Behind the Mask: How We Keep Afloat Through Tough Times

From the MBT Blog – published by MBT More Business Today LLC

The MBT Blog is publishing a day early this time because tomorrow I participate in a panel of amazing #womenentrepreneurs discussing what goes on behind our masks. These are the masks everyone must wear occasionally when life or business makes it tough to continue. Behind our professional demeanors, tough circumstances make quitting, crying, and hiding attractive solutions. So we haul out a different version of ourselves who can smile, inspire, teach, and work with little evidence of the turmoil going on inside. How do we do that?

The more I talk with people, the more I see them grasping for ways to hold on, to be better, to succeed despite “all the things” needing their attention. Clients are managing their stress, their emotions, and their reactions to become better communicators and more productive. The skills involved can be taught and align perfectly with the tools of great leaders.

Mindset, mindfulness, and self-management are critical to succeeding behind the mask. First, set your mindset. Focus your thoughts on those necessary to motivate you. Then, increase your awareness of the moments in life. Be present when interacting with others and visualize positive outcomes when preparing for the next business encounter. Finally, understand what you need to manage your flaws. It is one thing to know how your weaknesses show up under stress and quite a different thing to manage them successfully.

Then where do we put the problems and feelings? We are all human. Feelings buried deeply over time are bound to burst out into the open to declare, “I am here! Acknowledge me!”

During my greatest difficulties in life, I schedule time for grief, anger, madness, and other strong emotions. I make a list of my goals for the day and plan to sit with my feelings when I finish. Then, when I feel the surge of sadness or anger coming on, I remind myself, “I scheduled an emotion hour at 2 p.m.” Does this system always work? No. But it does help me push through the “must-dos” of a specific day.

A dear friend suggested my participation in the Behind the Mask panel because she is aware of the hardship and grief I have experienced in the last few years. In fact, since opening MBT More Business Today at the start of 2021, I led the double life of caregiver to my sister who was ill and my mother who had dementia. After they died in 2023, I experienced a different kind of life-stopper, dealing with the grief of losing the two closest confidants in my life. Then at the end of last year, we experienced the tragic death of my 13-year-old grand niece, Gigi. Some tears refuse to wait until 2 p.m. to flow.

My journey has taught me so much especially during the last four years. Here is a list of thoughts for how to make it through.
1. You are not alone. Talk to people and listen to their stories. Ask for advice.
2. Notice your mood. If your body is begging you to rest, rest. I find my body is very much aware of which days are loaded with client work and which ones have fewer meetings. The big emotions or exhaustion tend to arrive on those days.
3. Be kind to yourself. This tip involves giving yourself some grace when you forget to do something or cannot complete a task. Yes, give yourself grace! But also be kind and helpful to yourself by setting yourself up for success. Schedule time in your calendar for reflection, rest, and/or emotions. Your mind will add the information to your inner calendar making it easier for you to push through the projects or meetings that must be completed.
4. Adopt the wisdom of others. As a coach, I learn from my clients each session. I am thrilled or impressed by new ways to express something and new tools to incorporate into my repertoire. After I try them out, I pass them along to others.
5. Give grace to others. Each person is dealing with something. Be kind then curious.

There is no way for us to know what goes on behind someone’s mask until they tell us. Who do you admire most? Why do you admire them? Ask some questions or do some research: what is going on behind their mask and how do they cope? Join us tomorrow in Oak Park, Illinois to hear our stories.