Everyone Needs To Tell Their Story and To Be Heard

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Several years ago for Valentine’s Day, my husband Steve gifted us with the mugs you see pictured. Before I could become insulted, he explained that I was “weirdo” and he was “weirdest”. When we first met, we bonded over the fact that neither of us belonged. In fact, when a mutual friend introduced us, she told me, “You will really like this guy. He is weird, but really cool.”

My entire life I found myself in the interesting position of having friends from all different groups while not belonging to any of them fully. In high school, it played out with the stereotypes: brains, jocks, pot heads, theatre groupies, and the popular kids. I also had friends in a religious retreat group for the Catholic Archdiocese. I ran that group for two years, but I never felt like I belonged.

My husband has his own story, but by the time we met each other, we had both concluded we were weird. I worked in corporate America and found success, so my husband deemed me a little less weird than him.

While coaching individuals several years ago, I learned the concept of being in the wrong room. Sometimes the goals and aspirations of an individual do not match those imposed on them by their job or an organization they joined. When agreeing to serve on a board, I would advise my clients to make sure their values and mission align with those of the organization.

“Maybe I am just in the wrong room. That is why I don’t fit in here,” some of my clients remarked. Some of them even suggested that I myself was in the wrong room. They saw the efforts I made to create change, and the frustration in my reaction when I was unsuccessful.

The idea impacted me, and I shifted my thought process to look for the right room. I believe in equality for each person to live and grow freely to reach their potential. My quest for the right room included a deep immersion into learning about our country’s true history of slavery, colonialism, white supremacist structures, racial equity, gender equity, the treatment of indigenous people, and a better understanding of the inequities affecting the LGBTQ+ community. The more I met people who were focused on equality and justice, the more comfortable I became with myself.

I am in the right room now. I discovered that I am not weird. I am me. Steve has discovered the same. He is not weirdest. He is Steve.

The more I listened to people during 2021, whether we were talking about social justice or leadership or business, the more I discovered the great need of each person to tell their story. As a coach, I was prepared to ask questions and wait for a response. Sometimes the magic happens in those moments of silence during which individuals are connecting their past to their present.

How can each of us take this lesson from 2021 – each person needs to tell their story and to be heard – and turn it into action? Here are a few ideas:

  1. Before making a conclusion about someone’s comments or behavior, take a moment to be curious. Ask them, “I am curious, what is going on with you?”
  2. Spend time each week thinking about your own life. What were you taught as a child? How does your childhood impact your view of life, leadership, and business?
  3. Sit down with a friend or colleague and ask them to tell you their story using the same questions listed in action 2 above. Then listen.

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Lessons in Action

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Readers and subscribers may have noticed there were no new Client Wisdom blog posts since the end of 2021. These two months of 2022 bounced into action, and I deliberately carved out my writing time to think and reflect. I wanted to be mindful in my approach to the blog.

In 2021, my clients taught me and learned from me. Each lesson rippled through my mind spreading to create greater reflection and broader awareness. Learning and listening became the themes of 2021.

We all have watched the effects of a drop of water in a pool of liquid. We have heard the analogies many times. The ripple effect describes my 2021. Each new thought, idea, and lesson propelled me forward in an incredible journey of self-discovery, using my listening skills to better understand people, learning and absorbing stories of individual and cultural hurt and trauma, and clearing away the brush to create new pathways.

Reflection and action are my focus in 2022 and for the Client Wisdom blog.

Here is a partial list of the lessons I learned. Each blog post will focus on one and end with action for us all to take. If you are interested in reading more, please subscribe.

  1. Everyone needs to tell their story and be heard.
  2. Acknowledge grief in yourself and others.
  3. Optimism is transformative.
  4. Detours can be good.
  5. Bravery is all around.
  6. Take a walk outside.
  7. Comparing yourself to others paralyzes action.
  8. One baby step, one bite of the elephant at a time.
  9. Everything in moderation.
  10. Rejuvenate.

I would love to hear what all of you subscribers learned in 2021. Feel free to comment or send me an email.

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Archives

Please note that posts from 2021 are archived below. Expect a new Client Wisdom blog post tomorrow, February 24, 2022.

2022 Plan: Set Goals & Steps

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THE CLIENT WISDOM BLOG PUBLISHED BY MBT MORE BUSINESS TODAY LLC

Two weeks ago, we took out a notebook and acknowledged 2021. That exercise creates the tone for 2022 and makes creating the plan for the new year easier. If you missed it, take a look at Acknowledge 2021 before starting this activity.

Revisiting your plans and aspirations is imperative to growth. Even with a three- or five-year plan, new experiences creates new ideas, opportunities, and challenges to consider before moving into the new year. When I work with clients, we revisit their plans regularly in order to adjust to changes in their thought process or environment. Annually, we enjoy the beauty of shedding the challenges of the past and creating a fresh, improved path.

There is a critical link between planning and success. As you work through the steps below, remember to look back at the notes you took during the ACKNOWLEDGE exercise.

Grab your notebook and let’s get started!

  1. What are you trying to achieve in 2022? This is the overarching goal for the year. When you look back at your plan in December 2022, what success do you hope to see? Write it down.
  2. Create ways to measure your success – SMART (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, Time-driven) goals. Write them down and keep them in a place where you can see them every day.
  3. Create an action plan based on the SMART goals. What actions will move you toward success?
  4. Execute and evaluate. Throughout the year, execute on the plan, and take the time to evaluate along the way. What needs to change as the result of the new information your actions bring?
  5. Succeed. You can if you execute on the plan.

Reach out to me if you need support putting your plan into writing and then executing on the plan.

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Acknowledge 2021

crop man holding glass ball against forest trees
Photo by Rahul Pandit on Pexels.com

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Before sitting down with the blank page to plan for 2022, take the time to acknowledge 2021. The triumphant moves, the losses, and the strategies that produced lukewarm results.

Here is what you will need.

  • A notebook, a journal or laptop.
  • Your favorite pen.
  • A favorite spot for thinking and planning.
  • Your financial spreadsheet, calendar, daily journal. Grab anything you use to keep track of your activity and results.
  • Your “me” folder. The “me” folder is a collection of thank you notes  and compliments you receive from others. This could be a virtual folder or a physical one. If you do not have one yet, start one in 2022.
  • Time. This activity can be done all at once (give yourself a few hours) or over a few days.

Consider the following prompts and take notes after each one. The notes will help you write up your plan for 2022. You can sift through them and decide what strategies or activities  you will  keep and which to dump.

  • Assess: Overall, what kind of year was 2021? Think of one or two words or themes that come to mind.
  • Celebrate: What wins or successes come to mind? How did you measure that success?
  • Kick back and enjoy the positives. Give yourself the space to congratulate yourself. Tell someone about it.
  • Evaluate Needs: How do you feel about your successes? Did you fulfill your needs as you articulated them in your previous plan? Were you on the right path for yourself and your business? What went unfulfilled in 2021?
  • Be Open to different ways to evaluate yourself. If you categorized something as a failure, is there a positive way to reframe it? Did you achieve the most important goals? Some of the activities you had no time for may be part of the 2022 action plan.
  • Weed through the year to find clarity. Were you distracted by anything in 2021? If you veered onto a new path, did it fulfill a need? Think about how much action you can execute in a given year. Did you do too much or too little in 2021?
  • What did you Learn.? Some of the greatest ideas come after a perceived failure or a big success. Create a list of the most important things you learned in 2021.
  • Determine your strengths. Looking at 2021, which strengths did you use the most? Which strengths did not get a chance to shine? Did you discover a new strength or develop a new skillset?
  • Generate a list of the obstacles that came between you and the execution of your plan. This will help you create strategies to overcome or avoid the challenges in 2022 that blocked your progress in 2021.
  • Empathy: Finally, have empathy for yourself. Acknowledge that you did your best in 2021.

In two weeks, we will talk about starting anew and writing the 2022 plan.

Contact Mary Balistreri at mbtmorebusinesstodayllc@gmail.com or schedule a free consultation using Calendly.

Self-care at Work

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We talk about self-care as something we stop our work, whether at home or at the office, to do. We pause to meditate, have a glass of wine, buy ourselves a gift, or exercise. What if self-care at work was about the balance of giving and receiving?

I was a client working with my own coach last week. During our discussion of self- care, I was sharing all of the things I did and needed to do. I tend to be a giver. Not surprising, because most coaches find satisfaction in helping, supporting, and guiding other people toward success. The realization during my coaching session was that balancing giving and receiving in my work is self-care.

Rather than stopping my day to give myself the gift of a quiet pause or a treat, what if I let myself receive from others? I pondered this for more than a minute. What could I receive from others?

In my case, I realized I was spending time working on things for others (not clients) rather than working on the activities I needed to accomplish to develop more business for my company. Specifically, I procrastinated on the tasks of asking my connections to introduce me to people in their network. A colleague had invited me to look at her connections and ask for introductions that would be valuable to me. What was I waiting for?

After some self-examination, I realized I am more comfortable helping other people than I am asking for help. I can stop and eat a bag of chocolates to congratulate myself for accomplishing my work, but that is not self-care. What I need is to ask for the help that was offered to build my business.

What does self-care look like for you in your workplace? Pull out your journal and favorite pen, and answer these questions.

  • Do you tend to give more to others at work? Or do you receive more frequently?
  • Are you more comfortable giving or receiving? Why?
  • Looking at a standard day for you, what is missing?
  • Are there tasks you avoid completing? Which ones and why?
  • What would balance the day for you?

The answers to these questions will guide you to a solution. Balance is an important part of each person’s work life and home life.

For more information or to discuss this blog, reach out to Mary Balistreri at mbtmorebusinesstodayllc@gmail.com or schedule a free consultation through Calendly

Abundant Thinking at Work

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We rise together. We grow as a team.  Insert a cliché – a rising tide lifts all boats; when one wins, we all win; two heads are better than one – and the meaning is the same. If we work together, we have a greater chance of succeeding. The question in business is, “what keeps us from working together?”

When working with clients at MBT, I hear one answer to the question, “Why don’t you work together on developing business?” The answer most often is, “Because we are in competition with each other.”

The structure within organizations often sets up a dynamic that pits individuals against each other. Healthy competition is a good thing and motivates people to perform. In less-healthy dynamics, competition creates favoritism, cliquey cultures, jealousy, and hopelessness.

The key to abundance is meeting limited circumstances with unlimited thoughts.

Marianne Williamson

Much has been written about employee engagement and what is important to employees. You may have heard:

  1. People need to understand their contribution to the business and know that their contribution is valued.
  2. People want to be part of a winning team.
  3. People want to understand and be energized by the values of the organization.

What limits your team members? Look at the three things that are needed to engage employees. Do any of those resonate with you, because you know it is a strength or an obstacle for your team?

To embrace abundant thinking, an individual must be ready to let go of the obstacles and limitations that stand in the way. For a team to think abundantly, all members of the team must be ready to let go of limitations. What obstacles prevent your team from thinking abundantly? Here are some examples: Team members will find it difficult to be a cheerleader for a colleague when they believe that person is constantly rewarded or acknowledged. If the “favored” individual seems to receive the best or most visible projects, others on the team may believe there is no reward for quiet, hard work.

Think about your team and answer these questions:

  1. Are there written descriptions of the roles of each team member and what it means to succeed in each job?
  2. Does every member of the team have access to the descriptions and full understanding of the impact they make as a member of the team?
  3. Do individuals acknowledge the success of others on the team?
  4. How does the leader acknowledge success?
  5. Do team members bring problems and ideas to the leader?
  6. Are there insiders and outsiders on your team? Why? What could the leader do differently to be more inclusive?

Now close your eyes and visualize a shift to abundance thinking with your team. What does that look like? Individuals cheering for each win regardless of who succeeded. The team finding ways to solve problems without being limited by what happened in the past. Collaboration among team members who are motivated at work. What does your abundant picture look like?

For more information contact Mary Balistreri, The Mindful Business Coach at mary@mbtmorebusinesstodayllc.com

Measuring Resilience: Individuals Hold the Power to Define and Improve the Team

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As a coach, I hear from the management of businesses that individuals need to work on their resilience. “They are not resilient!” leadership will say. They say this because it seems individuals “become disheartened easily” when pursuing work or because they “do not rebound quickly” from losing a client or making an error.

Let’s look at the wording used by the leadership. What is meant by “disheartened” to the leader making that observation versus what it means to the person who is observed? What does “quickly” mean to the organization versus what it means to an individual who is part of the team? Who decides what it means?  

It is critical to define these words so that everyone involved has the same understanding. After all, it is the individuals on the team who have the power to improve themselves. The measure for the improvement should be focused on how the individual was performing previously compared to how that person is performing now.

Therefore, if a number of team members improve, the team improves its performance. It raises the bar for everyone.

When the leader refers to “quickly”, is there a standard that has been communicated to the employee? If not, there should be. Quickly could mean one day to management and one week or one month to the employee. How does a person show that they are “disheartened”? This is another case where the leader’s assumption may not be the truth for the employee.

Here are a few tips for leaders to use when understanding how their team members can improve performance:

  1. Take a baseline measure. To meet your business goals, what does the team need from each person? As the leader, you set the boundaries. That is your baseline. Then look at the team members, what is their current baseline? If we are talking about recovering “quickly” from a setback, your expectation may be two days and the individual has shown it takes them two weeks.
  2. Communicate your expectations and listen to feedback. Once you determine what you are seeking, make sure that your team understands the boundaries. Explain what you expect of them.
  3. Consider altering your expectation based on the abilities of the team members. Listening to your team and adjusting the boundary shows strong leadership. It also builds trust.
  4. Discuss how to achieve the results you are looking for when the boundary is adjusted. As the leader, you are still responsible for the team’s performance. Collaborate with them regarding how to achieve goals.
  5. Ask. Do not assume. Have the tough conversations and ask people what they are thinking, feeling, and needing. It opens doors to stronger relationships.

One last thought, talk with your team about resilience. What does it mean to them? When did they experience it or witness it? What do they need to be resilient?

Contact Mary Balistreri at mbtmorebusinesstodayllc@gmail.com to discuss these concepts in greater detail.

Self-Improvement Is Exciting AND Scary: What are you afraid of?

Photo credit: Copyright Dr. Seuss “What Was I Scared Of?”

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Some of my clients at MBT More Business Today inspire me with their fearlessness. They seem to crave feedback. They expect feedback to be brutal and approach it with a “bring it on” attitude. After digging deeper, they realize self-criticism shows up as a motivator to improve themselves. They have already told themselves the worst things they could imagine, so hearing criticism from others is actually easier to handle.

Other clients have the opposite reaction. They go silent. Rather than continuing to dive into our sessions, they disappear. Apologizing for disappearing follows and, usually very quickly, they follow through by canceling appointments or attempting to push off their coaching sessions until “things calm down” a bit.

In a previous blog, we talked about how to “Eat the Frog” every morning. Grabbing the one thing you do not want to do and executing that action item first, before addressing anything else, every day. The reason that practice works is because you finish the abhorred chore before anxiety, and ample time for worrying, makes it even harder to approach.

In this blog, we examine why you are afraid. Let’s discover what is beneath the attempt to take on the pain of criticism as noted in the first example or run away entirely as the second example suggests. Fight or flight are both defense mechanisms. They are natural and primal ways that human beings protect themselves. In the old, old days of primitive man, using a fight or flight strategy properly was essential to survival. In our world today, both our personal lives and the business world, these strategies may have served us well and helped us survive socially and in our careers.

One of my favorite stories as a child, and now as an adult, was Dr. Seuss’ “What Was I Scared Of?” I used to call it “Those awful green pants with nobody inside them story,” as a kid. I was afraid most of the time as a child. So, I was fascinated by the idea that those pale green pants were just as afraid of the narrator in the story as the narrator was of them! And, I was inspired by the fact that they became friends at the end. In the end, the narrator comforts the one who caused all that fear. To me, it is a picture of self-soothing and self-love. If you have not read it, pick up a copy.

Now, as an adult, think about how you respond to change? How do you respond to self-improvement? Is it scary to learn what others may think of you? Does the idea that you may not be perfect cause fear and anxiety? Do you avoid working to grow and change for the better? Or do you beat yourself up with negative thoughts about yourself so much, that you do not flinch when receiving negative criticism.

As usual, my first suggestion for clients, and for all of you reading this, is to pull out your favorite notebook and pen so that you can write a few things down. Once you are settled into a comfortable safe spot, think about your answers to the prompts below.

  1. What is your reaction to change and self-improvement? Fight or flight? Are you comfortable with change?
  2. Think about times you experienced intense personal growth. It could be when you were promoted to a position where you started managing people for the first time. Or it could be when you took on personal responsibilities in your home. Write down how you progressed from where you were to where the journey ended.
  3. What was the best thing about the journey? What was the hardest thing? How did you feel when it ended?
  4. What were the benefits of the journey?
  5. Now, what do you want to change today?

Give yourself some time to think about it, and have a great day!

Contact Mary Balistreri at mbtmorebusinesstodayllc@gmail.com for more information about coaching and professional development services.

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Beyond the Diversity Month: Now What?

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Did you know that September is Suicide Prevention month? Hispanic Heritage month started September 15? February is Black History month? October is National Disability Employment Awareness month?

Chances are you do know about the focus of various months throughout the year. The human resources department or diversity committee within your organization may write an article, host a panel, or offer a brown bag luncheon to raise awareness. Many thought leaders on social media will speak and write about the focus of the month and raise awareness.

As an inclusive leader, you may participate in these things to broaden your cultural intelligence and model the behavior of inclusivity to your team. You may share the information with your team and invite them to attend a webinar together.

My question is, now what? What happens when the focus months end? Do you go back to business as usual? Do you move on to the next focus?

First, I applaud all the inclusive leaders who broaden their understanding of people by reading the articles, attending the brown bag lunches, and listening to the panel discussions. These are the first steps to make toward understanding people who are different from you.

One of the keys to being an inclusive leader is making a commitment to being an inclusive leader. The commitment is first to yourself. You may even choose development of inclusivity in your leadership style as a personal goal.

The second commitment to make is to others: to individuals who are different from you and to your team. You have started by seeking to understand the members of your team. As you move forward with creating a diverse and inclusive team, the next step is to think about belonging. Do the diverse members of your team feel as if they belong?

I often hear from my clients, “People of color, and LGBTQ people and women, continue to leave our organization. We make strides with our diversity numbers, so I know we are doing a good job with recruiting. What else can we do?”

This week, rather than giving you a list of action steps, I am giving you a list of action questions.

Actively think about the following. That means schedule some time to think about the following. When you finish, spend some time asking your team members for their thoughts.

  1. What opportunities do you offer diverse individuals on your team?
  2. Who is assigned to projects that create the highest visibility in your organization?
  3. Who is missing from your team?
  4. When you are in a meeting, is there a diversity of people and ideas in attendance?
  5. When meeting with your team, does each person contribute?
  6. Is there equity in pay among team members?

If you are interested in learning more about making a commitment to being a diverse leader, attend the October 8 session of “The 6 Cs of Inclusive Leadership”. You can register here.

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