Sharing Behaviors That Bring Success

From The MBT Blog: Wisdom Is All Around Us - Mary Balistreri
If you missed the last installment, learn more about David and Norah here.

As you can see in the image accompanying this blog, Norah came through for David.  She sent him a simple list of steps to take so he can better organize life at his new job. Below I posted a better look at the actual notebook. David did his part, too. Texting messages to Norah about her skills and general awesomeness.

Today’s blog could be titled MBT – My Behaviors Top yours, or More Balance Tips the scales or Make a Behavior inTo a habit. I am sure there are more options for the MBT. Feel free to send your thoughts to me. Anyway, David and Norah realize what works for one of them does not work for the other.

Norah arrives early for her coffee date with David. She is dressed impeccably, as usual, in a colorful yellow and purple tweed suit that accentuates her beautiful cinnamon skin tone. She is stunning, yet does not notice the looks of appreciation she gets from others in the coffee shop.

She cannot wait to hear how her to-do list helped her half-brother, David. She sips her latte thoughtfully, smiling at the serenity she feels. Helping others is her favorite thing.

David breezes into the café in a flurry. Five minutes late and hair tousled, as usual, he stops at Norah’s table to drop off his coat and briefcase. He mutters a quick, “Hi!” before rushing over to the long line to order his usual black coffee. The clerk recognizes him and motions him over to the side, allowing him to skip the line, and hands him his cup. He hands her a $5 bill, tells her to keep the change, and rushes over to the table plopping himself down in a big whoosh.

“You skipped all those people in line!” Norah says, worriedly glancing at the line.

“Well, the clerk recognized me and knows my order. No harm done,” he replies to her.

“Do you not even notice all those glares we are getting? Of course you don’t, you wear your privilege well.” Norah says.

David takes a breath. This is not a new conversation for them. He does not want to spend the hour they have together debating. “I’ll do better next time. Let’s talk about those instructions you sent me,” he says.

“What did you think? Did it help you?” Norah relaxes and smiles. She decides to let the line-skipping incident go. They only have an hour today. She’ll save that for another time.

David pauses. He is learning to work harder on his delivery when he talks to people. He is likely to blurt things out without thinking much about them. Recent feedback from his group leader at his new job made him more conscious of this trait. He prepared ahead for this coffee meeting to make sure he relays his feedback in a non-judgmental way. “First, I want to thank you for putting in the effort. You are such a good sister. You always come through to help. For me, though, it was too much. Too many things to do.”

Despite his thoughtful word choice, Norah is visibly wounded. She looks down at the table. Usually, David would plunge in and continue talking, but he pauses to give her a minute. He knows she needs time to process. He also knows the result of giving her the pause should lead to a well-formulated response from her.

Norah looks up to reply, her beautiful dark eyes sparkling. “Ok, I get it. The lists always work for me, so I thought I would share the process I use. How did you decide to keep track of your tasks?” Norah has done her self-work over the years. In those few sentences, she tamped down her need to immediately find a different resolution to his problem. This is not easy for her, but the more she practices it, the better she feels about it.

“Well, I was at a loss for what to do. To be honest, I was all over the place, spinning in circles,” he laughs slightly, a self-deprecating and wounded laugh all at the same time. “Then my boss gave me a book to use to try to get better organized. I’m trying it out. I hope something in it sparks a solution for me.”

“You are truly blessed! Sounds like you have a good boss,” Norah is so pleased with David’s response, her smile is bright and shining.

“I do. He’s tough though. He gave me very specific feedback about my lack of listening skills. You would love him! He says a lot of the stuff you say to me. Pause. Slow down. Let the other person get a word in…” David only pauses when Norah interrupts him.

“Sounds like he’s got your number!” she laughs at this. Secretly, she hopes David will keep talking and forget about her assignment for the past two weeks.

“How is the positive messaging going for you? I know, I forget to text you every night as a reminder. The time got away from me. But I did text you a few times,” David says.

“Busted!” Norah thinks. “I did not do so well with this. I loved the text messages you sent. They made me feel good. But, I am struggling with how to shut down those negative voices in my head,” Norah speaks more softly when she says this.

“Why are you whispering?” David says, and then pauses, practicing this new skill.

“It’s embarrassing,” Norah continues in a whisper. “I am a director at a good sized organization. I have five people reporting to me. How can I expect them to trust me when I don’t trust myself.”

“Exactly,” David says. “Now don’t laugh at this suggestion, but I know you keep lists and journals all the time. Why don’t you just write things in your lists like ‘I’m fabulous’ or something.”

Norah rolls her eyes at him. “I would never write I’m fabulous. That is not a new idea though. I tell the people I mentor to write down the things they do well. Make a list…” Norah’s voice trails off as she thinks about this.

“Ok. You have your assignment until we meet for coffee in two weeks. I am going to need your help with a strategy then. I am going to a big conference and the firm expects me to network and bring in business. How am I going to do that?” David is a bit exasperated, but in a hurry.

Norah looks up in shock to see him grabbing his things to hurry out. “There was a comment about my being late for work, too. Have to go!” He leaves Norah who is still in thought about how she can use her skill with lists and organization to create a habit for herself. This negative thinking drains her spirit.

What do you think? Can David kick his procrastination habits and become more organized? Will Norah begin to accept her capabilities and stave off the imposter syndrome? Until next time, I would love to hear your thoughts. Drop me a note at mary@mbtmorebusinesstodayllc.com

MBT Blog: New Year, New Jobs

Wisdom is all around us: from the MBT Blog

Published by Mary Balistreri, MBT More Business Today LLC

Happy New Year! Welcome to the new MBT Blog. This year, MBT can stand for More Business Today, More Belonging Today, Much Bewilderment Totally, Mega Bonus Today, and so on. The new year offers so many opportunities, why limit MBT to its official meaning.

In 2023, I learned how clients, colleagues, family, and friends experienced the world. While the details were different from story to story, the themes were similar. Business is more than business, and relationships differ in each environment.

As I sit here in my favorite café sipping a beautifully constructed almond milk cappuccino and eating a gorgeous scone,  I look out the window at all the weather. Much Blowing of Snow Today. I am reminded of my own conclusion in 2023 as noted in my last blog post, “There is wisdom all around us, if we would only take a moment to stop and listen.”

As I return my mug to the counter in the café, I construct a tale of two friends, David and Norah. They are fictional characters, yes, and true reflections of so many of us. They share the challenges and triumphs I heard in the stories of 2023 and, those facing all of us this year. These two have wisdom to share, I think, with each other and with us.

David is a lawyer at a mid-sized law firm. He is excited to start as a senior counsel and is looking forward to making partner. Norah is a new director of relationships at a local nonprofit business. The two have been close since they were kids, sharing the same father although they were raised in separate households.

“I have been dying to talk to you,” David says, running his hands through his hair. “My new job is awesome, but there is so much to do. I don’t know where to start! You always have such good ideas for organization. Please, give me some pointers!”

Norah pauses, staring at David without saying a word. He is effusive as ever, she thinks. After a beat, she smiles, “Hello, how are you.”

David takes a deep breath and sighs. “I am well, how are you? And, thank you for the reminder,” he says. He relies on Norah to slow him down and remind him that he is not the center of the universe.

“You are welcome. A little bit of emotional intelligence is a good thing, David. Well, I love my new job, but I am a bit worried,” Norah says this so softly, he can barely hear her.

“What are you worried about? You love the mission of the place. You are a director for the first time and you are only 27! Everything is falling into a place perfectly for you, Norah.”

She takes a deep breath and looks down at the table for a second. David was used to this behavior from Norah. She could be the fiercest person on the face of the earth one second, and completely withdrawn the next. So, he waits in silence for her to speak again.

“It’s just that, I never managed people before. Don’t roll your eyes at me. You know it’s different for women in the workplace, especially women of color. I know I will be judged to a higher standard,” Norah said, raising her eyes to look straight at him. Norah’s mom was a beautiful tall, elegant African American woman, and their dad was a third-generation Sicilian American. Norah got the best traits of both of them, David thought. His half-sister was an amazing woman.

“I know,” he reached across the table and held her hand when he said it. “I am here for you. And, please, please, please, tell yourself every day that you can do this! You will be the best director they ever had.”

Norah nodded but did not feel any better. “Let’s talk about your problem now. What is it you are trying to organize? Remember what I have told you before. Use your calendar, set deadlines for yourself. You are such a procrastinator. You have to have solid deadlines.”

“You are right, course. First, though, let’s finish with your problem.” Seeing her raised eyebrow of surprise, David adds, “How’s that for emotional intelligence? Let’s set some deadlines for you, too. Every night, I want you to text me one positive thing about yourself. Something you did or a compliment you got from someone…”

“I got it, I got it. And, I agree to the texting! Thank you, David,” Norah laughs a little.

“Back to me, you are right, I need deadlines. I think I will use a notepad and write down everything I have to do so far. Then I can cross things off, like a list. You always make lists. What do you think?” David said.

“I think that will get old really fast and you will stop doing it tomorrow,” they both laugh at this. “Ok, here is what I think you should do,: Norah continues. Create a page on the notepad for the week you are in, one for the quarter, and one for the year. Then, keep it on your desk so you can find it and write in it anytime a new task comes up. Then, ask your assistant to put it into a spreadsheet for you so you can see all the deadlines.”

“Then, I don’t use the notepad anymore,” David asks, trying to visualize this to-do list and all the deadlines.

“No, you need to keep the notepad right there on your desk so you can put all the tasks on it. Then, maybe weekly, have your assistant update the spreadsheet for you,” Norah replies getting up to leave. “I have to go. I don’t want to be late. “

“What? I have so much more to tell you and ask you…” David continues talking while Norah interrupts. She knows she has to interrupt or he will never stop.

“Maybe you can be late to work at your new job, but I cannot and will not. I’ll text you tonight to tell you how great I am,” Norah says and walks out.

“Ok. Let’s do this again two weeks from now,” David shouts as Norah waves goodbye. He sends her a text with only the words “two weeks!” and a heart emoji. She sends back a thumbs up.

Do you think David and Norah will support each other throughout the year? I hope they do. I really like them. They both have strengths in different areas to share. As the year progresses, I hope the stories of David and Norah’s successes, failures, and challenges bring inspiration to you wherever you are.

Conversational Insights or What I Learned from My Clients

THE CLIENT WISDOM BLOG PUBLISHED BY MBT MORE BUSINESS TODAY LLC

Since January 2021, I published 66 posts in the Client Wisdom Blog: Why Coaching Works. My focus throughout the posts has been on the wisdom clients bring to each session, participants bring to each training, and colleagues bring to each interaction. My eureka moment?

There is wisdom all around us if we just stopped to listen and experience it.

Mary Balistreri, The Mindful Business Coach

My question to everyone is, do you leave space in your conversations with people to hear and experience their wisdom?

As the years pass, I realize I do not know more than I do know. And, yet, I am a valuable person. I bring my own thoughts, ideas, and experiences to each project, situation, and conversation. And, I am constantly learning from everyone and everything around me. What do you bring to your interactions with your colleagues, family, friends, and strangers?

For example, during lunch with a friend last week, we shared recent experiences, our reactions to them, and our philosophies about life. Each new thought stimulated the next. It was invigorating to learn from each other and build upon our ideas. We stood up at the end of the conversation and hugged. The next day, we texted each other with mutual thanks. For me, the event was just one more example of how much wisdom is around me.

Pieces of Wisdom I Learned Since Beginning the Client Wisdom Blog:

  • Personal Experience Drives Change. All the conversations over the past few years illuminated the effect of personal experience on whether a person will open themselves up for change. Whether during a coaching session focused on developing business or a facilitation focused on diversity, I heard the phrase, “I did not understand, until I (insert something the person experienced).” For example, “I hated broccoli until my wife added cheese to it. Now, I ask for it every week.” A simple example that illustrates the concept well.
  • Perspective is everything. Individuals insert themselves into each interaction. They load the conversation with meaning based on their own past experiences and beliefs. This is why two people attending the same meeting come away with different understandings of the information that was shared. Getting a group of people “on the same page” is not as easy as telling everyone in the room the same things.

    When I work with clients, the trust we develop creates an atmosphere of openness. Both of us are likely to truly listen to the other person. Then, understanding a new perspective creates a lightbulb moment. Aha!
  • Having a successful conversation is an art. While Conversational Intelligence is based in neuroscience, the ability to move in and through conversations is an art. Sometimes it is a dance. Sometimes the participants are working in paint; sometimes clay for sculpting. What does it matter when you are a business leader? It matters as much as strategy. Learning to communicate clearly with your team is a vital business skill.
  • Understanding culture is key to success. The “it” factor at a company is created by the workforce at every level. A business has its culture, and so do the units within the business, the teams at all levels, and each individual person brings their own culture into the mix. Taking the time to understand cultures from the macro to the micro level leads to success. It also leads to the understanding of what success looks like. Why are we here doing this particular thing? The explanation may be clear to some in your organization and fuzzy to others. Understanding cultures is vital in crafting the messages needed to communicate at every level.
  • Belonging is the key. The biggest thing I learned is belonging is the key to every measure of success in any organization. It indicates how to interact with each other, how to communicate, how to collaborate, how to measure success, and how to reward achievements.

I feel so strongly about the importance of belonging in the workplace, I am making it the center of my new blog. This is the last of the Client Wisdom Blog. Watch social media and my web site for the new content in January 2024. In the meantime, continue to work on opening your mind to the wisdom all around you.

For more information contact Mary Balistreri, The Mindful Business Coach at mary@mbtmorebusinesstodayllc.com

A Few Do’s (Please, Please Do) of Business Development

THE CLIENT WISDOM BLOG PUBLISHED BY MBT MORE BUSINESS TODAY LLC

My last blog post was about business development don’ts. Thank you for the opportunity to rant a little about the methods and techniques used in sales that annoy me, and most of us. Today is about the opposite. What kinds of approaches to developing relationships that lead to business work?

When I work with clients, nearly all of them express the need to stay true to who they are, to be authentic, in developing relationships that drive business. It takes much longer to develop a strong and lasting relationship than it takes to cash in on a quick sale. Satisfied customers are golden offering repeat sales, positive PR, and word-of-mouth, and straight up referrals. The returns on the time invested in the long run will be greater in every way – financially, emotionally, and socially.

Here are a few do’s, please do, of business development:

  • Do remind me how we met. Whether we met at a networking event or were introduced virtually by a mutual acquaintance, make sure to remind me when you reach out. Giving a bit of context warms up the beginning of the relationship and sets the tone for the next steps.
  • Do be transparent about your interest in me. When business people get together in a business setting, it should be clear to everyone that business is in the front of our minds. So, why do so many people jump in to act like the relationship is about just about being friends? The simplest way to avoid this is to talk about business at every encounter. For some people, their clients are their friends, and that is ok. Many people prefer to keep the relationships of business separate from friendships. If the potential client is a friend first, suggest a meeting specifically to talk about business so there is no confusion.
  • Do ask me what I enjoy before inviting me to an event or sending me a gift. Many organizations purchase tickets to sporting events or cultural events to help their associates develop business. Please ask me whether I want to spend my time with you at one of these events. The same applies to gifts of chocolate or wine or whatever. Make it an open-ended question, “My company has access to tickets to a number of events. What do you enjoy?” It develops a deeper relationship by creating an opportunity to learn more about the individual. You may gain great insight into the operations and values of the business and the person.
  • Do follow up with me after I presented a challenge. Many would-be business developers miss the obvious cues. Some are trying so hard not to appear sales-y, they are afraid to offer the help the potential client needs in the moment. If we are having a conversation, and I tell you I have a specific challenge, follow up with me. This is a clear sign of trust and a willingness to work together.
  • Do continue the relationship after you get the work. Once I hire you, keep in touch with me. Check in to make sure I am receiving great client service. Getting together to check in, twice each year at least, is a positive way to take the pulse of the services you are delivering and to look for additional ways to help. Survey are good and give you a baseline, but personal connections cannot be dismissed.

Now that all of you have read this, I look forward to healthier and more meaningful emails in my box and encounters at networking events.

For more information contact Mary Balistreri, The Mindful Business Coach at mary@mbtmorebusinesstodayllc.com

A Few Don’ts (Please, Please Don’t) of Business Development

THE CLIENT WISDOM BLOG PUBLISHED BY MBT MORE BUSINESS TODAY LLC

Most of the clients I coach in developing business hate the idea of it, because they do not want to be sales-y. “You don’t expect me to cold call, do you? Because I will not do that,” they say. I also hate cold calling. I hate being cold called or cold emailed or cold texted or whatever else sales people are doing coldly. I am in favor of the warm lead and the warm reach out.

Lately, I have been so annoyed by the kinds of sales emailed at me, I decided I have to write a blog about it. These tactics are, I believe, universally annoying. Whether you are a person who holds a position within a company to make purchasing decisions or someone, like me, who owns your own business, being approached in these ways is likely to not make a sale. In fact, it is likely to generate annoyance and distrust from your potential customer. Worst of all, it is likely to leave a huge negative impact on the brand itself.

Please, please:

  • Don’t Act Like You Know Me When We Have Not Met.
    This type of cold emailing goes something like this, “Hi Mary, Just checking in regarding your website. I know you are interested in reaching as many potential clients as possible.” I admit the “just checking in” makes me pause in case the person is actually someone I met while networking or with whom I am LinkedIn. When I realize I never met them, it becomes annoying. You don’t “know” anything about me, so leave me alone!
  • Don’t Act Like I Owe You Something When We Have Never Spoken.
    Here is a direct quote, “I’ve reached out to you thrice before without receiving a response, but I’m not going to give up easily.” Seriously? I do not owe you a response simply because you bought a list that has my email on it. For many of these sales methods, it is clear they are using an old list. They are spamming my personal email rather than my business email. Ouch!
  • Don’t Tell Me I’m Stupid.
    I want to lash out with a response to these emails, because they are the absolute opposite of what you should do when establishing a relationship with a potential client. But, I hold myself back. Someone please explain to me why a sales person believes degrading and humiliating a potential client and their business will lead to success? What am I talking about? The emails that start with, “I looked at your website and see you are trying to establish your brand. Unfortunately, It is clear your tactics just aren’t doing the trick. Here’s how I can fix it for you.”

    Another one in this genre talks down to the potential customer, me in this case, as if we are too inexperienced and unsophisticated to understand the world of technology. “In the digital frontier, (people like you) often find themselves wrestling with a rowdy gang of technological roadblocks.” As I continued to read this email, I was impressed with the prose but the resulting message to me came across as, “Don’t worry your pretty little head about technology. Us brave smarties will save you and your company with our intense skills.” Yuck!
  • Don’t Assume I Am Going To Miss Out on Something by Not Replying To You.
    This scheme is age-old. “I can save you 83%…” or “You really need to respond now to take advantage of this deal!” No, I don’t. Save me 83% of what? Because, I never planned to spend money the way you want me to spend it on your product. Enough said.
  • Don’t Clog Up My Email Box.
    As a coach, I receive multiple emails every day from businesses asking me, “Can you take on 100 new clients?” or “Do you need 50 new qualified leads per month?” This strategy makes me laugh the most, because they plan to set me up with leads so I can do the same thing to someone else they are doing to me. Spamming. Shaming. Annoying. Misrepresenting. Just no, no, no!

When working to drum up new business, remember:

  • Think beyond this moment. You can make a fast sale, or work harder to develop a trusting relationship.
  • Misrepresenting yourself at the outset of a relationship smashes trust to bits. If you start that way, it’s over before you begin.
  • A happy customer is a repeat customer, and likely to become a referral source.

For more information contact Mary Balistreri, The Mindful Business Coach at mary@mbtmorebusinesstodayllc.com

Strategy + Action = Success? What’s Missing from Your Recipe?

THE CLIENT WISDOM BLOG PUBLISHED BY MBT MORE BUSINESS TODAY LLC

Clients often ask, “What are the steps to bring in new business?” Or, “Tell me what I need to say to get my team to trust me so they will be more productive.” Or, “What do I need to do to make my new business a success?” There are many recipes for success, and some of the elements are essential. The biggest factor is starting with your purpose. Not just what you are trying to achieve; why is it important for you to achieve it?

Most business people have seen Simon Sinek’s TEDx Talk about knowing your why. It is actually called, “How Great Leaders Inspire Action.” The concept can be applied to multiple situations within and outside of business. Your employees and clients need to understand and see your “why” in order to work with you, and, I discovered, so do your children, friends, and spouse. You need to understand your purpose prior to trying to articulate it to others. In fact, you probably are communicating your purpose through your actions. Others may already know what it is.

So, let’s start with you first, as we often do in the client wisdom blog. Clients continually teach me the importance of authenticity in every aspect of life and business. Work to understand yourself. It is work, and it brings peace and clarity the more you do it. Take the time to listen to your thoughts. Who do you want to be each day in the world? What are your values? What is your purpose in starting a new business?

I have a great, wise friend who states clearly on her web site her passion for supporting leaders to have fearless conversations. She knows her purpose and clearly articulates it. Supporting leadership in conversation is the reason she opened the doors to her business.

As I delved into my own purpose, I started by writing down my own values. For me, I am motivated by supporting others to reach their goals. Each self-assessment I took over the years pointed in the same direction: people-person, coach, entrepreneur, intuition, idea-person. Every single assessment funnels the results in the same and related ways.

My purpose in starting my business is to make a living supporting individuals and organizations to succeed through mindfully building belonging into their businesses.

Mary Balistreri, The Mindful Business Coach

How about you? As the title of this article states, strategy plus action may be the recipe for success if the journey and the results of the journey satisfy your purpose.

Equally important before you develop your strategy is to define success for you and your business or leadership role. Success can be different things to different people. Think about what success looks like to you and then compare that image to your purpose. Do they match up?

Know yourself, define success for you, and then develop your strategy. Your values help you understand what you want to achieve and your strategy dictates the tactics you will use to succeed. For instance, if your values tell you that your family is the most important part of your life, then a tactic that keeps you away from them most of the year would not be the right one for you. You may achieve the goal, but will you be happy?

The recipe for success? How about Purpose + Vision for Success + Strategy + Action = Your Success?

For more information contact Mary Balistreri, The Mindful Business Coach at mary@mbtmorebusinesstodayllc.com

How Big Is the Box You’re In? Are Your Lines Drawn with Permanent Marker?

THE CLIENT WISDOM BLOG PUBLISHED BY MBT MORE BUSINESS TODAY LLC

I sometimes challenge myself and my clients to spend time listening without passing judgement on what other people are saying. It is impossible to really do it, but when I try to do it, I realize how many judgements I make every minute. Before someone finishes a thought, I think I know what their point will be based on the first thing they said. When I pay attention to the conversation rather than trying to jump forward in my head, I often learn that my assumption was incorrect.

Listening and trying to focus your mind to be present in a conversation is critical to understanding. I am probably stating the obvious.

As I continued to listen during the month of August, the image of people drawing lines in the sand came to mind. They draw the line in the sand to block out specific information or people. “I am done with this person or situation. No one had better cross this line,” they are saying in my imaginings. In the case of the sand, though, the tide comes in and washes the line away. There is hope for a change of heart.

The next vision that popped into my head was a box with someone inside it. Each time the person drew a line, their box shrank. As the box became smaller and smaller, the person disappeared so completely that they literally drew themselves into non-existence. Other people lost sight of them, because they were buried in their boxes.

This vision brought me to tears, and yet, I know many of us are happily containing ourselves in ever-shrinking boxes. If they lines we drew were in the sand, they could wash away over time. If we used pencil instead of permanent marker, we could easily erase the lines as we learned more and as we became more understanding. If our cubes were made only of cardboard, we could break out. I fear that, for many, the box is made of solid steel.

It made me wonder what substance could penetrate the boxes. How do those of us on the outside reach those on the inside? Then it occurred to me: we think we are gaining control over people and ideas by blocking them out of our lives. Actually, the opposite is true.

We lose our power by drawing lines and shrinking into our boxes.

Mary balistreri, the mindful business coach

By refusing to participate in the world, we give up the power to voice our own thoughts and ideas. We lose the possibility of finding a person who may support us. We block out the possibility that an idea or piece of information might help us reach our goals. Some boxes group together believing there is safety in numbers. As long as everyone agrees to everything, life will be perfect, right? In this case, I feel confident saying never, it is never the case. We create an echo chamber that is void of innovation, thought, and collaboration. Everyone loses.

Sometimes it is important to block a person from your life. Not every relationship is good for you. Sometimes it is important to leave a toxic environment. Not every place is the place you need to be.

Ultimately, be mindful of generalizations that build your box. Your difficulty may be with one person, not all the people similar to that person. You may disagree with one idea, but not with all the ideas that are different from your own. Growth demands innovation. Innovation demands variety in thought. Think about it and spend some time listening.

For more information contact Mary Balistreri, The Mindful Business Coach at mary@mbtmorebusinesstodayllc.com

You Achieved Your Goal. Now What?

THE CLIENT WISDOM BLOG PUBLISHED BY MBT MORE BUSINESS TODAY LLC

Clients often tell me they feel empty after achieving a goal. They are deflated and defeated somehow. They do not feel like celebrating. “It’s as if I put in so much effort, and now I’m completely flat,” they say. Their plate which was completely full of action items to move them closer to their goal is suddenly empty.

You probably heard the thought “the satisfaction comes from the journey itself and not the achievement.” Maybe. I believe the value comes from exploring a client’s reaction to the achievement.

After a big win, some clients decide to move on as if nothing special occurred. Some report feelings of exhaustion and lack of excitement about the very thing they worked so hard to achieve. A few have a reward planned for themselves and indulge in that.

As their coach, I ask clients to explore all these responses.

How to handle success is as important as how to handle defeat.

Mary balistreri, the mindful business coach

In the early stages of coaching, I work with clients to discover the obstacles that hold them back. Clients diligently dig into their self-awareness sometimes taking assessments to help them evaluate their strengths and weaknesses. Once they are more aware of how they react in situations, we create solutions and strategies to deal with and manage their reactions.

Then we design a plan of action so that each day, clients have a task or a focus to keep them on track. During this entire cycle of improvement, there is a road map of sorts which illustrates our next steps. Clients know what to do and can see their progress plotted as they move forward. We discuss the progress made and data collected at each session. It is a time of movement – forward and backward – and of experiencing the ripples of productivity.

Suddenly, the objective is met and everything seems to stop.

Success is not an ending. It is a beginning. There is as much to learn from a success as there is from a failure. Achievement presents new opportunities to explore. There is more to discover about yourself now from how you respond to success.

Here is a brief to-do list for success:

  • First, stop and celebrate. You deserve to feel the satisfaction of winning and to reward yourself in whatever way makes you feel great.
  • Next, take a moment to just breathe and exist. Not every day needs to be filled with challenges. It’s ok to take a nap or hang out with friends without talking about work.
  • Now, take out the old journal. Over the next few days or few weeks, make a few notes. Ask yourself:
    • How did I respond when I achieved this goal? Did I minimize it? Did I deflect the credit and attention? Did I relish it? Did I brag about it, and if so, did I do it tastefully or did I drag others down in my pride?
    • What can I learn from this success?
      • What did I do well?
      • What would I do differently if I could do it over?
      • How will this impact my approach to problems and goals in the future?
  • Finally, consider asking a friend or colleague who understands the circumstances around the goal for their input and advice.

It is your decision how to move forward. Some clients prefer to keep moving by capitalizing on their lessons learned as soon as they can. Others take a break and enjoy life. It is all in your control.

For more information contact Mary Balistreri, The Mindful Business Coach at mary@mbtmorebusinesstodayllc.com

The Coach Is Part of Your Team

THE CLIENT WISDOM BLOG PUBLISHED BY MBT MORE BUSINESS TODAY LLC

Every month, I meet with two incredible coach friends. One is from Manchester, England, and the other is from China. The three of us met almost five years ago while earning our Conversational Intelligence (CIQ) coaching certifications and were part of the same cohort. We love to get together to talk about CIQ, our coaching businesses, and our newest learnings.

Today we talked about Gestalt and theories about boundaries from his teachings. One of our threesome has been studying Gestalt for nearly three years. The information she shared aligned perfectly with the extremes I see in my coaching practice lately. A trend I noticed is my clients seem to demonstrate the two extremes of boundaries: either having no boundaries – afraid to speak up for themselves, putting everyone else before themselves, not knowing when to say “no” – or insulating themselves from the thoughts, opinions, and insights of other people.

I find it interesting that my clients are trending at the two extreme ends. So did my colleagues this morning who enlightened me as they always do. The input expanded my mind to continue to dig for more information about Gestalt and boundaries to better help my clients.

The conversation led me to think about the value coaching brings to clients. I believe it illustrates why coaching is so enormously popular. I concluded this:

The individualized shorthand a coach creates for a client adds immediate value by bringing exactly the right tool or concept to the coaching session and helping the client use it to improve their situation.

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Coaching works when the coach is part of your team. Imagine finding time in your role as an executive in a business or organization to study all the new ideas in leadership. There is no time for that. It seems a new leadership book is published every day. As a leader, you need your team to bring you their expertise and knowledge to you so you make informed decisions. The coach is part of your team supplying valuable information for you to use daily.

The scenario changes from client to client, yet in each situation, I tailor my approach to the client. The adjustments include which pieces of information fit the individual personality, goals, needs, position, and business of the client.

I create a shorthand so you preserve your time to focus on your job, company or organization, and team.

This is especially true when the coach works with an organization over a period of time getting to know the goals, leaders, team dynamics, and culture. A coach studies the latest ideas, assessments, and tools and applies that information directly to the situation.

A coaching concept for this is dancing in the moment. When I pull the information from my knowledge grabbing exactly the right piece of the puzzle and offering it to my client, and then, my client responds with affirmation (and sometimes extreme excitement), I am dancing. It is the greatest feeling for me and also for my clients.

As a result, the clients may see things through a new lens, or find the key to a struggle in that moment. Then, they realize the magic of coaching.

For more information contact Mary Balistreri, The Mindful Business Coach at mary@mbtmorebusinesstodayllc.com

Strengths and Your Team

THE CLIENT WISDOM BLOG PUBLISHED BY MBT MORE BUSINESS TODAY LLC

Several years ago, my family embarked into the unknown world of Alzheimers. In addition to navigating the condition of our mother, several family members were very ill and there were multiple deaths that year. My sisters and I all pitched in to execute on tasks that were vital, provide emotional support, and figure out the legal issues involved. We worked together to make sure we accomplished things well from every aspect of the situation.

Afterward, we remarked that each of us lent our talents and skills to create the best outcome. The difference this time, as opposed to earlier in our lives, was that rather than expecting each other to perform in ways that were not natural for the individual person, we opened our minds to recognize the strengths of each of us. It was a lightbulb moment and one of exponential growth for us.

Expect what each can give and celebrate the contribution rather than expecting unrealistic acts and feeling angry or dissatisfied with each other.

The Balistreri Sisters

The same holds true for work situations. Through the years as a coach, many clients talk to me about their company’s lack of follow through when it comes to strengths. For instance, a business or non-profit organization will invest the time and money into working with teams to assess what “type” each person might be. Whether it is the Meyers Briggs or the Disc or something else, each person receives the report about their type.

The report generally precedes a discussion with the whole team. Often, the consultant involved will chart the team member’s individual types to identify where the group is strong in skillset and where there may be gaps. Everyone discusses how to adapt for the gaps and better understand the approaches of other team members to make the team more productive and the work more enjoyable and efficient.

Then, no one talks about it ever again. It’s true. I personally have been a member of teams where this has happened.

Why is this important? It is vital to use the investment in identifying strengths and gaps for so many reasons:

  1. Trust develops. A discussion of skillset and the application of strengths opens up individuals on the team. They feel heard and valued. When no more is made of the initial discussion, people feel cheated or fooled or disrespected.
  2. Authenticity is promoted. When trust develops and employees understand their value to the team, they become more comfortable being themselves at work.
  3. Belonging happens. Workers who are committed to their company or organization believe they belong in the environment. Happy people tend to be more productive.
  4. Your team performs in a crisis. When the team understands everyone’s strengths, and the leader of the team directs the work in ways that match with those strengths, the team performs best in crisis situations.

In the case of me and my sisters, the next time we experienced a crisis, we each jumped into our roles. We acknowledged who should do what based on those strengths. The management of the work at hand was much easier and more productive. The same can happen in your organization when you acknowledge strengths and then provide your team members with opportunities to use their individual skills to create the best results.

For more information contact Mary Balistreri, The Mindful Business Coach at mary@mbtmorebusinesstodayllc.com