day. He repeated after me, “aar·throw·gri·pow·suhs muhl·tee·pleks kuhn·jeh·nuh·tuh.

Owen arrived at the pool wall and looked up at the lifeguard.

“Well?”

“You passed!” he said giving a big, tanned thumbs up.

“What’s my word?” Owen said laughing with delight.

“Independence,” the lifeguard said.

A day of triumph for my amazing son who spent the entire day shouting, “Independence” at the amazed lifeguards.

Imagine the Best Picture of You

From the MBT Blog – published by MBT More Business Today LLC

When my photographer revealed the images of me after our photo session, I was awestruck. I have always been camera shy even though my mother used to say I was photogenic. So, I hesitated more than a little when investing in a professional photo. This photo session was magic. I though, “this is how I want to look. This is the image I want to project. And, this is really me.”

An exercise I use during coaching sessions asks the client to list words. The words should indicate how they believe others would describe them as leaders. Then, they list the aspirational words, the words they would love people to use when talking about their leadership. The exercise is about perception and self-image.

Sometimes, the first list of descriptors comes through reviews and feedback from supervisors, managers and colleagues. Participation in a 360 review process generally gives a leader specific input and is a good source in development of the list. However they emerge, observations from others bring surprises – some very helpful and appreciated, some causing doubt.

Looking at the gap, the difference between what others believe and what you want to project, creates a great opportunity for growth.

Mary Balistreri, The Mindful business coach
A woman with curly hair wearing red glasses and a red blazer smiling at the camera against a neutral background.

For myself, I know I want to project a confident engaging, knowledgeable business woman. And, the feedback I receive surprises me. I hear, “Fun. Your web site does not show how much fun you are.” Or, one that does not exactly produce excitement in me, “The rock. You are so dependable.” My reaction to dependable is “boring.” But, that feedback ultimately made me happy that clients and colleagues depend on me. It also made me realize I want to be exciting. Hence the red in this image, my favorite picture of me.

This picture makes me laugh when I see it. I remember my negativity about getting a good photo. I remember my nervousness which the photographer remedied by playing great dance music. I love to dance and it set me at ease. It makes me smile remembering the compliments I still receive about this photo even though it has been out there in social media land for three years. It makes me happy.

My aspirational list contains many more words than those mentioned above. Yet, when I am having one of those days, you know the kind, when a potential client says “yes” to everything except signing the contract. The days when your e-mail is full only of other people trying to sell you things. The quiet days when the phone does not ring. Those are the times I need to dig into my own self-talk. 

Mindset affects the way you feel. The first step to taking control of your life, career, image – you name it – is to control your own thoughts and attitudes. For me when I am in a negative place, sometimes I tell myself, “Look for the things that are going right.” Another mantra for me is, “Everything you need is around you. Just focus and you will see it.” Or, I look at this picture. This photo continually snaps me out of negative reverie into the beauty of the day.

How about you? Is there an image of you that you believe shows the best you? Can you visualize what that image might be? And, which words are on your lists? Take a moment, and pen and paper, to think about it. And if you want help, send me an email or make an appointment. It will brighten my mood on one of “those” days and begin your investment in controlling your own image.

Boost Your Confidence: Speak Up at Work

From the MBT Blog – published by MBT More Business Today LLC

This week, I participate in Advocacy Days in Washington, D.C. with NAWBO (National Association of Women Business Owners). As a member of this supportive group of entrepreneurs, I relish the idea of combining our voices to stand up for women and small business owners in our country. I did not always possess the ability to speak up for myself or anyone. I was taught to keep my head down and work hard.

My clients, and me and people everywhere, seem to want the same thing – to be heard. Being heard and understood leads to feelings of belonging. A sense of belonging leads to confidence in your environment. That confidence can lead to trust. And, trust leads to honesty, collaboration, productivity, and satisfaction.

Many of my clients express the need to speak more confidently at work and to be heard. Through coaching, some learn to stand up for themselves and their staff. It is a key element in becoming a better leader. 

Has anyone every told you, “Well, if you do not tell me, how am I supposed to know what you want?” The statement is true.

Yet, what is a person supposed to do? How do you start? What do you say? It is more complicated than just being told to speak up. Like most things in life, learning to use your voice can be made into a process. Start small, then let yourself grow.

A Process. Also like most things, a one-size-fits-all process may not work for every size. Each person is different. Each person’s obstacles that keep them from speaking up are individual to them. Each business environment has its own culture. So, take the suggestions here and adopt them for your needs and environment.

  • Start by finding your voice. What is important to you?
    Take some time to think about what is most important to you. Think about what you value most. Make a list.
  • Look for patterns.
    Are there certain behaviors that bother you? Do others take advantage of you? Have you established boundaries? In which situations do you wish you had voiced your opinion? Make a list. Do you see a pattern? It is probable you have experienced the same kinds of situations during your life in multiple areas – at home, at your current job, and at a previous job. Narrow in on the causes.
  • What keeps you from voicing your thoughts?
    Many of my clients dislike conflict. Voicing an opinion creates the possibility that someone will disagree with you. If this sounds like you, think about the word “no” and how it feels to hear it. How does it feel to say “no?” Disagreements can be resolved through talking. Think about what happens if your hear “no” and what happens if you hear “yes.” Those are the two extremes. Most responses will be somewhere in the middle.
  • Give it a try.
    Plan ahead to voice your opinion and practice what you might say. “I understand your idea, and here are my thoughts.” or “I know you are busy, but I cannot take on another project right now. Let’s talk about who is more available.” Take a deep breath and try it out. Notice what happens. How did it feel? Try it again. Remember to align your need to speak up with your values.
  • Keep growing.
    Practice until it becomes a comfortable habit.

If you exercise your vocal chords, your voice will become stronger. The more often you stand up for yourself and others, and the more toned your muscles will become. Keep at it. Maybe you will join me at Advocacy Days next year.

Pause for Follow Up

From the MBT Blog – published by MBT More Business Today LLC

April and May bring huge amounts of activity – both for business and leisure. After numerous weeks of running from one thing to the next, I am catching my breath and looking for the opportunities brought from all those pursuits. What will come from the seeds I have planted this spring?

At one point in the last few weeks, I alternated between four conference name badges and multiple name tags for various events. While in the midst of the activity, my mind drifted toward the reasons for this busyness. “Is this where I want to be right now?” I asked myself multiple times. Most of the time, the answer was “yes.”

During free moments, I sat down with my calendar to look for items to drop. A session from one conference might be too close to the networking lunch. So, I gave myself permission to drop that session. For each activity, I planned ahead to understand my goal for my participation. Then, I refined my focus as days evolved.

Focusing on my goals helped me get the most out of the events and made me pause to reconsider. At the end of it all, I know that reflecting on opportunities and following up with individuals and the plans suggested are the keys to success.

So, today while I am in the midst of my own thinking and following up, I thought to offer some tips for you. There are a number of ways to reflect back on a time of vigorous activity. One thing is certain, time must be set aside to think. A process is outlined below.

  1. Calendar a time to pause and reflect. Why calendaring? Because adding something to your calendar makes it real. Otherwise “take time to pause and reflect” is just an idea. By making specific space and time for reflection, you make a commitment with yourself.
  2. Use business cards and social accounts to help you reflect. Once comfortable and relaxed, use tools to help you remember. Gather business cards you picked up along the way. Look at LinkedIn and other business social networks to view your new connections. Pull out notes you might have taken. I make notes in my phone sometimes to remind me who to contact again and why, to write down an idea I may have formed about how to use information I collected, or to suggest which of my contacts could benefit from the information I learned.
  3. Evaluate the opportunities. First, decide what categories of follow up are important to your goals. You could be looking for new clients, shopping for a mentor, looking for a group of people with similar interests, or searching for future team members. After you determine the categories, choose the type of follow up that is appropriate for the circumstance. For example, for some new contacts you may want to set up a coffee, lunch or a virtual meeting. For some you are interested in connecting, but feel no urgency. Some may benefit from the materials you picked up at a conference.
  4. Do the follow up. Rule of thumb is to follow up as soon after you met someone as possible. This might not always be feasible, plan to reach out in some way within two weeks of the interaction. The important thing is to execute on the follow up. Then continue to find way to keep in touch with the contacts which present the best opportunities.

Make sure to spend the time to look for opportunities and follow up on the contacts you make. Then at the end of the year when you are looking back at your accomplishments, you are much more likely to be happy with yourself.

Looking Back: What Have You Learned?

From the MBT Blog – published by MBT More Business Today LLC

In a few months, it will be the 30th anniversary of the launch of my first business. Well, I put on shows for the neighborhood and sold tickets as a kid, but I am not counting that bit of entrepreneurship. I refer to the musical theatre-in-the-round business that began with so much excitement in 1995. Right about now, at the end of a cold winter 30 years ago, I decided to take the leap. I said “yes” to my new business partner with all of the hopes and dreams anyone conjures at the start of an adventure.

I left the business after five years and started a job in the corporate world because my husband was ill and we needed real health insurance. Ten years ago, I still raged a bit inside at my stupidity (now I would say naivete) regarding that business. Twenty years ago, I raged a bit more at my previous business partner than at myself. Even then I acknowledged it was my idiocy (now I would say ignorance) that let my guard down back then.

With this anniversary coming up, I am reminding myself of the lessons that experience taught me. Jump in, read along, and consider sharing your experiences with someone this week. Whether your “learning opportunities” came from failed business ventures or leadership issues in a former job, they undoubtedly taught you some valuable lessons.

Nothing Replaces Experience
I jumped into my situation with no experience running a business. The only business classes I had taken in college were Business Writing 101, Communications (not sure of the number, but it was a higher level class), and Statistics. I knew plenty about singing, writing, art, movies, and reporting. However, the art history, literature, and movie criticism classes fell short of preparing me to manage a business.

As a newspaper reporter for ten years, I had developed skills in one area, public relations, that proved valuable to promoting the theatre. I understood how to get your item into the newspaper by pitching a story with a good hook. I knew what made a good story. I also knew many of the local reporters and could address the pitch to a specific person rather than info@soandsonews. Actually, back then I reached out directly by phone most of the time. Most importantly, I had learned how to interview people, ask questions, and listen well. That skill is needed in business and everyday life, well, every day.

I did not know the big stuff. Questions like – what were the terms of the lease for the space we rented, who do we consult if an actor accuses other actors of sexual misconduct while on stage, what happens when you never get a quorum at your board meeting? – I left to my business partner. He ran a business before and it seemed to be quite successful. Big mistake!

Lesson #1: Understand the experience you bring to the table and that of your partner(s). Then, determine how to fill in the holes for the skills you are missing like legal, human resources, insurance, etc. This concept also applies to those leading a team. As you build your team, consider the balance of knowledge. Ask yourself, “What are we missing?”

Look Before You Leap
The third delivery of wood had arrived at our basement theatre location before I realized my business partner expected us to completely remodel the space and pay for it ourselves. Big Surprise! “So, that is why he asked me how much disposable income I had after I paid off my car,” I suddenly realized.

In addition to the wood and a carpenter he had hired to remodel, expenses quickly piled up. Costumes, lights, a lighting board, a piano, the rights to all of the shows we planned to perform. The list goes on, but you get my drift. I worked a number of jobs at that time freelancing for various newspapers. My days generally began at 6 a.m. and ended at 8 p.m. I thought the theatre company was a small thing, something to do on the weekends. I thought our “season” for the first year consisted of two shows. I thought we were putting a toe in the water. I thought the theatre would be an amusing and fun hobby. My partner planned a six-show show season. We were rehearsing one show while another one was up and running for a full five years.

Lesson #2 Make sure you have a contract. Friends quickly become enemies when money and disagreement enter the relationship. My business partner’s vision did not align with mine. I thought we had talked it out. He thought we had talked it out. Neither of us had heard the other, obviously. I wish I had sat down with my colleague and written out our plan for that first year. I also wish I had talked to a lawyer about the endeavor.

This lesson applies to leaders within an organization, too. Make sure everyone is on the same page at the start of a project. Each must understand their role and know the expectations.

Understand your “why.”
I agreed to start that business for a plethora of reasons, but the major reason was because I was bored. And, I had just turned 30. I wanted to do something interesting. So, the sixth or seventh time my business partner asked me to join him as the general manager of the theatre, I said, “Yes. Why not?”

Now, his list of reasons for starting the business was quite long and compelling. He dreamed about it since he was a kid in the choir at the Metropolitan Opera in New York City. He knew every single show he wanted to stage.

Additionally, he felt the city (Milwaukee) needed another children’s theatre with lower-priced tickets. Giving children in our community the opportunity to see live musical theatre was also important to me. Here was the primary uniting vision. This purpose drove us to marginal success for five years.

Lesson #3: Grab a journal and write down all they “why’s” and “why nots” of a new venture before making a commitment to it. What expectations do you have? What results indicate you succeeded? Is this the right time for you?

If I had focused on the self-awareness, I would not have blamed my business partner for the woes of the business problems. And, I would now have a better sense of what I achieved at that time of my life.

Looking back, I feel nostalgia for those times. I learned so much about running a business. I learned how to work with an accountant, keep track of the books, hire people, fire people, and how to keep my cool during a wardrobe malfunction onstage.

What memories do you have of past business ventures? Please share the lessons you learned.

Change: How Will Life Be Different?

From the MBT Blog – published by MBT More Business Today LLC

How will things be different? This is a standard coaching question. Once you achieve your goal, how will things change? Paint me a picture of your future life. The question helps the client gain clarity around why they want to make changes. What impact will the changes make on your life – your private life, your work life – on you?

Yet, many people find it difficult to see through the clouds. Sometimes I hear this response from a client, “I’m not really the kind of person who enjoys visualization exercises. I concentrate on what is in front of me.”

If this is you, you are not alone. Some people generate ideas easily. Some people are labeled visionaries. Some people look to facts to paint pictures. And, as clients have told me, some people work on the task directly in front of them.

The answer to this one question tells a coach how to proceed with coaching the individual. This one question evokes strong emotion for some. For some, it can lead to a discussion of recent life events that make thinking, much less dreaming, hard to do. If a client is part of that collective of people, how do we proceed?

I will share a personal story. Several months ago when life bloomed inside me and around me, I embarked on the task of drawing a picture for myself of the life I most loved to have. I wrote down the concrete results, yet could not visualize the parts of life that bring color – my reds and oranges were absent from my vision. This brought confusion to me. In my most relaxed state in a decade, why could I not see the colors, mood, and breeziness of the life I dreamed?

As part of a group discussion, I raised these concerns. A woman who participated in the virtual call, whom had only met me a few times, filled in the blanks for me. I was astounded. How could she know me better than I did? She easily put herself in my stylish, red and brown oxfords. She conjured my billowing red blouse and linen pants. She walked beside me down a crowded street in New York City. She saw my future life when I failed to see it.

I realized, but not until today, that sometimes we need others to dream for us. Others may look inside us and see the beauty and happiness waiting to be released.

Today, when I returned to that exercise and asked, “What do I want my life to look like?” I was greeted not only with red and orange, but brilliant blues and greens. My daily actions and non-actions drew the picture closer to me. They colored in the picture I had only outlined for myself.

My epiphany: I am 60% closer to having the life I would love the most.

How did it happen? I concentrated on the concrete. I worked on what was in front of me every, single day. I kept moving forward. I took breaks when I needed. I failed. I stopped. I started again. Then I went back and checked on that dream. It was materializing at its own pace, in its own time.

The answer then to the question, “how do we proceed” is through other people. Other people may become sounding boards for us. Find someone to color in your dream for you. Admit when you are stuck. Ask for input. And, maybe, find a good coach.