Navigating Business Support: Grace and Authenticity

From the MBT Blog – published by MBT More Business Today LLC

I recently danced in bliss and abandon at a 1970s themed garden party during an event celebrating the 50th Anniversary of NAWBO (National Association for Women Business Owners). The next day, as I spoke with a friend and #womanbusinessowner, she remarked on the beautiful feeling of #acceptance, #belonging, and #support she felt while we all danced together. She used the word #authentic to describe the support shared by the diverse mixture of women at the event.

Looking at the photo of myself dancing raises the question for me, how do we show up for each other in our #businesslives?

Most women, me included, have experienced the opposite of this atmosphere at work. We have been victims of women colleagues who refuse to offer a hand up to others in our company. Some situations included actual #sabotage to make an up-and-comer slip a few notches on the ladder. Often the actions are about #power, finding it and keeping it. I hear about it when I am coaching clients. I also hear about it from minority groups. It’s as if a person who has risen despite the odds, someone who often is the only one of their group, believes there can be only one in such an elevated position, and it must be them. They fear losing status.

Do the best you can until you know better.
Then, when you know better, do better.

Maya Angelou

If we reflected on this concept truthfully, most of us will admit we have been in both spaces. The non-supportive colleague AND the supportive person. Were we mean spirited at work? Were we tired of all the great things the latest “golden child” was accomplishing? Were we afraid our accomplishments would be forgotten? Did we feel like we were suddenly not enough? And, were WE the golden child receiving the attention while feeling the cold shoulder of other women colleagues? Were WE the ones being added to an agenda to present on a subject without being notified in advance? How did we react?

Whatever the reasons and experiences, we need to offer grace to ourselves for times when we were less than supportive of a colleague. And, offer grace to the colleague who was less than supportive of us. As Maya Angelou wrote, “Do the best you can until you know better. Then, when you know better, do better.”

One worry I hear is that by supporting one person or one group of people, the perception will be my client is against another person or group of people. Clients also worry that a lack of public support for people who are similar to them engenders the idea that they are against their own people.

How do you know how to act? Business culture and politics are often complex. Sometimes fear of losing out causes us to go along, or worse, limit the opportunities of others. How can you manage your work life so your actions fit in with the person you want to be? These questions can only be answered by examining your values.

How do you dig into your values? How do you bring mindfulness to the forefront at work when reacting in the moment? Here are some ideas.
1. Start by asking yourself, “Who am I and who do I want to be?” While you answer, consider the adjectives you would like to use describing yourself. Fair? Successful? Loyal? Thoughtful? Smart? Productive? And the nouns, too. Ally? Leader? Collaborator? Mentor?
2. Now ask yourself, “What motivates me?” Answers could include: my family, status, taking care of people, financial success, my faith.
3. Now, think of two real work situations you encountered: after one, you felt unsettled or unhappy by the way you reacted. In the other, you were proud of your actions. What would you do differently in each circumstance?
Here are two examples:
1. You are part of a meeting and the discussion veers toward a female colleague. Those in the room are commenting on this person’s looks or mannerisms in an unflattering way. Everyone is laughing. You chuckle and look down at the table.
2. All the facts noted in #1 are the same, except you do not laugh. You say, “Come on everyone, let’s move on from this personal talk.” In reaction, the group stops talking. After a few moments of silence, the leader directs the group back to the agenda.

Now ask yourself how much you care about what other people think of you? The truth is, unless you have directly asked the question, “What do you think of me?” and received an answer, you do not know. So, why waste the time wondering?

Focusing on the knowns at work, the direct feedback you have received, frees you from wondering what others are thinking. It opens the door to behaving in a way that aligns with your values. It gives you the opportunity to realize you can support other women without turning your back on male colleagues.

And, I believe you can be for someone without being against someone else. What do you think? How do you show up? Does it align with your values? What can you learn? How can you do better? I believe there is enough goodness in life for everyone to enjoy. How about you?