No Agenda? Nothing in the Subject Line? Give Me Some Clue About Why We Are Meeting!

Wisdom is all around us: from the MBT Blog
Published by Mary Balistreri, MBT More Business Today LLC

Have you ever had that experience at work when you dread a meeting primarily because there is no agenda and no subject listed in the invitation? Norah felt compelled to accept such an invitation from Ruth, the head of HR, because, well, Ruth is the head of HR. Ruth listed a location for this hour-long meeting, a coffee shop near the office, but no reason for the meeting.

Norah tried to shake off the pins and needles creeping down her arms as she waited at a table quietly sipping her non-fat latte. “What does Ruth want to talk about,” she thought as her hands grew sweaty and numb.
To read past conversations with Ruth and Norah, check out our previous blog posts including “Conversations, Conclusions, and Freedom” at https://mbtmorebusinesstodayllc.com/blog/

What does the MBT stand for in today’s blog? From Norah’s viewpoint, it could be My Brain Trauma or Me Being Tentative. From Ruth’s perspective it could be… Ruth would never bother with the initials. Not caring about their order, she thought something like Turnaround My Beliefs or Teach Me Belonging. In any case, the pair begin their conversation in entirely different places. Ruth filled with excitement; and Norah filled with dread.

Ruth walked hurriedly into the café wearing her customary navy blue suit and matching shoes, however, the outfit was brightened by an orange and green hued, patterned scarf resting around her neck and held in place by a large gold, circular clasp. She waved a hand at Norah and smiled the biggest smile Norah had ever seen on Ruth. “What is up?” Norah wondered taking in the bright scarf and smile and waving back.

“Thank you so much for meeting with me,” Ruth practically gushed with breathlessness. “I see you already have your coffee. Let me go up and order. I’ll be right back.” She flew to the register before Norah could even utter a hello.

Norah was confused and a bit suspicious by the sudden change in Ruth’s attitude toward her. She expected Ruth to be reserved, even severe, and a bit condescending. She expected Ruth to be busy with “other things” implying higher level things, things to which Norah was not privy. Things that made Ruth “superior.” Now, here she was waving, smiling, and gushing. What indeed was going on?

Ruth hurried back to the table with her black coffee. She sat down and smoothed her carefully coiffed, sandy brown bob. She took a sip of her coffee, sighed, and then jumped in, “How are you doing? How was your trip to gain your DEIB certification? How is the job going?”

Norah looked up, startled. Her dark brown eyes met Ruth’s eager green eyes. “She has green eyes?” Norah thought. Norah took a deep breath, paused, then said softly, “It all happened so quickly; it is kind of a blur. The instructors were wonderful. They offered so much insight. I will need a minute to think it all through. Did you want me to prepare a report?” Norah probed for some clue as to the purpose of this coffee.

Ruth reached across and patted Norah’s hand causing Norah to jump very slightly. It seemed like a quick flinch of her hand and Ruth felt it. “Oh, I’m sorry. It was presumptuous of me to reach out like that. It’s just that,” Ruth paused and looked at the table as if searching for words, “I’m so excited about this role you have taken on. I am grateful to you, Norah, for shining a light on the tension so many of us feel at work.”

“So many of us?” Norah thought. How is it possible that this white woman compares her situation to that of the people of color in their organization? “Thank you, Ruth,” Norah said this haltingly. Her stiffness had spread to her vocal chords.

They both paused and stared at each other. “Oh, I am making a mess of this, I see.” Ruth shook her head from side to side a few times. “Can I be completely transparent with you?” she asked and, when Norah nodded, she went on. “When you first came to my office with your list and your observations, I was completely closed off to what you were saying. I apologize for that. In my mind, I just wanted to make it go away, so I offered you that position as director of diversity. I really did not think Tom would approve it. When he did approve it and so enthusiastically, it got me thinking about my career. I realized, I also had never felt comfortable at work. And, I realized, when the issue of diversity came up, I always looked the other way.” Ruth paused. Norah seemed to be in a state of shock and paralysis. Ruth took a deep breath, “I’m sorry. I’m rushing this. It’s just that I realized you are this bright, shining light illuminating our organization with integrity and wisdom. “

Norah felt suffocated. She also took a breath. Then, the impact of Ruth’s words hit her. “Wow! This is not a conversation I prepared myself for,” she said out loud.

“Prepared yourself? Why would you need to prepare yourself?” Ruth replied. Her green eyes clouded slightly and her smile drooped away.

“Ruth, you are the head of HR,” Norah said this very pointedly. “The last time we spoke, you seemed to not be very happy with me. I thought I was going to be fired today.”

“Oh, my! Don’t be silly. I didn’t think about this. I am so sorry,” Ruth said. Her hair suddenly seemed to fall out of place with her realization. She tucked a piece of it behind her ears. “I never thought about that. I invited you out because I wanted to join your inclusion committee and ask you to mentor me.”

“Really?” Norah paused a moment. Well, if Ruth wanted to be mentored, here was a chance to start. “Okay, let’s start with adding a note to a meeting or something in the subject line to give a person a clue about why you are meeting. That would have saved me a mountain of anxiety. Ruth, you are the Director of HR. An unsolicited meeting with you and no stated purpose can be scary to the person receiving the invite.” Norah said this in a conversational tone. Norah seldom raised her voice. And Ruth found the tone comforting.

“You are right! See how much I can learn from you?” she replied.

“And then, she just kept talking to me and asking me questions. It was bizarre,” Norah is filling her friend and mentor Sherri in on the conversation with Ruth. They are at their favorite café sipping tea.

Sherri rubs her hand over her closely-cropped white hair. She dyed it recently. “Now I have heard everything, girl!” she says shaking her head. “It’s like Bizarro World in the comics. How does she want you to mentor her?”

Norah sips her basil and lemon tea. “She wants to learn everything. It is similar to the work I am doing with my dad but in the workplace. She wants to understand, but her motivation is not focused on helping me, specifically. She wants to learn to create an environment so other people will not feel alienated the way she has her entire career. Maybe she needs a reading list, too.” As Norah’s voice became quieter, Sherri could visibly see her friend detaching from their conversation and moving into her mind. Norah’s eyes unfocused and looked around the room. Her body became very still.

“Come on, now! Before you go ahead solving problems for this woman, let me ask you – do you trust her?” Sherri’s concern for Norah was bubbling to the surface. Warning lights went off at the start of this conversation for Sherri. She did not want this young woman to become part of the older woman’s agenda.

“I don’t know.” Norah sat back in the café booth with a whoosh. She was confused. “I want to help. I am looking for what place Ruth has in my new role. What is my responsibility versus what will people like Ruth want me to do? And, even though I report to the CEO, Tom, how important is Ruth’s feedback in evaluating my performance and, ultimately, impacting my financial position?”

“That’s it! Start with equity of salary. Is it equitable and inclusive for you to take on an additional director position with no change in pay? If she really wants to learn, she ought to start there!” Sherri was starting to simmer now. She was trying to hold herself in check before she boiled over.

“You definitely have something there,” Norah nodded. The clouds in her head were clearing and a vision was forming. “This is about many things, starting with boundaries. And, if I am mentoring Ruth, what is she offering in return? I can assign her some work for the committee. I could have her find speakers for us to welcome into the organization to help raise everyone’s awareness. Because, it is clear to me from my training, the first thing I have to do is talk to people. No, I have to listen to people. I can’t make assumptions that everyone is having the same experience as me or Ruth.”

Sherri stared at Norah grinning. “This job is good for you, baby girl. I can see a new confidence in you.”

“Thank you, Sherri. The other positive thing about my training is I now have friends who are doing what I am doing. I am going to reach out and talk to them about creating a structure for moving forward,” Norah beamed. In her mind, she saw herself flying away from the table, over the clouds, diving low into a lavender field, and her hair and skin leaving streaks of sparkles behind her.

What do you think? Was Norah right in sharing with Ruth the angst an empty subject line and lack of agenda create? Would you have done the same thing? Have you seen others in the workplace who are unaware of the power their position holds? It is curious.

Is Ruth sincere in her attempt to learn from Norah and to become more inclusive? Only time will tell. Let’s hope our heroine, Norah, proceeds with caution and an open mind. Is that a possible combination? Tune in next time, July 25, for the answers.