Knowing Your Part in Business: What Your Younger Self Could Tell You

From the MBT Blog – published by MBT More Business Today LLC

When I was a kid, my family gathered around the dining room table on weekends, put some music on the Hi-Fi and played cards, most frequently Pinochle. As the youngest of six children, I seldom joined in the game. I was too little and inexperienced. Truthfully, my interests centered around the music that was supposed to provide a background for the game. For me, the music was everything.

Those times illustrated with great clarity the path I would choose in my life. I wish I had recognized it sooner. My younger self held the wisdom of my future in her hands. I acted instinctively sometimes toward my best path, but often I failed to listen.

I come from a musical family. While we played cards, we sang along to the music, each choosing a separate harmony to sing. My parents envisioned themselves as extremely hip allowing my older brothers and sisters to supply the modern music of the time – Joni Mitchell, Simon & Garfunkel, Bread, Cat Stevens and the Beatles. However, the White Album was quickly banished as soon as “Why Don’t We Do It in the Road” came blaring out of the speaker.

How the four players in each game found the mental room necessary to think in the midst of the shear volume of the music and so many singers crouched around them is a mystery to me. My mother actually displayed the gift of counting cards, knowing exactly what was left in each person’s hand, while humming and chair-dancing when her favorite songs were on – “I Dig Rock and Roll” by Peter, Paul and Mary in particular.

I created a fringe role for myself at these times listening to all of the other harmonies, the established ones, around me and inventing new ones. I moved around the table quietly stepping into the small groups created by our bunched up chairs and sang notes I grabbed from the sky or inside my head. I am sure some of them were off-key as evidenced by mother’s or brother’s quick shake of the head and wince of the eye. Somehow, at the young age of 11, 12, and 13, the clinkers failed to stop me. I charged forward each weekend, praying on Thursday night for a card game or two that Saturday. Those evenings were the center of my joy.

Inevitably, a memory from childhood pops up. The client will say, “When I was a child, I used to … Why don’t I do that now?”

Now, as I work with individuals and teams supporting them and giving them the tools to find success, I think about myself back then. I knew then who I was and had claimed my role – the outsider lobbing something new into the established group, the way-shower lighting the path for a previously hidden interlude, the experimenter willing to get messy during the search.

I see now how I incorporate that skill set into coaching. I enjoy bringing together ideas, lessons, and tools to guide a client toward their destiny. With each coaching engagement I help my clients identify obstacles keeping them from succeeding in the ways they want to succeed. Inevitably, a memory from childhood pops up. The client will say, “When I was a child, I used to … Why don’t I do that now?” Indeed, what would the younger you tell you about yourself if you chose to listen?

I find the paths we take throughout life fascinating. How did my client’s personality show up in childhood? What were the defining moments pushing one person to be a lawyer and another an entrepreneur? And, how much of themselves were lost along the way?

Sometimes as we age, we lean in to the “you shoulds” others dictate to us. Taking a supporting role seems unappealing or even unworthy. Our minds get mixed up with what we are supposed to want versus what we really need. Suddenly, we are lost. We are unsure how to move forward. We get stuck.

Many clients express the need to be authentic in creating relationships at work as leaders or in developing business. I have written about it here often, because it is such a strong and repeated need. The first step in that process is to identify who they are. Once that is clear, moving forward becomes easier.

Why not ask yourself? What role would you take if you thought about the strengths you exhibited as a kid. If you were in a band or orchestra, would you play the music, conduct the music, or manage the group’s schedule? If you are a business leader, do you crunch the numbers, execute the strategy, or create the strategy? Are you in the right role? How do you harmonize with your colleagues?

There are so many roles you can play, are you in the right one? Give coaching a try. Reach out to me for a free consultation using this link. Let’s find your joyful place!