Learning to Slow Down

Wisdom is all around us: from the MBT Blog
Published by Mary Balistreri, MBT More Business Today LLC

The last shimmer from the singing bowl dissipates through the carpeted room as Sherri gathers up her thoughts and belongings after her first meditation class. Tony, a stocky man with thick, silver hair steps over offering her a hand up from the floor. “How did you get up, Tony? You’re older than me!” she says with a laugh while raising a knee from her kneeling position, grabbing hold of Tony’s hand, and pushing herself upward to standing.

“David saw me rolling around on the floor and gave me some help,” Tony says laughing. His sparkling brown eyes remind Sherri of the Tony she used to know before his wife and her best friend, Judith, passed away.

“Meditation agrees with you,” Sherri says giving him a hug. It felt so good to see him happy again. To read more about Tony and his anxiety attacks, read Stress, Anxiety and Meditation and Success! Sunshine & Clouds!, previous MBT Blog posts.

Sherri experienced her own anxiety in anticipation of this class. All of the usual fears of doing something new made her tense up. Things like wondering what it would be like, would there be anyone there who looked like her other than Norah, and would she be able to sit on the floor for the entire 60 minutes. But, her bigger worry was would Tony have some kind of break down or panic attack during the meditation. Seeing him in front of her now, relaxed and smiling, made her so glad she came.

“It does! I am feeling better than ever. Hey, would you like to come back to the house for a decaf coffee?” Tony’s face glows while making this request.

“Sure. Norah, are you leaving? Give me a hug, girl,” Sherri says making her way to where Norah stands. Sherri is so proud of the loving, sophisticated woman Norah has become. She thinks about Norah’s mother, Judith, and how proud she would be of this strong, confident young lady. They embrace and Sherri sees that Norah is also glowing. “Thank you for inviting me,” Sherri pulls at her over-sized t-shirt when she says this, feeling uncomfortable in her sweats in public.

“We try to make it here every other week. You are always welcome to join us,” Norah says. “I wish I could stay to talk, but I have an early meeting tomorrow. Are we still on for lunch next Wednesday?”

“Yes, girl. I will see you then,” Sherri barely gets the words out before she is embraced in a big hug from David. She turns to see a smile on his face, but he is not exactly beaming like his dad and half-sister. Norah’s mother, Judith, was black and David’s mother, Sarah, was white. Even so, Sherri thinks the two half-siblings resemble each other. She returns the embrace. “How you doing, David?”

“I am feeling well. I don’t slip into this meditative state as easily as Norah and Dad. I have a very hard time turning off my phone. Don’t tell them, but work is in my mind the whole time. Although, today was better. I was completely relaxed for about 15 minutes,” David says this all in a rush and runs his fingers through his thick, sandy blond hair. Sherri sees the similarity between David and Tony, too – same hair, same smile, same nervous tousling of their thick hair, and, now, same problems with anxiety and panic attacks.

David is thinking how cute Sherri is in her dress-down clothes. She is short, round and slightly heavy, possessing a commanding presence. Sporting ultra-short, elegant hair, she wears clothes beautifully and is usually dressed to perfection. He looks down from his six foot height at Sherri thinking this was the first time he has ever seen her in sweats. The woman has been part of his life for so many years, he thinks of her as an aunt, a very close aunt, the kind you will tell about your gigantic problems with anxiety.

“I know what you mean. I was thinking about one of my clients. My mind cleared for a minute or two, especially when they played that spirit music or whatever you call it. Do they play music every time?” Sherri is relieved to talk with someone who is not glowing with relaxation and spiritual enlightenment.

“Yes. I actually do not notice it very much. For me, the breathing and the calming words help the most. When things are silent, my mind wanders. I do feel better though. Do you suffer from anxiety like me and Dad, Sherri?” David is surprised at his own ability to talk about his anxiety and panic. It seems the more he does it, the easier it gets.

“I did not think I did. I let go of my troubles at church! But this experience is so different. I want to give it another try. My revelation from this experience is my mind is always working on something. When the leader said to empty your mind and heart of those things weighing on you, I felt a great relief of some kind,” Sherri looks over to where Tony and Norah are saying their goodbyes.

“Let’s go!” Tony says as he puts his arm around Sherri.

“I’m on my way. I’ll meet you there,” Sherri says and gives David one last pat. “I hope to see you here again, David.”

On the drive to Tony’s house, Sherri thinks about how strange the evening was. All of them meeting up somewhere not to talk or celebrate. There they were, wearing sweat pants and t-shirts, or, in Norah’s case, a cute workout outfit in bright yellow and purple, sitting on the floor and not talking. Sherri laughs a big throaty laugh as she drives to Tony’s house. “How bizarre. And how wonderful!” She laughs and smiles all the way to Tony’s house.

Today’s MBT Blog could be called Meditation Builds (self)Trust or Meditating Brings Tranquility, or, in Sherri’s case, meditation Maybe Beneficial Time. Sometimes bonds strengthen in the silence of shared experience. As they drive to their homes, both David and Norah think of how much closer they were now as a family. Norah remembers how scared she was a few months ago to talk frankly with her dad and half-brother about her otherness. As a bi-racial teenager without a mother, Norah often felt like an outsider in the presence of her own family. Now, she cherishes the times spent together and feels hopeful about the future.

When Tony opens the door inviting Sherri into the house, she realizes the last time she visited was soon after Judith, Tony’s wife, passed away. She feels a pang deep in her chest remembering those days. Tony stares at her with tears in his eyes.

“Were you thinking about the last time you were here, Sherri? I know I was. I have come a long way!” Tony stretches and motions Sherri to sit at the kitchen table. “Cream?”

“No, thank you. Tony, is it okay if I get right into it with you?” she asks directly.

“Of course. You would not be you if you beat around the bush,” he chuckles and sips his coffee. “What do you want to ask?”

“What happened when you went to the hospital? I mean, you had panic attacks before, so what made that time different?” Sherri pauses and waits patiently for Tony to respond. He runs his fingers through his thick, shaggy hair.

“Well, I usually would sit still and breathe a few times – when I felt the panic coming on my chest would tighten up. Sometimes, I would call my friend Sam, which I did this time. He lives pretty close. When he saw the breathing wasn’t working, he took me to the ER. It was worse this time. I could not get my breath back. So, we were afraid it was a heart attack.” Tony pauses and looks into the distance for a few seconds. “I was pretty embarrassed at the hospital. The kids came rushing in, thinking I was dying. Then, the doctor made me come clean to them and tell them I suffer from anxiety.”

“I see you. Sometimes, when no one is looking, I close myself in a room and pray, pray, pray. It usually helps me calm my mind and leave it in the hands of the creator. Sometimes, though, I need more. I cannot slow my mind down. I get overcome with worry,” Sherri pauses and looks into the distance this time. “I am not sure what I think of all of this, but I do see you are finally in a peaceful place.” She leans forward and pats Tony’s hand.

Tony looks her directly in the eye and says, “Sherri, if there is something, anything, out in the world to help us feel better, to help us heal, to help us, you know, help us live, I am grabbing on to it and sharing it with everyone I meet.” Tony covers Sherri’s hand with his own. “How are you Sherri?”

“Well, the business is going strong and Ethan just started college..” Sherri starts her reply and is quickly interrupted by Tony.

“Not the business and the kids, Sherri, how are you?” he says in a gentle, caring voice.

Now, people seldom ask Sherri how she is. This sweet gesture from Tony immediately brings tears to Sherri’s eyes. “How am I?” she replies, accentuating the last word. “I am worn out to tell you the truth, Tony.” Sherri laughs. She laughs some more until they are both laughing. They continue talking for an hour or so. “I will definitely see you at the next meditation class!” she says as she leaves the house.

The beauty of connecting shines through today’s blog story. Take a few moments to breathe and reflect on a connection you made.