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Have you ever returned from a coffee with a prospect and felt really great? Maybe you even shared with a colleague, “This one is in the bag.” Then, some kind of reality set in because no additional connections were made. You reached out, but there were no responses. As you scratched your head, did you go back over the conversation in greater detail? If so, you may have noticed some key indicators that the other person did not respond in the way you believed they had.
You may have noticed I recently reposted this MaryQuote from a few years ago. The message is essential to the development and maintenance of all relationships. Who is the person sitting across from you? What do you know about their likes and dislikes? When you meet with them, do you ask questions?
Just like the young woman in the red shirt whose picture is at the top of this blog post, I have been speechless or simply not able to get a word in during some conversations. Conversely, I have also bulldozed through meetings leaving no space for the other person to speak. Basically, I am saying everyone needs this reminder.
What are the signs that a conversation is not going well?
- The other person continually glances away or aside. This often shows you have made someone uncomfortable. It is a good time to re-engage your companion. Ask a question. Ask them for their thoughts on the topic you were discussing.
- Your coffee partner leans forward a few times but does not say anything. This indicates you are talking to much. Remember to stop and pause frequently to leave space for them to respond.
- You are asking questions and receiving only yes or no answers followed by silence. In this case, switch to open-ended questions. “What did you enjoy about the conference,” rather than, “Did you enjoy the conference.” This provides opportunity for the other person to express their views and join in the conversation.
- A few glances at their watch and a hurried excuse to end the meeting prior to the agreed upon end time indicates things might not be going great. In this case, make certain your follow up is centered on their needs, not your own.
When you see these tips in writing, it may seem too obvious to bother reading. However, through my years of coaching, clients have shown me no reminder is frivolous. Check your behavior. Prepare for meetings in advance so you have questions to ask. And, listen, listen, listen.
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