Imagine the Best Picture of You

From the MBT Blog – published by MBT More Business Today LLC

When my photographer revealed the images of me after our photo session, I was awestruck. I have always been camera shy even though my mother used to say I was photogenic. So, I hesitated more than a little when investing in a professional photo. This photo session was magic. I though, “this is how I want to look. This is the image I want to project. And, this is really me.”

An exercise I use during coaching sessions asks the client to list words. The words should indicate how they believe others would describe them as leaders. Then, they list the aspirational words, the words they would love people to use when talking about their leadership. The exercise is about perception and self-image.

Sometimes, the first list of descriptors comes through reviews and feedback from supervisors, managers and colleagues. Participation in a 360 review process generally gives a leader specific input and is a good source in development of the list. However they emerge, observations from others bring surprises – some very helpful and appreciated, some causing doubt.

Looking at the gap, the difference between what others believe and what you want to project, creates a great opportunity for growth.

Mary Balistreri, The Mindful business coach
A woman with curly hair wearing red glasses and a red blazer smiling at the camera against a neutral background.

For myself, I know I want to project a confident engaging, knowledgeable business woman. And, the feedback I receive surprises me. I hear, “Fun. Your web site does not show how much fun you are.” Or, one that does not exactly produce excitement in me, “The rock. You are so dependable.” My reaction to dependable is “boring.” But, that feedback ultimately made me happy that clients and colleagues depend on me. It also made me realize I want to be exciting. Hence the red in this image, my favorite picture of me.

This picture makes me laugh when I see it. I remember my negativity about getting a good photo. I remember my nervousness which the photographer remedied by playing great dance music. I love to dance and it set me at ease. It makes me smile remembering the compliments I still receive about this photo even though it has been out there in social media land for three years. It makes me happy.

My aspirational list contains many more words than those mentioned above. Yet, when I am having one of those days, you know the kind, when a potential client says “yes” to everything except signing the contract. The days when your e-mail is full only of other people trying to sell you things. The quiet days when the phone does not ring. Those are the times I need to dig into my own self-talk. 

Mindset affects the way you feel. The first step to taking control of your life, career, image – you name it – is to control your own thoughts and attitudes. For me when I am in a negative place, sometimes I tell myself, “Look for the things that are going right.” Another mantra for me is, “Everything you need is around you. Just focus and you will see it.” Or, I look at this picture. This photo continually snaps me out of negative reverie into the beauty of the day.

How about you? Is there an image of you that you believe shows the best you? Can you visualize what that image might be? And, which words are on your lists? Take a moment, and pen and paper, to think about it. And if you want help, send me an email or make an appointment. It will brighten my mood on one of “those” days and begin your investment in controlling your own image.

Boost Your Confidence: Speak Up at Work

From the MBT Blog – published by MBT More Business Today LLC

This week, I participate in Advocacy Days in Washington, D.C. with NAWBO (National Association of Women Business Owners). As a member of this supportive group of entrepreneurs, I relish the idea of combining our voices to stand up for women and small business owners in our country. I did not always possess the ability to speak up for myself or anyone. I was taught to keep my head down and work hard.

My clients, and me and people everywhere, seem to want the same thing – to be heard. Being heard and understood leads to feelings of belonging. A sense of belonging leads to confidence in your environment. That confidence can lead to trust. And, trust leads to honesty, collaboration, productivity, and satisfaction.

Many of my clients express the need to speak more confidently at work and to be heard. Through coaching, some learn to stand up for themselves and their staff. It is a key element in becoming a better leader. 

Has anyone every told you, “Well, if you do not tell me, how am I supposed to know what you want?” The statement is true.

Yet, what is a person supposed to do? How do you start? What do you say? It is more complicated than just being told to speak up. Like most things in life, learning to use your voice can be made into a process. Start small, then let yourself grow.

A Process. Also like most things, a one-size-fits-all process may not work for every size. Each person is different. Each person’s obstacles that keep them from speaking up are individual to them. Each business environment has its own culture. So, take the suggestions here and adopt them for your needs and environment.

  • Start by finding your voice. What is important to you?
    Take some time to think about what is most important to you. Think about what you value most. Make a list.
  • Look for patterns.
    Are there certain behaviors that bother you? Do others take advantage of you? Have you established boundaries? In which situations do you wish you had voiced your opinion? Make a list. Do you see a pattern? It is probable you have experienced the same kinds of situations during your life in multiple areas – at home, at your current job, and at a previous job. Narrow in on the causes.
  • What keeps you from voicing your thoughts?
    Many of my clients dislike conflict. Voicing an opinion creates the possibility that someone will disagree with you. If this sounds like you, think about the word “no” and how it feels to hear it. How does it feel to say “no?” Disagreements can be resolved through talking. Think about what happens if your hear “no” and what happens if you hear “yes.” Those are the two extremes. Most responses will be somewhere in the middle.
  • Give it a try.
    Plan ahead to voice your opinion and practice what you might say. “I understand your idea, and here are my thoughts.” or “I know you are busy, but I cannot take on another project right now. Let’s talk about who is more available.” Take a deep breath and try it out. Notice what happens. How did it feel? Try it again. Remember to align your need to speak up with your values.
  • Keep growing.
    Practice until it becomes a comfortable habit.

If you exercise your vocal chords, your voice will become stronger. The more often you stand up for yourself and others, and the more toned your muscles will become. Keep at it. Maybe you will join me at Advocacy Days next year.

Pause for Follow Up

From the MBT Blog – published by MBT More Business Today LLC

April and May bring huge amounts of activity – both for business and leisure. After numerous weeks of running from one thing to the next, I am catching my breath and looking for the opportunities brought from all those pursuits. What will come from the seeds I have planted this spring?

At one point in the last few weeks, I alternated between four conference name badges and multiple name tags for various events. While in the midst of the activity, my mind drifted toward the reasons for this busyness. “Is this where I want to be right now?” I asked myself multiple times. Most of the time, the answer was “yes.”

During free moments, I sat down with my calendar to look for items to drop. A session from one conference might be too close to the networking lunch. So, I gave myself permission to drop that session. For each activity, I planned ahead to understand my goal for my participation. Then, I refined my focus as days evolved.

Focusing on my goals helped me get the most out of the events and made me pause to reconsider. At the end of it all, I know that reflecting on opportunities and following up with individuals and the plans suggested are the keys to success.

So, today while I am in the midst of my own thinking and following up, I thought to offer some tips for you. There are a number of ways to reflect back on a time of vigorous activity. One thing is certain, time must be set aside to think. A process is outlined below.

  1. Calendar a time to pause and reflect. Why calendaring? Because adding something to your calendar makes it real. Otherwise “take time to pause and reflect” is just an idea. By making specific space and time for reflection, you make a commitment with yourself.
  2. Use business cards and social accounts to help you reflect. Once comfortable and relaxed, use tools to help you remember. Gather business cards you picked up along the way. Look at LinkedIn and other business social networks to view your new connections. Pull out notes you might have taken. I make notes in my phone sometimes to remind me who to contact again and why, to write down an idea I may have formed about how to use information I collected, or to suggest which of my contacts could benefit from the information I learned.
  3. Evaluate the opportunities. First, decide what categories of follow up are important to your goals. You could be looking for new clients, shopping for a mentor, looking for a group of people with similar interests, or searching for future team members. After you determine the categories, choose the type of follow up that is appropriate for the circumstance. For example, for some new contacts you may want to set up a coffee, lunch or a virtual meeting. For some you are interested in connecting, but feel no urgency. Some may benefit from the materials you picked up at a conference.
  4. Do the follow up. Rule of thumb is to follow up as soon after you met someone as possible. This might not always be feasible, plan to reach out in some way within two weeks of the interaction. The important thing is to execute on the follow up. Then continue to find way to keep in touch with the contacts which present the best opportunities.

Make sure to spend the time to look for opportunities and follow up on the contacts you make. Then at the end of the year when you are looking back at your accomplishments, you are much more likely to be happy with yourself.

Looking Back: What Have You Learned?

From the MBT Blog – published by MBT More Business Today LLC

In a few months, it will be the 30th anniversary of the launch of my first business. Well, I put on shows for the neighborhood and sold tickets as a kid, but I am not counting that bit of entrepreneurship. I refer to the musical theatre-in-the-round business that began with so much excitement in 1995. Right about now, at the end of a cold winter 30 years ago, I decided to take the leap. I said “yes” to my new business partner with all of the hopes and dreams anyone conjures at the start of an adventure.

I left the business after five years and started a job in the corporate world because my husband was ill and we needed real health insurance. Ten years ago, I still raged a bit inside at my stupidity (now I would say naivete) regarding that business. Twenty years ago, I raged a bit more at my previous business partner than at myself. Even then I acknowledged it was my idiocy (now I would say ignorance) that let my guard down back then.

With this anniversary coming up, I am reminding myself of the lessons that experience taught me. Jump in, read along, and consider sharing your experiences with someone this week. Whether your “learning opportunities” came from failed business ventures or leadership issues in a former job, they undoubtedly taught you some valuable lessons.

Nothing Replaces Experience
I jumped into my situation with no experience running a business. The only business classes I had taken in college were Business Writing 101, Communications (not sure of the number, but it was a higher level class), and Statistics. I knew plenty about singing, writing, art, movies, and reporting. However, the art history, literature, and movie criticism classes fell short of preparing me to manage a business.

As a newspaper reporter for ten years, I had developed skills in one area, public relations, that proved valuable to promoting the theatre. I understood how to get your item into the newspaper by pitching a story with a good hook. I knew what made a good story. I also knew many of the local reporters and could address the pitch to a specific person rather than info@soandsonews. Actually, back then I reached out directly by phone most of the time. Most importantly, I had learned how to interview people, ask questions, and listen well. That skill is needed in business and everyday life, well, every day.

I did not know the big stuff. Questions like – what were the terms of the lease for the space we rented, who do we consult if an actor accuses other actors of sexual misconduct while on stage, what happens when you never get a quorum at your board meeting? – I left to my business partner. He ran a business before and it seemed to be quite successful. Big mistake!

Lesson #1: Understand the experience you bring to the table and that of your partner(s). Then, determine how to fill in the holes for the skills you are missing like legal, human resources, insurance, etc. This concept also applies to those leading a team. As you build your team, consider the balance of knowledge. Ask yourself, “What are we missing?”

Look Before You Leap
The third delivery of wood had arrived at our basement theatre location before I realized my business partner expected us to completely remodel the space and pay for it ourselves. Big Surprise! “So, that is why he asked me how much disposable income I had after I paid off my car,” I suddenly realized.

In addition to the wood and a carpenter he had hired to remodel, expenses quickly piled up. Costumes, lights, a lighting board, a piano, the rights to all of the shows we planned to perform. The list goes on, but you get my drift. I worked a number of jobs at that time freelancing for various newspapers. My days generally began at 6 a.m. and ended at 8 p.m. I thought the theatre company was a small thing, something to do on the weekends. I thought our “season” for the first year consisted of two shows. I thought we were putting a toe in the water. I thought the theatre would be an amusing and fun hobby. My partner planned a six-show show season. We were rehearsing one show while another one was up and running for a full five years.

Lesson #2 Make sure you have a contract. Friends quickly become enemies when money and disagreement enter the relationship. My business partner’s vision did not align with mine. I thought we had talked it out. He thought we had talked it out. Neither of us had heard the other, obviously. I wish I had sat down with my colleague and written out our plan for that first year. I also wish I had talked to a lawyer about the endeavor.

This lesson applies to leaders within an organization, too. Make sure everyone is on the same page at the start of a project. Each must understand their role and know the expectations.

Understand your “why.”
I agreed to start that business for a plethora of reasons, but the major reason was because I was bored. And, I had just turned 30. I wanted to do something interesting. So, the sixth or seventh time my business partner asked me to join him as the general manager of the theatre, I said, “Yes. Why not?”

Now, his list of reasons for starting the business was quite long and compelling. He dreamed about it since he was a kid in the choir at the Metropolitan Opera in New York City. He knew every single show he wanted to stage.

Additionally, he felt the city (Milwaukee) needed another children’s theatre with lower-priced tickets. Giving children in our community the opportunity to see live musical theatre was also important to me. Here was the primary uniting vision. This purpose drove us to marginal success for five years.

Lesson #3: Grab a journal and write down all they “why’s” and “why nots” of a new venture before making a commitment to it. What expectations do you have? What results indicate you succeeded? Is this the right time for you?

If I had focused on the self-awareness, I would not have blamed my business partner for the woes of the business problems. And, I would now have a better sense of what I achieved at that time of my life.

Looking back, I feel nostalgia for those times. I learned so much about running a business. I learned how to work with an accountant, keep track of the books, hire people, fire people, and how to keep my cool during a wardrobe malfunction onstage.

What memories do you have of past business ventures? Please share the lessons you learned.

Change: How Will Life Be Different?

From the MBT Blog – published by MBT More Business Today LLC

How will things be different? This is a standard coaching question. Once you achieve your goal, how will things change? Paint me a picture of your future life. The question helps the client gain clarity around why they want to make changes. What impact will the changes make on your life – your private life, your work life – on you?

Yet, many people find it difficult to see through the clouds. Sometimes I hear this response from a client, “I’m not really the kind of person who enjoys visualization exercises. I concentrate on what is in front of me.”

If this is you, you are not alone. Some people generate ideas easily. Some people are labeled visionaries. Some people look to facts to paint pictures. And, as clients have told me, some people work on the task directly in front of them.

The answer to this one question tells a coach how to proceed with coaching the individual. This one question evokes strong emotion for some. For some, it can lead to a discussion of recent life events that make thinking, much less dreaming, hard to do. If a client is part of that collective of people, how do we proceed?

I will share a personal story. Several months ago when life bloomed inside me and around me, I embarked on the task of drawing a picture for myself of the life I most loved to have. I wrote down the concrete results, yet could not visualize the parts of life that bring color – my reds and oranges were absent from my vision. This brought confusion to me. In my most relaxed state in a decade, why could I not see the colors, mood, and breeziness of the life I dreamed?

As part of a group discussion, I raised these concerns. A woman who participated in the virtual call, whom had only met me a few times, filled in the blanks for me. I was astounded. How could she know me better than I did? She easily put herself in my stylish, red and brown oxfords. She conjured my billowing red blouse and linen pants. She walked beside me down a crowded street in New York City. She saw my future life when I failed to see it.

I realized, but not until today, that sometimes we need others to dream for us. Others may look inside us and see the beauty and happiness waiting to be released.

Today, when I returned to that exercise and asked, “What do I want my life to look like?” I was greeted not only with red and orange, but brilliant blues and greens. My daily actions and non-actions drew the picture closer to me. They colored in the picture I had only outlined for myself.

My epiphany: I am 60% closer to having the life I would love the most.

How did it happen? I concentrated on the concrete. I worked on what was in front of me every, single day. I kept moving forward. I took breaks when I needed. I failed. I stopped. I started again. Then I went back and checked on that dream. It was materializing at its own pace, in its own time.

The answer then to the question, “how do we proceed” is through other people. Other people may become sounding boards for us. Find someone to color in your dream for you. Admit when you are stuck. Ask for input. And, maybe, find a good coach.

Grief and Business: They Go Together

From the MBT Blog – published by MBT More Business Today LLC

A few weeks ago, I participated in a panel discussion called “Behind the Mask: Stories of Courage, Growth and Strength.” My story over the last few years focused on continuing, moving myself and my business forward while dealing with grief. I continued to work on my business while making space to grieve. Wherever it shows itself in life, loss demands acknowledgement.

Twenty-five years ago, I walked away from my musical theater business because my husband had a stroke. I did not realize until 2023 how much grief I carried from that experience. How did I notice it so many years later? After my sister passed away in February 2023, I stopped and gave myself time to grieve. As my mind began to calm and quiet, I found there were many losses in my life begging to be acknowledged. “Let me out!” they yelled at me. They had probably been yelling for years, but their voices drowned in all the activity with which I filled my waking hours.

If I kept things moving, I could run from the pain, sadness, embarrassment and shame equated with loss. And, while I was working hard, playing hard, and pushing myself, I deprived myself of peace: of mind, of spirit, of thoughts.

Looking back through the lens of present-day, I understand more clearly the feelings I had back then. Crying because circumstance dictated I leave my business? How petty? How shallow when compared to the recovery my husband was going through. That is the source of the shame, in addition to feeling I had failed. I belittled my pain at that time yet carried it with me.

When we push our emotions down and ignore or minimize them, they find ways to break through the surface in bursts. I know I erupted from time to time. The point of this blog is simple: give yourself the space to feel the grief. In my last blog, Behind the Mask: How We Keep Afloat Through Tough Times, I give tips on how to make that space for grieving.

But how many of us take the time to acknowledge the grief and loss we feel at work?

What kinds of loss happens at work?
Every person feels things differently. From my observations at work, from my clients, and from my own experience, these situations cause grief.

  1. Loss of business.
  2. Loss of clients.
  3. Loss of a colleague or colleagues (whether through death or a change in jobs).
  4. Loss of funding.
  5. Big changes such as re-organizations and mergers. People may need a moment to grieve over a time when they knew what to do and how to do it.

As individuals, we need to notice when our grief flares up. In my situation, I felt loaded down with rocks and the weight kept me from enjoying life. The heaviness disrupted my ability to be productive. And, worst of all, I had no control over when grief raised its head and upended my plans for the day, the week, the month.

How to Grieve A Business Loss?

  1. Treat it like any other loss. If your parent died, would you expect yourself to return to work the same day? No. If your business fails, take a moment to feel your in feelings.
  2. Your body knows. Listen to your body. If you feel fatigued, rather than pushing yourself forward, acknowledge the feeling. Ask your body what it needs. You might be surprised at the answers. You will be more productive when you go back to business.
  3. Talk to people. Expressing your feelings about your loss takes the thoughts out of your head and shares the load with another person. It will lighten and enlighten you.
  4. Listen to people. The more you listen to people, the more you will find commonalities and reassurances that you are not alone. You will also learn tricks and habits that helped them recover from their loss.

Tomorrow, we will repeat the “Behind the Mask” event as a webinar in conjunction with Chicago’s BACP (Business Affairs and Consumer Protection). I was moved by the experiences shared by the women on the panel and those individuals in attendance. When people share their wisdom, incorporate the those pearls into your way of life.

Behind the Mask: How We Keep Afloat Through Tough Times

From the MBT Blog – published by MBT More Business Today LLC

The MBT Blog is publishing a day early this time because tomorrow I participate in a panel of amazing #womenentrepreneurs discussing what goes on behind our masks. These are the masks everyone must wear occasionally when life or business makes it tough to continue. Behind our professional demeanors, tough circumstances make quitting, crying, and hiding attractive solutions. So we haul out a different version of ourselves who can smile, inspire, teach, and work with little evidence of the turmoil going on inside. How do we do that?

The more I talk with people, the more I see them grasping for ways to hold on, to be better, to succeed despite “all the things” needing their attention. Clients are managing their stress, their emotions, and their reactions to become better communicators and more productive. The skills involved can be taught and align perfectly with the tools of great leaders.

Mindset, mindfulness, and self-management are critical to succeeding behind the mask. First, set your mindset. Focus your thoughts on those necessary to motivate you. Then, increase your awareness of the moments in life. Be present when interacting with others and visualize positive outcomes when preparing for the next business encounter. Finally, understand what you need to manage your flaws. It is one thing to know how your weaknesses show up under stress and quite a different thing to manage them successfully.

Then where do we put the problems and feelings? We are all human. Feelings buried deeply over time are bound to burst out into the open to declare, “I am here! Acknowledge me!”

During my greatest difficulties in life, I schedule time for grief, anger, madness, and other strong emotions. I make a list of my goals for the day and plan to sit with my feelings when I finish. Then, when I feel the surge of sadness or anger coming on, I remind myself, “I scheduled an emotion hour at 2 p.m.” Does this system always work? No. But it does help me push through the “must-dos” of a specific day.

A dear friend suggested my participation in the Behind the Mask panel because she is aware of the hardship and grief I have experienced in the last few years. In fact, since opening MBT More Business Today at the start of 2021, I led the double life of caregiver to my sister who was ill and my mother who had dementia. After they died in 2023, I experienced a different kind of life-stopper, dealing with the grief of losing the two closest confidants in my life. Then at the end of last year, we experienced the tragic death of my 13-year-old grand niece, Gigi. Some tears refuse to wait until 2 p.m. to flow.

My journey has taught me so much especially during the last four years. Here is a list of thoughts for how to make it through.
1. You are not alone. Talk to people and listen to their stories. Ask for advice.
2. Notice your mood. If your body is begging you to rest, rest. I find my body is very much aware of which days are loaded with client work and which ones have fewer meetings. The big emotions or exhaustion tend to arrive on those days.
3. Be kind to yourself. This tip involves giving yourself some grace when you forget to do something or cannot complete a task. Yes, give yourself grace! But also be kind and helpful to yourself by setting yourself up for success. Schedule time in your calendar for reflection, rest, and/or emotions. Your mind will add the information to your inner calendar making it easier for you to push through the projects or meetings that must be completed.
4. Adopt the wisdom of others. As a coach, I learn from my clients each session. I am thrilled or impressed by new ways to express something and new tools to incorporate into my repertoire. After I try them out, I pass them along to others.
5. Give grace to others. Each person is dealing with something. Be kind then curious.

There is no way for us to know what goes on behind someone’s mask until they tell us. Who do you admire most? Why do you admire them? Ask some questions or do some research: what is going on behind their mask and how do they cope? Join us tomorrow in Oak Park, Illinois to hear our stories.

What’s So Scary, and Great, About Role Playing?

From the MBT Blog – published by MBT More Business Today LLC

When I use the words “role play” with clients, a wince or eyeroll is often the response. I could try saying “act out” or “playact” but I think those phrases are more off putting than role play. Is it not better to practice what you might say in an important conversation than to watch yourself spew something that sounded great in your head but is completely off target in the moment? You can almost see the words of the verbal oops! rushing out of your mouth. So, why not practice in advance?

Why is it scary? Clients tell me it is awkward to practice. They feel uncomfortable. They seldom listen to their own voices. And, they do not like being told to adjust what they are saying. Some find it easier to say what they are going to say and run. That way there is no feedback to hear. It will also impede your growth.

The more feedback you can incorporate, the better your skill becomes. It is the same as practicing anything: golf, singing, playing an instrument, learning a new language. You look to others to show you how to be better.

Some of the best uses for role playing in business, or practicing what you might say in advance, are the following:

  • Your elevator speech,
  • Stories about your accomplishments you might tell at a networking event or business meeting,
  • A pitch meeting,
  • A difficult conversation with an employee.

Clients generally thank me when we finish role-playing a conversation. The reactions go something like:

  • “Wow! I can’t believe I was going to lead with that statement!”
  • “I sounded so stupid!”
  • “Trying out the actual words I planned to say helped me think things through. I am so much more prepared now!”

Some people fear they will sound robotic if they rehearse a conversation. I understand the anxiety. But, practicing creates a safe space to try out your phrasing, keep the words that work best, and throw out the ones that are off point.

Here are a few tips for rehearsing while maintaining your authenticity:

  • Write down the top three points you want to make. Ask yourself, “What would I like the person on the other side of the conversation to remember?”
  • Read it out loud. You can read it to a colleague or friend or just to yourself. It makes a big difference to listen to your own voice speaking the words your wrote down.
  • Now, practice in front of a mirror. How do you look while you are talking? How do you feel about how you look? What do you notice? Are you looking down at the paper? Do you stumble on your words? In both cases, it could be that the words are not natural for you. Play with them until you feel more comfortable.
  • Finally, role play the conversation with another person (preferably a coach). They will give you feedback on how a conversation might proceed based on your approach.

Role playing is an important tool in self-awareness. Avoid the verbal oops! and try it out!

Stages of Life: Unveiling Your True Self at Work

From the MBT Blog – published by MBT More Business Today LLC

Every client I coach makes the point they want to be themselves at work. Some will express the desire to be their authentic selves. Many struggle with an atmosphere at work which seems to demand they behave outside of their comfort zone.

I thought about this dynamic recently while viewing “I’m Not There,” a movie about Bob Dylan (not the big Oscar-nominated film that’s out right now) from 2007. Cate Blanchett, Richard Gere, Christian Bale, Ben Winshaw, Heath Ledger and Marcus Carl Franklin all play Bob Dylan at different stages in his life.

A very interesting movie, for sure, and the kind I like most. I loved it for the creativity, the performances, and how it made me think for a long while afterward. I made myself a playlist of Bob Dylan songs, with Bob singing them, not that guy in the current movie. The more I listened, the more I thought about the movie, Bob Dylan, and myself. The lyric, “…it ain’t me, babe. It ain’t me you’re lookin’ for,” from his 1964 song kept ringing in my head.

If someone made a movie about me, which actor would play me? This question often creates amusing conversation. As I thought about “I’m Not There” and the different phases in my life, I wondered who I was at each stage. Would I recognize all of myself? Would the list of famous people acting like me also be eclectic like those in the movie? Maybe it would include Holly Hunter, Emma Watson, Bella Ramsey (from “The Last of Us”), Tilda Swinton and Ryan Gosling (because Gosling can do anything).

In fact, I was still thinking about the movie this morning, many weeks after watching it at home. I continue thinking about Dylan, too, one of the greatest poets of all time in my opinion. But as I thought of all the stages of my life and the different faces I have worn, I wondered which ones were authentically me. Which Mary would they be looking for? Which Mary’s went against the grain for me? When did I cave in and operate outside of myself? When did I feel the most right? Which parts of each of them make my authentic self today?

Who Am I Now?
The deeper question is who am I now? At this moment in my life, what does it mean to speak with my authentic voice? When working with clients, I ask them what it means to them to be their authentic selves. As the business coach, I generally hear them say that being “salesy” is not authentic for them. They do not want to be perceived as high-pressured sales people. As a leadership coach, I hear the words “confident and approachable” most often. Authenticity to many leaders means projecting confidence and inclusiveness.

Not all clients can articulate what is authentic for them. It is more of an I’ll-know-it-when-I-see-it situation. So, we try things on. We explore their words of authenticity.

For example: How would you open a difficult conversation with an employee? Now ask yourself, how will those words be heard by the person across the table from you? Then, try different ways to communicate your message. What feels the most comfortable for you and is likely to be heard by your employee?

An Approach
Some individuals prefer to tackle these questions by reconstructing situations where they did not feel authentic in their actions or conversations. As a coach, I guide them through the identification of the circumstance and the words they used in a specific situation. This method creates an opportunity for the person to discover the best way to communicate their message.

There are so many variables in any conversation. It is not possible to prepare for every situation. This is why finding your authentic voice is so important in developing business and leading a team.

Self awareness is key to being authentic while being professional. While your authentic self may enjoy swearing as a colorful form of expression, you know it is not acceptable to speak with that authentic voice in the office. So, here is an exercise to look at the stages in your life and cull together the pieces that are now your authentic self.

An Exercise
This should be a fun internal escapade rather than a deep, serious dive. Grab a notepad. Get comfy. Enjoy this bit of unscientific self-discovery.

1. Looking at the various stages of your life, what faces did you wear?
For me, the answers include roles and descriptive words about me. Coach, director, supervisor, strategist, business owner, advisor, dreamer, writer, singer, newsletter designer, editor, wife, sister, mom, friend, confidant, fun-seeker, animal lover, ally, supporter. The list could continue, but you get the idea.

2. As you look at the list, find the defining moments. Those bright or dark moments where you found yourself in the right place or the wrong place tell you so much about yourself. One bright moment for me came in the form of my son, who I adopted. That was the best decision! The dark moments tend to be the ones where I am snappy with others due to feeling overwhelmed.

3. Make a list of words you like to use which align with your values. As I mentioned above, my clients know which words express authenticity for them and which do not. Grab on to those words that illuminate who you are, the words that easily come to mind for you. Then, look at those moments mentioned above. Sprinkle the descriptors that best illustrate your intentions now. Finally, write down the words that best match with a few situations at work and in other situations. Are you finding your authentic voice?

For example, words that rise up for me are supporter, connector, and guide. If I feel myself going astray of those words, I can recognize it and pull myself back into the core of my self: who I am now.

If you try the exercise above, you will find the space from which your actions and communications begin and end. Some clients have a good sense of their values and how those show up in everyday life and work life. How about you? Was the exercise helpful to you? And, which actors would play you in a film about your life?

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What’s Old Is New. What’s New Is New. What’s Meh Is Gone.

In the first few days of 2025, I endeavored – as I usually do – to clean the most cluttered parts of the house a bit each day. One hour per day will surely omit the necessity for larger cleaning days, right? I reasoned with myself. During that process, I came upon my favorite framed picture of my son. The one with the cutest smile in the world when he was only five years old. Distracted, I brought it to the living room. I spent some time – okay, a full hour – rearranging things so that it now occupies a prominent spot in my office.

My tendency to become distracted dictates the rituals and routines I must have in place to be productive. Hence (I love the word hence, don’t you?), I use time blocking to arrange my work in doable chunks that allow for distraction. At the same time, it keeps me on track with the activities I must do to be effective.

As I look at the blank page of the possibilities in this new year, my habit of time blocking stays in my repertoire of methods that keep me on track. Several years ago, I wrote a blog post about The Beauty of the Blank Notebook. Follow the link to read those ideas.

Today I am thinking about some old and good advice. Basically, when you are evaluating your life, business, career, and paths to success, do more of what is working for you; eliminate what is not working; and adopt only one or two new methods. Have you gone through this process? It is a helpful technique in clearing the cobwebs that may exist from too many new ideas or in breaking out of the stuckedness you may feel in the present. (As you might have noticed, I love words and also enjoy making up words. A joyous distraction for me.)

Do More of What Is Working for You.
As I noted in my example at the start of this article, taking large tasks and dividing them into smaller chunks works for me. Many of my clients adopt different types of routines which work better for them. Some must work on a project until it is complete. For them, prioritizing activities is essential to their success.

Another important use for this concept stems from developing business. What activities yielded the best results in 2024? By all means, let’s do more of that! Do not sacrifice what brings a high ROI (return on investment) because a new idea has taken hold. Keep the best!

Also apply the concept to leadership and building your team. What worked for you last year? Is your team more comfortable with their roles than they were in the past? Great! Now, what would be helpful to them this year? Ask them.

Eliminate What Is Not Working.
At the end of 2024, I, once again because I do it every year, evaluated the organizations and events in which I participated. What was my goal in participating? Did I receive an ROI from my involvement? The ROI comes in different forms depending on my goal. That is why having goals is so important. As I built my 2025 budget of both my time and my finances, I eliminated a few events and an organization.

Am I sorry to see these investments disappear? Not really. The elimination piece of my strategy is one based in logic and data. For me, as a big Feeler and Intuitive (in Meyer’s Briggs terms), I tend to go with my gut and an evaluation of the impact on people when I make decisions. When it comes to my business success, however, I lean into facts and figures.

Once again, many of my clients make decisions differently from me. For them, and for everyone, it is important to understand the motivation that spurs them to accomplish tasks.

Adopt Only One or Two New Methods.
The reasoning here comes from the reality of what happens when anyone (except maybe people like Leonardi da Vinci and Jim Henson) attempts to start and complete many new initiatives at once. The situation may begin well and offer hope, but somewhere a few months in, the tracks begin to cross. A collision is sure to derail all of the initiatives.

As you brainstorm for new methods of self-improvement, new lines of revenue, new industries of potential clients, and new tactics to increase employee engagement and retention, pick the best ONE or TWO ideas. Then, flesh out a real plan for each one complete with the who will lead, who will execute, who will measure success, and how it will be measured. And, if the answer to all those who’s is you, please only pick one initiative!

As I embarked on this new year, one item creating struggle and immobility for me was the content and direction of this blog. I have just shy of one thousand ideas regarding the topics of excitement in MBT blogdom. (Is that another invented word?) I sat with it, my confused, overstimulated state of mind, for a few weeks. Then, I picked one direction and moved forward.

The moral or punchline or directive or learning of this entire blog today is: Give yourself time. Give yourself grace. Give yourself what you need. Then, make a decision and Move Briskly Toward your success.