What’s Old Is New. What’s New Is New. What’s Meh Is Gone.

In the first few days of 2025, I endeavored – as I usually do – to clean the most cluttered parts of the house a bit each day. One hour per day will surely omit the necessity for larger cleaning days, right? I reasoned with myself. During that process, I came upon my favorite framed picture of my son. The one with the cutest smile in the world when he was only five years old. Distracted, I brought it to the living room. I spent some time – okay, a full hour – rearranging things so that it now occupies a prominent spot in my office.

My tendency to become distracted dictates the rituals and routines I must have in place to be productive. Hence (I love the word hence, don’t you?), I use time blocking to arrange my work in doable chunks that allow for distraction. At the same time, it keeps me on track with the activities I must do to be effective.

As I look at the blank page of the possibilities in this new year, my habit of time blocking stays in my repertoire of methods that keep me on track. Several years ago, I wrote a blog post about The Beauty of the Blank Notebook. Follow the link to read those ideas.

Today I am thinking about some old and good advice. Basically, when you are evaluating your life, business, career, and paths to success, do more of what is working for you; eliminate what is not working; and adopt only one or two new methods. Have you gone through this process? It is a helpful technique in clearing the cobwebs that may exist from too many new ideas or in breaking out of the stuckedness you may feel in the present. (As you might have noticed, I love words and also enjoy making up words. A joyous distraction for me.)

Do More of What Is Working for You.
As I noted in my example at the start of this article, taking large tasks and dividing them into smaller chunks works for me. Many of my clients adopt different types of routines which work better for them. Some must work on a project until it is complete. For them, prioritizing activities is essential to their success.

Another important use for this concept stems from developing business. What activities yielded the best results in 2024? By all means, let’s do more of that! Do not sacrifice what brings a high ROI (return on investment) because a new idea has taken hold. Keep the best!

Also apply the concept to leadership and building your team. What worked for you last year? Is your team more comfortable with their roles than they were in the past? Great! Now, what would be helpful to them this year? Ask them.

Eliminate What Is Not Working.
At the end of 2024, I, once again because I do it every year, evaluated the organizations and events in which I participated. What was my goal in participating? Did I receive an ROI from my involvement? The ROI comes in different forms depending on my goal. That is why having goals is so important. As I built my 2025 budget of both my time and my finances, I eliminated a few events and an organization.

Am I sorry to see these investments disappear? Not really. The elimination piece of my strategy is one based in logic and data. For me, as a big Feeler and Intuitive (in Meyer’s Briggs terms), I tend to go with my gut and an evaluation of the impact on people when I make decisions. When it comes to my business success, however, I lean into facts and figures.

Once again, many of my clients make decisions differently from me. For them, and for everyone, it is important to understand the motivation that spurs them to accomplish tasks.

Adopt Only One or Two New Methods.
The reasoning here comes from the reality of what happens when anyone (except maybe people like Leonardi da Vinci and Jim Henson) attempts to start and complete many new initiatives at once. The situation may begin well and offer hope, but somewhere a few months in, the tracks begin to cross. A collision is sure to derail all of the initiatives.

As you brainstorm for new methods of self-improvement, new lines of revenue, new industries of potential clients, and new tactics to increase employee engagement and retention, pick the best ONE or TWO ideas. Then, flesh out a real plan for each one complete with the who will lead, who will execute, who will measure success, and how it will be measured. And, if the answer to all those who’s is you, please only pick one initiative!

As I embarked on this new year, one item creating struggle and immobility for me was the content and direction of this blog. I have just shy of one thousand ideas regarding the topics of excitement in MBT blogdom. (Is that another invented word?) I sat with it, my confused, overstimulated state of mind, for a few weeks. Then, I picked one direction and moved forward.

The moral or punchline or directive or learning of this entire blog today is: Give yourself time. Give yourself grace. Give yourself what you need. Then, make a decision and Move Briskly Toward your success.

Reflections on 2024

Wisdom is all around us: from the MBT Blog
Published by Mary Balistreri, MBT More Business Today LLC

As 2024 closes, most of us are busily preparing for end-of-the-year parties and gatherings, spending real time with our communities of people who know us, and possibly trying to meet a few new connections to add to our network for next year. Maybe reflection will happen on January 2, 2025.

Recently, I was fortunate to stay in a resort in Colorado for a few days as I worked with a new client to kickoff our training and coaching initiative. Just like the woman in the photo, I spent a few hours gazing at the mountains (we don’t have them here in Wisconsin). Calm and serenity washed over me freeing my mind for reflection. My hope for all of you who read this blog is you pause, find a cozy or reflective spot, and give your mind the freedom of thought.

As The Mindful Business Coach, I pause today to relay to all my readers the reflections gathered from my own experiences, wisdom shared with me by clients and communities in 2024, and, of course, the lessons learned by the stars of this year’s blog posts, David and Norah.

Who You Work With Is As Important As What Your Work Is

Both David and Norah realized in 2024 the truth of this statement. For them, work needs to be fulfilling, but of equal importance to them is the community at work and sharing values in the workplace. Once Norah became Director of Diversity for her company and began working directly with the CEO, she felt empowered to create an inclusive environment and felt good about her job and the environment it offered. For David, however, the more success he gained in his law firm, the more apparent it became that opportunities were not shared equally among those working so hard to succeed. He questioned his environment even as he realized he was one of the chosen to receive opportunities. He still contemplates leaving the firm and opening his own firm focused on inclusivity.

To Speak Up or Not to Speak Up

David struggled with the guilt and unfairness of receiving multiple chances to move up in his organization while the women and minority colleagues did not. David decided to speak up and was surprised by the reaction. It reminded him of bullies in middle school. The administration knew about the issues but expected the kids to work it out among them. Basically, nothing happened to stem the bullying from a systemic level. It was up to the kids to stand up for each other or ignore those receiving the bullying. “Nothing changes,” David thought. “It’s still up to me to speak up and hope that someone will speak up for me when I am on the receiving end of unfair treatment in the future.”

Words carry baggage; they are rarely neutral.

Here is the rest of the quote from Judith E Glaser, author of Conversational Intelligence: How Great Leaders Build Trust and Get Extraordinary Results . “Words carry a history of years of use. Each time another experience overlays another meaning, and it all gets collected somewhere in our brain – ‘the vault’ – it’s there, ready to be activated during a conversation.”

Throughout the blog posts this year, our heroes, David and Norah, struggled with, prepared for, soul searched, and practiced conversations. They understood the concept from Conversational Intelligence “Words Create Worlds.” Culture exists on multiple levels and words carry meaning based on culture – from work experience, from work environments, from upbringing, and from personal experience. Remaining curious and self-aware to notice the impact of words and to ask for clarification led them both to higher levels of conversation and understanding throughout the year.

Prepare for A Conversation: Gently, Truthfully

Both Norah and David looked to their mentors for advice on how to approach a much-needed, volatile conversation with their father. As Edgar, David’s boss and mentor cautioned, “Know what you are aiming for.” Norah’s mentor, Sherri, gave similar advice. Before embarking on a difficult conversation, know what outcome you want to achieve. The acknowledgement of the goal creates the tone of the conversation. For Norah and David, the goal was to forge a stronger relationship with their dad and, ultimately, create a happier family life. They adopted the mantra gentle truth as a constant reminder to approach their dad with love, patience and curiosity. Their hard work paid off and the group has plans for a family Christmas and Kwanzaa!

“It is so easy to give advice to others, and so difficult to take your own advice.” Mary Balistreri, The Mindful Business Coach

Ever have that experience when you do not know how to proceed with a challenge and a friend or colleague spouts advice that basically came directly from you? That phenomenon, “Physician heal thyself,” reminds us how each of us needs support. Community heals and lights the way. Sometimes we are the sage, and sometimes we need the sage.

Breathe.

Finally, slow down and take a breath. Did you notice you stopped breathing during an anxiety-instilling situation? Or, maybe your breathing had become shallow but you did not notice. Take a moment. Schedule time on your calendar to stop and breathe. In through your nose, out through your mouth. Relax your shoulders. Where do you feel the effects of 2024? Massage that area gently. Acknowledge the positive and negative of the year. Then let it go.

Pausing Life for Life Lessons

Wisdom is all around us: from the MBT Blog
Published by Mary Balistreri, MBT More Business Today LLC

Sometimes in the midst of our plans life intrudes and makes us pause. That is what happened since my beautiful, kind and talented great niece Gigi (Giuliana Grace Jahn) passed away. The effect of her death is more than a pause to me, it changes everything forever. So, for starters, today’s MBT blog is pausing to honor her and the lessons she taught me and the many, many people she touched in just 13 years of life.

  1. Be Kind. As I listened to the many voices young and old who attended a candlelight vigil for my grand niece, the overwhelming message brought by the 1,000 or so people in attendance reverberates in my mind. Gigi was kind. What does that mean to all of us still living? It means we need to harness our assumptions about people and their intentions. We need to approach each other with kindness and understanding. We need to break out of ourselves and recognize the needs of others.
  2. Shine Your Light. Gigi was gifted with so many talents and she left those contributions behind to continue to delight and amaze us. First, her artwork shines with bright color, shades of pencil, and every imaginable emotion. Her gift for music lives on in the videos and photos of her singing, writing songs, and dancing. Then, stories of her gift for humor are shared among her family and friends still causing us to laugh and remember how she made us feel through laughter. The message is let your light shine, share yourself.
  3. Be There. Listening is an important skill in business and in life. Gigi heard people and counseled them. She heard the troubles of her friend. She felt for them. And, mostly, she was there for them whether by listening, giving advice, or having a good time – she was there. As I read through the text messages she sent to me, I realized the majority focused on things she thought I would enjoy. A red purse or red flower she found and thought of me because red is my favorite color, a candle whose scent reminded her of Lala, my sister who passed away last year and was her grandmother, a video she found on YouTube entitled “I love being an aunt” knowing how much I loved being her aunt.
  4. Be Open. Even as a young girl, Gigi had strong beliefs about life and how to live. Acceptance and support of the differences in people was at the center of her ideology. She began advocating for others as soon as she understood the inequities in our world. Whether it was in a very public way – attending a protest in Waukesha and singing a song that was banned from music class by the school board – or standing up for a classmate in school, Gigi’s advocacy had already begun. And, while her beliefs were very strong, she created space to listen to the beliefs of others.
  5. Bring Gentle Love. Classmates and teachers who shared stories about Gigi used the word “gentle” in nearly every description. She showed her love through gentleness toward animals of all kinds and people. The majority of the pictures we have of her show the pensive or joyful or enthusiastic look of a gentle soul who loved deeply. The lesson here for us is to bring gentleness into our interactions with others. A simple gesture like a nod and a smile communicate volumes of care to those feeling lonely and left out. When in the midst of a disagreement, responding with careful gentleness rather than accusatory arguments cultivates a resolution to the problem.

The English language, all languages actually, are bereft of words to adequately describe our girl, our incredible Giuliana Grace. I hope these words convey the feeling and brightness of her. And I hope we all learn from the lessons Gigi taught us.

Will He Start His Own Law Firm? David Seeks Advice.

Wisdom is all around us: from the MBT Blog
Published by Mary Balistreri, MBT More Business Today LLC

What does it take to make a change? How do you know when to take a big risk and when to stick with status quo? The truth lies inside of each individual. Before making that leap, explore inwardly and outwardly. Ask yourself the important questions and look to friends and research for advice and information.

Since our last blog, David continued thinking about the advice he received from Sherri. “Who you work with is as important as what your work is.” To read that post, follow the link to Who You Work with Is as Important as What Your Work Is. “Sherri is so wise,” he thought. “Who do I want to work with? I know, I should start my own firm and select my own people. That way, I can make sure everyone gets the same opportunities. We won’t be cut throat about who gets credit for the work. We’ll share the clients!”

In his excitement, David first talks to the head of his practice group at work, Edgar. Taking his mentor’s advice, David decides to seek the wisdom of his friends and family. He sends out invites for a cocktail hour at his house.

As soon as Sherri receives the invitation from David, she calls his half-sister, Norah. “Did you see this? I got an email from David with an invitation to advise him on his next move. What is this about?”

“You received one, too? I have not talked with him for a bit, but he said you inspired him to look for a new job or start his own firm.” Norah replies.

“I inspired him, huh? Well, he was not happy at work and we talked about his community there. That must be what he meant. Okay, I’m happy to be there. Want to ride together?” Sherri asks and they make plans to attend.

Upon their arrival, Sherri expresses surprise regarding David’s apartment. “I thought this would be swanky and posh with a doorman and all that. How long has he lived here?” she asks.

“He’s been here a few years. He’s paid well, but he wants to pay off his college loans as fast as possible. But this suits him, just a regular apartment for David. No frills. He’s not an indulgent sort of guy.”

“Now that you say it, that’s true. He is more interested in talking than in anything else!” Both women laugh as Sherri says this. David often admits one of his flaws is forgetting to breathe while he is talking and not making space for others to join the conversation.

Once inside, Sherri notices an adequately furnished apartment – tan chairs and a couch in the living room accented with glass side tables and lamps made of silver metal with dark brown shades. A few prints hang on the walls giving a pop of color. They are clearly the kind you find at a large discount store, abstract featuring dark reds, yellows, and browns. The biggest surprise to Sherri is the abundance of photos hung on the walls and placed on most of the surfaces. Pictures of David with his dad, and his sister, and David with his friends – so many friends – seem to be everywhere you look.

Once everyone is seated in the living room with a drink and a plate of cheese, crackers, hummus, pita, and olives, David takes the floor. “Thank all of you for being here tonight. Your support means so much to me. Have you all met?” Seeing a shaking of heads, he directs everyone to say who they are, how they know David, and why they are here.

The guests include:

  • Tony, David and Norah’s dad. He is in his 60s and has the same tousled hair as David, except his is a combination of silver and gray.
  • Norah, David’s half-sister. The bright copper pantsuit she wears compliments her cinnamon skin perfectly. She is often soft-spoken, but is learning to speak up and stand up for herself.
  • Sarah, David’s mother. Impeccably dressed in a black pantsuit accented by a jewel-tone blue, silk blouse that perfectly matches her eyes. Sarah is tall, blond, and uncomfortable. She is seldom in the room with her ex-husband, Tony. She vows to stay focused and do her best to help her son.
  • Edgar, David’s boss and mentor at work. Edgar is a tall, charismatic man with dark, chocolate colored skin, a full black beard, and wisps of silvery gray dotting his sideburns. He had immediately introduced himself personally to everyone in the room before sitting down. He is excited to see how this gathering plays out.
  • Paul, David’s best friend, is an IT developer. Tall and good looking, he wears a scruffy beard, blue jeans and polo shirts everywhere he goes. He is proud of his friend today. Paul had given David the advice awhile ago that he should speak up if he feels something at work goes against his values. You can read more about that conversation in, To Speak Up or Not To Speak Up: David’s Story.
  • Sherri, a friend of the family and mentor to Norah. Sherri, a short and slightly round woman with golden brown skin, is filled with anticipation at being here. She marvels how her words to this young man in a conversation several weeks ago resulted in a gathering like this. Norah, David’s half-sister.
  • And, Pete, another of David’s close friends. Pete is a short guy of average build with dark hair who resembles lots of short guys of average build with dark hair. That is fine with him. He prefers to keep quiet unless he is with good friend who he trusts. An associate at a competing law firm, Pete has been successful in developing business because his great observation skills help him he pick up non-verbal cues from others in any room. He notices immediately that Sherri and Sarah are a bit uncomfortable.

David continues speaking, “I Invited you all here because you know me best. I am thinking about going out on my own to start a new firm. I am looking for advice from all of you. There is no need to worry about the logistics, I am working with Edgar on that. What I am looking for is your feedback on my leadership capabilities. Can I do this? Do you think I have what it takes? What do I need to do to improve myself?” Everyone notices how excited David is. Energy generates from him to such an extent, the air feels electric. His sandy hair is tousled more than usual. He speaks even more quickly than his everyday breathless communication.

“Now, son, I don’t want to seem harsh, but are you crazy?” Tony asks and waves his hand to calm down the group who are ready to attack his position. “Look how young he is! Establish yourself first. Then when you have some experience under your belt and money in the bank, start your business. C’mon, help me out here!” Seeing most of the room, including his ex-wife shaking their heads no at him, he gestures to Edgar, the only man in the room close to his age. “C’mon Edgar. You see what I’m saying, right?”

Edgar nods, “I do see your point, Tony. However, I see a great deal of initiative on David’s part. I have also seen growth and a willingness to improve. I am interested in his perspective and those of the others in the room. For now, I am withholding any judgement.”

Paul speaks up, “Well, I don’t know where this will go, but I’m all for David making a change. No offense to you or your firm, Edgar, but I know he experienced some conditions he felt were unfair to women and minorities there.” Paul nods to Edgar to show his respect before turning to his friend, “David. I know you are a good-hearted, decent guy. Will you be a good leader? Yes, with help and more experience. What better way to get the experience than out on your own? Since Edgar has been mentoring you, I have seen positive changes in your awareness of other people. And, since Norah opened the doors to real conversations in your family, I’ve watched you embrace meditation! You can do whatever you want to do and I will be here to support you.”

There was an uncomfortable silence in the room and Paul wonders whether something he said has created some kind of tension.

David notices Sarah’s face turn pale and speaks up, “Thank you for the endorsement, Paul. I don’t think everyone here knew about the family conversations. Mom?” Sarah looks at him with worried eyes. “No? Sorry, mom. I will tell you about it later. What do you think about me becoming the leader of my own firm?”

Sarah smooths the material of her pants and clears her throat before speaking. “You have always been a natural leader, David. When you were a boy, all the other boys looked to you to decide what game to play at recess, what movie to see, and, later, what girl to ask to Homecoming. I am with Pete. I know you can do this.”

David smiles with relief, at least one parent is in his corner. Sarah continues, “From a business standpoint, you need to write down a list of pros and cons to this. What will you do without a paycheck? How will you pay your bills? Where will you get the work? Do you have a business plan?”

“You are right on target with all of that mom. I wanted to get first impressions first. Then, after some reflection, I will decide on the next step.” He stoops down to kiss her cheek and whispers, “I will take you out to lunch and fill you in on what’s been happening with Tony.” He then turns to Sherri.

“Sherri. You have been silent this whole time. I really value your opinion. What do you have to say?” David now stands directly in front of Sherri, who has barely taken a sip of her tonic water and lime. He noticed her brow wrinkling during the conversation. Sherri is known for speaking her mind, so he wonders what is holding her back tonight.

“Well,” Sherri pauses for several beats and then looks David in the eye. “I hear you talking about your personal skills, and I keep thinking, what is it you are trying to achieve? Now I know you and I talked about finding your community at work, but have you decided who is in that community? What is the culture you are trying to create?”

Tony nods and claps his hands briefly. “Yes. What are you trying to achieve? Why not just change to a different firm. Like Pete’s, maybe. What’s it like at your firm, Pete?”

Pete had been sitting with his head lowered desperately hoping to melt into the couch and go unnoticed. Now he has to respond. “Well,” he clears his throat and then speaks abruptly. “My firm is the same as David’s. Good luck finding something different. That being said, I agree with you, Tony. I can’t imagine taking such a huge risk so early in my career. Of course, David can and should do what he wants to do.”

A brief discussion ensues during which Tony, Pete and Paul are having one conversation, Sherri and Sarah are having another, and Edgar is observing them all. David looks over to Norah and motions toward the kitchen with his head. Once they are alone together there, David pours Norah a new glass of wine and asks, “What do you think, Norah?”

“I think I can’t believe you have all those people talking about you in the other room!” She laughs, “Really David, is this a cry for attention?”

“Okay, I deserve that. C’mon. What do you think?” he asks this urgently, like a little boy who just discovered a new video game and must buy it right now.

“I think you have more thinking to do. Take some time to consider all the questions your mom and Sherri raised. This would be a big move. You need to make sure you are ready,” she says this softly and gently.

“I know! But I want it to happen right now!” David says. They both laugh and return to the living room to join the conversations. Edgar is putting his coat on to leave. He gives David a brief handshake and says, “Let’s talk about this more next week when I’m back in the office. I have an early flight tomorrow.”

As each person files out, David’s mom reminds him to schedule their lunch, Tony shrugs and reminds him not to be late for meditation next week, and Paul claps him on the back. Finding himself alone in his apartment, he is happy with the evening. He managed his emotions pretty well until he was alone with Norah, he reflects. He did not have a panic attack. He smiles thinking about this and sits down with his journal to write out his immediate thoughts. He will go over them again over the weekend and decide on his next steps.

Tune in next time to learn more about David’s decision. What would you do?

Who You Work with Is as Important as What Your Work Is

Wisdom is all around us: from the MBT Blog
Published by Mary Balistreri, MBT More Business Today LLC

As we begin today’s blog, our friend Sherri sits quietly and ponders her life over the last 20 years. “How am I?” she murmurs out loud, then says again, “How AM I?” emphasizing the word am. Her friend Tony recently asked her this question. While she reflects, she also considers her life as a professional. An entrepreneur for two decades, Sherri grew her business by building relationships. She threw nearly all of herself into her business and her community. Eventually, the two things blended together and became her life. Now she contemplates whether her strategy was correct. Did it serve her well?

“Where do I fit into all of that as a person?” she wonders aloud to herself. She sits in her home office in her comfy overstuffed yellow, leather chair with a notebook on her lap. The notebook is simple, the kind you pick up at the local store. It bears no ornamentation or graphics. The cover is plain cardboard. The pages are lined. It is a no-nonsense, just-write-the-stuff-down kind of notebook. It suits her, her accounting business, and her mood today. “No nonsense, just write down what I am thinking,” Sherri murmurs to herself.

Sherri’s Thoughts – October 10, 2024
–I remember when I started my business. My mission was to bring financial education and growth to my community. I threw myself into my community. I SHOWED UP!!! I bridged barriers and grew my business. Looking back, I absolutely succeeded. The question is, did I take care of myself as a person?
– I AM my business.
– I am a servant leader. I serve my team, my clients, my community and my family.
– How am I? I am Great! and I am Tired! and I am Happy! I love my life.

“What am I missing with this exercise?” Sherri wonders out loud. She thinks about the conversation she had with David, the son of a friend. (To read more about that, read Yes, But How Are You?) “He was right about how I filled my life with activity. Is it because I am avoiding something?” she says, again out loud. “I’m calling him,” she decides and dials him on her cell. Now, her cell phone is bejeweled because when she is out in public, she dresses. The bling on her phone reflects her outer persona.

“Hello, David? Yeah, it’s Sherri. I’m okay, but I don’t get this exercise you talked about with the journaling. What’s supposed to happen?” Sherri speaks louder than usual. This whole exercise is frustrating her.

David holds the phone a bit away from his ear as he listens. “Wow, Sherri is keyed up!” he thinks. David sits in his stark, functional office at his law firm. He never hung paintings or added anything personal to the office, because he remains unsure about his future there. “I am so glad you called, Sherri! I could use a little break,” he stands up and runs his fingers through his shaggy sandy, blond hair.

“Here is what happened to me,” David says. “In the beginning, I started writing things down and I kind of thought it was stupid. But, the more I did it, the more I realized there were situations I never thought about. Things I did not want to think about. For me, that contributed to my panic attacks. Now, you never had a panic attack, so I would think it might be different for you.”

“Uh-huh. That’s right. I never had a panic attack. I am a very busy person. I do see value in reflection, though. You know, when I built my business, I did a great job. Things were not easy and I worked hard, but that is okay. I was working for me, you know,” she pauses to listen to his words of agreement. “Now, I am thinking about what is next? My kids are grown and out of the house.”

“Yes, that is something to think about. I am thinking that for myself right now. I am not sure if this law firm is the place for me,” David’s voice trails off as he says this.

“You’re talking to me in your office aren’t you? That’s why you’re talking so quietly,” Sherri laughs her deep, throaty laugh at this. “Well, who you work with is as important as what your work is, you get me?”

“Yes, I get you. You’re saying this may not be the right community for me. How did you build your client base in your business?” he asks. David knows Sherri has a very successful business.

“You know, I was very intentional. I knew who I wanted to serve and I showed up in those spaces. Building trust is something you have to work at, it does not happen over night. Thinking back, I remember many nights when money was scarce and we were barely making it,” she chuckles. “Back then, I thought if I just kept moving, things would get better.” Sherri pauses for a few beats and David remains silent. They both sense a revelation coming,” That’s it! I was always moving and doing to drum up business and keep our heads above water. Maybe I don’t need to do that anymore. Ha!”

“I can feel you from here! Now you have given me something to think about. Who are the people I want to serve as a lawyer. Hmm. I never thought about it before,” David’s mind starts moving. He feels the gears in his head starting to move as if he just applied a dose of new clean, motor oil to them.

“Right. The who was pretty easy for me. I could have used some pointers on the how, though. In the beginning, I was doing everything I could do for anybody who would ask me. And, believe me, I was undercharging. That was a hard thing to reconcile, how to charge what I am worth and still serve my people. But over time, we both caught up with each other. The small minority businesses I served grew until they started telling me I should charge more. In the end, it all worked out,” Sherri’s face beams with nostalgia. “Now, what do I want this next portion of my business and my life to be? I am going to journal about that. Thank you, David!” Sherri is ready to hang up and move on now. The faster this call is over, the sooner she can write down everything in her mind.

“And I am going to think about who I want to serve as a lawyer. Believe me, this firm charges well for my services. I like my clients. The question for me is really about the environment. Who is in my working community? Thank you for the advice and the inspiration, Sherri!”

“Ha, ha! Who would have thought it! A young white man and an older black woman have so much to share with each other? You take care, David,” Sherri hangs up and picks up her journal with renewed enthusiasm.

David looks at the phone and laughs out loud. That is Sherri for you! He loves this new relationship with her. He is both being mentored and mentoring at the same time. Life is amazing!

Tune in next time as David continues his quest to determine whether he fits in at his current firm.

Yes, But How Are YOU?

Wisdom is all around us: from the MBT Blog
Published by Mary Balistreri, MBT More Business Today LLC

“How are YOU, Sherri,” the words Tony spoke a few weeks ago after a meditation class echoed in Sherri’s mind. “When was the last time someone asked me that?” she wondered. To read more about the meditation class, check out the last post of the MBT Blog, Learning to Slow Down.

Sherri – a short, slightly round woman with golden brown skin, black hair so short she was nearly bald, and a bling-centered sense of style – felt a bit shaken by the revelation. Soon, she would enter her sixth decade of life. This was a good time to start reflection. “What do I want out of life?” she thought.

Known for her nurturing yet direct nature and for her wisdom, Sherri spent much of her life caring for and advising others. She relished that role. She genuinely loved caring for people. The owner of a successful accounting business for more than 20 years, Sherri was known for her deep chuckle and her energetic nature. Now, she realized the time had come to slow down and reflect on this next chapter of her life.

Today’s MBT Blog could stand for My Brooding Thoughts, Meditative Beautiful Time, or even Mapping Beyond Today. Sherri surprised herself by reaching out to David, the son of her old friend Judith’s husband. Judith passed away years ago, and Sherri remained very close to Norah, the daughter Judith had with Tony, David’s father. It sounds much more complicated than it really was. The surprise to Sherri came because she was seeking insight not only from someone nearly 30 years younger than her but from a white man.

“Sometimes I think it is part of our nature. Just like you and I are both extreme extraverts, we also both have talkative minds!”

David from the MBT Blog

The two had bonded over a brief conversation at the end of the meditation class they attended with Norah and Tony. They both had expressed relief at finding another person at the class whose mind was a bit too busy to relax. Sherri was greatly interested in David’s experiences.

Today, all of us MBT Blog readers drop in on their conversation. They are meeting for a cocktail at a quiet, black-owned bar near Sherri’s home. Sherri feels comfortable here. The location is on her turf and she knows the owner and most of the staff. As David enters the room looking for Sherri, he notices he may be the only white person there. “A new experience for me,” he thinks before spotting Sherri at one of the tables.

They hug and David holds on longer than usual. He is so happy to see her! This is the Sherri he is used to. She is dressed to the hilt in a bright mustard, purple and green pantsuit accessorized with a sparkling thick gold, chain necklace at the end of which had a large gold medallion. Even her black flats were bedazzled.

“I am so glad you reached out!” David says rustling his sandy, thick hair with his right hand. “I was afraid to tell Norah and Dad that the meditation was not really working for me. I attend because I want to support Dad and be with them as a family because Norah really wants that. But it is so hard not to look at my phone for a full 45 minutes! What are you having. It looks good,” David says all of this in a rush as is his style. Then he sits down, consciously makes himself take a beat, then asks, “How are you?”

Sherri is laughing into her hand. Yes, this is the David she knows. Since he was a boy, when Judith married his father, he talked fast and barely took a breath. She held a special place for David in her heart because, after Judith died, David made the effort to support Norah, his half-sister.

“I am well, David, and happy I reached out, too. I am having a gin and tonic,” she says this flashing her brilliant smile. She is surprised David is dressed casually in jeans and a dark polo shirt. “Didn’t you work today? I would think those law firms would keep you dressed in an elegant suit every day!”

“I worked from home today,” David says. Seeing her raised eyebrow, he continues, “Every since COVID, firms realized it was okay to let people work from home. I am much more productive when there is no one around to talk with. Cheers!” David raises his bottle of beer and clinks with Sherri’s cocktail glass. “Now, how can I help you out? I am so excited to help you for a change. You are always lending a shoulder to Norah and countless people. What could you possibly need from me?”

Sherri holds up a hand, “Slow down will you? You are still quite the talker!” Sherri laughs her throaty laugh. Then she clears her throat, takes a breath, and continues. “I am intrigued with your lifestyle, David. When did you notice you had anxiety? What were the symptoms?” She pauses for a moment and David waits for her to continue. “When you mentioned all the thoughts moving through your head, I realized I have that, too.”

“I think a large percentage of people have that, Sherri. Once I started talking to people about it, many had similar stories. For me, I started having anxiety or panic attacks way back when Dad first married Judith. It started with this knot in the pit of my stomach. Then when I was in college, especially law school, it got to the point that my chest hurt and I could barely breathe. I learned to do breathing exercises from a nurse at the on campus health center,” David said all of this thoughtfully. Sherri could see he was remembering the feeling.

“Whenever I feel that way, I just pray,” she says. Most of the time it works, but attending that meditation class made me wonder. Why can’t I relax for more than a few minutes, unless I am sleeping, that is,” Sherri was serious now and leaned forward while saying this.

David leaned forward, too. “Sometimes I think it is part of our nature. Just like you and I are both extreme extraverts, we also both have talkative minds!” They both laughed at this.

“So if the meditation is not working for you and the breathing is not working for you, what are you doing?” Sherri asked.

“I am a bit embarrassed by it, but I am on a med for it. At the same time, I have never felt better. So, I guess I shouldn’t be ashamed or anything. Just, especially in the law firm world where I work, I do not want people knowing about this,” David said this in a lowered voice.

“I am with you on that,” Sherri replies. “Never let them see you sweat. Hide your weakness. That has always been my motto.” She pauses for a moment. “I also noticed, during the few minutes when my mind was quiet at the class, that I seldom think about myself. Then, right after, your dad asked me how I was. He said, without talking about the family or the business, how was I. I don’t often think about that. Does that seem strange to you?”

“Not really, Sherri. You are a giver. I have a number of friends, mostly women, who are like that – so busy helping everyone else that they forget about themselves. I never thought of you that way, though. You project so much strength and confidence that I guess I didn’t think about it. Anyway, what do you think about it? That is the important thing,” David spoke all of this quickly, in a rush again as was his habit.

Sherri nods at this. “I have read so many articles that say exactly what you just said. Who takes care of the caregiver? What is behind that pillar of strength, that kind of thing. I never associated any of it with me until now.”

“You know, Sherri. I think, and it is not just me, I have read about it too… I think all the talk in my head helps me avoid thinking about things that actually bother me. For me, some of it is about how I felt abandoned by Dad when he married Judith and then, even worse, when Judith died.”

“Thank you for sharing that with me David. We were all so worried about Tony and Norah that we did not think about you,” Sherri shakes her head. It seems each day of life brings a new revelation. “How did you identify the source of the things you were avoiding?”

“Thank you for listening, Sherri. I can’t seem to get myself to talk to Dad about it,” he pauses as she nods for him to continue. “Norah started talking to me about her feelings from childhood. Then I started journaling at the suggestion of my doctor. It all started to spill out. It has not been easy, but every time I talk about it, I feel a bit better afterward.”

“I am going to try journaling again. I tried once when I was younger, but I just never had the time for it,” she laughs at this. “I was too busy avoiding myself.” The two laugh together and continue talking about lighter subjects.

As she starts the drive home, Sherri smiles broadly and thinks to herself, “Thank you, Lord! Who would have thought I would learn something new from David!”

Tune in to the MBT Blog next time to learn more about Norah, David, Tony, and Sherri as they continue their journey toward bettering their lives.

Learning to Slow Down

Wisdom is all around us: from the MBT Blog
Published by Mary Balistreri, MBT More Business Today LLC

The last shimmer from the singing bowl dissipates through the carpeted room as Sherri gathers up her thoughts and belongings after her first meditation class. Tony, a stocky man with thick, silver hair steps over offering her a hand up from the floor. “How did you get up, Tony? You’re older than me!” she says with a laugh while raising a knee from her kneeling position, grabbing hold of Tony’s hand, and pushing herself upward to standing.

“David saw me rolling around on the floor and gave me some help,” Tony says laughing. His sparkling brown eyes remind Sherri of the Tony she used to know before his wife and her best friend, Judith, passed away.

“Meditation agrees with you,” Sherri says giving him a hug. It felt so good to see him happy again. To read more about Tony and his anxiety attacks, read Stress, Anxiety and Meditation and Success! Sunshine & Clouds!, previous MBT Blog posts.

Sherri experienced her own anxiety in anticipation of this class. All of the usual fears of doing something new made her tense up. Things like wondering what it would be like, would there be anyone there who looked like her other than Norah, and would she be able to sit on the floor for the entire 60 minutes. But, her bigger worry was would Tony have some kind of break down or panic attack during the meditation. Seeing him in front of her now, relaxed and smiling, made her so glad she came.

“It does! I am feeling better than ever. Hey, would you like to come back to the house for a decaf coffee?” Tony’s face glows while making this request.

“Sure. Norah, are you leaving? Give me a hug, girl,” Sherri says making her way to where Norah stands. Sherri is so proud of the loving, sophisticated woman Norah has become. She thinks about Norah’s mother, Judith, and how proud she would be of this strong, confident young lady. They embrace and Sherri sees that Norah is also glowing. “Thank you for inviting me,” Sherri pulls at her over-sized t-shirt when she says this, feeling uncomfortable in her sweats in public.

“We try to make it here every other week. You are always welcome to join us,” Norah says. “I wish I could stay to talk, but I have an early meeting tomorrow. Are we still on for lunch next Wednesday?”

“Yes, girl. I will see you then,” Sherri barely gets the words out before she is embraced in a big hug from David. She turns to see a smile on his face, but he is not exactly beaming like his dad and half-sister. Norah’s mother, Judith, was black and David’s mother, Sarah, was white. Even so, Sherri thinks the two half-siblings resemble each other. She returns the embrace. “How you doing, David?”

“I am feeling well. I don’t slip into this meditative state as easily as Norah and Dad. I have a very hard time turning off my phone. Don’t tell them, but work is in my mind the whole time. Although, today was better. I was completely relaxed for about 15 minutes,” David says this all in a rush and runs his fingers through his thick, sandy blond hair. Sherri sees the similarity between David and Tony, too – same hair, same smile, same nervous tousling of their thick hair, and, now, same problems with anxiety and panic attacks.

David is thinking how cute Sherri is in her dress-down clothes. She is short, round and slightly heavy, possessing a commanding presence. Sporting ultra-short, elegant hair, she wears clothes beautifully and is usually dressed to perfection. He looks down from his six foot height at Sherri thinking this was the first time he has ever seen her in sweats. The woman has been part of his life for so many years, he thinks of her as an aunt, a very close aunt, the kind you will tell about your gigantic problems with anxiety.

“I know what you mean. I was thinking about one of my clients. My mind cleared for a minute or two, especially when they played that spirit music or whatever you call it. Do they play music every time?” Sherri is relieved to talk with someone who is not glowing with relaxation and spiritual enlightenment.

“Yes. I actually do not notice it very much. For me, the breathing and the calming words help the most. When things are silent, my mind wanders. I do feel better though. Do you suffer from anxiety like me and Dad, Sherri?” David is surprised at his own ability to talk about his anxiety and panic. It seems the more he does it, the easier it gets.

“I did not think I did. I let go of my troubles at church! But this experience is so different. I want to give it another try. My revelation from this experience is my mind is always working on something. When the leader said to empty your mind and heart of those things weighing on you, I felt a great relief of some kind,” Sherri looks over to where Tony and Norah are saying their goodbyes.

“Let’s go!” Tony says as he puts his arm around Sherri.

“I’m on my way. I’ll meet you there,” Sherri says and gives David one last pat. “I hope to see you here again, David.”

On the drive to Tony’s house, Sherri thinks about how strange the evening was. All of them meeting up somewhere not to talk or celebrate. There they were, wearing sweat pants and t-shirts, or, in Norah’s case, a cute workout outfit in bright yellow and purple, sitting on the floor and not talking. Sherri laughs a big throaty laugh as she drives to Tony’s house. “How bizarre. And how wonderful!” She laughs and smiles all the way to Tony’s house.

Today’s MBT Blog could be called Meditation Builds (self)Trust or Meditating Brings Tranquility, or, in Sherri’s case, meditation Maybe Beneficial Time. Sometimes bonds strengthen in the silence of shared experience. As they drive to their homes, both David and Norah think of how much closer they were now as a family. Norah remembers how scared she was a few months ago to talk frankly with her dad and half-brother about her otherness. As a bi-racial teenager without a mother, Norah often felt like an outsider in the presence of her own family. Now, she cherishes the times spent together and feels hopeful about the future.

When Tony opens the door inviting Sherri into the house, she realizes the last time she visited was soon after Judith, Tony’s wife, passed away. She feels a pang deep in her chest remembering those days. Tony stares at her with tears in his eyes.

“Were you thinking about the last time you were here, Sherri? I know I was. I have come a long way!” Tony stretches and motions Sherri to sit at the kitchen table. “Cream?”

“No, thank you. Tony, is it okay if I get right into it with you?” she asks directly.

“Of course. You would not be you if you beat around the bush,” he chuckles and sips his coffee. “What do you want to ask?”

“What happened when you went to the hospital? I mean, you had panic attacks before, so what made that time different?” Sherri pauses and waits patiently for Tony to respond. He runs his fingers through his thick, shaggy hair.

“Well, I usually would sit still and breathe a few times – when I felt the panic coming on my chest would tighten up. Sometimes, I would call my friend Sam, which I did this time. He lives pretty close. When he saw the breathing wasn’t working, he took me to the ER. It was worse this time. I could not get my breath back. So, we were afraid it was a heart attack.” Tony pauses and looks into the distance for a few seconds. “I was pretty embarrassed at the hospital. The kids came rushing in, thinking I was dying. Then, the doctor made me come clean to them and tell them I suffer from anxiety.”

“I see you. Sometimes, when no one is looking, I close myself in a room and pray, pray, pray. It usually helps me calm my mind and leave it in the hands of the creator. Sometimes, though, I need more. I cannot slow my mind down. I get overcome with worry,” Sherri pauses and looks into the distance this time. “I am not sure what I think of all of this, but I do see you are finally in a peaceful place.” She leans forward and pats Tony’s hand.

Tony looks her directly in the eye and says, “Sherri, if there is something, anything, out in the world to help us feel better, to help us heal, to help us, you know, help us live, I am grabbing on to it and sharing it with everyone I meet.” Tony covers Sherri’s hand with his own. “How are you Sherri?”

“Well, the business is going strong and Ethan just started college..” Sherri starts her reply and is quickly interrupted by Tony.

“Not the business and the kids, Sherri, how are you?” he says in a gentle, caring voice.

Now, people seldom ask Sherri how she is. This sweet gesture from Tony immediately brings tears to Sherri’s eyes. “How am I?” she replies, accentuating the last word. “I am worn out to tell you the truth, Tony.” Sherri laughs. She laughs some more until they are both laughing. They continue talking for an hour or so. “I will definitely see you at the next meditation class!” she says as she leaves the house.

The beauty of connecting shines through today’s blog story. Take a few moments to breathe and reflect on a connection you made.

Stress, Anxiety, and Meditation

Wisdom is all around us: from the MBT Blog
Published by Mary Balistreri, MBT More Business Today LLC

As someone who suffers from anxiety, I often reflect on the reasons I waited so long to acknowledge it and treat it. It was one of those areas in my life that signaled weakness. If I gave in and talked about it, I was letting them – the nebulous them, the globs of people known and unknown who might judge me – see me sweat. And in my world, letting my fragility show brought on more anxiety.

In our last blog, both David and his father, Tony, were experiencing panic attacks. Just like me, they spent most of their lives hiding the crippling manifestation of their reactions to stress. To read more about their circumstances, check out last week’s blog, Success! Sunshine and Clouds. Today’s MBT blog could be called My Buried Truth or Making Blemishes Transparent.

Today we join Norah as she meets her friend and mentor, Sherri, for coffee. Norah sips her usual latte while listening to the jazz music playing. This is her happy place. A black-owned café run by a locally famous jazz drummer and his wife, owner of a successful beauty business for more than 30 years.

Norah spies Sherri looking beautiful in an orange African print pantsuit. Her golden skin gleams against the fabric. She is wearing her signature, a large medallion necklace of gold, silver and purple.

“How are you, baby?” Sherri says kissing Norah on the cheek and squeezing her hand. “Thank you for this,” she says, holding up the mocha Norah ordered for her. “How’s your dad?”

“He didn’t have a stroke! It turns out, he has been having panic attacks for years. He just never told us. Now he and David are taking a meditation class together!” Norah says this with so much energy, Sherri feels the force of it across the table. Norah’s personality is quiet and she seldom raises her voice. “Today is momentous, indeed,” Sherri thinks.

“Now, hold on. You must back up and tell me more. Tony is meditating?” she laughs a deep, throaty laugh ending with a harumph. “This I have GOT to see!”

“Okay, I’ll tell you more of the story. I am just so excited to see the men in my life opening up. You know how men can close themselves off sometimes. I was sitting in a restaurant with David and I could see he was starting to have a panic attack. I just finished talking him through it and was driving home when I get a call from Dad’s friend, Sam, telling me to meet him at the hospital and bring David. He thought Dad was having a heart attack.

So, I rush there and meet Sam because Dad is having tests and is not in his room at the ER. Then Sam tells me Dad suffered from panic attacks his entire life! Can you believe that? Sam knew this thing about Dad and we did not have a clue. I asked Sam why Dad never got treatment for it, and he said it was because he was embarrassed about it.” Norah says all of this in a big expulsion of breath and then sits back shaking her head.

“Well, now I knew he was an absolute mess after your mother died, but now that you tell me this, it makes sense. He seemed to keep everything bottled up inside. That is how he handled things when people commented on your mom and him being an inter-racial couple. He would not talk about it. We thought he was cold or stubborn. Sounds like he was suffering silently,” now Sherri is shaking her head. The two sit together in silence for a few minutes.

“That is a lot to think about right there,” Sherri says wiping a tear away from the corner of her eye. Norah fills up with love for Sherri. The woman can be rough sometimes but underneath she is all heart.

“I feel for him,” Norah says. And now David is dealing with the same thing. We were sitting by Dad’s hospital bed when the doctor came in to give the test results. After telling us everything was fine and normal, he asked Dad if he suffered from anxiety. Dad just nodded. Then the whole secret was out. I spoke up and told the doctor that David also had a panic attack the night before. Now Dad is on a medication for anxiety and going to a meditation class. He invited David to join him and David said yes! It is all so incredible.

Here is the best part though. As we were leaving, Dad put his arm around David and said, ‘Son, let’s tackle this together. I do not want to see you suffer the way I have all these years.’ It was beautiful!” Norah sighs as she finishes and pauses to remember the moment. When she closes her eyes, she can see the two of them, the men she loves the most in her life, her family, walking arm in arm out of the hospital. A favorite moment she cherishes.

“Norah, that is an amazing experience.” Sherri stands up and moves to the other side of the table to sit next to Norah. She pulls her close in a side embrace. “Sounds like they are on their way to better times.”

Sherri is curious. “How does meditation help? I understand how controlling your breathing can help, but what else happens?”

“Meditation helps people clear their minds. I have only done it once or twice, but in Dad’s class, they play restful music and the leader talks through relaxing the body and clearing the mind. It definitely leaves me feeling calmer and clearer,” Norah says.

Then Sherri pauses, takes a breath, and says quietly, shyly, “Do you think I could call Tony and ask to join his class? I think I could benefit from a little meditation, too.”

Norah is surprised by this. “Yes, of course. I am joining them next week. Would you like me to pick you up?” They spend the rest of their coffee date planning.

Have you ever meditated? What do you do to relieve stress? Tune in next time to learn more about Tony’s meditation class.

Success! Sunshine & Clouds

Wisdom is all around us: from the MBT Blog
Published by Mary Balistreri, MBT More Business Today LLC

Remember your first big business success? What did you do? How did you feel? Elated? Let down? Excited? Afraid? David, one of our main characters in this year’s MBT blog, feels all of those things and more.

As you rightly assumed from the title of today’s blog, David won the work from his first business pitch for his law firm. However, now the real work begins. The work, he discovers, requires all his skills, legal and otherwise. The legal work has barely begun and already the team, the firm, and the client are making him wonder why he wanted this.

In a last grab at enjoying the summer, David meets Norah on the patio of an Italian restaurant. The aroma of fresh basil fills the air. An intricately woven wicker gazebo covers the seating area allowing glints of sunlight to sparkle through while a soft breeze creates a warm, dreamy atmosphere.

“This place is beautiful,” Norah says after offering David a quick hug. “It seems we are celebrating something.” She smiles teasingly when saying this. David was too excited to wait for the dinner to tell her the story of his successful pitch. To read about the pitch, follow this link to Empowering Change: David’s First Pitch for New Business.

“Yes! Come on, sit down. I already ordered champagne, for real,” David was dressed in an expensive, slate gray suit, Norah noticed it immediately. And Norah, David noticed, wore a pink, silk pantsuit.

“New suit?” Norah asked.

“Yes. I splurged and bought it as soon as I won the work!” David waits for the beverages to be poured before continuing. Norah notices he thanked the waiter and made eye contact, too. “Norah, it was so exciting, and hard, too. I worked so hard to select exactly the right team for the meeting with the client. The fact that it was Paul’s company made me more nervous. You know, I did not want to do something boneheaded and embarrass him. We set our strategy and practiced what we would say in the meeting. It was thrilling!” David says this in a rush and stops to hold up his glass of champagne.

“Cheers to me and to you and to our careers and our family!” he says with enthusiasm. They clink glasses. Norah laughs as she sips her sparkling wine.

“You look different,” David says to her. “Calm? Happy? What’s going on?”

“I do? David you made the perfect toast! I am in a great place with my career and with our family,” Norah replies and leans forward. “My new position as Director of Diversity may be the best thing that ever happened to me. The CEO and I talk several times each week. The staff embraced my role and so many people come to me to talk about our culture. Even the head of HR, you know the one who was so stiff and judgmental before, speaks to me with respect now. She offers her support and gladly takes on the projects I give her.” Norah giggles as she says this.

“Seriously? I am surprised by her turnaround. Do you believe she is sincere?” David’s expression of concern comes from years of seeing the opposite from women in business. He expects non-supportive behavior and has seen the evidence of a knife in the back many times.

“I believe she is sincere. I was guarded at first. She told me how she never felt like she belonged at any job. She told me how she was isolated by being a woman executive among men and then by being the supervisor to the rest of the staff. She wants to pave the way for other women in her position. And she wants to feel like she is part of the team,” Norah says this thoughtfully.

“Okay, I’ll take your word for it,” David stops talking and looks at his phone. His face falls from happiness to deep concern. He runs his free hand through his hair and texts with the other one.

“Is something wrong?” Norah asks. His immediate change of expression worries Norah. David is usually the untroubled sort. Most obstacles seem to roll off him as he embraces optimism in most situations – unless they involve their father, Tony. He was also strangely pessimistic about her work friend, Ruth, the head of HR. “David, what is going on with you? I thought this was a celebration dinner.”

“Nothing, it is just a work thing. Order whatever you want from the menu. I’m paying. Order the bass for me and some antipasti. Whatever you want. I have to make a phone call,” David says and leaves the table.

Nearly 20 minutes later, David returns. Half a caprese salad is left on the table and the waiter is serving the entrees. “I am so sorry. I had to handle something,” David says as he sits back down. He stares off into the distance for such a long time it causes Norah to turn and look.

“What are we looking at?” she says.

“What? Oh, nothing. It’s just this staffing issue with the project I brought in. I want to use the person on my team who came to the pitch. You know, the person who actually helped win the work. But the partner supervising her says she does not have enough time to work on the project. I just talked to him,” he looks down at his phone and continues. “And the client is breathing down my neck. Our kick off meeting is planned for early next week and they want the entire team there. I have to bring this person, Wanda. The client loves her. And now, I don’t know what to do,” he stares off into space again. “I’m sorry. Let’s get back to our celebration.” He eats a bit of tomato and fresh mozzarella from the salad plate and his phone rings. He sighs, waves a finger to Norah signifying “one minute” and answers. Then he smiles. “All taken care of! Edgar jumped in and Wanda is back on the team.”

“Are you okay? I thought you were going to have a panic attack. Your face went pale and then turned red. Your eyes were doing that restless thing where they flit back and forth when the phone rang again. You look clammy,” Norah says and reaches out a hand to place on top of his. His skin is indeed damp and sticky.

David brushes some sweat from his brow and nods. “I am okay. My panic attacks are becoming more frequent, though. When I found out I won this piece of work I thought I was in the home stretch. I thought my quest for partnership was secure. Now I find out the collections won’t hit the firm until next fiscal year, so partnership is out this year. And, everyone involved is arguing. The associates are too busy or they are not busy enough. The client can’t decide on the agenda for the kickoff meeting. Partners are mad at me for using their associates. And we have not even started the work yet!”

“That sounds like a lot. Did you write a plan or a timeline for how the work will be done?” When David shakes his head “no” Norah continues. “In my experience, people act out or speak out when there is ambiguity. Write out a work plan and share it with the team and with the partners who also give work to the associates. Doing a little work at the outset will help you in the long run. Take control, David,” Norah grabs his forearm across the table as she says this.

“But there are so many unknowns in a deal like this. What if I am wrong?” David starts breathing quickly and heavily.

“David, look me in the eyes. Now expel your breath. Take a deep breath in and count to four with me. That’s good. Now let’s breathe out and count to seven.” They sit like that for a few minutes, neither eating, David wondering if he will pass out and Norah wondering if she needs to call 911.

After a few moments, David’s breathing returns to normal. “Thank you.”

“You need to see someone for these attacks. A therapist? Your doctor?” Norah suggests.

“You’re right. I talked with my GP about it over the years and she suggested I start taking an anti-anxiety med. I am going to call her tomorrow. I just never thought winning would be so stressful,” David sighs and begins to eat his dinner.

Norah shakes her head and eats silently. When dinner is over and before leaving the restaurant, Norah asks David to text her after he sees the doctor. He agrees.

David and Norah are unaware their father also suffers from intense anxiety. Home alone this same evening, Tony looks at his phone and wonders why David never called him back. He feels a flutter in his heart. A panic attack is coming on. He sighs and sits to start breathing through it.

Sometimes great success brings big expectations. The expectations can cause fear and anxiety. How will David and his dad continue to deal with stress? Tune in next time to find out.

Dogs Ate My Blog? Clients First? All the Reasons I Did Not Write A Proper Blog This Week.

Wisdom is all around us: from the MBT Blog
Published by Mary Balistreri, MBT More Business Today LLC

Ok, Snowy, my shih tzu-chihuahua is right. The dogs did not eat my blog. There were many things the last two weeks keeping me from continuing the story of Norah and David and their struggles in their new jobs. In the spirit of absolute transparency, I listed them below. Tune in next week for a bonus blog in which we learn the answer to the question, “Did David win his pitch?” For background on his pitch situation, check out Empowering Change: David’s First Pitch for New Business.

The last two weeks brought much delight, happiness and hard work. I apologize for not writing the blog my readers may have expected. Here are the reasons you are reading this instead.

Sharpen the Saw.

Yes, I often quote Habit 7 from Stephen Covey’s amazing book “7 Habits of Highly Effective People” in my work as a business and leadership coach. I took a glorious vacation to rest and re-align my mind, body and spirit. I galavanted, skipped, sang, swam, and enjoyed life for four magnificent days away from home, away from the dogs, in the company of family. It left me refreshed for the busy days awaiting me once I came down to earth. Consider my mind, my teeth (just took care of my dental cleaning), my saw sharpened.

Sharpen the Saw means preserving and enhancing the greatest asset you have—you. It means having a balanced program for self-renewal in the four areas of your life: physical, social/emotional, mental, and spiritual.

Stephen Covey

Clients (and Future Clients) First.

The scramble of work and diving deeply into writing proposals for new work occupied much of my focus since the return to the home and my home office. Do you get that surge of electric energy when putting together a customized proposal to help solve a client’s problem? I do. I throw my entire self into getting the strategy, messaging, and solution just write. Then, I admit, I collapse for an hour or two either walking the dogs, reading, dancing, or watching television (read more about the shows preoccupying my thoughts below).

Clients needed me! I love that. There were regularly scheduled coaching sessions, extra needed laser coaching sessions, fun-sized sessions with a few former clients, and consultations with prospects. A productive whirlwind of time spent on virtual meetings, coffee meetings and sending out action items filled several of my days – and, alas, kept me from writing the newest edition to David-the-lawyer’s pitching team saga.

Additionally, after spending several hours focusing my business brain to finish an article I had been commissioned to write, the owner of the trade publication sent an email saying the venture had closed the month before. No prior warning or a quick, “Hey, don’t bother with that deadline in the contract, we stopped publishing,” kind of notice. Sigh. Frustrated sigh. Oh, well. I will repurpose that article.

The Distraction of the Olympics (ok, and Bridgerton, too).

In those moments of retreating to the living room after completing a taxing task, I succumbed to the television. The Olympics brought, and continue to bring, the greatest distraction, Greatest Of All Time, in fact. Can you really blame me for that? My husband and I cannot wait until 7 p.m. central time rolls around to immerse ourselves in the highlights.

Then, I must confess, there is Bridgerton. I watched Season Three as soon as it dropped. Binged it. I realized then that I was quite late to the whole Penelope / Colin (Polin) story line. Penelope is my favorite character and I noticed her infatuation with Colin, but many of the references in this season made me go back to rewatch seasons one and two. What were the tells to let us know that Colin may also fall for his friend? I am only partway through season two, so more for me to understand. I must say as a non-traditional body type sort of woman, I love this story line. Penelope is so beautiful and Colin so, well you know, dreamy.

That is the end of my “excuse me” and “please come back next week” sort of replacement blogging. I hope you enjoyed.