Yes, But How Are YOU?

Wisdom is all around us: from the MBT Blog
Published by Mary Balistreri, MBT More Business Today LLC

“How are YOU, Sherri,” the words Tony spoke a few weeks ago after a meditation class echoed in Sherri’s mind. “When was the last time someone asked me that?” she wondered. To read more about the meditation class, check out the last post of the MBT Blog, Learning to Slow Down.

Sherri – a short, slightly round woman with golden brown skin, black hair so short she was nearly bald, and a bling-centered sense of style – felt a bit shaken by the revelation. Soon, she would enter her sixth decade of life. This was a good time to start reflection. “What do I want out of life?” she thought.

Known for her nurturing yet direct nature and for her wisdom, Sherri spent much of her life caring for and advising others. She relished that role. She genuinely loved caring for people. The owner of a successful accounting business for more than 20 years, Sherri was known for her deep chuckle and her energetic nature. Now, she realized the time had come to slow down and reflect on this next chapter of her life.

Today’s MBT Blog could stand for My Brooding Thoughts, Meditative Beautiful Time, or even Mapping Beyond Today. Sherri surprised herself by reaching out to David, the son of her old friend Judith’s husband. Judith passed away years ago, and Sherri remained very close to Norah, the daughter Judith had with Tony, David’s father. It sounds much more complicated than it really was. The surprise to Sherri came because she was seeking insight not only from someone nearly 30 years younger than her but from a white man.

“Sometimes I think it is part of our nature. Just like you and I are both extreme extraverts, we also both have talkative minds!”

David from the MBT Blog

The two had bonded over a brief conversation at the end of the meditation class they attended with Norah and Tony. They both had expressed relief at finding another person at the class whose mind was a bit too busy to relax. Sherri was greatly interested in David’s experiences.

Today, all of us MBT Blog readers drop in on their conversation. They are meeting for a cocktail at a quiet, black-owned bar near Sherri’s home. Sherri feels comfortable here. The location is on her turf and she knows the owner and most of the staff. As David enters the room looking for Sherri, he notices he may be the only white person there. “A new experience for me,” he thinks before spotting Sherri at one of the tables.

They hug and David holds on longer than usual. He is so happy to see her! This is the Sherri he is used to. She is dressed to the hilt in a bright mustard, purple and green pantsuit accessorized with a sparkling thick gold, chain necklace at the end of which had a large gold medallion. Even her black flats were bedazzled.

“I am so glad you reached out!” David says rustling his sandy, thick hair with his right hand. “I was afraid to tell Norah and Dad that the meditation was not really working for me. I attend because I want to support Dad and be with them as a family because Norah really wants that. But it is so hard not to look at my phone for a full 45 minutes! What are you having. It looks good,” David says all of this in a rush as is his style. Then he sits down, consciously makes himself take a beat, then asks, “How are you?”

Sherri is laughing into her hand. Yes, this is the David she knows. Since he was a boy, when Judith married his father, he talked fast and barely took a breath. She held a special place for David in her heart because, after Judith died, David made the effort to support Norah, his half-sister.

“I am well, David, and happy I reached out, too. I am having a gin and tonic,” she says this flashing her brilliant smile. She is surprised David is dressed casually in jeans and a dark polo shirt. “Didn’t you work today? I would think those law firms would keep you dressed in an elegant suit every day!”

“I worked from home today,” David says. Seeing her raised eyebrow, he continues, “Every since COVID, firms realized it was okay to let people work from home. I am much more productive when there is no one around to talk with. Cheers!” David raises his bottle of beer and clinks with Sherri’s cocktail glass. “Now, how can I help you out? I am so excited to help you for a change. You are always lending a shoulder to Norah and countless people. What could you possibly need from me?”

Sherri holds up a hand, “Slow down will you? You are still quite the talker!” Sherri laughs her throaty laugh. Then she clears her throat, takes a breath, and continues. “I am intrigued with your lifestyle, David. When did you notice you had anxiety? What were the symptoms?” She pauses for a moment and David waits for her to continue. “When you mentioned all the thoughts moving through your head, I realized I have that, too.”

“I think a large percentage of people have that, Sherri. Once I started talking to people about it, many had similar stories. For me, I started having anxiety or panic attacks way back when Dad first married Judith. It started with this knot in the pit of my stomach. Then when I was in college, especially law school, it got to the point that my chest hurt and I could barely breathe. I learned to do breathing exercises from a nurse at the on campus health center,” David said all of this thoughtfully. Sherri could see he was remembering the feeling.

“Whenever I feel that way, I just pray,” she says. Most of the time it works, but attending that meditation class made me wonder. Why can’t I relax for more than a few minutes, unless I am sleeping, that is,” Sherri was serious now and leaned forward while saying this.

David leaned forward, too. “Sometimes I think it is part of our nature. Just like you and I are both extreme extraverts, we also both have talkative minds!” They both laughed at this.

“So if the meditation is not working for you and the breathing is not working for you, what are you doing?” Sherri asked.

“I am a bit embarrassed by it, but I am on a med for it. At the same time, I have never felt better. So, I guess I shouldn’t be ashamed or anything. Just, especially in the law firm world where I work, I do not want people knowing about this,” David said this in a lowered voice.

“I am with you on that,” Sherri replies. “Never let them see you sweat. Hide your weakness. That has always been my motto.” She pauses for a moment. “I also noticed, during the few minutes when my mind was quiet at the class, that I seldom think about myself. Then, right after, your dad asked me how I was. He said, without talking about the family or the business, how was I. I don’t often think about that. Does that seem strange to you?”

“Not really, Sherri. You are a giver. I have a number of friends, mostly women, who are like that – so busy helping everyone else that they forget about themselves. I never thought of you that way, though. You project so much strength and confidence that I guess I didn’t think about it. Anyway, what do you think about it? That is the important thing,” David spoke all of this quickly, in a rush again as was his habit.

Sherri nods at this. “I have read so many articles that say exactly what you just said. Who takes care of the caregiver? What is behind that pillar of strength, that kind of thing. I never associated any of it with me until now.”

“You know, Sherri. I think, and it is not just me, I have read about it too… I think all the talk in my head helps me avoid thinking about things that actually bother me. For me, some of it is about how I felt abandoned by Dad when he married Judith and then, even worse, when Judith died.”

“Thank you for sharing that with me David. We were all so worried about Tony and Norah that we did not think about you,” Sherri shakes her head. It seems each day of life brings a new revelation. “How did you identify the source of the things you were avoiding?”

“Thank you for listening, Sherri. I can’t seem to get myself to talk to Dad about it,” he pauses as she nods for him to continue. “Norah started talking to me about her feelings from childhood. Then I started journaling at the suggestion of my doctor. It all started to spill out. It has not been easy, but every time I talk about it, I feel a bit better afterward.”

“I am going to try journaling again. I tried once when I was younger, but I just never had the time for it,” she laughs at this. “I was too busy avoiding myself.” The two laugh together and continue talking about lighter subjects.

As she starts the drive home, Sherri smiles broadly and thinks to herself, “Thank you, Lord! Who would have thought I would learn something new from David!”

Tune in to the MBT Blog next time to learn more about Norah, David, Tony, and Sherri as they continue their journey toward bettering their lives.