Success or Progress?

Wisdom is all around us: from the MBT Blog
Published by Mary Balistreri, MBT More Business Today LLC

The conversation between David and Norah last time raised a number of questions for me. First, when will Norah address David’s lack of awareness regarding his being served first and skipping the line? What solution has Norah found for converting the negative messages in her self-talk? And, will David continue to listen to others rather than talking without a break and keeping others from joining in the conversation?

Today’s MBT could stand for Mastering Business Tasks or Missing Belonging To or Much Better self-Talk. Let’s give these two credit for trying to improve themselves and also, trying to help each other do better.

At this point, it has become more clear to me that our friends are of similar age, Norah is 27 and David in his early 30’s. Both battle their inner demons; those things that keep them from reaching their potential. For David, it is lack of organization, procrastination, and, as mentioned above, becoming more self-aware of his constant need to talk. For Norah, it is listening to those thoughts in her head that say she is not good enough, imposter syndrome, the struggle to fit into groups where she is generally the minority, and lack of confidence.

Today, they both arrive at the coffee shop simultaneously. With a little giggle, Norah gives David a hug as they get in line together. “I’m buying today!” David says and smiles a big, all-teeth-showing sort of smile. Norah recognizes the smile and the mood.

“Ok, what happened? Did you get a raise? Bring in a new client for the firm? Already make partner?” she asks.

“I’ll tell you when we sit down. What are you having?” he replies.

Norah orders her usual flat white. She smiles a little smile and looks down. David, who notices this as an affectation of hers, comments immediately. “Ok, and what are YOU so happy about today? Did you remember to tell yourself that you are fabulous and amazing today?” he nudges her with his elbow.

Her sweet face opens up into a full smile now; eyes popping, brows raising, ears elevating, skin glowing. “I’ll tell you when we sit down,” she says in a soft, placating tone.

Before their coats hit the chairs, David bursts into a monologue. “First, thank you for your ideas about the calendar. I have succeeded in managing my tasks AND in being a good listener! I started color-coding the tasks I put in my calendar based on the type of task and the urgency. Either my secretary or that book I was reading suggested that. Now, every morning, when I glance at the calendar, I know what I need to do and what is most important. Then, my boss told me some of the partners commented on my listening skills. And, one of them invited me to be part of a pitch team for a new piece of work! I did it! Feel free to congratulate me.” Norah could feel the positive energy emanating from David.

“Congratulations!” she replies to him and grabs his hand across the table giving it a little squeeze.

“This is like a high from running, you know? Oh, yeah, you don’t run. Like a high from doing something you love to do. Success! And, it was not really that hard to do, you know. Once I committed to both things and understood how to use the new skills, I was there. I just feel great!” he says this a bit loudly and stands up to give Norah a sideways hug and kiss on the cheek.

Once David is seated again, he says, “Oh, that’s right. What were you happy about and excited about? I know that smile from you. Tell me what is going on?”

Norah felt somewhat subdued by David’s experience. “Well, I have not succeeded in making something a habit yet, but I did make progress.”

“Well, c’mon! Tell me what you did! Is it about the negative self-talk?” David prods her to elaborate.

Norah shrugs in a small gesture. “Well, I made a list of a few questions to ask myself at night. Answering the questions is now a daily item on my to-do list. The first question is ‘what did I do well today?’ Then, I ask myself ‘what could I have done better?’ It is not as grand as what you accomplished,” she says.

“Wait, what? Not as grand? Can you give yourself credit for once? I know it is hard for you to compliment yourself. Sounds like you succeeded, just like I have!” David says all of this quickly and loudly, regaining his exuberance about his own accomplisments.

“I see this as just a start, David. I am learning a new habit . I believe I have a long way to go before I master this.”

“Do you have to master it? Isn’t it enough to do better at something some of the time or most of the time? That defines success to me. I would be happy, if I were you, if I answered those questions once each week.”

With David’s euphoria starting to wear her out, Norah gets up to leave. “But you are not me,” Norah smiles at this. “As a black woman, I wonder what would happen if I acted like you?” She laughs a bit. “And, you are a true extrovert while I am an introvert. I would never tell everyone I mastered something, even if I believed I had. Until next time. See you!”

“But, wait! I had more to tell you!” David stands up and waves. He quickly grabs his phone and texts her, “Talk tonight? I will call you. Thank you for a great conversation!” A bit bewildered because Norah clearly did not finish her coffee and they had fifteen minutes before their usual time to leave for work, David sits down and drinks his coffee.

Do you think David noticed Norah’s slight irritation with him? Do you get the feeling this scenario plays out over and over again? I wonder about David’s description of success and Norah’s insistence she is just making progress. When I work with clients, each develops their own definition of success. Some celebrate the little wins along the way, like David did. Others see success only at the completion of a project. How do you define success?

I look forward to the next conversation. Will Norah’s irritation grow until she no longer can control it?

For more information, contact us at mary@mbtmorebusinesstodayllc.com